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    I am a 61 year old woman who had her first outbreak of genital herpes ever; after testing negative for STDS 30 days ago. The outbreak occurred 4 days after having sex with a man I have been seeing for 16 years. Is it mostly like I got the virus from him.

    I am confused, struggling, embarrassed and ashamed. He didn’t seem angry or surprised when I told him what was going on.



    I was told it’s hard to get results without an outbreak. So many don’t even put it on the sti screening. He may have it and the antibody needed for a positive might not be there if he’s never had to fight off an outbreak. But as far as Terri g goes you should know what’s hes bringing to the bed too. Theres many sti where men are only carriers of stuff and never sick from it.

    Testing is always a great idea


    This is a tough issue for me, not sure how i feel about it yet. My personal experience after my diagnosis (on an STI screening, I’m asymptomatic so far) was to tell my partner & NOT recommend that he get tested b/c of unreliability in testing (false negatives & positives, plus I agree with the CDC recommendation of not getting tested unless you have symptoms). However. On a recent STI test as part of general health care screening, his Dr. tested him for herpes & he came back negative…which is great. But we are now taking a break due to his not being sure he wants to continue the relationship since he’s negative & I’m positive. I don’t blame him for this, we are friends & lovers & not in love…honestly in his place I might run too. But it does bring this question up for me in the future. I don’t think I’ll get into a sexual relationship with anyone again without being sure they give fully informed & processed consent (a counseling session with a Dr. or STD counselor, Google does not count). & maybe I’ll require a test too. Still pondering, seems like it could be helpful to me moving forward.


    I came to this community seeking help and wisdom with my current situation. I already feel horrible and ashamed because of the stigma that comes with mentioning Genital Herpes. I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for four months, and I haven’t told him about my condition. Before we starting having sex we told each other our tests results which were both good. My anxiety is through the roof, and I’m not sure what else to do or how to explain. He has gone to his doctor for his routine blood work for blood pressure and also asked for full std testing. I’m waiting to see what his results are. I did go to a lab a few days ago to confirm, and all came back clear except positive for HSV-2.

    Im seeking prayers, help and advice. I know that I may get some backlash or harsh responses.


    I’ve been on a rollercoaster the last week.

    Background – I had sex for the first time in years a couple weeks ago. This was the day after I went on a long, strenuous hike in hot, humid weather and was wearing tight yoga pants the whole time. Within a few days, I felt yeast-infection type symptoms (itchy all over, which progressed over a few days and then I felt raw and itchy). I self-treated with MONISTAT 1, then got in touch with a provider who prescribed fluconazole. Swabs came back negative for chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomoniasis, BV, and yeast.

    A couple days later I went in for a physical exam and was told it was definitely a yeast infection – not in the canal, but on the exterior instead. It was the result of being sweaty and wearing tight yoga pants for 12 hours. I was given anti-fungal cream. The next day I went to the bathroom and as I pat myself dry (carefully, because it was tender) I feel a very painful spot. I look in the mirror and have a single lesion, it looked almost like a cyst, and was firm and tender to the touch. I kept using the anti-fungal cream and took my second fluconazole pill. Second swab came back negative, I’m told it’s because I’d already used two anti-fungals.

    The next day, the pain was much worse in that location so I went to urgent care. I’m told it looks like herpes. They do a PCR swab on the lesion. She uses a decent amount of force and was thorough to make sure she got a good sample. I’m given Valtrex.

    Next day – I get a call from the nurse, the PCR swab was negative. I’m told it was highly unlikely that it was a false negative because it was taken from the lesion, but PCP wants me to come in for another evaluation. I’m told to stop Valtrex.

    I go into PCP today. I ask him to test me for a plethora of things (infected cyst, strep b, mycoplasma, urealplasma, etc), including more resistant yeast infections (I ask for a culture instead) he says no. He does a bacterial swab (pending) and syphilis test (negative). He does the exam and is convinced that my single lesion must be HSV because it is tender. He said he didn’t know why my PCR swab came back negative. I explain that everything I’ve read says that PCR is highly sensitive, highly accurate, the nurse was thorough with the swab, and that I had it done within the “right” timeframe for accurate results. I read it was over 90% accurate and another doctor said it was 95% accurate. He said well that still leaves room for error. I ask him to repeat the test, he says no. He tells me to take valtrex and start doxycycline (which I was due to start for a facial rash I’ve had since long before this all started).

    Now I’m confused – different practitioners are telling me different things. As I said, everything I’ve read says PCR swab is the gold standard for testing and it’s highly sensitive, highly accurate, highly reliable. My PCP says it isn’t sensitive and that it was not reliable. But he wouldn’t repeat it even though I still have the lesion (which looks worse). He wants me to do antibody testing in 4 weeks (which is a LONG time to wait for results?). When I got my syphilis blood draw, my neurologist had randomly already ordered HSV 1 & 2 tests so I got those done as well (and another set in 4 weeks from PCP).

    Does anyone have insight into this? How likely is it that a thorough PCR swab is a false negative, especially when I had it done within the “right” timeframe? I’m lost and having a hard time navigating this on my own. It’s been a rollercoaster and causing a lot of anxiety. I asked the nurse if I could see an OBGYN and she said “what for” and wouldn’t refer me. Thanks.


    I’ll start with my questions.
    1. Does anyone else get hemorrhoids in correlation to HSV-2? I believe I may have anal herpes as well as genital due to a prolonged period of non diagnosis. I’m still sorting out what is and isn’t a symptom for me, but seem to be getting hemorrhoids or something very similar now after my ‘first outbreak’ and was wondering if other people experience this too as there isn’t much I can find on the subject.
    2. Has anyone tried Gene-Eden-VIR or Novirin?

    Here’s my story:
    I’ve known for years that something was wrong, I just didn’t know what until a few months ago. I thought I most likely had interstitial cystitis or painful bladder syndrome due to recurring UTI type symptoms that never tested positive for bacteria in a urinalysis. I think it started with a trip to the ER 3 years ago due to intense lower abdominal inflammation and an acute pain in my right lower abdomen. I thought it was appendicitis but the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me. Over the next 3 years I saw 12 different doctors, had a CT scan, bloodwork, countless rounds of antibiotics, changed my diet, went to acupuncture, magnesium salt baths, probiotics, oil of oregano etc. (it’s too long to list everything I tried).
    A few months ago as I was taking one of these baths I discovered tiny water blister looking sores on my inner labia. When I showed my husband, he confessed to having been diagnosed with herpes-2 30 years prior.
    I believe I went undiagnosed for years because I never found any external symptoms, but I talked about my ‘mystery illness’ almost daily with my husband who claims that he never connected the dots. Along with this most intimate betrayal, I feel let down by the medical industry, who told me during that first ER visit that I was tested for STDs and they were all negative. Not one of the 12 doctors I saw suggested a herpes test. Many people on this forum have experienced similar resistance, or neglect in terms of testing for HSV.
    My first outbreak was horrific, sores all over the left side of my vagina and butt, my left labia had so many that it swelled to 3 times its normal size and felt hard like old leather. I had a herpetic rash that went between my butt cheeks to just above my pelvic bone. I also had striation-like ‘bruising’ that ran along my veins on the back side of my left thigh. I’m still not really sure what this is called, I sent a photo to my doctor who just prescribed a topical cream but this was more internal/nerve oriented than surface bruising. I peed in the tub for a week to alleviate the sting and as I’ve mentioned earlier, I believe I have the virus anally, so my bowel movements were stressful as well.
    The worst part of this whole experience is how avoidable it all was. This was not an accident. My husband knew he had it and did nothing to protect me from getting it. What’s worse, he then allowed me to suffer for years claiming that he didn’t think that I could get it from him since he hadn’t had an outbreak in over 10 years. It is basic human morality to inform a partner about a communicable disease you know you have. It’s hard to believe that there are people out there that don’t know this. Please tell your partners, not everyone has symptoms but a percentage of people do and it is not something I would wish on anyone. Allowing people to make informed decisions about their own health makes all the difference.
    Thanks in advance for any responses. I’m hoping this post will help me in my recovery.


    In reply to: Seeking friends


    Hello. 24 female. Just diagnosed a few days ago by symptoms of herpes. No testing. I’m honestly a bit scared and would love to maybe have a support system of women that have this condition as well. My email is


    Hi everyone,

    Im new here, my bf recently got tested and he said he got a mouth saliva swab. He has no sores and got a positive diagnosis for hsv1. I didn’t go with him so I didnt see the process. But is this a thing? I didnt know they can detect the virus in saliva.


    In reply to: False testing


    The only way to get a sure test done is through University of Washington through the herpes western blot test. I was asymptomatic, only been with two people my whole life and I turned out positive so I got my doctor to allow me to get the Western Blot done. Unfortunately the test is out of pocket because insurance doesn’t cover it but its the gold standard for herpes testing. Good luck dear no matter what everything will be ok no matter the outcome


    I’m new here , I recently had a blood test that I have not seen . Went in to urgent care for a test they told me I had anti bodies for both types . They did not give me any information about anything . And I’m really convinced and hoping this is not true . Iam truly depressed and in need of support .


    In reply to: Newbie here


    I am to hear this. The crazy thing I have been reading is a lot of men don’t know they have it but they don’t have symptoms and not partner the regular staff testing.

    I have never tried herpesyl. I take Valtrex daily though.


    I just found out a few days ago myself .it does feel like you are now damaged and I ask myself how could this happen . It blows me away how it’s no big deal attitude with this like the gym . I know I’m still
    In shock the stigma ,I was never the one to date very much and only had been with 3 people in my 53 years of life . I was married for 27 years to an alcoholic and persevered . Only to just be
    Divorced think maybe I could have a normal like and see what other people have had to finally have happiness and now this , I only dated 1 apparently the wrong person .a friend , saw how dating was and. Got out of the new world dating people . And now this I only learned about this by accident figures at my annual I would get the normal stuff and the whole std testing just to see where my health stood . I have never in my life had any symptoms and have not yet . But information is power. I know they say and it’s true the emotions are worse than the diagnosis and it could be worse .but I guess I’m in the stages of grief . Did just last night tell him . He was blown away . So I hope if he’s whoring around he has a Conscience. I know they say you can not tell who gave it to you . But I’d hedge my bets . I’m guessing I’m being punished idk


    Wow, I am surprised they gave you meds already with no testing being done but I think it may nip it right away for you. I wish all the best!


    Hello, after research and reading up on ridding the virus, I started using oregano oil and doing a raw vegan cleanse a few weeks ago. I’m going to push through and do this for a few months before testing again. If anyone wants to join or connect for support, feel free to reach me and we can exchange contact info. It isn’t easy to keep with this regiment but I have faith/hope.


    Hi everyone. I’m a junior in college and was diagnosed with HSV1 orally and genitally about a month and a half ago. I’ve been struggling bad. I contracted it from a guy i was talking to, he claims he did not know he had it orally but it passed to me during oral, my immune system was weak from covid so i ended up with it orally too. he got a blood test and ended up testing positive for hsv1. the shitty part is we used a condom and i always have been pretty careful w sex no matter who it was so this really sucks. we talked for about a month longer and he was so supportive making it seem like we were gonna be something then out of nowhere things ended. while i was still with him i wasn’t struggling too much bc he had it too and i didn’t have to worry. well now i’m single again and really struggling. i was in a very dark place about 2 weeks ago. not eating, showering, semi suicidal thoughts, etc. now i’m at the point that it just consumes my mind. my friends don’t know yet and i still have to hear about the topic of sex & hookups all the time. just wanted to know if anyone else is experiencing this in college and how it’s affected them and their sex lives. i turn 21 next month, i haven’t even been able to walk into a bar legally yet and find a cute boy for a fun night. i’ve always been someone who enjoys sex/physical touch is my love language so this is really hard on me. do i need to disclose hsv1 since 80% of the pop. has it? especially for casual sex? if not i truly don’t think i’ll be having sex again til i find someone that i feel might accept me for this, herpes itself truly isn’t a big deal, i’m educated on it, but the stigma is awful, especially being in college where it’s all hook up culture. any advice would help:(

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