Depression due to Herpes

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  • #44820
    aliceoharawild
    Participant

    I was diagnosed 10 months ago and everything just came crashing down. The guy I was with doesn’t talk to me anymore so I haven’t had anyone to share my sufferings with. I want to be able to meet new people, but I don’t know how they would react to it. Do you get to know them before telling them? or is it something you would bring up on the first date. I would never get physical without letting them know. But I am so scared of rejection or being treated like I am unworthy. Will my life ever be normal again?

    #44821
    Kee
    Participant

    Hi Alice

    Hope you are doing well. Don’t let this get you down. I know it can suck sometimes but definitely gets easier to cope with.

    Honestly I probably wouldn’t disclose on the first date. It’s a very good idea to get to know the person well and when the time is right, have a conversation. Personally I wouldn’t tell anyone unless I have a feeling that we will take it to an intimacy level and it gives them time to know you for you.

    Granted I haven’t disclosed in years due to being married but those disclosures were well received. I’m in the situation and have to go through the disclosure phase again so I know how you feel. I have a couple not male friends that I’m getting to know but I’m not to the point where I’m ready to share with them. I’m still trying to get a feel for them but not putting too much of myself out there to seem like I’m leading them on.

    Hang in there. Yes your life will be normal and don’t let the fear hold you back. Most importantly do not let anyone make you feel less then. I’m sure you are a wonderful person. There are also dating sites out there with positive people. If you’re comfortable with online dating maybe you can check them out. I quickly learned it’s not for me at the moment.

    • This reply was modified 11 months ago by Kee.
    #44823
    Kee
    Participant

    *couple of male friends

    #44833
    anh31528
    Participant

    I agree with Kee. I would not disclose until knowing the person awhile. Also giving them a chance to get to know you. That way they can see how wonderful you are and hopefully not just see you as someone with hsv. I also think the online dating sounds like a good idea. Even if nothing comes from those dates at least it will help build up your confidence. Keep your head up girl. You got this

    #44847
    Brooke
    Participant

    Hey matey, I’m 5 months positive now and I can completely understand how you feel. My partner couldn’t get over my diagnosis and has left me to suffer with it alone too, and it feels so overwhelming the thought of potentially being rejected for it over and over. I don’t exactly know what the best thing to say is right now to help you, but for me I’m starting with trying to recognise and love all the things I know are awesome about me. Because those are the things that are actually important about me. And you too. And there are people out there who deserve to get to love those bits about us, and who wont be scared off by us being honest about a stupid skin condition.

    I gotta believe thats true, and if I keep telling myself this over and over, I’ll eventually truly feel it.

    #44989
    Skittles123
    Participant

    Hey girly,

    I am in a similar situation and selfishly find your story comforting to know I’m not the only one out there. Having herpes has definitely changed my life and has put me into a depression in the past but trying to look on the bright side with success stories has slightly helped. I was diagnosed in 2020 while in the beginning stages of a relationship who then became a long term boyfriend. We both had outbreaks to later find out it was HSV2. We will never know who gave it to who or where it really came from but I guess it doesn’t matter at this point. He was not the most emotionally intelligent and both having it lead me to not have to deal with it then and burry my emotions which I am now dealing with two years later.

    We broke up a few months ago for other reasons and I am now recently learning how to navigate dating with our condition. I am still confused on how to ever approach the situation and have been advised by doctors that if you are on medication there is barely any chance of passing it on and you can be intimate without disclosing. But the thought of giving it to someone else without telling them makes me feel terrible and I don’t know if I could go through with that.

    I have a friend with HSV2 who was intimate with someone she was dating (while on medication for it) and then told him a couple months after. He was so supportive and comforting and they have been dating for 3 years now.

    I have another girlfriend who has it, she was dating a guy and held off for months to become intimate and then when she decided she was ready she told him and got a positive, supportive response. They just got married last week! It really is a case by case kind of situation.

    I think if you meet someone where you have a connection, try to hold off the intimacy. This is maybe one of the only positives to our situation, it has lead us really evaluate on who you choose to be intimate with. If you can see someone has good intentions and really likes you for you then its time to have the conversation, and if they react negatively then it wasn’t meant to be and I’m sure other issues of them being a shitty, judgemental person would of come up further down the line. I am definitely not a prude and have had a few one night stands but since my diagnosis I have realized sex is kind of a big deal and can’t be having it with just anybody.

    Herpes is really just a stupid skin condition like Brooke said. But trust me, it gets better and easier to deal with. Hearing success stories from girls I know has really helped and also helped me normalize it. I am more recently dealing with it and know how dark and lonely it can get. Just know you’re not alone and the right person is out there for you <3

    #44990
    Hearts123
    Participant

    Similar to Brooke my partner couldn’t get over the diagnosis either and broke up with me…over text after waiting a week. He said he needed the weekend “to mull it over” but that turned into 5 horrible anxiety induced days. I keep replaying over and over again me telling him, me sobbing in the corner of my bed. Before I told him the exact disease he said “I won’t leave you I’m still here”. Once I told him he got very antsy and I could tell he wanted to leave. So I said you can leave to think it over. Watching him walk out of that door while I’m sobbing was one of the hardest experiences of my life. Especially not hearing from him for 5 days.

    I ultimately had to text him to ask what was going on in his head, he said we could talk in person and then he never responded. I got fed up because I knew he wanted to end things so I said if you want to break up with me go ahead just stop dragging things on. And he did. Although this was over a month ago it still hurts. I recently reached out via Instagram (I know dumb) just to see if he would reply. And of course nothing which brought back the initial sting. I saw one of his friends in person and we were in close proximity and he didn’t even speak to me. His girlfriend did, while he averted eye contact. I’m paranoid his friends know, and they’ve told people and I’m just an anxious mess.

    I’ve been super depressed because of this and feeling like my life is over. I know it’s not but because of how traumatizing this situation was I don’t want to tell anyone ever again. Which I know I will have to. Not necessarily looking for advice just thought I should share my experience because it’s so common.

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