19 with Herpes

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    Hi there,
    Only just joined this forum today and wanted to come and say hello. My herpes story:
    I was single and had recently slept with two guys when I started noticing some discomfort. I am prone to UTIs so I at first suspected this, then came the itching etc and I went to my doctor who told me it wasn’t herpes (on looking at it) but took swabs. A couple days later I was told I had thrush…which was a relief but seemed odd given the intensity of the pain. The next day everything was worse and I saw an emergency doctor and she confirmed on looking at me that I had herpes. I felt disgusted with myself and, honestly, I still get feelings like that about it. The doctor saw how bad my symptoms were (I had sores all over my labia, around my anus and there were just so many) and commented how much pain I must have been in, so she prescribed me more than the usual initial dose and I could finally sleep as the pain began to lessen on acyclovir.

    I had to do that awful thing where I then spoke to both guys and told them what I had, telling them to get tested. The next week, when my swabs came back it turned out I had HSV-1 but on my genitalia so my doctor said I had got it from oral sex, which only occurred with one of the guys. However, both guys claimed to have never had a Coldsore and neither had any STIs. Baffled to this day, I don’t know if anyone else has experienced it where the person they think they got it from hasn’t had coldsores? It’s either that or I got it from someone else months before and it didn’t flare up until then, but that seems unlikely given how fast my body reacts to things (very sensitive). I don’t know which is more likely, a delayed reaction from me or no coldsores from him yet managing to give it to me through oral sex.

    Now, I am still with one of the guys who I slept with (he’s so lovely to me about it but I hate how I know it scares him that I could give it to him, it doesn’t seem fair that he has to stress about it and deal with me being upset about it when it happens, and I can’t imagine he could possibly find me attractive when he thinks about it. But of course he is nice to me about it I just imagine what actually goes through his head). To be clear, when I slept with him then near the time of someone else, we weren’t together was just sex so no foul play. Part of me wants to find out if he somehow was the one who gave it to me but that’s only possible if there’s a test for oral herpes without him having any symptoms? Just because I still don’t know how I got it and it just baffles me, but he was at the right time frame and went down on me.

    I am currently having my 3rd recurrence (4th outbreak in total) and I’ve had herpes for 9 months. I am going to see my doctor and request suppressive therapy because not only am I having such frequent outbreaks that aren’t getting further apart, but this one is the worst since my initial one, which seems so unfair and makes me feel so gross and down all the time, there’s no ignoring it. Has anyone found suppressive therapy on acyclovir effective? I also want it so that my partner doesn’t have to worry so much about it, I hate putting him through it when I know he’ll barely tell me his worries about it so I don’t get upset.

    I’m aware there was a lot in there, but I’m sure you’ll all agree that it is a lot for you having herpes, plus the struggle of worrying about someone else, how they can love you like this, how you can stop it recurring, and wondering how I even got it in the first place…just all sucks and when I get in my head about it i don’t know how to stop feeling so sad and useless. I’ll never be able to guarantee to anyone I won’t put them through this when it makes me so sad, is it even fair to be with someone? Lots of thoughts. Thank you for any response to any small thing in this big essay xxx


    I haven’t done suppressive therapy and I haven’t had an outbreak since my initial one and I think it’s because I had to learn what triggers mine. Chocolate and flour are my number one enemies. When an outbreak is coming on I get a tingling sensation around my labia and anus and sometimes a searing pain running down my legs. When I feel the tingles I take L-Lysine for a few days and that stops the breakout.
    Find your triggers and that may help to lessen outbreaks. Hope this helps


    Thank you! Will try to keep an eye on my diet and see if anything seems to trigger it. The L-lysine sounds great if it works!


    Hey i am sorry to hear your story. I am in the same boat. My kids father passed it to me recently and he still wants to pursue a relationship. I havent had a bad outbreak just one blister and I got checked ASAP within the same week that the bump appeared it sucks. I just found out monday and I am still processing it


    Hi Charlotte I’m really in aww of how bravely you’ve owned your situation at such a young age. I am 32 and I’ve just written my first post asking for help. Our situations are a bit similar and I’d really appreciate your advice. I really need a bit of help how to manage the pain aswell now that things are so difficult with covid. Pretty please read my post and give me some support.


    I would suggest you to get a blood test for herpes, looking for antibodies, just to be sure. Maybe you are an exception, but HSV-1 genital doesn’t cause recurring outbreaks like you. It is known to cause less than 1 per year. And even talking of transmission of HSV-1, you shouldn’t be worried. The viral shedding (When you shed the virus without symptoms) of HSV-1 is 1-3%, compared to 15-30% of HSV-2. Transmission of HSV-1 genital to genital is rare (extremely rare).

    And you can ask to your partner to get tested for antibodies. No need of symptoms. They take your blood and in 2-3 days you get the results.

    But the chances both guys have HSV-1 are high since 50-80% of Americans has HSV-1.


    Hi Charlotte,

    I just wanted to comment and let you know that is is possible to get it from someone who has never had a cold sore. I got it from my first partner, we had not had sexual intercourse yet but he did preform oral sex on me, he had never had a coldsore, and I still got HSV1 genitally. Apparently some canker sores can also carry HSV so that is most likely how I got it as my boyfriend at the time did get canker sores. Hope this helps!

    Take care,

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