Feeling lonely

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  • #43102
    Sim
    Participant

    It was almost half a year ago that I was diagnosed with hsv. On that day, I decided the universe had given me a sign that I can no longer try to find whatever it was I was looking for in men & relationships. I decided also that day, that my life would be a secret & I would keep to myself from that point on. Now, I have told my sister & my best friend. Those two people have been nothing but supportive, but I can’t help but feel alone in this. It’s hard for someone free of hsv to understand how unloveable it makes you feel. Here is what happened: I had spent my earlier 20s & late teens being somewhat promiscuous & had unprotected sex with men I had no business trusting many times. Before the time I turned 24 (now), I stopped living that lifestyle. I had been through a somewhat recent break up that caused me a lot of pain & I moved somewhere where I didn’t know anyone to start new adventures. My loneliness got the best of me & I ended up meeting with a man on tinder. The first time we had sex, I insisted on a condom & we had a conversation about both being clean from sexually transmitted diseases. Eventually, after being intimate a few times, the use of condoms stopped. One day, I had a horrible pain down there & that was when I found out the news that altered my life as I knew it. I spent a lot of time mad because this happened when I finally started being safe & responsible (or so I thought). The man who gave this to me still denies to this day that he has it, which bothers me deeply as other girls will likely go through the same thing. Time has passed & I have come more to terms with it, but the loneliness & thé feeling of being unloveable remains strong. I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to be with me… I would have done the same before I was diagnosed. I know I need to love myself before I can love anyone else but this is just the icing on the cake to bring me down to a place where I can’t rise up from. I need to know that this won’t control me forever.

    #43103
    Birdy
    Participant

    Hi there, I feel our stories are very similar and I’m still feeling it. I am also 24 and still struggling to cope with it all. If you would like to chat personally I would love to give you my email, it would be nice to speak to someone the same age and with the same situation x

    #43104
    Louise
    Participant

    Hi 😊 I am just waiting for my diagnosis to come through but it is looking very much like herpes. I can’t lie ive spent the weekend in tears. I feel a huge weight at the thought of lying to friends and family for the rest of my life about why I can’t have “blow outs” or why I’m ill.

    I have spent a lot of time drinking for the last few years that has lead to some bad decisions. I’ve booked myself in with a life coach and that is helping me build a better future for myself and reach goals. This has made me realise there is no white Knight and I need to make the future better for myself. Try and think of some experiences and goals that you would really like to achieve

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