a normal sex life after herpes

Tag: a normal sex life after herpes

Herpes Diagnosis: The One Secret To Discovering Love

Herpes Diagnosis: The One Secret To Discovering Love

 

 

Hope After A Herpes Diagnosis- A Day Of Celebration
I awoke this morning at 6:30AM to the sun piercing through the leaves of our apple tree and the birds chirping to a song all their own. While my husband and little girl lie sleeping, I quietly slipped out of bed to ponder life and sit in silence on my hot pink meditation cushion. This day already felt different. Six years ago, I married my best friend and soul mate.

 

My heart was bursting with gratitude for the life that I am living. I have so many things to be grateful for and in the next 48 hours, I will raise up my hands, dance, sing and give thanks for my husband Richard and our beautiful little girl, Madeline.

 

 

Hopes Shattered By A Herpes Diagnosis 

DSC_0064 (1)Over the past several years, I have had the unique opportunity to coach women with herpes. Who would have ever thought that this would be my niche. I mean REALLY…who would ever sign up to be in the limelight as the doctor with herpes who decided to share her story as a vehicle of hope and support for other women?

The truth is, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Has it been a challenging journey? Yes! But what has made it challenging, is not the full blown exposure of everyone knowing that I have herpes; rather, it has been the heartache of realizing how many women out there are suffering. Their hearts and hopes shattered by their herpes diagnosis. Just last week I was working with a woman who shared with me that all she really wanted in life was to feel loved again. She felt that after her diagnosis, she could no longer give and receive love as she had done before. Her whole self concept was being challenged! As I sat with her, I felt her pain as if it were my own and yet I knew the love that was possible for her IF, she was willing and able to move through her grief.

You see, there are two types of pain that we women with herpes must learn to deal with.

1. The Physical Pain of herpes symptoms
2. The Emotional Pain associated with the stigma and our threatened self concept, self worth and self esteem.

While the physical pain is a whole conversation in and of itself (there are several strategies from antivirals to natural remedies), the Emotional Pain can often be the number one thing that barricades us into a world of isolation, shame and fear. What I have learned from the women I have worked with and those I have read about is that the difference between those who discover love again and those that don’t is one and only one thing. What might this ONE Secret ingredient be? HOPE Close your eyes and feel into the love that you deserve and know that there is someone out there who will love and support you just the way you are. You must know that you are Loveable Capable A True Catch Even if all hope seems lost right now, I promise you that it doesn’t have to be. You get to choose the thoughts that you tell yourself. If you truly desire a loving partnership after your herpes diagnosis, you must first start by unconditionally loving yourself. You are worth the love that you so desire AND that love is just waiting to dive into your heart. LOVE THYSELF How?

Write a love letter to yourself Take yourself out to dinner Make a collage with the visual reminders of all the things you love about yourself and your life If I can find love…so can YOU. Just BELIEVE! I am no different than you. If I can find love…so can you. Use your imagination in the beginning of imagining the man of your dreams and focus on that NOT on NOT having that yet. I send you my blessings and faith that I have in you to overcome this herpes diagnosis. Please share your story and allow the women of Pink Tent™ to support you.

 

Brene Brown’s Top 3 Things To Overcome Shame

Brene Brown’s Top 3 Things To Overcome Shame

 

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Dr. Kelly Martin Schuh shares what she learned from Brene Brown on overcoming shame. Women with herpes are following these same easy steps to overcome their herpes diagnosis.

1. Talk to yourself like you would a loved one– Dr. Kelly adds to this tip. If you find yourself speaking like a “gremlin”, say “cancel that” to yourself and replace it with a positive thought

2. Reach out to someone you trust-  Dr. Kelly also advises NOT to choose someone who is known to be judgmental.

3. Share your story– this is truly the first huge step to overcoming the emotional burdens that a herpes diagnosis brings. As Brene Brown teaches, shame grows exponentially in the environment of secrets. When you can share your story, like women do on Pink Tent™, you can begin to shine a light on your deepest, darkest secrets. This is a huge step for women who want to overcome the stigma and shame so closely linked to a herpes diagnosis. For women who really want to dive in and learn how to have a happy, healthy sex life and to embrace wellness, they should check out her online Foundations Course© Herpes Support Course for WomenIn this 4 part multi media training, women are learning how to overcome their shame and start living and loving again. In this intimate, safe environment, women can ask her anything about herpes. In addition, women no longer feel all alone because they are able to “meet” other empowered women who are no longer victims to their herpes diagnosis.

Registration is currently closed for the Secrets To Success: Foundations Course, but if you want to start your journey to a happier, healthier you, sign up for a free one-on-one call with Dr. Kelly!      

2 Step Process To Overcome A Herpes Diagnosis

2 Step Process To Overcome A Herpes Diagnosis

Springtime: Overcoming Herpes

Over the past few weeks, I have been inundated with requests for private coaching. I don’t know if it is linked to Spring, the season of renewal, or if it is just coincidental. Either way, I feel so blessed to be privy to women’s deepest darkest secrets. Springtime truly is a time of change and renewal. We move from the darkness and introspection of winter and transition into the warmth and growth of Spring.

As the crocus pokes through the patches of snow and newly sprung grass, so too do our souls want to move toward the direction of personal growth. Most women reach out to me because they have been diagnosed with genital herpes and they just can’t seem to psychologically overcome it. Whether it’s alcoholism, abuse, an eating disorder or an embarrassing medical condition…you name it… everyone has a skeleton in their closet that keeps them from living a full and vibrant life. 

The Springtime is the PERFECT time to shed a light on those shadows, so that they no longer trap us in FEAR. As Francois de La Rochefoucauld said, “The only thing constant in life is change” So whether you are in that place of shock and chaos or in a place of peace and gratitude, what I can be certain of is that eventually things will change. Something is going to come along and rock your boat. The question then becomes, how will you RESPOND to change? Resistance is futile! So, how does one move from the shock and overwhelm of a herpes diagnosis, to a place of peace and acceptance?

The answer is in the ability to FEEL and FLOW. If you are in the midst of chaos, this is THE two step punch to move you through it so that you can rediscover the peace and acceptance you deserve.

Step One: FEEL
If you find yourself in a state of overwhelm, sadness or chaos, the first step is to truly FEEL all that you are feeling. Place your hand on your heart and acknowledge how you are really feeling. In the case of a diagnosis of herpes- there are probably feelings of sadness, shame, grief and loneliness. Say to yourself-YES, this did happen to me and I will feel the sadness and not fight it. Then, scan your body and discover where you are feeling your feelings the strongest. Maybe it is in your heart or in your stomach. Wherever it is, place your hands on that area and breath into it, not trying to change it.

Step Two: FLOW
Now that you have acknowledged your feelings, allow the emotions to move through your body. Emotions are just ENERGY in MOTION. If we try to suppress them, then the energy gets stuck in our body, later to manifest as physical disease or imbalance. Once we FEEL this energy in motion, then it can FLOW through us. It is the stuck energy that harms us long term. To be in the state of FLOW is to truly be in the art of allowing. It is during this state that we can call upon our higher self or God, or the Divine… whatever you believe in. Ask for guidance, healing and peace and then let it go. It is in this art of allowing that you will be guided to your next step in healing.

Use this two step approach for any challenge that comes your way. Believe me, I now know that my greatest challenges in life have been my greatest teachers. Many might find this absurd, but I can truly state that my diagnosis of herpes was truly a gift. It has enabled me to have much more compassion for others and it has guided me to YOU….the Women of Pink Tent. You are the most resilient, powerful and strong women I have ever met. If you truly want to be bigger than your herpes and you want to be stronger and healthier than ever before, use your diagnosis of herpes as a catalyst for BIG CHANGES. Changes that you get to declare and make happen.

As Elizabeth Lesser, Cofounder of Omega Institute For Holistic Studies said: “I’ve found that the changes I feared would ruin me have always become doorways, and on the other side I have found a more courageous and graceful self.” Declare today that you are worthy of radical self love and peace.

Live. Love. Thrive.

Dr. Kelly Martin Schuh Author of Amazon Bestselling Book Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes    

Positive Singles: Benefits and Risks of Women Using Herpes Dating Sites

Positive Singles: Benefits and Risks of Women Using Herpes Dating Sites

I have learned so much in the last 16 years from my own experience of dating with herpes and supporting women with herpes in my private practice and herpes Pink Tent™ support forum. While I never chose to use a herpes dating site myself, many women out there do and I totally support them in their choice. Let’s review some of the benefits and risks.

Benefits and Risks Of Using a Positive Singles Dating Site or Herpes Dating Site

1. The Talk:
The most glaringly obvious benefit is that dating on a positive singles site can help to lessen the fear of having The Talk and disclosing your herpes status. Where so many women fall short is that they skip ever having “The Talk” with their new prospective positive partners, especially if both have herpes. They assume that since they both have herpes, that there is no reason to discuss their past medical history. STD’s come in all different forms, and while HSV is the 2nd most common STD, it is not the ONLY ONE. I have coached so many women over the years after they are newly diagnosed with herpes and I always remind them that The Talk is an essential part of staying healthy. In fact, having genital herpes puts you at a greater risk of contracting HIV. The reason for this is that if you have genital herpes, your natural barrier of protection, the skin, might be compromised with small sores or lesions in and around the vagina and cervix that you might not even feel. These openings in the skin are access points to HIV and other STD’s and infections. Know your risks before having sex!

2. Stigma:
Herpes dating sites often give women who are newly diagnosed a chance to meet some really wonderful and normal men and women. So many women with herpes who have been sexually responsible think that they are all alone. The truth is that herpes affects all sorts of women and the stigma of it being “dirty” and “shameful” is totally unfounded. The fact is that herpes affects at least 1 in 4 women and statistically speaking, there is absolutely no way that 1 in 4 women are “dirty”, sexually irresponsible and promiscuous. Dating within the community can often help to build a woman’s self confidence as she gets used to dating with herpes.

3. Honesty:
I recently conversed with a young woman with herpes that had just broken up with her boyfriend. They had been dating for some time and things were really going well. She had had sex with him a few times before she ever got the courage to tell him that she had herpes. Now, this is much more common than you think. So many women with herpes never disclose to their partners until its too late. In this case, the boyfriend was extremely loving and compassionate towards his girlfriend, but the trust he had in her was ruined by her withholding her status and exposing him. Even after talking to his friend with herpes, he just couldn’t get over the betrayal, so he broke things off. She was devastated! The moral of this story is that if you are a woman dating with herpes, you MUST tell your partner before it’s too late. Imagine how he or she would feel if they contracted genital herpes from you and you never disclosed your status! One of the benefits of using herpes dating sites is that you don’t need to worry about rejection because of your status.

4. Getting Too Comfortable:
I can’t tell you how many times I have had women with herpes share with me that the only reason they stayed in a bad relationship was because their partner also had herpes. This seems to happen more frequently with couples who come together on herpes dating sites. Regardless of whether your partner has herpes or not, a woman should never stay in a bad relationship because she doesn’t think she can do any better. Over time, many women start to even forget that they have herpes, until its time to break things off. If the relationship goes bad, women often stick around longer than they should because of the fear of being rejected once again. A herpes dating site and community is of great value to lessen these fears. I coach women to really pay attention as to whether or not their relationships are only based on the fact that both partners find sanctuary in the fact that they both are infected. If so, this is a fateful disaster waiting to happen. It will eat away at one’s soul and rob a woman of her right to be have a happy and healthy relationship.

5. Small Pool of Fish:
If a woman chooses to only date within the herpes community or from herpes dating sites, then she limits herself to the number of potential partners that would otherwise be interested in dating her. This is the main reason why I never used a herpes dating site. I wanted to put my best foot forward and not limit myself to only date men with herpes. Looking back, this was a good choice for me because I met my husband through a mutual friend. Had I not given him the chance because of the fear of rejection, then we would have never come together. While there have been several women who have found their partners from these sites, I have also heard of women who have just given up and stopped dating altogether if they are not successful. All in all, I encourage women with herpes to keep an open mind as to who would and wouldn’t be open to dating them. Dating within the herpes community is a great first step, but I encourage women to get out there in the open pool if things don’t work out in the “small pool”.

6. Transmitting Herpes To A Partner:
For many women, their greatest fear is transmitting the virus to an uninfected partner. The good news is that once a woman discovers she has herpes, she can take the proper precautions to greatly decrease the risk of transmission to her partner. If a woman with herpes is dating within the herpes community, it is important that she understands the transmission of herpes. If two people have the same strain of the virus, for example, if both people have HSV-1 or herpes type 1, then the partners can not pass it back and forth between them. This “compatibility” is the same if both people have HSV-2. However, if one has HSV-1 and the other has HSV-2, then there is some chance of transmission. Having one type does protect you a bit from contracting the other.

For many, dating another person with herpes can remove one’s fear of transmitting the virus and this alone is thought to be a huge benefit to dating within the community. But just remember that if you date someone that you assume does not have herpes, there is always a very good chance that they have it too. Recent studies show that 85% of people who have herpes don’t know it. Get your partners tested! If you would like more information on dating and living with herpes, be sure to check out our FREE, private forum for women supporting women with herpes. Ask questions, get support and get inspired. You’re not alone at Pink Tent™ Forum.