March 4, 2019 at 2:30 am #31505
I’m a single mother two time divorcee, five years single but still had a few partners in my single years (all men). My last partner (a man) was more than 8 months ago. I hadn’t had insurance for 5 years – due to it not being offered in any of my full time jobs, but this time, I was able to receive health insurance. I decided to go for a check up and get tested. I requested for the complete run down. Herpes included. Fast forward a week later and my doctor called me in for a “consultation”. I immediately thought my HPV had come back and I needed to get my pre-cancer cells zapped out again. But the news was far worse than that. Turns out I was right about having HPV again, this time not cancerous, but I was also diagnosed with HSV-2. I was DEVASTATED. I hadn’t experienced any major outbreaks, but I sort of had a gut feeling based on having a small blister on my genitals. I didn’t want to think about it, so I quickly wrote the thought off. After all, I was told in the past, the effects of Herpes 2 comes rather quickly. Boy, was I wrong. Anyway, I treated it, but then another appeared and I treated that as well.
I asked my doctor if the blister was caused by Herpes 2, he said no. In fact, any question I had about this virus, he quickly brushed me off and told me to live life “as I have” before quickly ushering me out of the door. I was angry, I was sad, I was confused. I hadn’t had sex in over 8 months and it was someone I’d known and had been dating for over three years. I’d finally dumped him and this was his parting gift? I was so numb I couldn’t even cry. I was a ball of mixed emotions.
I have a huge crush on a woman at my job and she feels the same for me. The moment I saw her, I zinged. Long story short about us, I’m open about my sexuality and she isn’t, so there have been several talks about risking it all for love. I was more than willing to wait for her to open up, I was following my heart and allowing my true feelings to take over. She changed a lot of things for me and I for her. But… My immediate thought process once the diagnosis had sunk in was, “welp it’s over.” “Any future with her is done. All bets are off. I’m not worth the risk of her coming out, let alone being with. I’m damaged goods. She’ll never understand or accept this.” And that’s when I cried. Since then, I have avoided her. We still keep in touch but there’s zero flirtation and talks about going out on a date. I don’t entertain her statements about being in a relationship with a woman. Things are just not the same. I don’t feel the need to disclose my status to her as we are nothing more than work buddies and to be honest I would really like to be private with my journey.
But I am still so confused about dating someone of the same sex when I actually do find that person. I’ve done so much research since finding out about my status, and I couldn’t find much information about the likelihood of passing it on to a woman. I’m still trying to cope with having the virus. And now I have to be extra careful because of my HPV. I did learn that stress causes outbreaks and I noticed that every time I think about having it, I can feel my skin flaring up and my buttocks itching. I’m happy about being in the know about my status, as I also learned that doctors don’t normally check for it unless it’s requested, I learned that more people have it then we care to think about. And more than likely still won’t get tested. I’m slowly building my confidence back up and working up the nerve to share it on my diary blog. I’m taking it one day at a time. But I’m here to give and receive support. There are days I feel fine and there are days I feel defeated. I keep a smile on my face either way, but the thought is still buried in the back of my mind, quickly surfacing to the front. I’m now in no rush to date, again, but any information on transmitting the disease to a woman would be helpful. Thanks so much for reading my entry, and an even bigger thank you for allowing me to read your personal stories.March 17, 2019 at 1:16 pm #33309
My original post is My Truth My Diagnosis
I can relate to having a flirtatious relationship with a co-worker and being uncertain about dating or moving forward. It is indeed terrifying. I have practiced how I would disclose the information over and over. Some days I feel confident and optimistic and others I feel totally defeated and unworthy. For now I have decided to cultivate the friendship and nothing more.
My diagnosis came a few years ago and I have been abstinent since. I have been on antivirals for the last 2 years or so. Stress does activate the virus and I too feel the tingle in my lower back and buttocks.
Recently I purchased Dr. Kelly’s book Live Love and Thrive. It is encouraging and filled with information. I have purchased a few of the supplements to try. I decided to stop with the antivirals and try supplements along with removing triggering foods from my diet. This week was stressful at work and I ended up with two blisters at the same time and this has NEVER happened before. I was terrified that the virus was spreading. On page 26 It talks about A Healing Crisis which is what I believe I am experiencing. I am back on my antivirals but am continuing to take the supplements as well. It is my hope that I can become symptom free.
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