Herpes Forum

Tag: Herpes Forum

Misdiagnosis of Herpes Symptoms In Women

Did you know that herpes symptoms in women can be confused with many common conditions? 85% of people with herpes don’t know they have it! Common symptoms include blisters, sores, itchy areas, tingling, burning, painful urination, skin fissures and cracks, skin ulcers, swollen lymph nodes, fatigue, depression, pain down the leg, flu like symptoms, body aches and watery vaginal discharge; but how do you know if it is herpes? I have worked with women who were misdiagnosed with several other ailments before they were ever PROPERLY diagnosed with herpes.

Why does this happen?

Herpes is truly the Great Masquerader. Doctors and patients alike misdiagnose herpes all the time. Here is a chart of what women with herpes think they have and what men with herpes think they have.

What Women With Herpes Think They Have What Men With Herpes Think They Have
Yeast Infection Folliculitis
Urinary Tract Infection Jock Itch
Menstrual Complaints Normal Itch
Hemorrhoids Hemorrhoids
Heat Rash Zipper Burn
Urethral Syndrome Insect or Spider Bite
Allergy to condoms, spermicides, sperm, elastic/pantyhose Allergies to condoms
Irritation from bike seat, shaving, douching Irritation from bike seat, tight jeans, sexual intercourse
As you can see, it would be very easy to misdiagnosis herpes in women AND men. So, if you have any or many of these symptoms, especially if they are reoccurring, I suggest that you seek medical advice. You have to take control of your health and sometimes it means challenging your doctor’s diagnosis. There have been times when I have encouraged women to demand a herpes blood test. Not knowing can drive you crazy! A simple blood test paired with a thorough exam can determine your herpes status. You can find a herpes testing center near you.  I also recommend getting screened for other STI’s.
If you end up testing positive for herpes, Pink Tent (TM) is here it support you. We are committed to educate, empower and inspire women with herpes to live, love and thrive. If you reside in the Boulder/Denver area, check our www.ColoradoHFriends.com. We host monthly discussion groups, social events and women’s brunches. Take a stand for your health and get tested!
Live. Love. Thrive.

 

Herpes 101

The Truth About Herpes

With all of the social stigmas surrounding herpes, it’s hard to distinguish what the facts truly are about the herpes virus. This video is a great herpes 101 resource to clear up some common misconceptions. I encourage you to watch it and comment your thoughts below!

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MPWH: The New Tinder-like Herpes Dating App

Meeting People with HerpesMPWH: The New Herpes Dating App

By Contributing Author: Stephanie

Have you heard the news? Apparently there is a new herpes dating app that works somewhat like tinder.  I would like to use this blog to start the discussion on what apps like this mean for our community.

As I’m sure many of you are aware of, online dating and dating apps have become increasingly popular over the last decade.  Different sites like Positive Singles and Herpes Singles  are designed specifically for people seeking the online dating experience who have been diagnosed with herpes or other chronic STDs.  The new app, MPWH, stands for Meeting People with Herpes.  Although this runs as a website, there is also an app free for downloading on iOS and Android systems. I have never used online dating apps, or herpes specific dating apps, but I have given the concept a lot of thought.  I am going to lay out the pros and cons of using herpes dating apps and websites to the best of my ability, but I would like to hear from you all about your own experience with the world of online dating with herpes!

Pros:

I personally believe that the herpes dating websites have a lot to offer, especially for newly diagnosed individuals.  In my experience, it was extremely scary to start dating again after my diagnosis.  I was constantly worried about how and when I would have “the talk.”  For some reason rejection got a lot harder when it had to do with my sexual health status. Being able to date without worrying about “the talk” would have made the traumatic shift in the perception of my love life a bit easier.

I also think that an app like MPWH could be beneficial just for the sake of what I will call sexual sanity.  Just because we have been diagnosed with an STD does not mean that we do not have the right to enjoy casual sex if that is what we desire.  These websites could be a great place to meet someone to have a casual dating relationship with, without having to worry about transmitting the virus.  So long as the person you meet has the same type of HSV as you, and they do not have any other STDs, these websites give you access to have freedom and safety in casual sex.

One last pro is the way that these apps and websites show the prevalence of genital herpes in the world.  A herpes diagnosis can make us feel completely alone and unwanted if we allow the virus to make us feel like a victim.  These websites show the surprising amount of people who are living with the same virus as us, and that can be extremely comforting in times of loneliness!

Cons:

The first con that came to mind when I began to think critically about these websites and apps is the possibility of transmitting different types of the herpes virus back and forth, or even contracting another STD.  Many sites are herpes specific, but sites like Positive Single target anyone with any STD.  I urge you all to be smart when using these apps and websites for the sake of your own health and other’s health.

Although I agree that dating within the herpes community can be a great start to getting back out there after a diagnosis, I also argue that this can be limiting to a person’s dating life.  Sometimes I wonder if only dating other people with herpes can hold us back from seeing our true potential as an intimate partner.  It is inevitable that some people will not be accepting of our diagnosis, but it is also inevitable that some people will!  I think it is great to challenge ourselves to move outside of the herpes community to find love and support.  I think you will surprised with what you find!

Now I would like to hear thoughts and opinions from you all on the pros and cons of: 1) herpes dating websites and apps, and 2) only dating within the herpes community.  Feel free to ask me, Dr. Kelly, and each other questions.  I am looking forward to hearing about all the different experiences each of you have had!

 

About Stephanie

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

Practicing Self-Love

file1551245784283Practicing Self-Love

By Contributing Author Stephanie

As I was beginning to write this blog, I started with looking for articles about self-love. There are so many articles out there telling us how to love ourselves and how to practice as much patience with ourselves as we do with others. Although these are all beautiful and inspiring articles I found that the majority was missing one thing.  What do we do when we feel completely unable to love the person we are today, right at this moment?

This is something I have struggled with my whole life, but when I was diagnosed with herpes it became even more difficult.  As women we are constantly surrounded by messages and images telling us what beautiful is, what the ideal woman acts like, and what our health says about our character as women.  It can be extremely difficult to push those messages aside in order to learn to really love yourself, but I would like to share with you all how I have been able to start to do just that in order to accept myself exactly the way that I am. Over the last year I have made it a priority to really get to know myself.  By that I mean I wanted to know what makes me feel happy, sad, excited, anxious, and what things were really most important to me in my life.  Through my efforts this year I have been able to understand what triggers my emotions, what I really value in my life, and many other things I would have never guessed were a part of who I am a year ago.  

Interestingly enough, understanding myself in these ways has helped me to fall in love with the person that I am. When reflecting on this experience, I like to compare it to falling in love with another person.  As we get to know someone, either intimately or as a friend, we start to accept that person for everything he or she is as well as everything he or she is not.  As we accept a person for all he or she has to offer we can start to really love that person unconditionally.  I believe this is what has happened in my relationship with myself over the last year.  By allowing myself to get to know me I have been able to accept myself for everything that I am, and that has given me the ability to love myself unconditionally, herpes and all. I challenge you all to get to know yourselves on the same intimate level you might imagine you would get to know your life partner on.

If you are struggling with accepting yourself as a woman diagnosed with herpes, understanding deeper traits about yourself will allow you to put less emphasis on such a small aspect of your health and life.  Remember that others will only judge you as much as you judge yourself.   I hope what I have discovered will help you all as you begin the same journey that I started a year ago.  Be your biggest fan, and the journey towards unconditional self-love will be easy.    

You’re Invited: Share your Story of being Diagnosed and Living with Herpes

Share your Story of being Diagnosed and Living with Herpes

By Contributing Author Stephanie

Living with herpesAs many of you know from reading my short bio, I am working on earning my MA in Sociology. I was diagnosed with herpes right around the time that I was accepted into my program and made the decision to go to graduate school. As I was brainstorming ideas for my thesis, my own experience as a woman living with herpes sparked my topic. I am now in the midst of exploring the connection between social stigma and the disclosure process. I am determined to understand the role that stigma plays in the ability, or inability, to give “the talk.” I also want to know how the social stigma of herpes affects simple dynamics of “the talk.” By understanding the relationship between stigma and the disclosure process a bit more clearly, I hope to shed light on the way that stigma can affect transmission rates. If we can get people to feel more comfortable talking about their sexual health, there is a possibility that STD transmission rates could drop. Of course this assumption would need to be explored further than my own research in order to make this claim, but one thing we do know is that simply knowing you have an STD decreases the chance of passing it on to your partner.

Now that you have learned a little bit about my thesis and the agenda of it, I would like to invite any and all of you to be a part of the process. My methods for data collection include individual, qualitative interviews with people who have been diagnosed with genital herpes (type 1 or type 2) and wish to share their experience with me. The interviews will give you a chance to share your story, including triumphs and struggles with “the talk.” By talking with as many people in the herpes community as possible, I am hoping to paint a representative and accurate picture of the experience of living with herpes.

If you are interested in sharing your story with me, I would greatly appreciate your participation and ask that you contact me with any questions and concerns. The research is completely confidential, meaning there will be no names mentioned in the final report. I will be the only one with access to names of the participants, and measures like keeping files on a locked computer and using numeric identifiers and pseudonyms will be taken to protect your identity. If you wish to contact me about participating in the study you can reach me at: stephanienwilson@yahoo.com. I hope to hear from you all, and look forward to shedding light on the struggle associated with a genital herpes diagnosis through my thesis.

About Stephanie

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

Genital Herpes And Self Esteem

Genital Herpes and Self Esteem

Dr. Kelly and Self Esteem

Now you might be thinking to yourself….why in the world is this woman with herpes so happy? Well, I am. Why? Because I am still the same happy go lucky woman that I have always been and I do not allow herpes to affect my level of self esteem. If you want to change how you think about yourself and feel about yourself, you must first honor your physical body. This is one of the pillars of self love.

In my book, Live, Love and Thrive With Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women, I speak about the importance of the Triad Of Health. At the foundation of health is your physical body and the two arms of the triangle are your mental and emotional/spiritual. If you don’t take care of your physical body, your mental and emotional/spiritual wellbeing will begin to weaken over time. Herpes is such a stigmatizing infection, that it is no wonder that many women who are diagnosed with it suffer from depression.

What’s one of the best things you can do for depression? Move Your Body! That’s right…move your body! If you are not moving your body, then you are building up toxins, losing muscle mass, depressing your immunity, and decreasing your potential for happiness and joy. The body is meant to move and for some, a herpes diagnosis can be the perfect catalyst to begin to take charge of your physical health. Moving your physical body will help you to love and appreciate this temple called your body. Instead of disassociating with your body, you need to embrace it. Many women with herpes stop moving their bodies and they begin to disown it. This is the “house” you were given, so it is time to take care of it.

One of the other benefits of moving your body is that you will receive the natural high of endorphins. This always helps to improve your mood. Have you ever worked out and then thought….I just shouldn’t have done that? Absolutely not! Make a commitment to yourself to move your body every day. It doesn’t need to be much, but you must move to grow and heal. Learn to love your body again and it will start to love you back.  

Need additional support? Check out my Amazon Best-Seller, Live, Love & Thrive With Herpes

Abreva Cream- The Ins and Outs

Abreva Cream- The Ins and Outs

By Contributing author Stephanie

Abreva cream is a topical ointment used to treat cold sores; at least that is how it is marketed. Customer reviews on numerous websites show success for the medicine. People who have used Abreva report that the time it takes for the cold sores to heal decreases, the severity of the sore or sores decreases, and there are even reports that it can be used to prevent a sore from ever actually showing up. Overall, people seem to have great success with Abreva. After diving into the use of it a bit more I found that it targets sores caused by HSV-1 (as opposed to HSV-2), which we know can also appear genitally.

I searched to see if the cream could be used for genital lesions as well, and after finding out that it certainly can be (as long as those legions are caused by HSV-1) I began to deconstruct why the company might market the product in the way that it does. The stigma associated with oral herpes is very different than that associated with genital herpes, and unfortunately a company is smart to steer clear from the later. In one of my earlier blogs, “The Social Construction of Genital Herpes,” I touch on why the stigma of genital herpes is the way it is. Because oral herpes is not as closely associated with sex, the stigma is not the same. There is also something to be said about the inability to conceal our herpes when it appears orally.

If we only experience genital lesions, disclosure is our personal choice; but when cold sores appear orally, disclosure of our herpes happens automatically. The stigmas of each type (oral and genital) as well as the ways we manage the stigmas of each type are very different from each other. Because of that difference, it is important to place them into different social categories. It is unfortunate that in order to avoid the associated stigma Abreva must also avoid marketing their product to those living with HSV-1 genitally, but then again there is a chance that products for the automatically disclosed stigma are just in higher demand. Despite these circumstances, reviews on the product would steer me towards using it so long as my diagnosis is HSV-1.

I hope this information benefits those of you who are looking for a treatment like this. I also hope this helps you to think critically about your situation and all the nooks and crannies that seem to have simple explanations but in reality are much more complex. Don’t disregard the social definitions of your diagnosis and the way you treat it, they will help you more than you might think!Live Love and Thrive with Herpes

Want to learn how to heal cold sores faster using all natural remedies? You’ll have to check out Dr. Kelly’s Amazon bestselling book, Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes.

 

About Stephanie

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

How Stigma and Emotions Trigger Genital Herpes Outbreaks

How Stigma and Emotions Trigger Genital Herpes Outbreaks

By Contributing Author: Stephanie

The Stigma Of Herpes
The Stigma Of Herpes

As a sociology student who lives with genital herpes, I find particular interest in the stigma of the virus. The term ‘stigma’ was originally used by the Greeks to describe an abnormal or immoral trait in an individual. The term was brought back into context in the 20th century by sociologist Erving Goffman. Goffman uses this term to refer to a trait that is deeply discrediting to an individual’s identity (Goffman 1986). I am sure we can all agree that a genital herpes diagnosis certainly fits this criterion.

Because of my background in this area I automatically made a connection between research on stigma in the field of sociology and the section titled “The Impact of Our Emotions on Symptoms” in Dr. Kelly Martin Schuh’s book: Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes. In this section, Dr. Kelly, as she is known within our community, discusses how constantly worrying that symptoms might show up ironically can trigger an outbreak. I have also experienced this phenomenon as someone who is dating with genital herpes. One of the many pieces of research connecting these two topics is a 2009 study by Rao and colleagues. The researchers in this study were aiming to develop a stigma scale for chronic illness, as opposed to short-term illness. Simply put, the study found that when an individual is diagnosed with a stigmatizing illness, he or she goes through what is called the “Self Stigma Process.” A person goes sequentially through Steps 1 through 5 and experiences the Self Stigma Process in steps 3 and 4

How Stigma Affects A Person With Herpes

  1. Enacted Stigma
  2. Felt/Perceived Stigma or Stereotype Awareness
  3. Stereotype Agreement
  4. Self Concurrence or Internalization
  5. Self Esteem Detriment/Psychological Distress

During this process individuals will become aware of stereotypes about their illness, begin to agree with them, and eventually internalize these ideas, which will finally cause them psychological distress (Rao et. al 2009). In other words, awareness of the stigma brings about stress, and as we all know stress can trigger outbreaks. As I reflect on how the “Self Stigma Process” relates to my own experience with herpes, I find it to be a good fit. When I was first diagnosed I became much more aware of the social stigma that such a diagnosis holds. I then began to understand the negative stereotypes that create the stigma, and I even began to believe those to be true about myself. I finally internalized those negative beliefs and began to feel extreme shame and guilt towards my diagnosis, which I believe caused an increase in the physical symptoms I was experiencing. As Dr. Kelly, I, and I am sure many of you have experienced, dating with herpes brings all those negative stereotypes associated with the virus to the surface. The thought of having to disclose your situation with someone can cause extreme distress. The irony of this situation is almost humorous, but I know first hand that it can be very traumatizing.

Although I have begun to reverse some of my internalization of those negative stereotypes, dating still brings me back to them even if it’s just for a brief moment. So, how do we stop this vicious cycle of dating, stress, and outbreaks? The good news is that awareness of this connection is the first step to controlling it. Once you know that this particular thought process could actually make your symptoms worse, you can start to change that thought process to control the situation to your liking. It may seem to be much easier said than done, but the answer is much simpler than you probably imagine: affirmations. As Dr. Kelly’s book Live, Love, & Thrive with Herpes illustrates, affirmations begin to develop new neurological pathways in the brain to enhance positive self-concepts. An affirmation can be thought of as creating a truth about yourself through your words.

Affirmations: An Exercise

  1. Write some positive statements about yourself and why you are so incredibly dateable and lovable, and then say them out loud. Some affirmations I have made include phrases like:

My skin is flawless I am sexy My body is strong, healthy, and beautiful

Once you hear the thoughts out loud you may just start a new process that we can call the “Self Love Process.” With this information I hope you all can start more positive thought processes when it comes to dating and looking for love! Purchase Your Copy Here Live Love and Thrive with Herpes

References:

  • Goffman, Erving. 1986. Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity. New York, NY: Simon and Shuster Inc.
  • Rao, Deepa, Choi, Seung W., Victorson, David, Bode, Rita, Peterman, Amy, Heinemann, Allen, and David Cella. 2009. “Measuring Stigma Across Neurological Conditions: The Development of the Stigma Scale for Chronic Illness.” Quality of Life Research 18:585-595.
  • Schuh, Kelly Martin. 2012. Live, Love and Thrive With Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women. Pink Tent International, LLC pg. 27-28.   

 

StephanieHeadshotAbout The Author

Hi Everyone! My name is Stephanie.  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in April of 2014 when I was 22 years old.  Right now, almost three years later, I am a doctoral student in the sociology department at Purdue University.  I recently completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.  With that said, if anyone is interested in reading what I discovered in my project, I am happy to share that with you! I plan to continue advocating for our community, as well as studying the social factors that influence sexual health in order to understand how we can create a world that is easier for people diagnosed with STIs.  I really enjoy writing for the Pink Tent community and am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about living with genital herpes with you all.

 

Herpes Diagnosis: The One Secret To Discovering Love

Herpes Diagnosis: The One Secret To Discovering Love

 

 

Hope After A Herpes Diagnosis- A Day Of Celebration
I awoke this morning at 6:30AM to the sun piercing through the leaves of our apple tree and the birds chirping to a song all their own. While my husband and little girl lie sleeping, I quietly slipped out of bed to ponder life and sit in silence on my hot pink meditation cushion. This day already felt different. Six years ago, I married my best friend and soul mate.

 

My heart was bursting with gratitude for the life that I am living. I have so many things to be grateful for and in the next 48 hours, I will raise up my hands, dance, sing and give thanks for my husband Richard and our beautiful little girl, Madeline.

 

 

Hopes Shattered By A Herpes Diagnosis 

DSC_0064 (1)Over the past several years, I have had the unique opportunity to coach women with herpes. Who would have ever thought that this would be my niche. I mean REALLY…who would ever sign up to be in the limelight as the doctor with herpes who decided to share her story as a vehicle of hope and support for other women?

The truth is, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Has it been a challenging journey? Yes! But what has made it challenging, is not the full blown exposure of everyone knowing that I have herpes; rather, it has been the heartache of realizing how many women out there are suffering. Their hearts and hopes shattered by their herpes diagnosis. Just last week I was working with a woman who shared with me that all she really wanted in life was to feel loved again. She felt that after her diagnosis, she could no longer give and receive love as she had done before. Her whole self concept was being challenged! As I sat with her, I felt her pain as if it were my own and yet I knew the love that was possible for her IF, she was willing and able to move through her grief.

You see, there are two types of pain that we women with herpes must learn to deal with.

1. The Physical Pain of herpes symptoms
2. The Emotional Pain associated with the stigma and our threatened self concept, self worth and self esteem.

While the physical pain is a whole conversation in and of itself (there are several strategies from antivirals to natural remedies), the Emotional Pain can often be the number one thing that barricades us into a world of isolation, shame and fear. What I have learned from the women I have worked with and those I have read about is that the difference between those who discover love again and those that don’t is one and only one thing. What might this ONE Secret ingredient be? HOPE Close your eyes and feel into the love that you deserve and know that there is someone out there who will love and support you just the way you are. You must know that you are Loveable Capable A True Catch Even if all hope seems lost right now, I promise you that it doesn’t have to be. You get to choose the thoughts that you tell yourself. If you truly desire a loving partnership after your herpes diagnosis, you must first start by unconditionally loving yourself. You are worth the love that you so desire AND that love is just waiting to dive into your heart. LOVE THYSELF How?

Write a love letter to yourself Take yourself out to dinner Make a collage with the visual reminders of all the things you love about yourself and your life If I can find love…so can YOU. Just BELIEVE! I am no different than you. If I can find love…so can you. Use your imagination in the beginning of imagining the man of your dreams and focus on that NOT on NOT having that yet. I send you my blessings and faith that I have in you to overcome this herpes diagnosis. Please share your story and allow the women of Pink Tent™ to support you.

 

Genital Herpes Diagnosis? 5 Top Things You Must Know

Positive Genital Herpes Diagnosis? 5 Top Things You Must Know

Are you a woman who was just diagnosed with genital herpes? If so, be sure to watch this video where Dr. Kelly explains what you must know. As a woman, doctor and 15 year carrier, she understands the stigma and shock of a genital herpes diagnosis. Need more support? Have more questions? Check our our new online Foundations Course©, which is complete private! You can be a student AND remain anonymous on your terms and on your time frame to learn. . Herpes Support Course for Women

Don’t wait until your next outbreak or heartbreak to -Learn how to naturally manage your outbreaks -Reclaim your birthright to a happy, healthy sex life -Learn the top hidden herpes triggers that your doctor never told you In addition to all of these benefits…… you don’t have to feel all alone anymore! Join our community of Women Supporting Women With Herpes and become part of an intimate group of women who are committed to living a vibrant, happy, healthy life….despite their having genital herpes. Reclaim your self-esteem and sex life today!

Live. Love. Thrive.

Dr. Kelly

P.S. If you are screaming in silence and feel that you have nowhere to turn, this is the course for you. I am committed to your success if you’ll just leap and have faith that you can learn to live and love again. You deserve it!

P.S.S. Our Pink tent™community is committed to serving you. Please share your story on our forum and receive the support you need. It’s FREE!