Did I mess up my first talk?

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  • #19578
    MargaLorne
    Participant

    So, I told a guy I just started seeing about my genital herpes. I have known about the condition for about a month now, so this is a huge step for me! I had rehearsed this over and over and over again. I planned to do it confidently, yet not make the condition worse than it really is. I have spent endless hours online trying to figure out the best way to tell him. I know I am doing the right thing and protecting him, but this is all so new and scary.
    ….guess what!!, I totally messed it up! I stuttered and muttered my way through what must have been the most confusing explanation of my situation. I am pretty sure I overwhelmed him with information because I was so nervous. I know that the way you deliver the talk is most likely the way they will receive it. He initially responded well by saying, “that must have been so hard for you and difficult for you to tell me”.
    That’s all he said! I am really worried that I have totally screwed this one up! At the moment, I haven’t heard from him since. If he does say no, I think I will just be disappointed that he doesn’t feel the same way about me that I do about him. If our roles were reversed, I am almost certain I would take the risk. It’s so cruel how you can have your approach of telling your partner all set out in your head, but for some reason when it comes down to it, it is just so much more difficult than I thought. I know myself to be a confident, eloquent and rational person deep down (at least I used to be).
    Then again, maybe it was my hopeless and over-emotive speech that put him off. Urgh, this waiting is just so painful! Rant over.

    #19579
    Oaymo
    Participant

    I’m sorry that you are going through what I have also just gone through this last week. I’ve yelled, cried and sobbed so much over the last few days, my eyes are puffy and my voice is quivery. So, I won’t bore you with my details. But, whatever happens, just know that you did the right thing in telling him. I stuffed up my talk too and that might have had an effect on my bf’s (now ex) decision. The truth is that you have no idea what he is thinking, and yes, I agree that the waiting is agonizing.
    What helped me through the dreaded wait, was to read Dr. Kelly’s new book and to try to keep busy. Try to stop yourself from contacting him, (I know how tempting it is to want to) until he is ready to contact you. If you don’t hear from him, then at least you will find out now whether than later. You wouldn’t want a man that can’t support you when times are rough. The right man will want to be with you and herpes will be no big deal. Stay strong

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