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  • #44324
    Lauren
    Participant

    Hey guys,
    A few months ago I found out I had genital HSV1. It absolutely destroyed me and I can’t help but think about it everyday. Some days are better than others but i just can’t get out of my head. Im looking for some advice. One, I’d really like to know how everyone has handled dating. I feel so unlovable and that no one will ever want to be with me again. Two, how often do you guys tell your sexual partners about your diagnosis? I am on daily medication and i know genital hsv 1 had an extremely extremely low transmission rate with condoms, medication, and the vitamins I take to boost my immune system. I am only a college freshman. Will I have to tell every hook up and every future boyfriend I have? Please give me any advice im struggling. Thank you

    #44339
    Sister7277
    Participant

    Hi Lauren, first off you are not alone! I completely relate and have had to work through the same feelings and fears. With GHSV-1 having such a low shedding rate, disclosure is more about trust than it is transmission. No one would want to find out afterwards. If you could see yourself ever having a relationship with the person, I would disclose. There are differing thoughts on having to disclose for casual sex. I have heard some experts say, for HSV1 you really don’t have to if it’s just a one-time hookup and no outbreaks (obviously using condoms, for multiple reasons).

    Something I have found to be true, is that the world is a mirror to your beliefs. If you believe thqt you are unlovable because of this, you will probably attract situations that will reflect your belief. You need to first accept and love yourself, if you want others to accept and love you. Know you’re absolutely worthy of love… this is just a virus, anyone could get it and 2/3 people have HSV of some kind. In a way, this can be a gift, because it will reveal their character quickly, and you will know if THEY are worthy of you, depending on if they can be open and understanding. I have been lucky to disclose to someone who was incredibly understanding and it showed me everything about their character. The right people will stay, and you will have fulfilling relationships and sexual experiences, as so many of us with HSV do!

    Here are some tips for disclosing:

    Say it with your head held high.

    Instead of saying something like, “there’s something I have to tell you, and it’s really awful- It’s embarrassing. I have genital herpes, ugh it’s so bad, I hate it. I understand if you don’t want to see me again.”

    You could say something like, “I’m starting to feel a good connection with you. Because I trust you, I want to share something with you. I have a skin condition caused by the herpes virus. It is something I have under control and the type I have is very unlikely to transmit, but I still take some precautions just in case. I’d like to answer any questions you have about it, if you’re open enough to learn.

    Prepare yourself mentally for any kind of response. Some might stay and ask questions, some might walk. Your concern isn’t whether they are negative or positive, you just want to be honest.

    #44341
    Sister7277
    Participant

    Just a note, I would have that convo in person, once you have a connection with the person and you feel it progressing, but not right before you fool around or have sex.

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