I don’t know what to do

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  • #44364
    Victoria
    Participant

    I went to the doctor 2 days ago and he said I have herpes, I am still waiting on my test results to confirm. All my symptoms match up to what I have read online. I just feel in my soul that i have it. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1 year, he is the only guy I have been with sexually. I waited a long time to lose my virginity because I wanted it to be with the right person, and I wanted to be in love (I’m 26).

    He has been with 3 other girls, never had symptoms and he says if his ex’s (or their new partners) had symptoms he would know because they would tell him. So he is so positive he doesn’t have it. I’ve never cheated on him, and I never want to do something like that. He doesn’t believe me, he suspects I’ve cheated and is in denial that I have herpes. Every time i bring up a symptom he thinks its something else. I know I have herpes, and i read 80% people with herpes don’t have symptoms.He must be one of them, because he is the only person I could have gotten it from.

    I don’t know what to do, I never cheated and he’s going to say I have and gave it to him once he finds out he is positive. There is no way I can prove I have been faithful. I feel horrible about myself and have no idea how to tell him once I get my test results back. I’m scared of being alone for the rest of my life, all I ever wanted was to have a family one day.

    #44365
    centennialgirl
    Participant

    I am sorry for your diagnosis and how you wanted to wait for the the right person but his reaction and how he is treating you is not right. If he does test positive, he needs to at least reach out to the girl he was with before you and have her go get tested. If she comes back as positive, then he will know one of them had it. Personally if he is going accuse you of cheating then he doesn’t seem to be the right person. I am sorry you are going through this. Hang in there.

    #44370
    Victoria
    Participant

    I show him the articles and everything and he says the same thing, someone in his past would have said something. It makes me feel so isolated, he is super stubborn so i don’t even think he will get tested or tell the other girls.

    #44379
    KP
    Participant

    Hey girly,

    I’m so sorry for your situation! This was a little similar to my diagnosis three years ago–the guy I got it from was in total denial. Once I got officially diagnosed, he even tried to twist it around that I had given it to HIM!

    The sad truth is that most people think all STIs have very obvious symptoms, when in reality, many don’t, and herpes can be especially tricky when it’s asymptomatic. This was my thinking too before I got diagnosed: surely guys would know if they had an infection, or I would be able to tell. I was obviously wrong lol, and the guy I got it from didn’t even have an outbreak at the time we hooked up. So someone saying they don’t have any STIs, even if they truly believe that, is not a guarantee.

    I agree with what others have responded–your bf’s reaction is immature and disrespectful towards you. Especially if he is more concerned about defending himself than supporting you through a difficult time. I was single for a long time after I finally left the guy who gave it to me, but now I’ve been in a relationship for two years with a much better guy; the herpes didn’t scare him off one bit. Hang in there!

    #44383
    twfraggle
    Participant

    Hey!

    I just found out as well. A lot of information to process just for us, but it’s hard to add another person in this whole confusing situation. My guy has been supportive thankfully and he’s going to get tested. Is your guy willing to even take a test just to be 100% sure he is healthy? That would be purely for him to have peace of mind. Not sure why he wouldn’t want to do that. Even if he thought everyone he’s been with was fine.

    As for the cheating aspect, sadly do you think his insistence is possibly a cover for his own indiscretion? Being with someone that doesn’t trust you and can’t support you is not healthy. Doesn’t sound like he a very stand-up guy to be with if he doubts you this much when you’re being honest about a terrifying situation.

    #44399
    Victoria
    Participant

    Hi ladies,

    Thank you so much for the support, I’m glad i don’t feel so alone in this. If he isn’t going to be there for me, I’m glad I have you all to turn to. It truly makes me feel better. So thank you.

    Update: He got tested and he has HSV 1 orally. But I got it genitally (apparently thats a super common way to get HSV 1), he has been avoiding me and I havent seen him in weeks. I know he doesnt want to be infected by what he gave me genitally. He had cold sores as a kid and didn’t know he could give me herpes without symptoms through oral sex.

    I’m starting to think I’ll be better off alone than with him (not like he wants anything to do with me now anyways). How did you all manage to tell new partners about your diagnosis, the idea of telling someone and getting rejected is terrifying.

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