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God, what a terrible story, I’m sorry to read it. You can look me up on here and see all of my details, but my husband knew he had herpes for 20 years before ever even meeting me and then claims he forgot he had it. I knew I had an issue and spent years in and out of doctors offices before I finally found sores and received a proper diagnosis and confession from my now ex-husband. He still attributes his behavior to a societal problem (which I agree it is) but people also know that they aren’t supposed to be passing this on to others. If you have a video, and could get some kind of proof that this woman knew she had it, then you might be able to prosecute her. I cannot believe how inhumane someone must be to just keep infecting other people without giving them any warnings and then to send a video, yuck. Again so sorry that this happened, I wish you the best on your journey through this. It’s amazing to me that we could just educate each other and eradicate this in a few generations but instead we spend millions on research, literally infecting other species of animals just to study them. It’s very sad when you think about it.
I’ve noticed my sores heal faster drinking ginger tea. I cut up ginger root and boil it in water and then add lemon and honey so that it is easier to drink. I prefer ginger but you could probably also take it in supplement form.
I was infected by my ex husband who knew he had genital herpes for 30 years. When he was infected, I was only 11 years old. He had over 20 years before meeting me to learn about this infection and unfortunately none of the women before me ever held him accountable for whatever reason (I’ll never know). I think it is important to hold people accountable so that the behavior hopefully stops. If you think that involves telling his family then I think you should. Doing nothing will only allow him to continue to do this to other women. I would tell everyone personally, that is what I did. I told my husband’s mother and any mutual friends. I think part of the reason this virus is so prevalent is due to our inability culturally to talk about it. I will caution you though that telling people was mostly disappointing to me, so don’t expect too much. People are very uncomfortable with this subject and I found that even my closest friends were unable or unwilling to rise to the occasion… even when all I really needed was someone to care, to express concern for my well being etc. and frankly to condemn his actions. Where I live, it is against the law, but I’ve been told it is kind of a tricky thing to prove. This has got to stop! It is so unnecessarily destructive. I’m so sorry that this happened to you and wish that it hadn’t. Hopefully, your outbreaks won’t be recurrent. I am unfortunately in the group where they are and even 2 years into this, I’m still having outbreaks monthly. I can say they aren’t as bad as they were at first. Stress, chocolate and too much sugar are my biggest triggers. Lysine didn’t work for me. But I did notice that drinking ginger tea makes my sores heal faster. I just cut up ginger root and boil it in water and add lemon and honey… the stronger the better.
Take care, Finn
Honestly, I think men (in general) are shit when it comes to herpes. My HUSBAND didn’t tell me. He lived his life for 30 years as though he didn’t have it… who knows how many women he infected before me. Imagine the delusion? The ego? He never even followed up with the woman who gave it to him when he was 21, could have prevented her from further spreading it. People need to hold each other accountable and that is uncomfortable but necessary so don’t apologize. I think of it a lot like other sexual deviations and predatory behavior, if you don’t speak up, you are allowing the behavior to continue and someone else will be next. I’m not sure about all this rhetoric that says it can lay dormant… sure but how many women on this forum showed signs within weeks of exposure… I think that is more likely. The dormant thing smells rotten to me, like some legal shit that is used so people can’t be held accountable. Again, it may be true, but what is the likelihood? The medical industry is also to blame here… acting like this isn’t a big deal, like everyone has it… but it is worse for women as far as I can tell. We have more genital tissue and the virus can ‘attach’ to our periods and surface more frequently. Just look at this forum? Do you think if men were having outbreaks once a month the medical industry would just shrug their shoulders? My husband is a regrettable example here… he even suggested that my angry reaction was unwarranted. That I would come to see things differently eventually. Like it’s my problem cuz I’m just an hysterical woman making more out of something than it is. He told me ‘Life is messy’. You know what’s messy? My fucking crotch now on a regular basis. I’ve mostly learned that… people don’t like to feel uncomfortable and talking about STDs definitely makes them feel uncomfortable.
6 months ago, my husband and partner of 7 years confessed that he had HSV-2 for the last 30 years but only told me after I showed him early stage sores.
I had the added experience of having outbreaks for years prior that all went misdiagnosed as other things because he failed to disclose until there was no way to deny it any longer. I can relate to your decision as I have made the same one. I think you may have dodged a bullet here. To be honest, I wish I could have the second chance that you seem to have been given as far as your negative results. People with knowledge of their infection should not be having sex if they are not honest enough to disclose. It’s cruel, not to mention illegal in some places. I personally don’t buy the idea that there is a fine line on disclosure. A person should have autonomy over their own health and not disclosing robs them of this. It also arrogantly presumes to know what is best for another person.
Hi Rae and Complicated92,
I’m sorry that we are all part of this club now, but thank you Rae for sharing your advice on dealing with this. It is much appreciated.
I guess I think that I was having symptoms all along just not a full-blown outbreak. I had other signs just not any external visible sores (at least that I found). I had the fishy smell… even asked my husband if I smelled different to him. I had awful vulvodynia and since this went on for years, there was a period of time where sex was too painful so we had to abstain. I was worried then about my husbands need for sex over my own pain which sickens me now.
Yes, his revelation was quite shocking, couldn’t have gone worse. I think the shock and betrayal coupled with bad medical advice made my outbreak far worse than if I had been more calm. Stay calm is probably the best advice I have to give right now-which I am trying to follow myself. Grappling with the emotional side of contracting the virus and with the emotions surrounding the betrayal has created an endless loop of outbreaks since the first one although thankfully not as severe. I was always a crier but it seems to be worse now. It is very difficult to move on when you have physical symptoms that pull you back in. Recovery is not a straight line for sure.
*butt bone not pelvic bone