Well, today I tested positive. I remember bursting into tears. I had prayed and prayed that it would come back negative. I’m crying as I’m writing this actually and the appointment was 3 hours ago. Honestly, when I first heard it the news I didn’t want to be alive anymore. Still kinda feel that way. I feel like my world is crashing down around me. For days I have been telling myself that it was going to be negative. That I was going to be fine, that the doctors were wrong. How am I going to date? Whose going to want to date me? Let alone have kids with me some day? I don’t plan on telling my family. I don’t think I can deal with the shame that I know I’m going to feel. I can hardly handle it now. The only plus right now is that my best friend since 7th grade is sticking by me. I don’t know what I would do without her. She is literally my best friend in the whole world. I called her and just broke down and it felt good to tell her everything that I’ve been feeling these past few days. I still feel like I’m in a dream and I’ll wake up and I won’t be positive. But I know that’s not going to happen. I’m going to have this for the rest of my life and I’m going to have to be careful. Something I thought I was doing. Clearly I am very wrong. It’s funny how this is more devastating than testing positive for tb at 12. And that was something that could’ve killed me if I hadn’t gotten treatment. Definitely one hell of a Christmas present. I know that I’m not alone in this but right now I feel like I’m alone. Sure I have the support of my best friend and some other friends but they don’t get it. And everyone on here has been amazing, I just feel scared. What is my future going to hold? Is my mental health going to hold is the real question. I already have bad depression, I think it might be time to go back on my antidepressants. I honestly feel really numb, but I know I’m going to cry again later. This all just feels like a dream. Like it’s happening to someone else. I never thought in my life that I would have an STD. But yet here I am.
Topic: The waiting game
Well I was suppose to go and get my results and further testing done today. They called and said that they didn’t have my results and that’s why they wanted me to schedule a follow up appointment. So now I have to wait till Wednesday at 3:30. My anxiety has been all over the place. I’m praying that the fact that I haven’t had any of the symptoms that they told me to watch out for is a good sign. I just hope that it’s good news because I’ve missed a few classes and a few days of work because I’ve been so depressed and nervous. I can’t wait for this waiting game to be over. I’ve never been so scared for test results and I’ve had to go through treatment after testing positive for the skin test if TB at the age of twelve. I’m more scared now than I was back then and that was something that could kill me. Funny how those things work out. Now I’m rambling, anyways I’m praying these test results come back negative. Since this whole ordeal my perception on STDs and other sexual diseases have changed drastically. I use to have a negative outlook on them, now I see that it can happen to anyone. I hate the way I viewed it before, because I’m not a judgmental person. But this experience has opened my eyes to a whole new outlook.
Topic: Scared, please help
As the day comes closer to meeting with my gyno to do further testing I find myself terrified. I can’t eat, every time I do I feel like I’m going to be sick. All I do is sleep, this way I can escape from my reality. I’m glad that I have an amazing friend who is taking me Monday. He let me completely collapse and tell him everything without a single note of judgment in his voice. But as the day comes closer I find myself having panic attacks and fearing the worse. I hold onto the hope that that 2% chance of not having it. This whole thing feels like a dream. And I’m scared out of my mind. I can’t picture myself ever dating again or being intimate. Is that even possible ? Will anyone really want me knowing that I have this? Sometimes I don’t want to be here, other times I tell myself I’ll be fine. I’m scared, terrified really. I don’t know how to hold it all together. I put on a happy face around friends but inside I’m dying and crying. I don’t know if I’ll mentally be able to handle it if I do come back positive. I need help.
Hello, I had unprotected on Sept 1st. Guy said he didn’t have any STDs but on Oct. 14th he tested positive for HSV2. I tested Oct. 10th full panel & everything was negative (IGG neg.) and Oct. 17th for herpes only & negative IGM.
I’ve read stories where people were negative then ended up testing positive. I never had sores but my vagina is irritated, feels burning, and swollen.
Can I still be positive for herpes? I have an autoimmune intestinal disease so I figured if I was positive I would of had a breakout by now. 🙁
Topic: HSV 1 and Varicella Zoster
I’m glad I found this site because I’m not coping very well with my diagnosis.
Three months ago, I had a single bump on my vagina. It was a bit itchy and, like most, I thought it was razor burn as I had just shaved down there. I kept an eye on it as it started to hurt. A few days later, more smallish bumps appeared. They were itchy and painful. I tried home remedies which helped but I ended up in urgent care because I was in so much pain. I had read it was possible you could get shingles in that area and, since I am on an immunosuppressant drug, I thought that’s what it was. The doctor prescribed an antiviral and in days, I felt so much better. I still went to my PCP and asked him to run the varicella IGM/IGG tearing and HSV type 1 & 2. The varicella test came back positive both IGM &IGG antibodies. The HSV testing was cancelled because my dr ordered it wrong. No big deal, I asked him to order it again and I’d be in whenever I could.
I received my results yesterday. Negative for hsv 2 but positive for hsv 1. I’ve never had a cold sore in my life! Everything I’m reading says you can get HSV 1 down there when someone performs oral sex. I know the virus sheds but HSV 1 shedding isn’t supposed to occur as much as HSV 2. No one has ever gone down on me with a cold sore but that’s not to say my rash wasn’t HSV 1. At this point, I don’t know what caused it since both tests were positive. I’d like to say since the varicella zoster test was positive for both antibodies that the rash was caused by that. The IGM, which shows active infection, wasn’t a low positive either, it was very high and I had that done two weeks after the onset of symptoms. I didn’t have the HSV test until last week.
Anyhow, I feel disgusting, depressed, alone, and angry. I don’t want my husband to touch me, I keep thinking of all the times I let my kids drink after me and I get sick to my stomach thinking I could’ve spread HSV 1 to them. It wasn’t until my rash that I found out they don’t do regular screenings for HSV unless you have symptoms, which sucks! I didn’t know much about HSV Until my symptoms. Why isn’t there more education surrounded this? Because it’s common? Shouldn’t that be more of a reason to educate? I know it’s not the end of the world but with me being on an immunosuppressant drug, it’s hard not to freak out because if HSV 1 caused the rash it means I get to have more of them. And, my PCP isn’t recommending continuous treatment unless I get several “outbreaks”.
My husband knows but I don’t know how to tell him how I feel about this. It’s hard to put into words how gross and dirty I feel about it. How the unknown is driving me crazy. Is it VZ or HSV that caused my rash? If it’s HSV 1, I don’t want to risk giving it to him thought I might have already done so, considering the “shedding” process I knew nothing about.
Any advice or encouraging words are appreciated.
Topic: Feeling Alone
I went in to urgent care yesterday for what I thought was a yeast infection and came out with life-changing news: I had herpes. I has fun throughout college and was pretty promiscuous, however, I always prided myself on the fact that I protected myself. I frequently got tested to make sure I didn’t have any STDs. However, I just learned that when I was saying “Test for all of it,” they were never testing for herpes and they never thought to tell me. All this time, I thought I didn’t have it.
Back in January, I started dating this amazing guy. I made sure to get tested again before we slept together (again, no Herpes tests though). It is the healthiest and best relationship I have ever had. After learning that I have herpes yesterday, I have been in severe pain – barely able to walk or sit and literally crying when I have to pee. The doctor gave me Valtrex and I am taking Advil – WHAT ADVICE DO PEOPLE HAVE FOR HOW TO MANAGE PAIN OF OUTBREAKS?
I am also now terrified to tell my boyfriend about it. We are so good at communicating and he is so understanding, so there is a good chance it will be fine. But I am still so terrified that this could be the deal breaker and that he will not want to live with this risk. I know I need to stay calm for this conversation and explain to him all the facts (have been doing lots of research in the last 24 hours), but I am in so much pain and just so shocked and sad by this news that all I want to do is cry in his arms. I know I can’t do that because I need to show him that this is no big deal, but he is the person I go to when I’m upset. I am just feeling so alone in all of this and need people to talk to, especially those going through the same thing. WHAT ADVICE DO PEOPLE HAVE FOR TELLING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER? WHAT ADVICE DO PEOPLE HAVE FOR GOING FORWARD IN A RELATIONSHIP AFTER DIAGNOSIS?
I am so happy to have found this discussion group and look forward to talking with people.
Topic: Just diagnosed hsv 1
Just diagnosed yesterday, I have been with my partner about 4 months and we have been having sex unprotected.. I’ve never had an outbreak until last week, my normal STD testing has been normal . He does not know yet because I wanted to wait to find out for sure before making him panic. One night we had sex, he gave me oral with whipped cream and literally two days later, I am having what my doctor has told me is an outbreak . What the chances that he has this considering we’ve been having unprotected sex for months ? What’s the chances he has given this to me? Since being with him unprotected I’ve had two uti’s and now this, however my std testing all was negative but i was Not tested for herpes considering I’ve never had an outbreak or sores. I havent seen anything on him orally . But i feel There is no way he doesn’t have it we’ve been having unprotected sex four months and this is the first time I’ve ever experienced anything like this. He still has no symptom or idea of this but after i follow Up with my doctor i want to tell him . I want To tell him now but I think I should wait til I know more.
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