Unbelievable physical & emotional pain

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    I was seeing a guy for a couple of weeks. We were out late one night, the weather turned bad and I was about an hour from my home. He insisted I stay at his place. I told him I wasn’t ready for intimacy with him yet but he was not hearing me. Eventually, we had sex. About 4 days later I started to have mild discomfort and redness, by one week I couldn’t sit down or walk comfortably. I went to the PCP because OBGYN is not open Saturdays. He said definitely HSV and put me on meds. I called the guy (who I already decided not tos see again based on bad behavior that night). He immediately got defensive. Started blaming me for infecting him. I told him I was tested negative for HSV 1 & 2 as well as all other STDs 2 weeks prior to meeting him and was with nobody else between testing and him. He then in one of his defensive rants mentions that he has had HSV1 since childhood and he isn’t having an outbreak and therefore not contagious and besides he can’t pass it to my genital area. I explained that I was told otherwise. He went to his doctor to get tested again for everything. His results and mine are both still pending.
    I am so angry with him. He is not stupid. He had to have known he could pass it to me. I own my part for getting into the situation to begin with. I am still upset that he was so wreckless with my health. I have a compromised immune system with 2 autoimmune diseases as it is and now this. I am so sad. I just wanted to forget about him and now he is going to be a memory every time I breakout as well as every time I need to have “the talk” if I even get over this enough to consider datig again. I am 50 yars old, not sure it is worth the humiliation and rejection to consider dating in the future. More anger for feeling ruined and cheated. I am in too much pain to wear pants so I bought a bunch of skirts and have traded my thongs in for cotton briefs which are not very comfortable either. I would rather give birth to a porcupine than have this kind of pain!
    I have burning sensation on my glutes and back of my thighs. I am trying to accept this and breathe and be ok. I am so paranoid that I will pass it to my 14 year old daughter via cups, silverware, towels etc.
    Any precaustionary advice to make sure I do not pass it to her is really appreciated! Any advice suggestions etc. for someone who is just getting a handle on this, the guilt, the dirtiness, the I am ruined feelings, how to get past them?
    Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.


    Hi Jo,
    Thanks for sharing your story
    I’m so sorry you are going through this
    I’m also very new to the forum.
    I started reading Dr Kellys book as soon as I found out and it has been extremely helpful.
    Self compassion my love

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