My husband gave me herpes

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  steph197 4 months, 4 weeks ago.

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    I’m almost 46yrs old. I thought I always did the right thing. I can count the number of partners I’ve had on one hand. I asked about their history. I gave a quick inspection, looking for any sores. And I ended up marrying half of them. I’m a nurse, I know what to look for. I met my husband 5yrs ago January 2014. We married in June 2015, his second my third. And last week I was diagnosed with herpes. I knew from the day we met that he got cold sores and even had a scare once but my “it won’t happen to me” mentality won out. Now here I sit. Ashamed. Defeated. Angry. Dirty. Broken. Bitter. Resentful. I’ve read the literature. I know the chances of giving it to my husband. I know I didn’t “do anything wrong”. I know I’m not dirty. I know I’m not “slutty”. But none of that matters. I still feel that way. I cry constantly. I’ve sat and screamed and pounded my fists and begged God to just let me die. I don’t know how to live with this and I cannot imagine my life ever being “normal” again. I can’t blame my husband. I knew. I KNEW. And yet I can’t help but resent the fact that I didn’t do anything worse than him but yet I am the one to be punished. I feel like he’s looked at with sympathy…poor guys wife cheated on him and got caught…while I’m looked at like…slut, that’s what you get for cheating on your husband. I know no one knows but I feel branded and the thought of telling medical professionals has me panicked and ashamed.
    I don’t know what I expect reaching out here but honestly, I don’t know what else to do.

    • This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by  Staci.


    Sometimes it’s hard to think thi was done. I was diagnosed and dumped on Christmas Eve. I had gotten sti/STD checks every year. However even regular checks don’t include HSV testing. Sometimes we can live with it for years and never have a symptom. I know it’s hard right now. However having someone in your corner can help. He’s going through a lot. Especially if he didn’t know and has given it to someone he loves. Maybe finding a meet up group would benefit both of you. I know going to a meeting helped me. Seeing it from both sides. Hope this helped. Stay strong.



    I know your anger, shame, embarrassment, injustice and defeat. I once was right there. I did not live a life of abstinence and stayed std free, but I allowed my thoughts to overcome me for about 6 years of marriage and I stayed stressed to the max, angry at where we live and how we were living in debt that my immune system caved and my husband who had zero idea he had the virus, passed it to me. I freaked! What began to change my mind and my thoughts about this disease was having a phone conversation with Dr. Kelly. She was awesome and I began to see that I was making every outbreak worse by my angry thoughts. I began to change my thoughts about the outbreaks and toward my husband and toward myself, I began to eat according to Dr. Kelly’s book (A GODSEND) and I stay outbreak free 97% of the year with acupuncture and chiropractic care. I do not use medications at all. I’ve forgiven my husband and I’ve forgiven myself. I am not happy I have it, but I stopped hating it and hating my life for having it. MUCH LOVE to you!

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