Disclosing herpes status after sex

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Dr. Kelly 1 day, 7 hours ago.

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  • #39308

    kimberlystheb94
    Participant

    this guy that i am dating , i didnt tell him that i have herpes until after we had sex multiple times. i was scared of getting rejected. scared to tell him and face the fact he wouldnt wanna be with me if he knew i had it. i convinced myself that as long as im not having an outbreak that i cant pass it on to him when that isnt true. i put him at risk of getting it. and i dont know if he will ever be able to forgive me for not telling him sooner , before we had sex. it had only been about a month when i decided i had to tell him. i didnt wanna get deeper involved with him without disclosing that i had it. he deserved to know. i just wish i told him sooner.

    #39310

    Dr. Kelly
    Keymaster

    Kimberly,

    I am so proud of you for finally telling him that you have herpes. I know it can be such a scary, vulnerable thing to do!

    You are not alone in this! There are many women who find themselves in this position of being intimate with someone before disclosing.

    Unfortunately, many doctors even tell their patients that they don’t have to tell partners since it is so common. I definitely don’t agree with this. I believe that our partners deserve to know.

    How did he respond?
    I encourage you to recommit to telling the truth to your partner regardless of what can be uncomfortable. This will allow you to start to repair the trust that may have been lost.

    Let us know how it goes.

    Live. Love. Thrive.
    Dr. Kelly

    #39312

    kimberlystheb94
    Participant

    Thank you, it was really hard to tell him but i know that i had to be honest and let him know. and he was upset that i didn’t tell him before we had sex. he told me that he needs some space for the time being. its been a few days since i told him on Thursday. I’m gonna try to reach out to him and see how he is doing.

    #39324

    Dr. Kelly
    Keymaster

    Kimberly,
    Having someone need distance after this is a common response.
    Do you know some of the facts about transmission to help him through this?
    If not, be sure to download our free “The Facts” download from our website by going to resources>the Facts

    Keep us posted.

    Live. Love. Thrive.
    Dr. Kelly

    #39325

    kimberlystheb94
    Participant

    Yes i know, right now i just need to give him his space so he can process all of this. im just glad he knows now and can get tested. and thankyou ill check that out.

    #39328

    kimberlystheb94
    Participant

    How do i get him to forgive me for not telling him sooner and start to rebuild trust between us?

    #39392

    ssshanga
    Participant
    This reply has been marked as private.
    #39393

    Dr. Kelly
    Keymaster

    Unfortunately, one can never make a partner forgive. The best thing you can do is have your actions align with your words. Recommit to being your word and honoring your truth. Sometimes the trust can never be repaired and other times it can. Practice forgiving yourself and make a new commitment to speaking your truth even in the face of FEAR. This is one of the tenants of really being a
    Pink Tent Goddess
    Best,
    Dr. Kelly

    #39394

    ssshanga
    Participant

    Thanks for the response I will honor my words going forward

    #39395

    Dr. Kelly
    Keymaster

    Fantastic!!!!

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