Diagnosed 3 weeks ago in need of support

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  • #40081
    Jay
    Participant

    Hello, I just turned 30 and I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago and my life has changed. I told my partner and he is waiting for his results. I don’t know where our relationship is going to go because he blames me and tells me I ruined his life and then all of a sudden he will apologize for “ruining my life”. Either way our relationship is no longer the same. I am afraid to be single because I don’t know what it will be like to start dating. Honestly, I don’t think I can date as I feel dirty and ashamed. I can’t tell anyone about this as my family and friends will judge me. I just feel so alone and really need and friend to share this experience and process with. Thank you.

    #40104
    blue9423
    Participant

    Jay,

    I think initial outrage is normal? Especially with this super negative stigma HSV has behind it. When you get down to it, it is a skin condition. Research and statistics show that MANY people carry HSV. 1 in 4 women I believe? And 1 in 5 people in the world? And that’s only folks who have been tested and/or shown symptoms. If its that common, I’m sure EVERYONE has it and might not even know.

    That being said, there’s no way to really know who in your relationship first got it and passed it to the other. Yes, this is a test on your relationship, but I don’t believe it should be an end to it. I know preparing for the worst, being single, is what we do, right? Because its easy. What’s harder is working through it. Being with someone-even when its hard. And if being in a relationship means only being with a person when things are great, then I don’t think I’d want to be in one. And I’d like to know someone I am committed to will be there for me when its hard.

    Now, what I said up there ^ definitely does not apply to toxic abusive relationships. If there was never trust from the beginning..then now it might be even harder to lay that foundation down if both of you are not open.

    I’m having my own struggles with the thought of dating too. But you know what? This doesn’t have to be about dating. Maybe having HSV can finally help me with my relationship to MYself. Get to know myself again. Spend some time with myself again and do the things I never had time to do or just always put off when I was in a relationship? And getting this IS NOT YOUR FAULT. How can you prevent something that gets passed by skin-to-skin contact? The stigma behind it sucks.

    I hope being here in this forum has helped you a bit because I think it really helped me. Knowing we’re not alone feels great. Hang in there <3

    #40111
    Jay
    Participant

    Thank you so much for those words. I really needed to hear that. And I was thinking the same thing. I think it is time I just focus on myself and just not date anyone. I know it’s going to hurt to end my relationship, but in the end I think I’ll come out a better person.

    This forum does help as I get to share this experience with other woman with HSV and we can support each other. I am hopeful that this isn’t going to “ruin my life”. This forum is showing me that woman with HSV still get married and have children. That is what makes me very hopeful that I can have the same.

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