I’m struggling. Heartbroken, depressed

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  • #44720
    J
    Participant

    I’m really struggling today.

    A week ago, the guy who gave me herpes told me he doesn’t want to see me anymore. That the spark is just “not there”. That he can’t get passed the way I handled our situation.

    The situation: him telling me he has herpes AFTER we banged like 5x with and without protection. Then I tested + for HSV1&2 a week later.

    I was angry, hurt, depressed, ashamed. fucking pissed off!

    I drunkenly called him and said horrible things. We ended up forgiving each other but there was still resentment. We took some space and I missed him so much. Meanwhile he wasn’t missing me at all.

    I’m sad that he just gave up. We both had such a strong connection, even saying we loved each other.

    I am so fucking horny. I am an extremely sexual person and I am terrified that I will not be able to express myself how I want to sexually ever again. I love oral. I love dirty rough sex. Who am I going to have sex with now???? I can’t even imagine having “the talk” with anyone. I’m just feeling like my entire sexual self is gone.

    I don’t know what to do.

    #44727
    Rae
    Participant

    First off….you had every right to every emotion you felt.

    Even how you handled it can not be judged. It’s very traumatizing to be told you have herpes.

    I went to my doc and we had wonderful chats. She gave me many treatment options and i told her my biggest fear is passing it to someone. Where i live you can sue someone for giving you this. I never want to experience that!! She started me on daily preventive treatments. I take 2 pills daily and always wear condoms. You can still have a sex life.

    It really feels like a slap in the face to be so openly comfortable with someone you trust and love to having to take meds and wear condoms you can protect others. Yes it’s a little late to be this safe but it is what it is and our sex lives are not over.

    I have shared with someone who was always hitting on me and i knew nothing would ever happen as he was in a different city. I said look i don’t want to lead you on. I know your interested in me but i don’t feel like im worth your efforts. He asked why i told him. Time and time again i let my guard down woth men who i dated and i always have been cheated on and now i have herpes. I take daily meds to not pass it on but im not ready yet for sex. He was like im glad you said someone most people dont. I don’t have it but i have a few friends going through it and i know how hard it is to talk about. He told me he’s glad i went and got checked and take meds as from a man’s point his friends slacked for a long time as they were scared to be told.

    This guy still hearts my stuff but the flirty talk has stopped. Im not hurt i knew it was gonna happen and again he’s way in another for it. But it gave me some positive experiance talking about it. Not everyone will be understanding but our sex lives are not over. My doc said meds and protection and we can get BA k out when we are ready. We are still worth being loved

    #44739
    finn012361
    Participant

    Honestly, I think men (in general) are shit when it comes to herpes. My HUSBAND didn’t tell me. He lived his life for 30 years as though he didn’t have it… who knows how many women he infected before me. Imagine the delusion? The ego? He never even followed up with the woman who gave it to him when he was 21, could have prevented her from further spreading it. People need to hold each other accountable and that is uncomfortable but necessary so don’t apologize. I think of it a lot like other sexual deviations and predatory behavior, if you don’t speak up, you are allowing the behavior to continue and someone else will be next. I’m not sure about all this rhetoric that says it can lay dormant… sure but how many women on this forum showed signs within weeks of exposure… I think that is more likely. The dormant thing smells rotten to me, like some legal shit that is used so people can’t be held accountable. Again, it may be true, but what is the likelihood? The medical industry is also to blame here… acting like this isn’t a big deal, like everyone has it… but it is worse for women as far as I can tell. We have more genital tissue and the virus can ‘attach’ to our periods and surface more frequently. Just look at this forum? Do you think if men were having outbreaks once a month the medical industry would just shrug their shoulders? My husband is a regrettable example here… he even suggested that my angry reaction was unwarranted. That I would come to see things differently eventually. Like it’s my problem cuz I’m just an hysterical woman making more out of something than it is. He told me ‘Life is messy’. You know what’s messy? My fucking crotch now on a regular basis. I’ve mostly learned that… people don’t like to feel uncomfortable and talking about STDs definitely makes them feel uncomfortable.

    #44744
    J
    Participant

    Jeez. I’m so sorry about all of that. Your feelings and emotions are 100% VALID. 3O YEARS?! are you kidding me?! NOT OKAY. at all. Thanks for sharing, I wonder if you guys worked through this..

    And f*ck the guy who did this to me.

    and then left me. and is probably doing this to many other women.

    Fuck him.

    #44745
    jj
    Participant
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