Oral Sex and Herpes: Liz’s Story

Purple flower

Oral Sex and Herpes: I came to terms with it . . .I was diagnosed one year ago at the age of 19. It was a complete shock. I had only been sexually active with one person in a monogomous relationship. My boyfried was unaware that having had past cold sores on his mouth could lead to me contracting herpes. He hadn’t had a cold sore in years and we believe I got it through oral sex. It was very difficult to understand but with the support of my boyfriend and through educating myself about it, I came to terms with it. Trust me, for months afterwards it was always on my mind and I noticed people’s comments about STDs a lot more. People do not understand that its neither funny nor cool to joke about herpes or any other STD. It can happen to anyone; we are all at risk. I firmly believe now that sex is NEVER safe- it is a risk and it is one that should be assessed maturely before committing yourself to it.Now one year later, I recently became sexually active with another guy. I was terrified about telling him. I believed he would run away and never speak to me again. I could barely get the words out but as soon as I began speaking all my tension went away as I realized he was not scared, nor was he looking at me any differently. He told me he likes me for me and that I should not worry about it. He told me he was very glad I told him about it. I couldn’t have asked for a better response. We have had sex together and so far he has no symptoms. We also went to the doctor separately to have some other STD tests taken. It is everyone’s responsibility to discuss these issues. Having herpes or hpv or syphilis does not change who you are. It can be managed and no matter what, do not think that future relationships will be destroyed. If someone cares about you a lot, they will do what they can to be with you. I have had 2 outbreaks after my initial outbreak since then. I believe I am experiencing my second currently. Its not as severe as the first one. I have valtrex but I am trying to treat this on my own to understand how long a recurring outbreak is and how severe. I am also going to be taking lysine supplementes this week to see if that speeds up the process. I hope my story helps. I’ve come a long way since my initial diagnosis and I know that you will too. I wish you luck and self-love and encourage you to take control over your sex life- no matter how “safe” you believe you are. Good luck and remember, you are neither the first nor the last to be diagnosed with herpes. You will feel better, I promise. πŸ™‚

3 comments

  1. Sierra says:

    Please, pretty please, can you please email me? I am very young, and i have been searching for comfort. I have my mom and counselor, but it is nothing like talking to someone who is dealing with the same thing. It is not like i can get to a support group either. I’m still in high school, im just so young. πŸ™

    Thank you,
    Sierra

  2. Jess says:

    Growing up you could say I lacked a mother figure. My mother left at the age of 13, the time I needed her most. I wish I could say it had no effect on me, but then I’d be lying. After she left I found myself in a relationship with a guy I had went to middle school with. (We were both now entering high school). From the moment we had gotten together I fell in love with the idea of being loved and being wanted. The infatuation led me into experiencing sex for the very first time. One time turned into two, two turned into three, and three turned into 5. I was too in love with the idea of love.I was 14 sleep around like I was 20. I had no care in the world because in the back of my mind ‘it couldn’t happen to me.’ Eventually I found myself in another relationship with a guy I took pretty serious. At this time I was 16 and believed it was time to go visit a doctor to get tested for STDS. Walking into the office and coming back out, I had been diagnosed with Chlamydia. The idea was scary considering this particular infection can cause infertility. I believed this to be my eye opener. After all it could of been worse. I could have gotten something I couldn’t get rid of like Herpes or HIV. After several months I went to the doctor again just to find out I still had Chlamydia and also contracted gonorrhea. I should have stopped and listened again. After all God was trying to speak to me. Up until a few weeks or so ago I had payed a visit to the doctor to do another testing. I came back positive for gonorrhea. The doctor did not test for the herpes or HIV so I asked for the testing. One day while I was at work I received a call from my doctors office. Once I answered the nurse on the other lline wasted no time. “Your test results came back and we found you positive for herpes one and two.” In that moment I lost my train of thought, and I was at lost for words. How could this happen, and how could I let this happen to me. After all it was my fault because I had warnings before. I continued working but in the back of my mind I felt nasty, ashamed, and even ugly. I didn’t know how I was going to find someone to be my partner later in life. But then I remembered Gods grace, and how it could have been worse. At the end of the day I had done it to myself, and this was the repercussions. It’s an idea that takes a while to get used to. it’s all about perception though. There’s always light in a dark situation. This was a real eye opener for me. I have not had any sexual relations in 3 months now. This was the break I needed. For anyone going through what I went through, listen to those signs and stop while you can… Or if it’s already to late.. just remain optimistic. . God is beyond great πŸ™‚

  3. Lexi says:

    The same thing happened to me. I’m also young (I’m still in highschool) and I was diagnosed with genital herpes yesterday. Neither me or my boyfriend have been with anyone else. The only way I can think I contracted the disease is if he had a cold sore and we had oral sex. We’ve never had intercourse, just oral, fingering, etc. and I started to notice and immense amount of itching down there about a week ago. I thought it was just my pubic hair growing back, (usually I shave but I decided not to due to ingrown hairs and razorburn). Then about 3 days ago I noticed a few bumps and discharge. I told my mom and we came up with the conclusion that it was just a yeast infection. I started to notice the bumps got bigger and there was more of them. I called my mom and told her I NEEDED to go to the doctor. When we got there it was sort of the same as your story – I sat in the waiting room for what seemed like forever with these bumps that felt like fire ants and then finally the lady called my name. My mom at the time didn’t know I was somewhat sexually active, so when they asked if I was sexually active I said no because 1. in my mind there was no way it could be herpes and 2. my mom didn’t know. So I followed the golden rule.. deny, deny, deny. The lady had me put on a gown and she proceeded to check me out. “It looks like herpes” she said. And at that moment every moment when my parents were mad or disappointed in me, every time I tried to skip school or do something I wasn’t supposed to didn’t matter because this was like THE WORST thing you could be told in a room with your mother. At that point I asked my mom if I could speak to the doctor in private, and I told her what was going on.

    Even though I was just diagnosed yesterday, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching. This is something I’m going to have to have to live with for the rest of my life, and at 14, I have a long way to go.
    And for the people who make jokes about herpes and other STD’s, it’s just a word until it happens to you.
    It’s just a joke, until it’s your life.

Leave a Reply