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How Herpes affects Women’s Sexuality

aloneHow Herpes affects Women’s Sexuality

Contributing Author: Stephanie

Many anthropologists, sociologists, and feminist theorists have explored the reasoning behind women’s sexuality, or rather the reasoning for the almost absence of women’s sexuality in today’s society.  Because women’s ability to have sexual desires based on their own personal desires, and not those of a man, is frequently discredited by mainstream society, women’s sexuality automatically becomes discredited as a whole.  The idea that sexuality is socially constructed based on things we learn from media, religion, schools, and other great institutions is a common theory.

Scholars in this area have also taken specific interest in the way that an STD diagnosis might affect how a person experiences sexuality based on the social construction and meaning on the diagnosis.  

Women’s sexuality is already invalidated, so an STD diagnosis simply invalidates it further based on her supposed deviation form the female sexual norm (having sexual desires, acting upon them, and being diagnosed with an STD because of those actions).

There are plenty of articles and scholarly works out there discussing this issue from an outside perspective, but I would like to share my personal experience of dealing with my new sexual identity after being diagnosed with herpes. I would like to emphasize that my perspective is very heterosexual, for lack of a better term, but I believe there will be plenty of parallels for those who identify elsewhere on the spectrum.

As I feel many young women believe when they first begin to experience their sexual selves, my sexuality was based solely on what I thought my male partner wanted.

Neither the media, school, nor my parents had ever taught me what sex or intimacy should be from a woman’s perspective.  It was always based on heterosexual male pleasure.

That being the case, when I learned I had herpes I felt I could no longer fulfill those sexual desires for someone else again because I was no longer desirable to men based on my new label as a “sexual deviant.”

I would like to break down my experience into stages that coincide with Dr. Kelly’s “Stages of Grief” in her book Live, Love, & Thrive with Herpes in hopes that many of you can connect to one, a few, or maybe even all of them as you begin to find sexual freedom after your diagnosis.

Stages to Sexual Freedom:

  1. Avoidance
    • Reference Stage One: Trauma and Denial, and Stage Two: Feelings of Rage from Dr. Kelly’s “Stages of Grief”
  2. Settling
    • Reference Stage Three: Profound and Prolonged Sadness
  3. Fear of Control
    • This stage triggers Stage Four of the “Stages of Grief,” Communicating and Reaching Out
  4. Freedom
    • Reference Stage Five: Surrender and Acceptance, and Stage Six: Empowerment

Avoidance (Trauma and Denial/Feelings of Rage)
When I was first diagnosed I had an irrational fear of spreading herpes to anyone I had any sexual contact with at all.  I say irrational, because as I learned more about the transmission of the virus, I discovered there are plenty of ways to reduce the likelihood of transmission as well as ways avoid the possibility of transmission completely.  

Because of my fear, during this stage I completely avoided any situation that could lead to sexual desire, including dating.  

Trauma and Denial, as Dr. Kelly emphasizes in her book, played a huge role in my avoidance.  The trauma of my diagnosis as well as my denial made disclosure impossible at the time.  I was not ready to disclose my situation with someone, and I knew I had to do so before becoming intimate again.

Settling (Profound and Prolonged Sadness)
Looking back on my journey, this stage brings me the most sadness, which directly relates to Dr. Kelly’s explanation of Stage Three in her book.

During the “Settling” stage my mind set was to “take what I can get.”  If a man said he loved me or that he found me irresistible despite my herpes I thought I had to reciprocate those feelings.  This is because I thought it was so incredibly rare for a man to feel these things about me after my diagnosis that it might be my only chance to find love or intimacy again.  

After going through this stage, my blunt advice is that this is NOT TRUE.  There will be many men or women that love you and find you undoubtedly sexy not despite your herpes, but almost by virtue of your herpes and the woman it has created.

Fear of Control (Communicating and Reaching Out)
This stage was by far the longest of the four because it took me so long time to understand my thought process during it.  

As women we already sometimes feel a lack of control with our sexuality and sexual decisions based on the submissiveness we learn from society.  After I began to seek intimacy again after settling for men I did not necessarily desire, I found it… but on someone else’s terms.

I believed that I no longer had the right to share my opinions about what I desired sexually because it was unfair to ask someone to put himself at risk for my pleasure.  What I learned after verbally expressing my thoughts to loved ones was that I have just as much control over how I experience sex and intimacy as I did before.  

I was afraid to take control of my sexuality again because that could mean putting someone else at risk.  What I didn’t realize is that if I had disclosed my diagnosis and shared the transmission risks with my partner I had done my part in keeping him safe.  

This is where Dr. Kelly’s stage on communicating and reaching out becomes so important.  Without my ability to do so, I may not have allowed control back into my intimate experiences.

Freedom (Surrender and Acceptance/Empowerment)
After effectively communicating and finding the ability to reach out and seek advice from friends and family, I am finally able to enjoy my sexuality and be at peace with my diagnosis.

I have accepted that I cannot have spontaneous sexual encounters without putting others at risk, and I now understand how that is not at all a curse; it is actually a true blessing.

I have accepted that I need to be at a more intimate level with someone before I share my sexuality with them in order to feel comfortable and in control of the situation.  Once again, this has proved to be a huge blessing in my life.

Finally, I have accepted that my herpes diagnosis has not hindered or tainted my sexuality in any way, but rather it has forced me to embrace every piece of my self in order to find true intimacy with another person.

I encourage you all, as I always do, to find the silver lining in situations where you feel that your herpes might have given you the short end of the stick.  I can guarantee that once you start searching, you will find all the amazing ways that herpes has allowed you to grow as a woman in every way, including your sexual being.      

MPWH: The New Tinder-like Herpes Dating App

Meeting People with HerpesMPWH: The New Herpes Dating App

By Contributing Author: Stephanie

Have you heard the news? Apparently there is a new herpes dating app that works somewhat like tinder.  I would like to use this blog to start the discussion on what apps like this mean for our community.

As I’m sure many of you are aware of, online dating and dating apps have become increasingly popular over the last decade.  Different sites like Positive Singles and Herpes Singles  are designed specifically for people seeking the online dating experience who have been diagnosed with herpes or other chronic STDs.  The new app, MPWH, stands for Meeting People with Herpes.  Although this runs as a website, there is also an app free for downloading on iOS and Android systems. I have never used online dating apps, or herpes specific dating apps, but I have given the concept a lot of thought.  I am going to lay out the pros and cons of using herpes dating apps and websites to the best of my ability, but I would like to hear from you all about your own experience with the world of online dating with herpes!

Pros:

I personally believe that the herpes dating websites have a lot to offer, especially for newly diagnosed individuals.  In my experience, it was extremely scary to start dating again after my diagnosis.  I was constantly worried about how and when I would have “the talk.”  For some reason rejection got a lot harder when it had to do with my sexual health status. Being able to date without worrying about “the talk” would have made the traumatic shift in the perception of my love life a bit easier.

I also think that an app like MPWH could be beneficial just for the sake of what I will call sexual sanity.  Just because we have been diagnosed with an STD does not mean that we do not have the right to enjoy casual sex if that is what we desire.  These websites could be a great place to meet someone to have a casual dating relationship with, without having to worry about transmitting the virus.  So long as the person you meet has the same type of HSV as you, and they do not have any other STDs, these websites give you access to have freedom and safety in casual sex.

One last pro is the way that these apps and websites show the prevalence of genital herpes in the world.  A herpes diagnosis can make us feel completely alone and unwanted if we allow the virus to make us feel like a victim.  These websites show the surprising amount of people who are living with the same virus as us, and that can be extremely comforting in times of loneliness!

Cons:

The first con that came to mind when I began to think critically about these websites and apps is the possibility of transmitting different types of the herpes virus back and forth, or even contracting another STD.  Many sites are herpes specific, but sites like Positive Single target anyone with any STD.  I urge you all to be smart when using these apps and websites for the sake of your own health and other’s health.

Although I agree that dating within the herpes community can be a great start to getting back out there after a diagnosis, I also argue that this can be limiting to a person’s dating life.  Sometimes I wonder if only dating other people with herpes can hold us back from seeing our true potential as an intimate partner.  It is inevitable that some people will not be accepting of our diagnosis, but it is also inevitable that some people will!  I think it is great to challenge ourselves to move outside of the herpes community to find love and support.  I think you will surprised with what you find!

Now I would like to hear thoughts and opinions from you all on the pros and cons of: 1) herpes dating websites and apps, and 2) only dating within the herpes community.  Feel free to ask me, Dr. Kelly, and each other questions.  I am looking forward to hearing about all the different experiences each of you have had!

 

About Stephanie

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

Practicing Self-Love

file1551245784283Practicing Self-Love

By Contributing Author Stephanie

As I was beginning to write this blog, I started with looking for articles about self-love. There are so many articles out there telling us how to love ourselves and how to practice as much patience with ourselves as we do with others. Although these are all beautiful and inspiring articles I found that the majority was missing one thing.  What do we do when we feel completely unable to love the person we are today, right at this moment?

This is something I have struggled with my whole life, but when I was diagnosed with herpes it became even more difficult.  As women we are constantly surrounded by messages and images telling us what beautiful is, what the ideal woman acts like, and what our health says about our character as women.  It can be extremely difficult to push those messages aside in order to learn to really love yourself, but I would like to share with you all how I have been able to start to do just that in order to accept myself exactly the way that I am. Over the last year I have made it a priority to really get to know myself.  By that I mean I wanted to know what makes me feel happy, sad, excited, anxious, and what things were really most important to me in my life.  Through my efforts this year I have been able to understand what triggers my emotions, what I really value in my life, and many other things I would have never guessed were a part of who I am a year ago.  

Interestingly enough, understanding myself in these ways has helped me to fall in love with the person that I am. When reflecting on this experience, I like to compare it to falling in love with another person.  As we get to know someone, either intimately or as a friend, we start to accept that person for everything he or she is as well as everything he or she is not.  As we accept a person for all he or she has to offer we can start to really love that person unconditionally.  I believe this is what has happened in my relationship with myself over the last year.  By allowing myself to get to know me I have been able to accept myself for everything that I am, and that has given me the ability to love myself unconditionally, herpes and all. I challenge you all to get to know yourselves on the same intimate level you might imagine you would get to know your life partner on.

If you are struggling with accepting yourself as a woman diagnosed with herpes, understanding deeper traits about yourself will allow you to put less emphasis on such a small aspect of your health and life.  Remember that others will only judge you as much as you judge yourself.   I hope what I have discovered will help you all as you begin the same journey that I started a year ago.  Be your biggest fan, and the journey towards unconditional self-love will be easy.    

Overcoming Stigma and Finding your Unique Path

Overcoming Stigma and Finding your Unique Path

By Contributing Author Stephanie

I watched this video quite a few months ago and for a long time did not understand my connection to Eleanor Longden or her struggle with mental health.  After much contemplation I began to understand my ability to empathize with her and be overwhelmingly inspired by her journey.  Although her experience with schizophrenia is vastly different than my own experience with herpes, the fact of the matter is we both had to overcome societal stigma and as well personal stigma against our conditions.

To me, the most inspirational part of Eleanor’s story is her ability to not only overcome that stigma but to do so in a way that defied the norms of medicine and treatment for her condition.  By overcoming the stigma associated with schizophrenia she was able to work with her symptoms and hardships in order to create a meaningful interaction with her voices.  What she teaches any of us going through the process of overcoming stigma to promote healing is that doing so will allow you to experience your stigmatized identity in a way that is actually beneficial. For those of us dealing with a new herpes diagnosis, or the trauma that comes along with an outbreak after years of living with the virus, it is important to interact with our condition and symptoms in a compassionate way.  My ability, and i’m sure many of yours, to understand Eleanor’s hardships is a perfect example of one way herpes has been beneficial in my life.  Being able to feel true compassion and empathize for others in seemingly completely different situations than your own is a true gift that I may not have today without my diagnosis.

I hope you all find as much inspiration in Eleanor’s story and her ability to overcome stigma associated with her voices as I have; and I hope it inspires you all to find your unique path to health and happiness in your acceptance of your diagnosis.  

 

About Stephanie

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

Prepare for Cold Season and Avoid Herpes Outbreaks

Avoid Herpes OutbreaksPrepare for Cold Season and Avoid Herpes Outbreaks
By Contributing Author Stephanie

As we enter into the beautiful, yet dangerously contagious, fall season I usually have one thing on my mind: avoiding colds.  After being diagnosed with herpes, this concern weighs on my mind even more.  As most of us know, the herpes virus shows up when our immune system has been compromised.  There can be many causes for this including stress, another virus like the common cold or the flu, or perhaps even lack of sleep.

As my body was still trying to build up immunity to the herpes virus, colds had a substantial effect on my experience with outbreaks.  For the first year of my diagnosis, every time I caught a small cold, an outbreak would follow days after the cold arrived.  Because of this, I have found that it is extremely important for me to take care of myself and keep my immune system strong in order to avoid herpes outbreaks. This blog post will go over some simple, yet key points on how to boost your immune system during the cold season in order to avoid herpes outbreaks. The first step you can take to avoid herpes outbreaks by boosting your immune system is take Omega-3s on a daily basis.

In Dr. Kelly’s book, Live, Love, & Thrive with Herpes, she suggests 2000 mg or more a day. Omega-3s are a great way to boost your immune system as well as balance your hormones, and support cardiovascular and brain health. Zinc Chelate is another easy supplement to use to boost your immunity. Dr. Kelly’s book suggests 50 mg a day.  Not only will taking Zinc on a daily basis support a strong immune system, but it will also promote skin health and tissue repair: two benefits that are amazing for herpes outbreaks. Vitamin D3 is also a great supplement to build immunity.  The suggested dose listed in Dr. Kelly’s book is 5000 IU’s a day.

Women are often deficient in Vitamin D3 and new research is showing that it acts as a hormone, signaling cells to boost immunity. If you are osteoporotic, then D3 is required for you to be able to properly absorb your calcium supplements. Probiotics are another supplement to add to your regimen or diet, not only during cold season, but all the time.  Probiotics help the “good bacteria” in your body to thrive so that they can fight off the “bad bacteria.” You may be able to get all the probiotics you need from your diet.  A few of the foods known to be rich in probiotics are yogurt, sauerkraut, kefir, and kimchi.

One last supplement you should always take to support your health and immune system is a multivitamin.  In Live, Love, & Thrive with Herpes, Dr. Kelly suggests a multivitamin that has at least 750 mg of calcium and 450 mg of magnesium. If you are already taking each of these supplements daily, congratulations!  If you are not, now would be the perfect time to start. Cold season is among us, and supporting our immune systems is extremely important to avoid herpes outbreaks as well as for our overall health and happiness.  I hope these suggestions find you well and that you all have a happy and healthy cold season.

You’re Invited: Share your Story of being Diagnosed and Living with Herpes

Share your Story of being Diagnosed and Living with Herpes

By Contributing Author Stephanie

Living with herpesAs many of you know from reading my short bio, I am working on earning my MA in Sociology. I was diagnosed with herpes right around the time that I was accepted into my program and made the decision to go to graduate school. As I was brainstorming ideas for my thesis, my own experience as a woman living with herpes sparked my topic. I am now in the midst of exploring the connection between social stigma and the disclosure process. I am determined to understand the role that stigma plays in the ability, or inability, to give “the talk.” I also want to know how the social stigma of herpes affects simple dynamics of “the talk.” By understanding the relationship between stigma and the disclosure process a bit more clearly, I hope to shed light on the way that stigma can affect transmission rates. If we can get people to feel more comfortable talking about their sexual health, there is a possibility that STD transmission rates could drop. Of course this assumption would need to be explored further than my own research in order to make this claim, but one thing we do know is that simply knowing you have an STD decreases the chance of passing it on to your partner.

Now that you have learned a little bit about my thesis and the agenda of it, I would like to invite any and all of you to be a part of the process. My methods for data collection include individual, qualitative interviews with people who have been diagnosed with genital herpes (type 1 or type 2) and wish to share their experience with me. The interviews will give you a chance to share your story, including triumphs and struggles with “the talk.” By talking with as many people in the herpes community as possible, I am hoping to paint a representative and accurate picture of the experience of living with herpes.

If you are interested in sharing your story with me, I would greatly appreciate your participation and ask that you contact me with any questions and concerns. The research is completely confidential, meaning there will be no names mentioned in the final report. I will be the only one with access to names of the participants, and measures like keeping files on a locked computer and using numeric identifiers and pseudonyms will be taken to protect your identity. If you wish to contact me about participating in the study you can reach me at: stephanienwilson@yahoo.com. I hope to hear from you all, and look forward to shedding light on the struggle associated with a genital herpes diagnosis through my thesis.

About Stephanie

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

Tips to Avoid a Heat Triggered Herpes Outbreak

Tips to Avoid a Heat Triggered Herpes Outbreak

By: contributing author Stephanie Non toxic sun protection

For those of you who have read Dr. Kelly’s book, Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes, you are aware that heat, moisture, and sun can trigger outbreaks.  Here, I will go over the facts you need to minimize your risk of a sun or heat triggered herpes outbreak as well as provide some tips for non toxic sun protection.

According to an article on Livestrong.com, the reason that sun exposure activates the herpes virus is unknown.  However, the article informs us that using sunscreen before sun exposure will decrease the risk of an outbreak triggered by UV rays.  This mean that applying sunscreen prior to a day in the sun is especially important for those of us who experience outbreaks on our faces.  Choosing the right sunscreen with ingredients that won’t irritate your skin and possibly trigger outbreaks is also very important.

My favorite resource to use when buying any cosmetic products is the Skin Deep Cosmetic Database.  For your convenience this website provides a tab on the top left of the page specifically for sun protection.  This database will provide you with a toxicity rating for almost any product you are debating purchasing.  The key for these ratings is pictured below in the Hazard Score Key.  If the product has a hazard score that is color coded green and numbered 0-2 it is in the lowest toxicity bracket.  Products with a score that is color coded red and numbered 7-10 is in the highest toxicity bracket.  Once you find a product that meets your own personal qualifications for a hazard rating you can click on the product to see what specific ingredients earned the rating.

Hazard score keyThe database also provides a helpful list of common toxic ingredients found in sunscreens.  Here is a list of the harmful active ingredients from highest toxicity to lowest toxicity found in many sunscreens provided by ewg.org: Common Toxic Sunscreen Ingredients

  • Oxybenzone
  • Octinoxate (Octylmethoxycinnamate)
  • Homosalate
  • Octisalate
  • Octocrylene
  • Titanium Dioxide
  • Zinc Oxide
  • Avobenzone
  • Mexoryl SX

It may be hard to avoid all of these ingredients, so when choosing sunscreen I suggest you remember that although these ingredients may be harmful to our bodies, overexposure to the sun is also harmful.  Regardless of whether you have been diagnosed with the herpes virus or not, the sun is harmful and can irritate the skin. It is also important to get to know you own body in order to understand how the virus will react to heat triggers on your body specifically.  If you notice that you tend to get frequent outbreaks during constant heat exposure, take steps to avoid the heat.  Keep in mind that avoiding the heat does not necessarily mean that you need to avoid your favorite summer hobbies.Live Love and Thrive with Herpes  Get acquainted with your body’s limits and you may be surprised with what it can handle. With this information I hope you practice mindful sunscreen use and regulate your exposure to heat this summer.  Remember that we all have a unique experience with herpes, and one person’s trigger is not always the same as another’s.  Now, enjoy the last rays of summer!

Want to learn more about the herpes triggers your doctor never told you about? Check out Dr. Kelly’s Amazon bestseller.

About Stephanie

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

How Stigma and Emotions Trigger Genital Herpes Outbreaks

How Stigma and Emotions Trigger Genital Herpes Outbreaks

By Contributing Author: Stephanie

The Stigma Of Herpes
The Stigma Of Herpes

As a sociology student who lives with genital herpes, I find particular interest in the stigma of the virus. The term ‘stigma’ was originally used by the Greeks to describe an abnormal or immoral trait in an individual. The term was brought back into context in the 20th century by sociologist Erving Goffman. Goffman uses this term to refer to a trait that is deeply discrediting to an individual’s identity (Goffman 1986). I am sure we can all agree that a genital herpes diagnosis certainly fits this criterion.

Because of my background in this area I automatically made a connection between research on stigma in the field of sociology and the section titled “The Impact of Our Emotions on Symptoms” in Dr. Kelly Martin Schuh’s book: Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes. In this section, Dr. Kelly, as she is known within our community, discusses how constantly worrying that symptoms might show up ironically can trigger an outbreak. I have also experienced this phenomenon as someone who is dating with genital herpes. One of the many pieces of research connecting these two topics is a 2009 study by Rao and colleagues. The researchers in this study were aiming to develop a stigma scale for chronic illness, as opposed to short-term illness. Simply put, the study found that when an individual is diagnosed with a stigmatizing illness, he or she goes through what is called the “Self Stigma Process.” A person goes sequentially through Steps 1 through 5 and experiences the Self Stigma Process in steps 3 and 4

How Stigma Affects A Person With Herpes

  1. Enacted Stigma
  2. Felt/Perceived Stigma or Stereotype Awareness
  3. Stereotype Agreement
  4. Self Concurrence or Internalization
  5. Self Esteem Detriment/Psychological Distress

During this process individuals will become aware of stereotypes about their illness, begin to agree with them, and eventually internalize these ideas, which will finally cause them psychological distress (Rao et. al 2009). In other words, awareness of the stigma brings about stress, and as we all know stress can trigger outbreaks. As I reflect on how the “Self Stigma Process” relates to my own experience with herpes, I find it to be a good fit. When I was first diagnosed I became much more aware of the social stigma that such a diagnosis holds. I then began to understand the negative stereotypes that create the stigma, and I even began to believe those to be true about myself. I finally internalized those negative beliefs and began to feel extreme shame and guilt towards my diagnosis, which I believe caused an increase in the physical symptoms I was experiencing. As Dr. Kelly, I, and I am sure many of you have experienced, dating with herpes brings all those negative stereotypes associated with the virus to the surface. The thought of having to disclose your situation with someone can cause extreme distress. The irony of this situation is almost humorous, but I know first hand that it can be very traumatizing.

Although I have begun to reverse some of my internalization of those negative stereotypes, dating still brings me back to them even if it’s just for a brief moment. So, how do we stop this vicious cycle of dating, stress, and outbreaks? The good news is that awareness of this connection is the first step to controlling it. Once you know that this particular thought process could actually make your symptoms worse, you can start to change that thought process to control the situation to your liking. It may seem to be much easier said than done, but the answer is much simpler than you probably imagine: affirmations. As Dr. Kelly’s book Live, Love, & Thrive with Herpes illustrates, affirmations begin to develop new neurological pathways in the brain to enhance positive self-concepts. An affirmation can be thought of as creating a truth about yourself through your words.

Affirmations: An Exercise

  1. Write some positive statements about yourself and why you are so incredibly dateable and lovable, and then say them out loud. Some affirmations I have made include phrases like:

My skin is flawless I am sexy My body is strong, healthy, and beautiful

Once you hear the thoughts out loud you may just start a new process that we can call the “Self Love Process.” With this information I hope you all can start more positive thought processes when it comes to dating and looking for love! Purchase Your Copy Here Live Love and Thrive with Herpes

References:

  • Goffman, Erving. 1986. Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity. New York, NY: Simon and Shuster Inc.
  • Rao, Deepa, Choi, Seung W., Victorson, David, Bode, Rita, Peterman, Amy, Heinemann, Allen, and David Cella. 2009. “Measuring Stigma Across Neurological Conditions: The Development of the Stigma Scale for Chronic Illness.” Quality of Life Research 18:585-595.
  • Schuh, Kelly Martin. 2012. Live, Love and Thrive With Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women. Pink Tent International, LLC pg. 27-28.   

 

StephanieHeadshotAbout The Author

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

 

Looking For Some Natural Energy Boosters?

 

The Best Way To Get Your Natural Energy Boost

Energy Boosting MeditationAre you feeling exhausted? In overdrive? Too much sugar and not enough sleep? I know that it is so easy to get hooked on coffee and energy drinks, especially during the rush before the holidays. That little red cup from Starbucks is so alluring when you can barely keep your eyes open. What if there were natural energy boosters you could use that would be good for you? Would that be something that would interest you?

Before I share with you my favorite remedy to pick up my energy, I want to offer you a replacement for your warm cup of coffee. Have you ever tried green tea? There is a ton of literature that points to the benefits to green tea including its antioxidant polyphenols, antiviral, and weight loss to name a few. The most important thing to note about green tea is that all is not created equal. Most conventional green tea is sprayed with pesticides and fungicides which is very toxic to the body. Be sure to drink only organic green tea! Now for my favorite natural energy booster!

Many years ago, while I was training in Qi Gong, my teacher taught me a meditation to rejuvenate the mind and increase one’s energy. While I had always used meditation to calm me down, I had never thought about a meditation to lift me up and energize me. While I would never encourage you to do this in place of getting a good night’s rest, there are times when you just need a little pick me up. Not only is Red Bull, coffee, soda and other stimulants bad for your adrenal glands, immune system and gut, they can be totally addictive. So the more you travel down that rabbit whole, the deeper you’ll go and it is hard to break such bad habits.

For those of you who suffer from herpes, these drinks can trigger an outbreak over night for all of the above are high in arginine and sugar, known culprits for triggers. So, instead of reaching for your next fix, try this simple meditation to clear your mind and improve your energy state. I have found that even 15 minutes of this natural energy boosting meditation allows me to feel like I’ve had an hour or more of deep sleep. Listen to the instructions on how to do the meditation, then do it on your own for as long as you are able.

Healthy Eating This Holiday Season- Avoiding an Outbreak

 

 

Healthy Eating This Holiday Season- Avoiding an Outbreak

Healthy Eating During The Holidays: Kale ChipsNew Years Eve might be right around the corner, but now is NOT the time to make your declarations for a new year and a new you. The trick to healthy eating and staying slim this holiday season is to enjoy things in moderation. We can talk about making major changes in your diet after the new year, but for now, enjoy the festivities and the specialty food and drinks that come with it.

As we prepare our bodies for the cold of winter, our taste buds begin to shift to sugar and spice and everything nice. Stop feeling guilty about that! This isn’t a time to count calories or walk a rigid dietary tightrope. This sort of withdraw will probably lead you down the path of binging instead. This is about nurturing yourself and allowing yourself to indulge in some the sweetness that the holidays bring. If you think about it, the reason why we crave fatty, sugary things is that our body naturally wants to stay warm and the change of foods that we eat enable us to shift with the seasons. There is a rhythm to nature and it is time that we begin to honor that rhythm.

If you truly want to honor that rhythm, you must first find your own rhythm  and pulse. This requires us to connect with the inner most parts of ourselves, creating a soul connection. Those of us who have a tough time getting our hands out of the cookie jar are often overeating because of an underlying stress that has not been resolved. The quick rush of sugar gives us an endorphin like high, but the downside of the slope will send us dozing off on the couch. Then, as our blood sugars drop below normal, we reach for a double espresso or another cookie to pull us through the day. If this is you, you need to take the time to be with your thoughts, so that you don’t just run your body into the ground and get sick. We are here for you, just raise your hand and speak up.

Here are a few healthy eating tips that can truly help you to get through the holidays without having to drop all of your favorite goodies off the list.

1. Drink at least 50% of your body weight in ounces every day. This will help to hydrate your body and to cleanse some of the toxins in your food and beverages.

2. Start your day with a cup of hot water, lemon, and honey. This will stimulate your liver to detoxify your body and will provide you with some extra vitamin C to keep your immune system up to par.

3. Eat at least one green vegetable a day. Kale, swiss chard, broccoli,and brussel sprouts are all excellent choices. Consider making some kale chips to replace your cravings for potato chips. Our three year old loves kale chips! Experiment with olive oil and coconut oil or adding cajun spices, onion powder or smoked paprika.

4. Before going to your next holiday party, be sure to eat something healthy ahead of time. This will decrease your chances of over indulging.

5. Keep a stash of healthy snacks around (carrot sticks, apple slices, seaweed) have some in your car, in your purse and at work. (If you have herpes, do not overdue it on nuts and seeds because they can lead to outbreaks)

6. Drink alcohol and caffeine in moderation: both caffeine and alcohol are high in arginine, which is a known trigger for herpes. As a preventative during the holidays, you might want to start supplementing with L-Lysine. This will help to counteract the arginine in these foods.

7. End your day with an attitude of GRATITUDE. Review all of the things that you are happy and grateful for in your life.

If you need some support, please jump in the Forum and introduce yourself. We would love to hear from you. The stress of the holiday season can trigger an outbreak, so allow us to support you and keep your stress levels to a minimum.

Live. Love. Thrive.

Dr. Kelly Amazon Best selling author of Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes: A Holistic Guide for Women