waiting on comfirming tests, turning 25 tomorrow, feeling detached from reality

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    kd
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    Little did I know that a quick hookup with a friend would be one of the biggest regrets of my life. I noticed something was wrong with me almost immediately but brushed it off as friction burns and a yeast infection. Over the next week, it got unbearable, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t walk, scared to pee due to the pain and I begged my gyn to see me. Thankfully, I am comfortable with my friend and was able to ask him if everything was okay on his end and it was. But once the doctor saw me, she said she was almost positive it was herpes. I think I left my body, I could barely hold back how destroyed I felt. That was two days ago, and there are times I’m fully convinced this isn’t my life, that it’s all a different reality. I feel filthy and unwanted. I keep looking back at moments in my life I should’ve changed. It makes me hate myself and want to disappear. There used to be some hope that the results would come back negative, but all that hope is gone and I’m completely devastated.

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