women and herpes

Tag: women and herpes

Misdiagnosis of Herpes Symptoms In Women

Did you know that herpes symptoms in women can be confused with many common conditions? 85% of people with herpes don’t know they have it! Common symptoms include blisters, sores, itchy areas, tingling, burning, painful urination, skin fissures and cracks, skin ulcers, swollen lymph nodes, fatigue, depression, pain down the leg, flu like symptoms, body aches and watery vaginal discharge; but how do you know if it is herpes? I have worked with women who were misdiagnosed with several other ailments before they were ever PROPERLY diagnosed with herpes.

Why does this happen?

Herpes is truly the Great Masquerader. Doctors and patients alike misdiagnose herpes all the time. Here is a chart of what women with herpes think they have and what men with herpes think they have.

What Women With Herpes Think They Have What Men With Herpes Think They Have
Yeast Infection Folliculitis
Urinary Tract Infection Jock Itch
Menstrual Complaints Normal Itch
Hemorrhoids Hemorrhoids
Heat Rash Zipper Burn
Urethral Syndrome Insect or Spider Bite
Allergy to condoms, spermicides, sperm, elastic/pantyhose Allergies to condoms
Irritation from bike seat, shaving, douching Irritation from bike seat, tight jeans, sexual intercourse
As you can see, it would be very easy to misdiagnosis herpes in women AND men. So, if you have any or many of these symptoms, especially if they are reoccurring, I suggest that you seek medical advice. You have to take control of your health and sometimes it means challenging your doctor’s diagnosis. There have been times when I have encouraged women to demand a herpes blood test. Not knowing can drive you crazy! A simple blood test paired with a thorough exam can determine your herpes status. You can find a herpes testing center near you.  I also recommend getting screened for other STI’s.
If you end up testing positive for herpes, Pink Tent (TM) is here it support you. We are committed to educate, empower and inspire women with herpes to live, love and thrive. If you reside in the Boulder/Denver area, check our www.ColoradoHFriends.com. We host monthly discussion groups, social events and women’s brunches. Take a stand for your health and get tested!
Live. Love. Thrive.

 

How Herpes affects Women’s Sexuality

aloneHow Herpes affects Women’s Sexuality

Contributing Author: Stephanie

Many anthropologists, sociologists, and feminist theorists have explored the reasoning behind women’s sexuality, or rather the reasoning for the almost absence of women’s sexuality in today’s society.  Because women’s ability to have sexual desires based on their own personal desires, and not those of a man, is frequently discredited by mainstream society, women’s sexuality automatically becomes discredited as a whole.  The idea that sexuality is socially constructed based on things we learn from media, religion, schools, and other great institutions is a common theory.

Scholars in this area have also taken specific interest in the way that an STD diagnosis might affect how a person experiences sexuality based on the social construction and meaning on the diagnosis.  

Women’s sexuality is already invalidated, so an STD diagnosis simply invalidates it further based on her supposed deviation form the female sexual norm (having sexual desires, acting upon them, and being diagnosed with an STD because of those actions).

There are plenty of articles and scholarly works out there discussing this issue from an outside perspective, but I would like to share my personal experience of dealing with my new sexual identity after being diagnosed with herpes. I would like to emphasize that my perspective is very heterosexual, for lack of a better term, but I believe there will be plenty of parallels for those who identify elsewhere on the spectrum.

As I feel many young women believe when they first begin to experience their sexual selves, my sexuality was based solely on what I thought my male partner wanted.

Neither the media, school, nor my parents had ever taught me what sex or intimacy should be from a woman’s perspective.  It was always based on heterosexual male pleasure.

That being the case, when I learned I had herpes I felt I could no longer fulfill those sexual desires for someone else again because I was no longer desirable to men based on my new label as a “sexual deviant.”

I would like to break down my experience into stages that coincide with Dr. Kelly’s “Stages of Grief” in her book Live, Love, & Thrive with Herpes in hopes that many of you can connect to one, a few, or maybe even all of them as you begin to find sexual freedom after your diagnosis.

Stages to Sexual Freedom:

  1. Avoidance
    • Reference Stage One: Trauma and Denial, and Stage Two: Feelings of Rage from Dr. Kelly’s “Stages of Grief”
  2. Settling
    • Reference Stage Three: Profound and Prolonged Sadness
  3. Fear of Control
    • This stage triggers Stage Four of the “Stages of Grief,” Communicating and Reaching Out
  4. Freedom
    • Reference Stage Five: Surrender and Acceptance, and Stage Six: Empowerment

Avoidance (Trauma and Denial/Feelings of Rage)
When I was first diagnosed I had an irrational fear of spreading herpes to anyone I had any sexual contact with at all.  I say irrational, because as I learned more about the transmission of the virus, I discovered there are plenty of ways to reduce the likelihood of transmission as well as ways avoid the possibility of transmission completely.  

Because of my fear, during this stage I completely avoided any situation that could lead to sexual desire, including dating.  

Trauma and Denial, as Dr. Kelly emphasizes in her book, played a huge role in my avoidance.  The trauma of my diagnosis as well as my denial made disclosure impossible at the time.  I was not ready to disclose my situation with someone, and I knew I had to do so before becoming intimate again.

Settling (Profound and Prolonged Sadness)
Looking back on my journey, this stage brings me the most sadness, which directly relates to Dr. Kelly’s explanation of Stage Three in her book.

During the “Settling” stage my mind set was to “take what I can get.”  If a man said he loved me or that he found me irresistible despite my herpes I thought I had to reciprocate those feelings.  This is because I thought it was so incredibly rare for a man to feel these things about me after my diagnosis that it might be my only chance to find love or intimacy again.  

After going through this stage, my blunt advice is that this is NOT TRUE.  There will be many men or women that love you and find you undoubtedly sexy not despite your herpes, but almost by virtue of your herpes and the woman it has created.

Fear of Control (Communicating and Reaching Out)
This stage was by far the longest of the four because it took me so long time to understand my thought process during it.  

As women we already sometimes feel a lack of control with our sexuality and sexual decisions based on the submissiveness we learn from society.  After I began to seek intimacy again after settling for men I did not necessarily desire, I found it… but on someone else’s terms.

I believed that I no longer had the right to share my opinions about what I desired sexually because it was unfair to ask someone to put himself at risk for my pleasure.  What I learned after verbally expressing my thoughts to loved ones was that I have just as much control over how I experience sex and intimacy as I did before.  

I was afraid to take control of my sexuality again because that could mean putting someone else at risk.  What I didn’t realize is that if I had disclosed my diagnosis and shared the transmission risks with my partner I had done my part in keeping him safe.  

This is where Dr. Kelly’s stage on communicating and reaching out becomes so important.  Without my ability to do so, I may not have allowed control back into my intimate experiences.

Freedom (Surrender and Acceptance/Empowerment)
After effectively communicating and finding the ability to reach out and seek advice from friends and family, I am finally able to enjoy my sexuality and be at peace with my diagnosis.

I have accepted that I cannot have spontaneous sexual encounters without putting others at risk, and I now understand how that is not at all a curse; it is actually a true blessing.

I have accepted that I need to be at a more intimate level with someone before I share my sexuality with them in order to feel comfortable and in control of the situation.  Once again, this has proved to be a huge blessing in my life.

Finally, I have accepted that my herpes diagnosis has not hindered or tainted my sexuality in any way, but rather it has forced me to embrace every piece of my self in order to find true intimacy with another person.

I encourage you all, as I always do, to find the silver lining in situations where you feel that your herpes might have given you the short end of the stick.  I can guarantee that once you start searching, you will find all the amazing ways that herpes has allowed you to grow as a woman in every way, including your sexual being.      

Overcoming Stigma and Finding your Unique Path

Overcoming Stigma and Finding your Unique Path

By Contributing Author Stephanie

I watched this video quite a few months ago and for a long time did not understand my connection to Eleanor Longden or her struggle with mental health.  After much contemplation I began to understand my ability to empathize with her and be overwhelmingly inspired by her journey.  Although her experience with schizophrenia is vastly different than my own experience with herpes, the fact of the matter is we both had to overcome societal stigma and as well personal stigma against our conditions.

To me, the most inspirational part of Eleanor’s story is her ability to not only overcome that stigma but to do so in a way that defied the norms of medicine and treatment for her condition.  By overcoming the stigma associated with schizophrenia she was able to work with her symptoms and hardships in order to create a meaningful interaction with her voices.  What she teaches any of us going through the process of overcoming stigma to promote healing is that doing so will allow you to experience your stigmatized identity in a way that is actually beneficial. For those of us dealing with a new herpes diagnosis, or the trauma that comes along with an outbreak after years of living with the virus, it is important to interact with our condition and symptoms in a compassionate way.  My ability, and i’m sure many of yours, to understand Eleanor’s hardships is a perfect example of one way herpes has been beneficial in my life.  Being able to feel true compassion and empathize for others in seemingly completely different situations than your own is a true gift that I may not have today without my diagnosis.

I hope you all find as much inspiration in Eleanor’s story and her ability to overcome stigma associated with her voices as I have; and I hope it inspires you all to find your unique path to health and happiness in your acceptance of your diagnosis.  

 

About Stephanie

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

Tips to Avoid a Heat Triggered Herpes Outbreak

Tips to Avoid a Heat Triggered Herpes Outbreak

By: contributing author Stephanie Non toxic sun protection

For those of you who have read Dr. Kelly’s book, Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes, you are aware that heat, moisture, and sun can trigger outbreaks.  Here, I will go over the facts you need to minimize your risk of a sun or heat triggered herpes outbreak as well as provide some tips for non toxic sun protection.

According to an article on Livestrong.com, the reason that sun exposure activates the herpes virus is unknown.  However, the article informs us that using sunscreen before sun exposure will decrease the risk of an outbreak triggered by UV rays.  This mean that applying sunscreen prior to a day in the sun is especially important for those of us who experience outbreaks on our faces.  Choosing the right sunscreen with ingredients that won’t irritate your skin and possibly trigger outbreaks is also very important.

My favorite resource to use when buying any cosmetic products is the Skin Deep Cosmetic Database.  For your convenience this website provides a tab on the top left of the page specifically for sun protection.  This database will provide you with a toxicity rating for almost any product you are debating purchasing.  The key for these ratings is pictured below in the Hazard Score Key.  If the product has a hazard score that is color coded green and numbered 0-2 it is in the lowest toxicity bracket.  Products with a score that is color coded red and numbered 7-10 is in the highest toxicity bracket.  Once you find a product that meets your own personal qualifications for a hazard rating you can click on the product to see what specific ingredients earned the rating.

Hazard score keyThe database also provides a helpful list of common toxic ingredients found in sunscreens.  Here is a list of the harmful active ingredients from highest toxicity to lowest toxicity found in many sunscreens provided by ewg.org: Common Toxic Sunscreen Ingredients

  • Oxybenzone
  • Octinoxate (Octylmethoxycinnamate)
  • Homosalate
  • Octisalate
  • Octocrylene
  • Titanium Dioxide
  • Zinc Oxide
  • Avobenzone
  • Mexoryl SX

It may be hard to avoid all of these ingredients, so when choosing sunscreen I suggest you remember that although these ingredients may be harmful to our bodies, overexposure to the sun is also harmful.  Regardless of whether you have been diagnosed with the herpes virus or not, the sun is harmful and can irritate the skin. It is also important to get to know you own body in order to understand how the virus will react to heat triggers on your body specifically.  If you notice that you tend to get frequent outbreaks during constant heat exposure, take steps to avoid the heat.  Keep in mind that avoiding the heat does not necessarily mean that you need to avoid your favorite summer hobbies.Live Love and Thrive with Herpes  Get acquainted with your body’s limits and you may be surprised with what it can handle. With this information I hope you practice mindful sunscreen use and regulate your exposure to heat this summer.  Remember that we all have a unique experience with herpes, and one person’s trigger is not always the same as another’s.  Now, enjoy the last rays of summer!

Want to learn more about the herpes triggers your doctor never told you about? Check out Dr. Kelly’s Amazon bestseller.

About Stephanie

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

Herpes Treatment: Lemon Balm for Herpes

Lemon balm remedies for herpesHerpes Treatment: Lemon Balm for Herpes
By Contributing Auther: Stephanie

One of my main concerns with herpes treatment is my ability to control the virus naturally without effecting other areas of my body.  Lemon balm is used in herpes treatment as a natural home remedy to reduce the replication of the herpes virus.  Here, you will learn many of the different ways you can use lemon balm for herpes outbreak treatment and prevention, in hopes that you will find the perfect remedy for your lifestyle!

Lemon balm, scientifically known as Melissa officinalis, was shown in a 2004 study to effectively reduce the rate of of replication of both type 1 and 2 of the herpes virus (Allahverdiyev et. al 2004).  One precaution the article gives is using anything over a concentration of 100 micrograms per milliliter.  If the concentration is higher than this threshold there could be potential toxic side effects.  This being said, any lemon balm oil or supplement that you buy in the store should be safe for use, but I would suggest checking the dosage on the product just to be sure. As you can probably imagine, go organic whenever possible. While it is beneficial to discuss how this herb can potentially prevent outbreaks, help heal current outbreaks, and hinder the replication of the virus, we will also discuss some creative uses for the herb.  This herb can be used in many applications and it is my intent that each and every one of you will learn how it can benefit you, no matter what your unique situation with herpes is.

Different uses for lemon balm:

If you would like to grow the herb and use it in its most natural form, there are several ways to accomplish this.  The first, and likely most common, is to make lemon balm tea.  All you need to do is to place some herbs in hot boiling water for a few minutes (tea bag is optional), add some honey (raw is best), sip and relax. This tea also pairs well with black or mint tea. You can drink this hot or you can add ice to drink iced tea. This herb touts its ability to relax you and when you’ve sipped to your hearts content, re use the tea bag to sooth any sores by placing the bag directly on them.  If you do not want to grow the herb yourself, lemon balm tea is readily available for purchase.

Another creative and relaxing remedy is to take a lemon balm bath.  If you have the lemon balm plant you can use the leaves  in the bath by making a lemon balm leaf-filled bag and hanging it under the running water as you fill the bath.  This remedy will create a relaxing and healing environment for your herpes sores to heal. A word of caution though, do not take a bath that is too hot as very hot baths and hot tubs can trigger the herpes virus.

You can even eat fresh lemon balm leaves in a salad or with any other meal you have prepared.  Culinary nerds might want to add mint, anise, fennel or lemon verbena to mix with the lemon balm. Eating the leaves allows you to proactively begin to approach herpes treatment with more of a preventative approach.  Having lemon balm as a part of your regular diet could help to decrease the likelihood of having another outbreak.

Lemon balm salve or ointment is also available over the counter.  The salve can be applied directly to an outbreak site to help sooth and heal any bothersome sores.  This is a great option for those of us who might not have the time to get super creative with the herb.

You can also buy a lemon balm (or Melissa) supplement at your vitamin store to get the herb into your daily intake.  This is a great alternative to eating the leaves with your food, and will also act as a herpes treatment for outbreak prevention.

Lemon balm/Melissa essential oils are also available. You can use the oil in the area that you usually experience outbreaks to potentially prevent them.  You can also use the oil for its relaxing and calming properties in times of stress to help control your immune system’s response to hectic times.

These are just some of the many creative uses I have found while researching the lemon balm herb and its effect on the herpes virus.  I for one am planning to experiment with each of them to find which remedy works best for my mind and body.  I hope you all do the same, and successfully find a healing outlet in the herb!

Resources:
Allahverdiyev, A., Duran, N., Ozguven, M., & Koltas, S. 2004. “Antiviral activity of the volatile oils of Melissa officinalis L. against Herpes simplex virus type-2.” Phytomedicine 11(7):657-661.

 

About Stephanie

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old. Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University. I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

How Stigma and Emotions Trigger Genital Herpes Outbreaks

How Stigma and Emotions Trigger Genital Herpes Outbreaks

By Contributing Author: Stephanie

The Stigma Of Herpes
The Stigma Of Herpes

As a sociology student who lives with genital herpes, I find particular interest in the stigma of the virus. The term ‘stigma’ was originally used by the Greeks to describe an abnormal or immoral trait in an individual. The term was brought back into context in the 20th century by sociologist Erving Goffman. Goffman uses this term to refer to a trait that is deeply discrediting to an individual’s identity (Goffman 1986). I am sure we can all agree that a genital herpes diagnosis certainly fits this criterion.

Because of my background in this area I automatically made a connection between research on stigma in the field of sociology and the section titled “The Impact of Our Emotions on Symptoms” in Dr. Kelly Martin Schuh’s book: Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes. In this section, Dr. Kelly, as she is known within our community, discusses how constantly worrying that symptoms might show up ironically can trigger an outbreak. I have also experienced this phenomenon as someone who is dating with genital herpes. One of the many pieces of research connecting these two topics is a 2009 study by Rao and colleagues. The researchers in this study were aiming to develop a stigma scale for chronic illness, as opposed to short-term illness. Simply put, the study found that when an individual is diagnosed with a stigmatizing illness, he or she goes through what is called the “Self Stigma Process.” A person goes sequentially through Steps 1 through 5 and experiences the Self Stigma Process in steps 3 and 4

How Stigma Affects A Person With Herpes

  1. Enacted Stigma
  2. Felt/Perceived Stigma or Stereotype Awareness
  3. Stereotype Agreement
  4. Self Concurrence or Internalization
  5. Self Esteem Detriment/Psychological Distress

During this process individuals will become aware of stereotypes about their illness, begin to agree with them, and eventually internalize these ideas, which will finally cause them psychological distress (Rao et. al 2009). In other words, awareness of the stigma brings about stress, and as we all know stress can trigger outbreaks. As I reflect on how the “Self Stigma Process” relates to my own experience with herpes, I find it to be a good fit. When I was first diagnosed I became much more aware of the social stigma that such a diagnosis holds. I then began to understand the negative stereotypes that create the stigma, and I even began to believe those to be true about myself. I finally internalized those negative beliefs and began to feel extreme shame and guilt towards my diagnosis, which I believe caused an increase in the physical symptoms I was experiencing. As Dr. Kelly, I, and I am sure many of you have experienced, dating with herpes brings all those negative stereotypes associated with the virus to the surface. The thought of having to disclose your situation with someone can cause extreme distress. The irony of this situation is almost humorous, but I know first hand that it can be very traumatizing.

Although I have begun to reverse some of my internalization of those negative stereotypes, dating still brings me back to them even if it’s just for a brief moment. So, how do we stop this vicious cycle of dating, stress, and outbreaks? The good news is that awareness of this connection is the first step to controlling it. Once you know that this particular thought process could actually make your symptoms worse, you can start to change that thought process to control the situation to your liking. It may seem to be much easier said than done, but the answer is much simpler than you probably imagine: affirmations. As Dr. Kelly’s book Live, Love, & Thrive with Herpes illustrates, affirmations begin to develop new neurological pathways in the brain to enhance positive self-concepts. An affirmation can be thought of as creating a truth about yourself through your words.

Affirmations: An Exercise

  1. Write some positive statements about yourself and why you are so incredibly dateable and lovable, and then say them out loud. Some affirmations I have made include phrases like:

My skin is flawless I am sexy My body is strong, healthy, and beautiful

Once you hear the thoughts out loud you may just start a new process that we can call the “Self Love Process.” With this information I hope you all can start more positive thought processes when it comes to dating and looking for love! Purchase Your Copy Here Live Love and Thrive with Herpes

References:

  • Goffman, Erving. 1986. Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity. New York, NY: Simon and Shuster Inc.
  • Rao, Deepa, Choi, Seung W., Victorson, David, Bode, Rita, Peterman, Amy, Heinemann, Allen, and David Cella. 2009. “Measuring Stigma Across Neurological Conditions: The Development of the Stigma Scale for Chronic Illness.” Quality of Life Research 18:585-595.
  • Schuh, Kelly Martin. 2012. Live, Love and Thrive With Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women. Pink Tent International, LLC pg. 27-28.   

 

StephanieHeadshotAbout The Author

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

 

2 Step Process To Overcome A Herpes Diagnosis

2 Step Process To Overcome A Herpes Diagnosis

Springtime: Overcoming Herpes

Over the past few weeks, I have been inundated with requests for private coaching. I don’t know if it is linked to Spring, the season of renewal, or if it is just coincidental. Either way, I feel so blessed to be privy to women’s deepest darkest secrets. Springtime truly is a time of change and renewal. We move from the darkness and introspection of winter and transition into the warmth and growth of Spring.

As the crocus pokes through the patches of snow and newly sprung grass, so too do our souls want to move toward the direction of personal growth. Most women reach out to me because they have been diagnosed with genital herpes and they just can’t seem to psychologically overcome it. Whether it’s alcoholism, abuse, an eating disorder or an embarrassing medical condition…you name it… everyone has a skeleton in their closet that keeps them from living a full and vibrant life. 

The Springtime is the PERFECT time to shed a light on those shadows, so that they no longer trap us in FEAR. As Francois de La Rochefoucauld said, “The only thing constant in life is change” So whether you are in that place of shock and chaos or in a place of peace and gratitude, what I can be certain of is that eventually things will change. Something is going to come along and rock your boat. The question then becomes, how will you RESPOND to change? Resistance is futile! So, how does one move from the shock and overwhelm of a herpes diagnosis, to a place of peace and acceptance?

The answer is in the ability to FEEL and FLOW. If you are in the midst of chaos, this is THE two step punch to move you through it so that you can rediscover the peace and acceptance you deserve.

Step One: FEEL
If you find yourself in a state of overwhelm, sadness or chaos, the first step is to truly FEEL all that you are feeling. Place your hand on your heart and acknowledge how you are really feeling. In the case of a diagnosis of herpes- there are probably feelings of sadness, shame, grief and loneliness. Say to yourself-YES, this did happen to me and I will feel the sadness and not fight it. Then, scan your body and discover where you are feeling your feelings the strongest. Maybe it is in your heart or in your stomach. Wherever it is, place your hands on that area and breath into it, not trying to change it.

Step Two: FLOW
Now that you have acknowledged your feelings, allow the emotions to move through your body. Emotions are just ENERGY in MOTION. If we try to suppress them, then the energy gets stuck in our body, later to manifest as physical disease or imbalance. Once we FEEL this energy in motion, then it can FLOW through us. It is the stuck energy that harms us long term. To be in the state of FLOW is to truly be in the art of allowing. It is during this state that we can call upon our higher self or God, or the Divine… whatever you believe in. Ask for guidance, healing and peace and then let it go. It is in this art of allowing that you will be guided to your next step in healing.

Use this two step approach for any challenge that comes your way. Believe me, I now know that my greatest challenges in life have been my greatest teachers. Many might find this absurd, but I can truly state that my diagnosis of herpes was truly a gift. It has enabled me to have much more compassion for others and it has guided me to YOU….the Women of Pink Tent. You are the most resilient, powerful and strong women I have ever met. If you truly want to be bigger than your herpes and you want to be stronger and healthier than ever before, use your diagnosis of herpes as a catalyst for BIG CHANGES. Changes that you get to declare and make happen.

As Elizabeth Lesser, Cofounder of Omega Institute For Holistic Studies said: “I’ve found that the changes I feared would ruin me have always become doorways, and on the other side I have found a more courageous and graceful self.” Declare today that you are worthy of radical self love and peace.

Live. Love. Thrive.

Dr. Kelly Martin Schuh Author of Amazon Bestselling Book Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes    

Shame Of Herpes: Impact On A Woman’s Body Image

Shame Of Herpes: Impact On A Woman’s Body Image

Body Image of Woman With HerpesA woman’s self concept is so often tied to her looks. While on the outside she might be stunning, the shame of herpes leaves her feeling broken and undesirable. The shame of herpes is devastating to a woman’s sense of self worth and beauty. After a diagnosis of herpes, it is not uncommon for a woman to go through long periods of depression and isolation. Feeling broken and like damaged goods, women are convinced that they are now like lepers of the past. While many women learn to overcome this initial shock and body distortion, many women are never able to feel their beauty and access their sexual power again. If you are one of those women…. This article is for YOU!

In a society that values material possessions and model like looks, it can be challenging to develop a strong and healthy self esteem. What would our world look like if we upheld women on a pedestal for their inner beauty as much as their outer beauty? As I sat down this morning to do my daily practice, I read a prayer that spoke directly to my heart and soul. I immediately knew that I had to share this with my Pink Tent™ community of Women Supporting Women With Herpes. So, here it is…from the Daily Word

Temple: I bless my body temple

“Each day I take time to bless my body temple and affirm my strength, health, beauty, and vitality….As I awaken to the truth of my body’s holiness, I become aware of practices and habits I want to add or change to support my ever-increasing health and strength. Changes in food, activities, or attitude may be in order” (Daily Word, A Unity Publication March 2015).

No matter what your spiritual background is, I am confident that if each and every woman with herpes began to affirm this blessing daily, their shame of herpes would begin to melt away. Our bodies are our temples. Please don’t allow herpes to rob you of the right to feel safe and loved beyond measure in your own skin. Your body should be a refuge of self expression and beauty. No body is perfect, and yet women with herpes often begin to feel angry towards their own bodies. The stigma of herpes leaves them feeling dirty and shameful. We become our worst enemies. We allow herpes to be the ever impending intruder of our bodies. Instead of acting with kindness and love, we begin to act with self sabotaging behavior like overeating, drinking or substance abuse. As we distance ourselves and disconnect, we become fragmented and forget who we really are. We forget our true gifts and talents. Instead of being a woman who lives with herpes, we allow herpes to run the show. This misery is truly self imposed. I encourage you to take time each day to love and nurture your body and affirm to yourself… I bless my body temple.

Discovering unconditional self love is truly the best gift you can give yourself. Stop being a victim to herpes and affirm that you are NOT your herpes. You are a beautiful…from the inside out and you are loved beyond measure. Start treating your body with the love and respect it deserves and watch the miracles unfold in your life.

Live. Love. Thrive.

Dr. Kelly Live Love and Thrive with Herpes        

Dating With Genital Herpes: Dating Yourself First

Dating With Herpes- Know Thyself

Do you have genital herpes and are terrified to date? Are you terrified of the rejection? Have you been alone, waiting to get enough courage to even talk to a guy or girl? Then I have the perfect solution for you…

Start by dating yourself!

Now that Valentine’s Day is over, you can stop thinking about your loneliness and victimhood and start thinking about all the reasons why you are an awesome catch! I first got this idea from Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way”. At the time, I was single and I wanted so much to find that perfect guy. I would imagine what our lives would be like, where we would live, what activities we would enjoy together etc… But there was one catch. I had genital herpes. At the time, I thought it would be a deal breaker, so I decided to turn inward and “date myself.” What do I mean by this?

I decided to take myself out on dates. Going to the movies, out to dinner, to art shows, skiing, candlelit baths… you name it. If it lit me up, I would make it a point every week to do at least one thing that I totally loved… AND I did it SOLO. It wasn’t that I didn’t have any friends, but I wanted to remind myself of what I loved about life and what made my heart sing. I wanted to know that even if I never met someone, I could totally love and accept myself for who I was. How could I expect someone else to love me unconditionally, if I didn’t love myself! Now I know that there are millions of women out there with genital herpes that have resigned to be alone for the rest of their lives. Hey….I’m talking to YOU. I am living proof that there is a love life after a diagnosis of genital herpes. You are your worst enemy! After I really learned to love my own company and I was able to release and surrender to the great mystery of life, my now husband came into my life. I’ll let you in on a little secret… I even bought myself a ring to signify my wholeness and completeness despite my not having met my man yet. (If you want to read about that magical experience, you’ll have to read my book: Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women).

Now, take a moment and think of the happiest and emotionally healthiest couples you know. More likely than not, they are happy because they individually know who they are: their strengths and weaknesses. Genital herpes gives us a unique opportunity to really practice and learn radical self love and this starts with two simple words… Know Thyself

How do you do this?

  1. Make a list of your favorite things to do
  2. Make a date with yourself to do one of your favorite things. (Put it in your calendar)
  3. Make a list of your best traits
  4. Whenever you feel down, refer to number 3 and do number 2
  5. Journal your experience

Believe me, your attraction quotient will soar when you start making dates with yourself on a regular basis. After getting out in the community and experiencing your birthright of joy, you will begin to evolve from the inside out. You will rediscover your awesomeness. As your self confidence begins to resurface again, then it’s time to get out in the dating scene again. I have met so many women who have used this solo time to make some fundamental lifestyle changes that dramatically shaped their lives. They began to eat better, exercise and take overall better care of themselves. Use your genital herpes diagnosis as a stepping stone toward the life you never thought was possible. Never give up on your dreams! I know I didn’t. I am now happily married and raising the most amazing little girl in Boulder, CO. None of this would have been possible if I didn’t first take the time to Know Thyself.

Live. Love. Thrive.

Dr. Kelly Amazon Bestselling Author    

Lysine: Herpes, Chocolate, and Valentine’s Day

 

Lysine: Herpes, Chocolate, and Valentine’s Day

file000163648711Valentine’s Day is here and so is our desire to eat massive amounts of chocolate. Allow me to confess…. I LOVE CHOCOLATE… In fact, my favorite dessert in the whole wide world is a Flour less Chocolate Torte- (Martha Stewart’s recipe to be exact). But…I don’t like to get herpes outbreaks.

When I work with women with herpes one-on-one and in groups, they are often surprised to hear that I am able to eat chocolate, despite the fact that it is a known trigger for herpes outbreaks. Their surprise reminds me of how I felt when I discovered that one of my favorite “gurus”, Cealo, is still known to smoke a cigar from time to time. So…how I am able to eat chocolate and not get herpes outbreaks? (Before I disclose my one word secret in person, women’s eyes widen and they lean in)

LYSINE

When I consume large amounts of chocolate, nuts, nut butters or coffee, I take lysine. You see, the problem with the above foods is that they are high in arginine, a known trigger for herpes outbreaks. Lysine, on the other hand, is proven to counteract high levels of arginine. In fact, lysine has been shown to decrease the frequency and severity of herpes outbreaks.

In the past, if I was stressed out or if I consumed large amounts of these dietary triggers, I would get a genital outbreak within days. Now, I can use lysine as part of my defense and STILL eat my chocolate torte. Hallelujah! I often use lysine proactively when I’ve consumed too much arginine in my diet and use a dosage that would be therapeutic for an active herpes infection. Typically this would be about 3000mg per day for a few days. During an active herpes outbreak, it is therapeutic to take anywhere between 3000mg-9000mg/day for several days. Some people with herpes take lysine supplements daily, while others use them only at the onset of an outbreak.

Whether you are with a partner or not this Valentine’s Day, I wanted to let you in on my little secret. Life it too short to NOT eat chocolate.

Want to learn more about my natural remedies for herpes? Check out my newest online course for women with herpes. foundations-sidebar300x250

LIVE MORE and LOVE MORE!

Live. Love. Thrive.

Dr. Kelly- Amazon Bestselling Author of Live, Love, and Thrive with Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women P.S. Want more support? Join our FREE herpes forum for Women Supporting Women With Herpes