Feeling Ashamed

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    Hi I’m new and have had herpes for about
    6 years and still struggle knowing I have this
    I feel ashamed to talk to anyone and bottle
    my feelings up I had many bad outbreaks
    and used antivirals for about a year the doctor
    I saw said it must be from my partner I am with
    as I got tested a few years before and it was
    negative so I’ve kinda blamed him he wasn’t
    Phased by it Intimacy stopped as after a few
    days I would have any outbreak even underwear
    rubbing produced sores I feel like if i ever got with someone else as my relationship now is
    friends only that I would be rejected
    Once they found out and tell others
    about me.


    Well I poured My heart out on here thinking
    I may get some support but 3 weeks in and not
    One reply so may as well not have bothered


    Just joined today, I’d been seeing this guy for going on 10 months he seemed so open and honest we were making plans for future, moving in, kids etc then I find out he has a girlfriend and I was technically his other woman, stopped seeing him got tested right away all negative no symptoms, started seeing someone else few months later and one night after 1 to many drinks we slept together and he said the condom slipped off because it was too big? Then ghosted me. Went back got tested again all negative by this time I stupidly got back with my ex who had cheated on me, had my first outbreak about 6wks later he denied having anything but wouldn’t get tested, I got tested and told everything was clear but I had thrush which they gave me a pessary for. Fast forward to January 2020 I’m diagnosed with HPV and pre cancerous cells are removed, got the all clear 6 months later and haven’t been sexualy active since. Mid June had pain and stinging but no sign of blisters, Dr diagnosed me with genital herpes few weeks ago and said it’s in my fingers as well. I’ve no idea which 1 of them gave it to me, why it’s taken so long to have an outbreak or why I’ve had 3 negative tests but I feel disgusting really struggling mentally and feel like my dating life is over. I’ve finally met the most lovely guy and he’s asked me out and I’ve totally pushed him away I’m so ashamed to tell him but I don’t want to start anything with him and risk inflecting him too

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