How do you tell someone they’ve infected you?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Lisa 2 weeks ago.

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  • #39337

    Kat
    Participant

    I’ve been dating an old friend I grew up with. It’s been amazing. He’s kind, responsible, funny and dependable. I honestly gave up on the idea of finding a relationship like this years ago. I’d taken a break from sex after my last long term relationship and finally spent the night last weekend. He made dinner and drinks, we made it through 5 minutes of a movie and then spent the rest of the stay in his bedroom. Four days later I went in to my doctor’s office to have her look at a nasty reaction to Monistat only to have her diagnose me with HSV-2.
    I’ve always been a bit paranoid about STDs. I used condoms and wouldn’t consider sex without them until my partner was fully tested (too many people have told me that they hate condoms so it felt warranted) I stayed on top of all my annual visits and got tested regularly. None of it mattered. I still ended up here: lying at the edge of my bed with legs in the air trying to dry oozing sores that made it impossible to leave my house for the past week.
    How am I supposed to breach this conversation with the guy I’ve been seeing? “Hey, I seriously doubt you know you have an STD but you just gave me herpes but it’s cool because basically everyone has it and you probably don’t have symptoms and I know you think you got tested but they don’t actually test for that and oh yeah, if this is something that was somehow dormant in my system you’ve been exposed and may need to prepare yourself for a viral horror show to absolutely destroy your penis.” I have no idea how to do this.

    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 3 days ago by  Kat.
    #39339

    Lisa
    Participant

    You do a marvelous job of saying how much you like him. Repeat that then share the diagnosis that may have been dormant from your past or he may be an asymptomatic carrier who unknowingly infected you. Simple, kind, honest, and empathic to both your predicaments.

    #39344

    Kat
    Participant

    Thank you, Lisa. I almost left without telling him and turned the car around after making it a couple blocks down the road. It turns out he’s been positive for the last 6 years. He hasn’t had an outbreak in 4 and thought that the virus had been dormant for so long that condoms would protect from any potential shedding. I think I probably would have done the same thing if I was in his position. This whole experience goes to show why you have to disclose even if you’ve stopped having outbreaks.

    #39346

    Lisa
    Participant

    Sounds like you handled it really well. This us hard stuff.

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