Trying to deal and stay strong…

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    I had my first outbreak in November 2020 but was told it was shingles. Two weeks ago the “shingles” came back so I went to Urgent Care so I could get the antiviral medication to help treat it. The doctor said he wanted to test it because he had a feeling it wasn’t shingles. I received the positive HSV2 diagnosis the next morning. I was shocked and devastated. I’ve been with the same man (on and off) for the last 8 years and with no one else for the last 14. I’d had other partners prior to him and I understand that this can lay dormant for years but his behavior regarding getting tested is very suspect. A week after I informed him and suggested he get tested he sent me a text saying he had a full STD panel done and all came back negative. I asked if he asked specifically for Herpes and he said “yes.” I assumed he had tested negative for that as well. A day or so later I found out he didn’t take the antibody test for Herpes. He said his doctor said it was unnecessary because it would be inconclusive. After speaking with my doctor I informed him that there is a specific antibody test that will conclusively test for HSV2. He asked me why it was so important that he take the test and I said so that I could exclude him from the possible source of my infection. He said he would take it. A few days later he sent me a text saying he saw his doctor again and was told it was unnecessary and would not be conclusive. He then said it would only show that he may have had it in the past. That ridiculous statement threw me over the edge. I can’t even tell you how upsetting this whole situation has been for me. I understand that it is possible that I may have had this prior to my relationship with him, although my doctor said it is unlikely, but what is most upsetting is his refusal to get tested. It makes me believe that he knows he will test positive and he doesn’t want to take responsibility for me or anyone else he may transmit to. I’m so devastated by this. Needless to say, this relationship is over because even if he had a negative test at this point, his behavior and the emotional upset it has created in my life is an absolute deal breaker. I am very lucky to have a few close women in my life who have had this diagnosis for many years and are available for outreach when I am in those most distressing moments, but it doesn’t take away the reality that my life is changed forever. I know I will be okay and that this too shall pass, but right now I’m still in the grieving of my previous life when this diagnosis didn’t exist. Sending love to you all.


    Hello, just letting you know I read your message and that sounds really upsetting. I’m sorry that happened to you. I was just diagnosed yesterday and I’ve been in a monogamous marriage for 18 years. Never got this until now. It’s so upsetting, and just incredibly physically painful. The guys definitely don’t suffer as we do. Hope you are feeling better as time goes by.

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