herpes transmission

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Positive Singles: Benefits and Risks of Women Using Herpes Dating Sites

Positive Singles: Benefits and Risks of Women Using Herpes Dating Sites

I have learned so much in the last 16 years from my own experience of dating with herpes and supporting women with herpes in my private practice and herpes Pink Tent™ support forum. While I never chose to use a herpes dating site myself, many women out there do and I totally support them in their choice. Let’s review some of the benefits and risks.

Benefits and Risks Of Using a Positive Singles Dating Site or Herpes Dating Site

1. The Talk:
The most glaringly obvious benefit is that dating on a positive singles site can help to lessen the fear of having The Talk and disclosing your herpes status. Where so many women fall short is that they skip ever having “The Talk” with their new prospective positive partners, especially if both have herpes. They assume that since they both have herpes, that there is no reason to discuss their past medical history. STD’s come in all different forms, and while HSV is the 2nd most common STD, it is not the ONLY ONE. I have coached so many women over the years after they are newly diagnosed with herpes and I always remind them that The Talk is an essential part of staying healthy. In fact, having genital herpes puts you at a greater risk of contracting HIV. The reason for this is that if you have genital herpes, your natural barrier of protection, the skin, might be compromised with small sores or lesions in and around the vagina and cervix that you might not even feel. These openings in the skin are access points to HIV and other STD’s and infections. Know your risks before having sex!

2. Stigma:
Herpes dating sites often give women who are newly diagnosed a chance to meet some really wonderful and normal men and women. So many women with herpes who have been sexually responsible think that they are all alone. The truth is that herpes affects all sorts of women and the stigma of it being “dirty” and “shameful” is totally unfounded. The fact is that herpes affects at least 1 in 4 women and statistically speaking, there is absolutely no way that 1 in 4 women are “dirty”, sexually irresponsible and promiscuous. Dating within the community can often help to build a woman’s self confidence as she gets used to dating with herpes.

3. Honesty:
I recently conversed with a young woman with herpes that had just broken up with her boyfriend. They had been dating for some time and things were really going well. She had had sex with him a few times before she ever got the courage to tell him that she had herpes. Now, this is much more common than you think. So many women with herpes never disclose to their partners until its too late. In this case, the boyfriend was extremely loving and compassionate towards his girlfriend, but the trust he had in her was ruined by her withholding her status and exposing him. Even after talking to his friend with herpes, he just couldn’t get over the betrayal, so he broke things off. She was devastated! The moral of this story is that if you are a woman dating with herpes, you MUST tell your partner before it’s too late. Imagine how he or she would feel if they contracted genital herpes from you and you never disclosed your status! One of the benefits of using herpes dating sites is that you don’t need to worry about rejection because of your status.

4. Getting Too Comfortable:
I can’t tell you how many times I have had women with herpes share with me that the only reason they stayed in a bad relationship was because their partner also had herpes. This seems to happen more frequently with couples who come together on herpes dating sites. Regardless of whether your partner has herpes or not, a woman should never stay in a bad relationship because she doesn’t think she can do any better. Over time, many women start to even forget that they have herpes, until its time to break things off. If the relationship goes bad, women often stick around longer than they should because of the fear of being rejected once again. A herpes dating site and community is of great value to lessen these fears. I coach women to really pay attention as to whether or not their relationships are only based on the fact that both partners find sanctuary in the fact that they both are infected. If so, this is a fateful disaster waiting to happen. It will eat away at one’s soul and rob a woman of her right to be have a happy and healthy relationship.

5. Small Pool of Fish:
If a woman chooses to only date within the herpes community or from herpes dating sites, then she limits herself to the number of potential partners that would otherwise be interested in dating her. This is the main reason why I never used a herpes dating site. I wanted to put my best foot forward and not limit myself to only date men with herpes. Looking back, this was a good choice for me because I met my husband through a mutual friend. Had I not given him the chance because of the fear of rejection, then we would have never come together. While there have been several women who have found their partners from these sites, I have also heard of women who have just given up and stopped dating altogether if they are not successful. All in all, I encourage women with herpes to keep an open mind as to who would and wouldn’t be open to dating them. Dating within the herpes community is a great first step, but I encourage women to get out there in the open pool if things don’t work out in the “small pool”.

6. Transmitting Herpes To A Partner:
For many women, their greatest fear is transmitting the virus to an uninfected partner. The good news is that once a woman discovers she has herpes, she can take the proper precautions to greatly decrease the risk of transmission to her partner. If a woman with herpes is dating within the herpes community, it is important that she understands the transmission of herpes. If two people have the same strain of the virus, for example, if both people have HSV-1 or herpes type 1, then the partners can not pass it back and forth between them. This “compatibility” is the same if both people have HSV-2. However, if one has HSV-1 and the other has HSV-2, then there is some chance of transmission. Having one type does protect you a bit from contracting the other.

For many, dating another person with herpes can remove one’s fear of transmitting the virus and this alone is thought to be a huge benefit to dating within the community. But just remember that if you date someone that you assume does not have herpes, there is always a very good chance that they have it too. Recent studies show that 85% of people who have herpes don’t know it. Get your partners tested! If you would like more information on dating and living with herpes, be sure to check out our FREE, private forum for women supporting women with herpes. Ask questions, get support and get inspired. You’re not alone at Pink Tent™ Forum.

Herpes Simplex 2 vs. Herpes Simplex 1

The Difference Between Herpes Simplex 2 & Herpes Simplex 1

Have you ever wondered what the real difference is between herpes simplex 2  (HSV-2) and herpes simplex 1 (HSV-1)?

I have spent the past four years as the educational coordinator for the Colorado H Club answering questions like this every day. Genetically speaking, the two viruses are about 85% the same and the symptoms they produce are exactly the same too. The main herpes symptoms are blisters, itching, pain, tingling, redness, fever, and numbness, but 85% of people who have the virus don’t even know it! There are other symptoms associated with the virus, but none of them cause any other diseases or illnesses. This is one of the reasons many doctors don’t deem it necessary to include herpes as part of a standard STD panel.

Herpes Simplex 1 and Herpes Simplex 2 are the two types of herpes simplex viruses. Some of the other members of this virus family, Herpes Viridae, cause Mono, Shingles, Chicken pox, Roseola and a few others.

Did you know that HSV-1 is the virus that causes cold sores? Yes. That’s right! Cold sores are caused by the herpes virus. Unfortunately, Herpes Simplex 2 has received the most amount of stigma over the years because it is the number one cause of genital herpes. 

Let’s look at some of the main differences between the two viruses:      

Genetics: 85% the same      
Herpes Viridae Family: Both Herpes Simplex Viruses      
Environment: HSV-1 prefers the environment of the oral/facial area of the body, HSV-2 prefers the genital area      
Cold Sores: HSV-1 is the strain of the virus that causes cold sores      
Frequency of Outbreak– HSV-1 outbreaks genitally tend to be less frequent      
Intensity: HSV-1 outbreaks genitally tend to be more mild      
Transmission: HSV-1 can be found genitally and orally, but HSV-2 is not found orally (only 1% incidence rate)
Triggers: both HSV-1 and HSV-2 are triggered by the same things i.e.. heat, UV, friction… Let us know if you found this information helpful.

If you have more questions about how to live and date with herpes and how to discover love again, check out our in-depth resources here. www.PinkTent.com    

Spreading Herpes To Children-Taryn

Spreading Herpes To Children?: I don’t know where to start. I feel like I’ve been swallowed into a black hole since my diagnosis. I have a 14 month old and a 4 month old. During both pregnancies I suffered UTI’s, Vaginitis, and yeast infections. The baby was born at 33 weeks due to ruptured membranes from an unknown infection. My mind has been racing wondering if all of my issues were due to herpes that I didn’t know I had. I’ve been faithfully with the same partner/ husband for 3 years. All the times I was checked for STD’s I had absolutely no idea that tests for herpes was not done unless requested. Why was I not informed? I’ve never been promiscuous and always thought I was safe. Yearly pap and STD testing, using protection and now this! I feel dirty and ashamed. My husband tries to be supportive but I just want to hide away. Herpes has consumed my every thought, my hands are raw from washing them, I’ve gone through more bleach in the past few weeks than I normally do in a year and I’m afraid to kiss my boys. My stomach hurts from the Valtrex. The sores ( this is the first time I’ve had them) are healing but my body tingles almost painfully in odd spots all over my body. From mid buttock on both sides down to my toes is sore and tight, almost like the muscles are too short. I have read more on the Internet than I ever cared too. Comparing pictures of sore and blisters to mine, others symptoms to mine. Yet I am at such a complete loss. How will I know if an outbreak is coming? How dangerous is this for my children? What if I spread it to them already because I didn’t know I had it? How do I keep outbreaks from occurring?

Top 10 Herpes Facts (Sex Health Guru)

Top 10 Herpes Facts (Sex Health Guru)

I just saw this video for the first time and was disturbed by some of its content. While most of the video is accurate, below is a list of the things I found to be bothersome and inaccurate.

1. While the herpes virus could be passed on by inanimate objects like towels and toilet seats, there has never been a confirmed case of this transmission. Herpes mainly spreads through skin to skin contact. By all means, though, wash your sex toys with soap and water.

2. The herpes virus can be passed onto a newborn through birth, but this is very rare. If a mother is infected with genital herpes before she gets pregnant, her unborn child will receive antibodies to the herpes virus. This offers the baby some protection to the virus. The danger to the unborn child is usually from a mother who acquires herpes during her last trimester and she does not tell her doctor. Get the facts before you go into fear. If you are a woman who suffers from genital herpes, know that you can manage it effectively with your healthcare provider. A C-section is NOT your only option.