Confused and Shocked! Need support

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  • #39870
    jensjourney17
    Participant

    I never imagined I would be posting on a forum for herpes. My backstory begins over 25 years ago where I was married to my high school sweetheart for 21 years. He cheated and left me for a younger women and shortly thereafter I had an STD panel done. Everything was clear and I was okay. Flash forward a few years where Inmet my current Fiancé whom I have been engaged to for a year and with for over 2 years. We have been planning our wedding for February and are even in the process of building a home. But this weekend he dropped a bomb- he told me his exe wife gave him herpes and he’s hid the virus from me for the duration of our relationship. Omg. My world stopped. I am now trying to sort through all these thoughts and feelings and figure out what’s best for my life. I will say in the 2 years we’ve been together, I have never noticed any issues or felt anything to confirm I have contracted the virus. But to be safe, I have an appointment with my doctor this afternoon and I’m anxious to see what he says. I am so torn as to how I should proceed. If I have the virus I will manage it but I am hurt and angry at how my fiancé has hid this for so long. He’s owned it all and has apologized time and time again. He has allowed me to beat him up verbally about it and has been patient and understanding with my questions and concerns. I am distancing myself right now as I figure out what I need to do but I have no idea how to move forward. Whether we stay together or not, I have invested so much into the relationship and love him with all my heart. I already had trust issues due to my past marriage so by him doing this to me, has created a slight rift. I just am beside myself. Please please please help me. I love him so much and i want a life with him and I feel he is genuinely remorseful and just felt embarrassed over this. I just don’t know what to do. Ladies? Looking for support and understanding. Is it possible to even continue in this relationship or are we doomed? Then i need to decide if I don’t have it if i want to continue to risk myself. Help please.

    #39940
    madelinemay25
    Participant

    If you end up not having a herpes diagnosis then I think everyone on this support group would tell you love is not worth the struggles of having to move beyond what we are challenged with. You can love a person and decide that intimacy is not the answer. Some men will know they have it and give it to us just to keep us bound to them by creating this idea that we will stay because we will feel like I can’t be with anyone else…I refuse to let that be my decision and you need to stop beating your self up about it and accept people make choices that we trusted and they take our health into a night of passion and throw it out the window. Stand up for your life and get into something healthy for peace of mind and good health outcomes.

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