What a wonderful world

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    So can I begin by saying that finding this forum was the best thing I needed today! About 6 years ago I met a man whom I thought was wonderful and the man I would marry. Unfortunately, it turned out he was a very dishonest person who lied about a lot of things in his life, one of them being that he cold sores. In short, I did not know he got them and long story short I contracted HSV-1 both orally and genitally…a lovely double whammy. He thought nothing of it and in enough words told me to get over it. It was an extremely devastating blow and the relationship soon crumbled from there for various other reasons related to his dishonest persona.

    And so for the last several years I have dealt with this. While my outbreaks have lessened I do get them in both areas from time to time when I have lack of sleep or high stress. Oddly enough, one of my biggest stressors is dating since I constantly worry about having to disclose this which then leads to an outbreak and well you get the cycle.

    Generally the feeling of being alone, ashamed and a freak of nature come to mind often. After being with someone for 2.5 yrs who was somewhat understanding of things, I am now back in the dating pool again and terrified. I have actually met someone through mutual friends but I am losing sleep worrying about telling him and have this horrible fear that once I do…it will spread like wild fire through our circle of mutual friends. It is not something I disclose to many…since its only on a need to know basis…but I am struggling with it. I am trying to come to terms with it…but it is still difficult.

    Having found this site was so helpful because it helps to know there is a community out there that gets this. Its scary to read things online and how horribly a stigma has been perpetuated that you are dirty or a horrible person if you have this disease, if you will. I also certainly have those days where I wish i was normal (as though normal is a state of being that can be defined!)

    I am so happy to be here and hope through this I can stop the constant worry and come to accept herpes with love and understanding!

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