Back in the dating game

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    Hi All–

    I am new to this forum, so I will start with a little intro.I am a 51-yr-old divorced mom (2 in college, one in high school) and have been on the dating scene since 2013. I jumped in with online dating, as meeting men here in LA can be quite a challenge when you’re over 40. In late 2014, I was in a 6-month relationship with a man, but right around the time I decided to part ways, I had my first outbreak. I tested positive for gHSV1, figuring I likely got it from oral sex. At that time, there was not a lot of research about the rise in gHSV1 cases due to oral sex, but now I see a lot written about it.

    After that one outbreak in 2014, I dated a few more men here and there, but those next couple years were really busy both professionally and personally, so my dating was sporadic. I finally burned out altogether from online dating, as I encountered a couple weirdos and catfishers which sapped my motivation.

    Last year, I had a brief relationship with a man I met through a friend. I had not had another outbreak since 2014, but a few weeks into having sex with this man (using condoms), I had my second outbreak.We didn’t have sex again after I had that outbreak, as I didn’t see the relationship going anywhere and broke things off. I got a supply of Valtrex and have it on hand now for if I need it or start another relationship.

    I did not tell the man I dated last year about my diagnosis. He had told me he had oral HSV1 and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him about my condition. I regret that now, but I haven’t heard anything from I’m about any problems.

    I am now ready to start dating again–it has been too long–and I do want to meet someone that I can build a meaningful relationship with. I am terrified of having to have that conversation about my diagnosis. I know there is a lot of advice written on this website and elsewhere about how to take that plunge. But any words of advice and encouragement are appreciated.

    Also, I am wondering if any of you have gone on dating sites specifically for people with HSV. I have read that Positive Singles and MPwH are two good sites. Do any of you have experiences with this approach? Have you met cool people? Do you feel safe about having sex with another person with HSV? Since my diagnosis is gHSV1, I certainly do not want to put myself at risk for gHSV2 as well.


    This is an awesome question.
    I am new to this forum myself and looking forward to reading some of the responses you receive.
    My question is are we placing limitations on ourselves by opting for using those sites?
    Personally I am worried about rejection..


    Thank you for your post! I am having my first outbreak. Most likely HSV1 but waiting for confirmation. I too am worried about meeting and dating. It will be time for me to process first but if I do I was wondering if those sites for people with HSV are a better approach. Everyone already knows everyone already has it. I am very concerned about putting myself on a regular site and then having to repeatedly share my diagnosis with people who are not infected. I just feel like it would be a revolving door of rejections. I am looking forward to seeing what others have to say about this as well as hearing more about your experiences. I am 50 so would be dating guys in the age group of guys you date also. Good luck!

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