Just gained my freedom and it feels like I already lost it.

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    Irren
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    I recently got a divorce. Well, actually I’m still legally going through it. I’m not proud, but after being in a very lonely marriage for 8 years, I met a guy and we casually started seeing each other. I didn’t want to sleep around. I was actually really nervous about STIs and thought I played it pretty safe. Well, about a month into us hanging out, we went to some hotsprings and spent the day soaking. We had to hike back a little over a mile or two, and with a wet bathing suit and snow on the ground, you can imagine it was a little uncomfortable around the lady bits. The next day, I was itchy and uncomfortable, and I was certain it was because of the hike. But it just didn’t go away. I noticed some sores coming up in two places, they were small and didn’t seem immediately worrying. Well, until they blistered.

    I’m just really struggling with this feeling like I had finally taken the steps towards living a happier life, even though those steps impacted the lives of others and broke a marriage. I dealt with the shame and embarassment of all that, just to get hit with this. He was the first guy I was with after ending things with my ex husband. A cosmic kick to the gut. Like the world is telling me it’s an ending for an ending. And logically, I know that isn’t true, I know I still have a chance for love and companionship, and that this is a manageable thing. But it really does hit hard.

    For now, I’m managing with medication, and have only had two outbreaks. The first lasted 3 weeks and was so painful, but the second wasn’t as bad. I have hopes that it will get better and am trying to get healthy to help as much as possible.

    Thanks for reading

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