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February 4, 2015 at 10:47 pm #19532MewParticipant
I have been diagnosed for over 3 years, when I had just turned 15, now I am about 19. The hardest part for me was being so young. I was so vulnerable. At that age herpes is especially not okay to talk about, be known about, no one believes it exists or could ever happen to them, and no one excepts others for having it basically, herpes was the unspeakable devil that came in to ruin my life.. However, I noticed the older one gets the more they understand that herpes is a part of a sexual beings life. Herpes is common. And most of all herpes is manageable..
As a young 15 year old girl, I was too scared to tell a soul. It was hard enough to even admit it to myself, I thought I was the most disgusting human on the face of the planet. I at first thought I had a yeast infection.. and it was horrible! The worst outbreak I EVER got! I missed the first 4 days of school (my sophmore year in high school) and all I could do was take baths, wear boxers and cry. I had went get tested and they called me and said that I had HSV2.. I told my mom, who told Kelly… and eventually I told one of my girl friends.. I went through many fazes of being able to speak of not being able to speak about it at all with others. It was like a rock was in my throat, preventing me from saying the word. It literally wouldn’t even come out and when I even tired I just started to cry. Because I wasn’t able to have “the talk” at that time in my life, I ruined many relationships because of trust issues.. because I lied I wasn’t trustworthy and I didn’t find them trustworthy. Also because I was so young and to some one under the age of 18 it is generally seen as so bad it’s almost like they’d rather be dead! I was also told by the guy who gave me herpes that, “it couldn’t be herpes because only really trashy people get that.” He told me a year later that he had lied and he had it long before he had transmitted it to me.. I was so hurt that I was lied to and that such horrible things were happening to me at such a young age. Because of his awful way of describing the infection to me I had awful feelings about my self. Self love was hardly even a question.. it was a very distant false reality for me. I made rules like “don’t have sex with anyone at your high school” and “do’t have sex with anyone under 18”, because I was so scared of what could happen if the rumors got out.. I literally thought I’d commit suicide. I was so stressed about having herpes that I got an outbreak EVERY WEEK!!!! Eventually I got put on Valtrex (I made the decision because I couldn’t heal or figure out what the root cause of all of it was) daily and I had outbreaks about every 6 months then… it was a HUGE relief. After a little over a year my insurance wouldn’t cover the meds anymore and I went off them. I also decided to get off of birth control at the same time.. which was a lot on my body, especially considering my outbreaks are completely correlated with my hormones. I had about 4 outbreaks in a ROW for a couple of months! It was awful!! Gradually my body got used to being off valtrex.. and I tried Hygeia, lysine and infusions of elderberry and olive leaf every day to help my body adapt to the changes. Which worked really well for me! I would suggest those herbs and supplements to anyone who is going all natural and having trouble controling their outbreaks. Now my outbreaks.. after 3 years.. have basically stopped. They went from EVERY WEEK! To every six months.. to 4 in a row… to now the tiniest little one on my butt when I get my period.. almost every period but not every single one.. because my outbreaks are hormone related. Which I still haven’t figured out the root of that,. I do know that BIRTH CONTROL actually definitely contributed to my way too frequent outbreaks. It also had A LOT to do with that I am celiac but was not aware of it until a year or so ago.. Food allergies cause mad outbreaks! Immediately too, in my case. If you are getting mad out breaks, drop all food you may be allergic to and see what happens.. then slowly reintroduce each one and see what happens. You will find out for yourself if they are a problem for you or not. That is what I did!
I would just like to speak on how I am now. I am now rarely ever getting outbreaks, I feel I have almost total control over my outbreaks. When I do get outbreaks its because of my hormones and I use colloidal silver topically and take vitex tincture, as well as herbal infusions, lysine and Hygeia capsules.. I haven’t “cured” those PMS outbreaks yet though.
The really amazing thing is that I am in a relationship of over 3 months with a 20 year old guy who does not have herpes. We are in love and he choses not to use condoms with me because he trusts me. We openly talk about it whenever we want. I tell him to use a condom or to just not touch me there or around there when I am possibly concerned. I feel very lucky to have found such an amazing soul to share my soul with, but I also realized that any guy will do this. The key is to be confident when you tell them.. to tell them the fact.. not be offended if they react strange.. and give them a few days or whatever to think about it. If they love you they will come around! For me the hardest part around social stigma was that I wasn’t the type to be in a relationship often, and that caused me a lot more pain because I didn’t want to deal with telling those people. Now I have became confident enough that I tell EVERY ONE that I come in sexual contact with.. immediately! And they respect me for it, and if they leave I know it is for the better.
Well that’s all for now, I am happy I finally shared and I hope some one gets something positive out of reading my experience/journey with herpes. <3February 6, 2015 at 9:29 pm #19533Dr. KellyKeymaster
Wow! You have come such a long way!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It has been amazing to watch your confidence grow over the years. I can remember how devastating this was for you in the beginning and how you never thought you would make it through to the other side. Look at you now! You’re a wise woman of strength and profound intuition.
May you continue to walk this path with grace.
With Love and Light,
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