June 20, 2019 at 1:16 pm #39228
It’s been 3 days since I was told by a doctor I have herpes, I can’t say I took the news very well (anyone else come from a childhood filled with fear mongering techniques by their religious parents?), I cried a bit in the doctors office, and at home. I somewhat got over myself by the next day, calming down about what it means to have herpes. It was time to focus on immediate symptoms, specifically painful ones, the worst of which being urinating.
Every time I need to go to the bathroom I find myself pacing around the apartment, scared, after the few minutes it takes to even get myself in the bathroom I’m sitting, then standing up, then sitting down again. I grab the small hand towel I set out just for this reason, shove it in my mouth, stare at the wall, begin the pep talk “it’s only for a minute, you’ll feel so much better after you’ve finished. This is the worst the pain will be, ever, it only gets better from here”
I still have a hard time, but the stream comes, I feel it hit every bit of skin, every red, painful lesion stinging as if a jellyfish was trying to fit itself into the vaginal canal I so desperately wanted to not be mine in that moment.
And then I’m done, just like that. 20 minutes to build it up, 2 minutes to be done, I feel pathetic, I know, it’s not, but still..I feel f*cking weak.
thats been the worst part for me, everything else I don’t mind too much, well, besides the fact that I can’t really workout, or dance, and I work as a performer, so my first outbreak is also an impromptu work vacation, apparently.
I have a few friends being supportive of my new diagnosis, I told my sisters but they mostly just brushed over it and started talking about their day. Oddly enough, two weeks prior to my diagnosis I began dating a doctor, not OB/GYN, he’s an anesthesiologist, but still, it’s one of the more interesting coincidences I’ve experienced.
So far it’s been nice seeing the way he stares at my medication going on about dosages and what he’s given the same medication to his patients for, but it also scares me, at time I feel like a frog waiting to be dissected. I should just be appreciative of it.
Last night I went to stay in his apartment (we live in the same building) which was fine, he did some work, we watched a film, then we went to bed, simple, relaxed. Everything was good, it was nice to sleep next to him, but then comes morning, and I’m waking up having to pee.
I felt panic, embarrassment, and anger all at once, and he’s laying with his arms wrapped around me sleeping like a baby, I think that was what really brought on the anger, I was jealous that he was okay, and I wasn’t, and then, laying there an extra 15 minutes with a full bladder, partially because I wanted to feel his arms around me, partially because I was too embarrassed to do anything else, I just kept telling myself “he’s an anesthesiologist, he deals with people in pain constantly, he understands what it means to have herpes” and I still felt like absolute shit, even typing this I’m upset by the situation. I had to lean over to him and as simply put as possible say “I’m going downstairs” and gave him a kiss on the cheek, his grunted response exhibiting his relaxed state, and I walked out of his apartment, then I ran to the elevators, I let it go too long, I was too self conscious.
Now we’re back in my apartment, back to the bathroom, teeth clamped over cloth, white knuckles as I grab onto whatever I can find, screaming into the cloth. I think I let myself scream a little louder this morning, just from the frustration of it all, I couldn’t stand him, or anyone, seeing me like this, I can barely stand seeing myself like this.
but the first outbreak is always the worst, right?June 21, 2019 at 12:04 am #39229
I am going through this exact same thing right now. My breakout started last Thursday and is going strong. I went to the clinic on Friday to get tested but results are not back yet but there is no way mistaking what this is.
I have been reading a lot and can share what I have been doing which seems to help.
Sometimes I soaked in warm water with Epsom salt but not for too long. I pad dry with towel and/or use a hair dryer on low setting.
I have read that the key is to keep it dry – aiming to dry out the open sores once the blisters break. After each pee I use disposable wash cloths to clean and then pad dry
And then. I blot the sores with corn starch and put in cotton underwear. I have found this to be the most soothing and sometimes adds some protection to the areas on my next pee.
I am also taking 4000mg of l/lysine and 1000mg of propolis. All of this is from what I’ve read on the internet as my results aren’t even back yet so I have yet to go and see the doctor again for treatment.
I am 7 days in and have s feeling that I am starting to heal. Pees are still painful but not all of them.
I have also read the 1st is the worst.
So, Galina, you are not alone, I am going through this right along with you girl!
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