I’m definitely in the stages of grief (NEW)

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  • This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by Layla.
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  • #43905
    veekli
    Participant

    My boyfriend of just over a year has had a fungal infection on his finger for a few years. He has a cream to treat it and it usually goes away after a few days. Last February he noticed -what he thought was- the same fungus around his penis, called his doctor, and was told it was the same thing. A while later I noticed some sores on my genitals and my boyfriend and I concluded it was probably also his fungal infection. I should have seen my doctor but I trusted my boyfriend’s judgement and was embarrassed.

    Fast forward a few months, I kept getting these sores whenever I was run down or stressed, and I grew suspicious. I started taking pictures of the sores, googling left and right and came to the conclusion that it was very probable that I had herpes. I told my boyfriend, and he brushed it off initially, telling me I was probably overthinking but he would go see his doctor. He got blood tests done and lo and behold- it’s herpes (hsv-2).

    He told me last night and I can’t say it felt good to be right. I have an appointment booked with my doctor but I am 100% certain I also have hsv-2. I’m 19. I feel dirty and humiliated. This is something I can live with but the thought of how family, friends, and possible future sexual partners will look at me plagues my thoughts. And to be completely honest, (I take birth control) I don’t want to use a condom or god forbid a dental dam. The idea of some guy going down on me while I have a dental dam covering me feels absolutely bone crushingly humiliating. I know the right people won’t care, but the thought of having to tell every future sexual partner I have that I have herpes, as well as the risk of possibly giving my child herpes one day? It feels so overwhelming. I feel as if something has been taken from me and I’m not ready to lose it.

    I’m grateful I’m not alone and I have my boyfriend, and regardless of our stellar communication I don’t think it’s a great idea to talk to him about my fear of disclosing my herpes to potential future partners. I’ve talked to once close friend and she’s been incredible and supportive, but I’m still struggling to cope.

    I know I will cope and I will be okay but to be honest, the present moment just feels like shit.

    #43965
    Bailey123
    Participant

    I can relate to you in the sense that it really feels like shit and does feel like your life has been taken away from you to a certain extent. I just try to remind myself that it does not change who I am as a person, I’m the same person and hopefully others see that as well. Just know you are not alone ❤️

    #44220
    Layla
    Participant

    I feel the same way. I don’t want to use a dental dam it’s all so embarrassing and messed up. I feel so hopeless for the future but we will figure it out. It’s going to be okay. 💕

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