25, scared and confused

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    I got my first symptoms in November 2020, three weeks after sleeping with the guy I was dating. Shortly after my period had ended, I experienced some kind of pain and small bumps in the anus area, but I just thought those were hemorrhoids, considering the location and the fact that my whole family has problems with them. A week later, I went to gynecologist for a regular check-up and she took a quick look at my bumps and said they could be herpes sores. I was completely shocked and decided to talk to my boyfriend ASAP. He was pretty cool about it and denied ever having one.
    A month later, I had another outbreak and that’s when I started living in hell. I went to the doctor’s, in huge pain, crying for help. My boyfriend, who was supposed to be my rock, accussed me of cheating and carrying multiple STDs, adding: ‘Herpes isn’t that serious, it can’t hurt that much’.
    At that point, I was 25, with the history of 3 sexual partners in total. I’d never been tested on anything since I’d never had any problems below the waist. And of course I wasn’t cheating.
    Then he added: ‘I can’t go through this again. I was once with a girl who cheated on me, who only admitted that when she started feeling itchiness and we both needed to get tested. Thank god, I didn’t catch anything then and I’m not planning to now.’
    We broke up and I was left completely crushed, with constant outbreaks ever since.
    At least the results for standard STDs were negative, HSV2 included. So the doctor told me that I probably have HSV1.
    I’ve been wondering for months how did I get it. Do you think it’s possible that his ex got him infected and he’s transmitting the desease without knowing? Or maybe he’s keeping it a secret?
    There’s one more possible candidate, but in a 3 month gap between the intercourses I think I would’ve noticed symptoms.
    Sorry for the long post, but I think won’t be able to overcome this until I get some answers. Does anyone have a similar experience? 🙁


    Hello, Alex, yes it is possible that someone can have herpes and not know and then pass it along. It can be dormant and asymptomatic for sure. It sounds like this is the case. I am sorry you are going through this.


    Hello Alex,

    I’d suggest getting tested again in 3 months after the last exposure (last time you had sex with him). Hsv-2 antibodies can take up to three months to be detectable in your blood. I would also suggest to get a swab test if you get symptoms again to make sure it is genital HSV-1.
    For the moment, having genital HSV-1 is different than having genital HSV-2.
    HSV-1 is, in the vast majority of cases, oral.
    Normally you get it during childhood, and 50-80% of Americans already have it.
    The transmission of HSV-1 genital to genital is rare, super super uncommon. Why? because viral shedding (when you shed the virus even without symptoms) of genital HSV-1 is 1-2%. What happened is that you didn’t get oral HSV-1 during your childhood and your first exposure to the virus was through oral sex.
    Once you get it orally, after 6-12 months you build immunity and you are not likely to get it in other parts of your body.

    Now. You need to know this (if you have genital HSV-1):
    1. Viral shedding of genital HSV-1 is 1-2%; compared to HSV-2 viral shedding, which is 15-30%. Just allow your body to build immunity and antibodies during the following months. So, don’t worry about transmission. Your next partner will probably have HSV-1 as the vast majority of mortals (Chances 1 in 2 at least). Just ask him to get tested. Viral shedding of oral HSV-1 is 20-30%. That’s why it is easy to transmit HSV-1 with oral sex, rather than with genital to genital contact.
    2. As long as you don’t get an outbreak, don’t be afraid about transmission in the absence of symptoms.
    3. The sacral ganglia (in your back), where genital HSV-1 lives are not its favorite place to live in. Its favorite place is the trigeminal ganglia (in your neck), causing cold sores. Since it is not its favorite place, the frequency of outbreaks is less common. The average is 1.2 outbreaks per year in symptomatic people in the worst-case scenarios. Normally people with genital HSV-1 get 2-3 outbreaks in 2-3 years, and that’s all. Let your body pass the one-year mark to know how your body will respond. The average of outbreaks with HSV-2 is 3-6 per year.

    Knowledge is power.
    Think like this:
    1. I got genital herpes, but I got the nicer one (HSV-1).
    2. %0-80% people have HSV-1. Imagine you are on a bus, or in a basketball match. At least, half of them have HSV-1.
    3. Damm it! Why didn’t I get HSV-1 during my childhood on my mouth? like the vast majority.
    4. It’s not the end of the world. I just have to ask my next partner to get tested. Chances he already has HSV-1 are high.


    Let me know if you want to have the sources and get more information about it.
    Try to watch “the big herpes episode” with Terry Warren on youtube. She is the top 3 researchers about herpes in the world.
    Even doctors don’t know the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2.




    Thank you for your love and support!
    BeLove, you’ve confirmed my suspicion.
    Maria, you’ve been more resourceful than any other person by far (doctors included).
    I live in a small country in Europe and I’m afraid that people aren’t well informed here.
    I’ll get tested again, for sure. I skipped the HSV1 test because I already know that I have it. I get cold sores on the lip once a year maybe. This is different, it comes back every month.

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