Inner Struggles

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    I am 26 and was diagnosed in August of last year. I had a healthy active life before i found out. Since i got the news my health went completely south, i get break outs twice a month, yeast infections my sex life is touch and go and a potential relationship has gone down the drain.
    i put on a brave face but inside i am dying, i worry i wont find love as family is important to me, i have no kids and i feel depressed. I cry ever so often and i feel so sad inside that i go into a bubble.
    i accept that i need help and that is why i joined i feel like i cant do this alone and as supportive as my family is i know they dont understand. 🙁



    I was recently diagnosed with this backlog in August and everyday is a complete struggle. I slept with someone and contracted this and really can’t live with myself and contemplate ending my life and a daily basis as the systems never seem to go away everyday struggle. I told my fiancé and he completely understands and I do not want to have sex as I do not want him to get this. I could not live with myself if he did. He understands and wants and talks about sex all the time but I struggle with it. He has cancer well it’s in remission now however … I really really need help. Can’t deal with this alone anymore. I try to keep to a heathy diet and tried everything however it’s an everyday battle that keeps winning and I’m not. I exercise and keep healthy but nothing makes it go away. Any suggestions??


    Lilly May

    I just turned 27 and recently contracted the disease in September of 2016. I was very depressed and thought no one could ever love me or I would never have sex again. I told this to the nurse who told me I had herpes. She said, “that’s not true and you will. A lot of people have it, but no one talks about it.” I hear that same phrase from every doctor There was a guy I really liked and was dating on and off for the past year. He didn’t give me the disease but I disclosed to him in November that I contracted the disease. He didn’t see me for over a month. He told me he needed space and was upset that I didn’t tell him sooner. I never had sex with him after I contracted the disease but I continued to hang out with him because being around him made me not think about my disease and he made me happy. He had spent the night a couple times and had kissed me, but I never put him in any risk or even allowed him to touch me anywhere. I wouldn’t do that to him or anyone else because that doesn’t allow trust and its wrong. He was pretty upset that all had happen and I never him sooner. But I didn’t feel comfortable and I wasn’t ready to tell him about something personal. After telling him, I felt like a wall was built in front of me and the depression started to grow strong. All I was thinking was “fuck, how am I ever going to tell anyone. Not even a guy who knew me and knew how good of person I was could even accept it. How would anyone else accept it?” I decided to go to therapy and my therapist suggested to go to a group therapy for depression and anxiety. She told me I didn’t have to disclose my disease to the group, but to go to a few sessions and try it out. So I went consistently every Monday for a month, and now I have two more weeks left.I never once talked about my disease or what happen with the guy I opened up to. I learned in group about how to control your thoughts, negativity, and the tools to use to combat it. The groups wasn’t about being happy 24 hours, but how we think as human beings and how we allow ourselves to bent reality. Everyone there had a personal struggle that made them depressed or anxious. What the group has taught me so far, is to how to find solutions to problems and what is reality and what is not. Reality is, “I have herpes”. What isn’t reality is “I will never be happy and no one will accept it.” I can’t predict the future and it isn’t true. Problems are going to occur even if it has nothing to do with my disease. I’ve had my up’s and down’s since I told that guy. And sometimes I feel like I can’t walk, I can’t be happy, I cry constantly, and everything seems dark and lonely. But these are just thoughts, and I had low esteem before the disease, so I’m combating two problems that I will overcome eventually. I just have to discover what tools I can use to fix myself when I get broken. And I think everyone has the potential to find that tool. You have to love yourself first before you find that supportive and understanding person to love. I’ve been told, people with herpes find love, and have sex again…even though to me it seems impossible… I and everyone else has the potential of loving themselves and attracting the right person. One of my doctor’s once told me “that people have other problems in their lives…if it’s not physically, it’s mentally.” And she was right. After being in group, I’ve learned there are a lot of issues one can have, and sometimes the thing we think is minor, can be a major obstacle in a person’s life. I hope this helps a little.

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