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  • #19828

    In reply to: Flu like symptoms

    Dr. Kelly

    I experience flu like symptoms. I actually am right now. My left leg is sensitive, glands are swollen, stuffy nose, and I had 1 spot down low. I used vaseline and that helped. I’m just trying to get rest and drink lots of water..I’m not sure what acyclovir is?

    Inner beauty shines

    hi there
    has anyone experienced flu like symptoms ?
    my outbreaks are usually nerve pain “only” down the leg, buttock. very seldom i have one or two small blisters.
    I have symptoms for a week already and tried to fight them on a natural basis.
    Seems I have not succeeded.
    My whole body aches, and I feel like goose bumbs, and my whole skin is very sensitive.
    I had to go home from work this morning and since then I am just in bed. Wondering if acyclovir would help.
    Best to all of you !


    Welll. I got the news today. Been having off and on symptoms for a year. But finally got a diagnosis this morning. I cried in my car for an hour. Then i called my mom (whom im not very close with) and told her. I never pictured myself telling my mom “hey i have herpes”. She calmed me down and then admitted that she has it too. They say its really bad in the begginning but it gets easier. Im so glad i found this group. Its good to know there are people going through the same thing. Im 21 and i feel like my life is over. So yeah. Hello people.


    Thank you Dr. Kelly!

    I went out and bought a bunch of cute new COTTON panties, and I know with time (and a certain someone’s book and course) I’ll learn how to manage my symptoms. The talk with my partner went really well! I know things could be worse, and while I’m uncomfortable right now, I’m still me!

    Inner beauty shines

    Dear friends over the world,
    Here is my story…
    I turned 50 in 2013 in June and after being in always long lasting relationships I had been alone for 3 years almost, needed to overcome the last one and wanted to take the time.
    And to be honest I was by then on the peak of my life on my 50th birthday.
    I have many very good friends, I love to have fun, dance, travel, enjoy life in every way and I am a very curious person in general. Thus I had started my studies to be a professional coach in addition to my normal job – and the day before my 50ths birthday I did my master exam.
    I was really on the peak of my life, had the best party ever with my friends from all over the world, and my family. And I do not know, why I did not take it as it was, why I thought it would be good to have a partner, be in a relationship -with a man again, as for the last 10 years I had been going out with women.
    II registered at an online dating portal – very reputable one – and in Nov 2013 started dating a professor from the university, it started off very well. He was very charming in the beginning, trying to please me in every way. We had a very short, but very intense relationship. It lasted only for less than 5 months – he turned out being a narcissistic psychopath.
    As usual for this kind of people they are very charming and convincing at the beginning of a relationship. It is hard to find out, that they do have a narcissistic personality disorder, until they reveal their real “face”. This was during our second vacation in France, where he had a house at the Atlantic coast. That was last April. I had a strange feeling already about the relationship and had tried to end it already in March – but he convinced me to continue. As we were both beyond 50 – I thought it is not as easy anyway, as each one of us had his life and thoughts how a relationship should be. So I gave it another chance.
    I also – and here in this forum we can admit everything – having sex with a man, after being 10 years with women, it was something like a sexual outcome again.
    Nonetheless I was almost reluctant to go to France again and spend another week with him. But – it was his birthday in the following week and we were supposed to travel with his best friends. As I am “well-educated” I did not say NO and follow my STRONG inner feelings, but in the end decided to go on this vacation, even I was not in the mood at all. The “red warning lights were blinking”, as we say in German –but I tried to ignore them.
    We went with his privately owned plane, and the moment I entered the aircraft – I regretted that I had done so, as he screamed at all of us even before the start to shut up etc. But there was no way to get off the plane again, as in a minute we would start rolling over the field on the airport.
    So already before the takeoff of that plane I decided that I am going to leave him for sure and would only survive the week in France.
    Unfortunately we had sex – even my decision was firm.
    Many things came together.
    He had just come back from Japan the night before, had not slept enough, jetlagged etc.
    I was worn out and stressed to get all my work done in the office, to be able to take this week off again. It all started with an eye infection that he had and transferred to me. I never had anything like this before, I hardly could open my eye, and in the end both eyes were infected.
    Now I know that this was a chain of coincidences that happened so that he had an outbreak and I got the virus – as his and my immune system were down. Otherwise he would most probably have transmitted HG to me earlier or not at all.
    Then – like 3 days later, it started itching. I thought it is from the long bike rides we did along the coast, I was not used to.
    I asked him, as he was a professor of medicine at the University to inspect my labia – as I thought I was maybe some ingrown hair or so. He saw the 2-3 blisters I had at that time, and that I could not identify as HG. He proposed to open them, telling me that these were most probably pimples resulting from infected hairs or something similar. I heavily refused and had the feeling I cannot trust this guy at all.
    It was only one week of vacation, but the worst horror trip of my life. Mid of the week I had decided that I will somehow “survive” the rest of the vacation, but when home, I would pack my bag and never see him again. He had become unbearable for all of us – me and his friends. He showed his narcissistic personality to the full extent, blaming us for everything without reason, showing despotic behavior, accusing all of us of being stupid, etc.
    I hope you never met anyone like this and will not do so in the future.
    Unfortunately I could not escape as I felt already so miserable – that it was impossible to leave by train back to Germany. His friends were evenly surprised by his behavior, knowing that he was somehow a strange person, being kind of genius in his job at the same time.
    So the three of us decided to stand these last days with him and I asked them not to make things worse by discussing with him and trying to tell him, that it was not us, but him, who had the problem.
    I just wanted to get home safely. And I knew he had to fly us home, him being the pilot of that small aircraft. And by that time I knew that it would be very dangerous for all of us, if he had himself not under control. Thus it was essential not to anger or provoke him.
    But I did not know why I felt so sick – it could not be due to the eye infection only.
    We were supposed to leave Sunday. On Friday this guy asked me to inspect his penis, showed it to me and said: “we must not have sex anymore, I have an Herpes outbreak”. He had like 4 huge blisters. He even took a picture with my iphone and asked me to show it to my doctor – whom I should see according to him when back in Germany. And he blamed me more or less, that I was the one who transferred this to him.
    Now – can you imagine – at the first moment I thanked god that he had herpes, as this meant I did not need to have sex with him again. At that time I had no clue about HG, that it is incurable, that it is unbearable and my biggest challenge ever.
    I called my gynecologist in Germany and made an appointment for Monday morning 8 am – immediately after arrival.
    I spend the day in bed – having flu like symptoms.
    Then I had the worst night of my life. Unbelievable pain, nothing helped. I had my first outbreak – as I know now. I suspected that he had passed his herpes to me – so I tried every remedy I could find on the internet, reading everything about Herpes on my iphone all night long. Still I did not get the whole picture and still I thought, this is like a normal disease – you take some medicine, it passes, it will be over – and never come again.
    The next morning I sent him to the drugstore to get me acyclovir. I hardly could walk nor sit. I was desperately waiting for the minute we would leave the house and get on the plane. I was devastated in pain, fear, anger about myself that I had gone on that vacation at all, that I had met this guy etc.– but I hardly could not think at all, as I was completely confused about what was going on with my body. I was in terrible pain. He suggested and insisted in giving me an injection with a high dosage of Traumadol – which is a super strong pain killer. But I refused again -not trusting him at all. It was a good decision. His friends – both of them medical doctors themselves – told me afterwards that if he had giving me such an injection, the flight would have been troublesome if not impossible – as height and effects of this remedy may be a very bad combination for your body. Also they are both convinced that he transmitted it to me and not the other way round and that for sure I had my first outbreak not him. Otherwise he would have totally freaked out towards me. He also mentioned to the friends that he once had a girlfriend who had HG.
    We arrived safely in Germany, the strategy of not provoking or irritating him had worked. All three of us had played the game that everything is in order, which was not the case at all – and it cost all of us a lot of energy.
    I managed somehow to drive home to my apartment (I live in a different city). I only said Bye to him – it was the last time I saw him.
    On Monday morning my gynecologist confirmed HG, but did all the testing, swap test, blood test etc. and also HIV – of course. HIV was negative – thanks god!
    The same evening I sent an email to the professor of medicine who transferred the STD to me, knowing himself for sure that he had it and did not say a word to me and did not protect me!
    I ended the relationship via email which provoked him to the worst extent….
    More tests should follow – chlamydia, and other STDs. Acyclovir hardly helped, I had one outbreak after the other. I was devastated, I even thought about committing suicide. I had the firm feeling my life is over, as the fun, the lightness and the easiness had vanished completely.
    I tried to find a support group – but in Germany there is not even a forum on HG – no one seems to talk about it. I bought some books that were available. Then I found Dr. Kelly´s book – and since then I am on the diet she recommends. In addition I bought PRONOVEX in the US – and this helped for a while. Probably all together – the remedy, the diet etc. Late November I was outbreak free for some weeks. I do not want to go back on Acyclovir, as it did not help much anyway and extremely harms the body.
    I tried to focus again on myself, my self-esteem, I try to reframe this disease every day, asking myself why it happens to me and trying to find a way to live with it and draw the right consequences of the fact it happened to me. I have told my best friends. This was a true relief – even in fact no one can really imagine how it is to have HG and an outbreak. I try to describe it this way: it is as if you wear trousers made of needles or if you sit with your vagina right on top of a steel brush.
    I went to see a consultant at the center for HIV, they also counsel on STDs. This helped, as of course I learned I am not the only one. I felt dirty and I thought – as many of us may have – only prostitutes etc. get infected with STDs. No – it may hit anyone – unfortunately.
    With my consultant I tried to work on my biggest problem – to forgive this guy. I was unable to do so. It took me long to forgive myself. That was hard already. To forgive him is even harder if not impossible.
    I was ready to found a supporter´s group myself as no one seems to talk about it here– not even on the internet. If you want information you have to go to a forum in the UK or the US. But my gynecologist advised me not to do so – but rather try to cope with the symptoms, the outbreaks than investing more time in it and dig deeper… But I still would like to have someone to talk to in person, who is suffering from HG as well.
    I hope you still stay with me reading my story.
    Two weeks ago these friends with whom we were on vacation in France, called me.
    The professor had been on his way back from France (skiing holiday with his new girlfriend) in his aircraft. Most probably he tried to fly underneath a weather front – he was almost home already and descending to his home airport. His plane crashed into the trees and the hill. He did not survive the crash. He was alone on the plane.
    This was exactly on the day 9 months later, after I had left him.
    I flew 6 times with him on that same plane.
    I thought now I can forgive him. But I still can´t.
    After I got the message, I felt sorry for his friends, but I was not really shocked, no grief, no deep emotions. But of course this came later…
    I was enormously stressed by this accident, it happened in our region– so it was in the news, on the radio. I could not sleep after having seen all these pictures, the plane I had been flying with. The university institute sent me the death notice etc. I was confronted with him again and his unexpected destiny for the last two weeks.

    And… of course I have a terrible outbreak. Including new symptoms, pain down the left buttock, the nerves in the back part of my left leg hurt – until now there was only one spot on my right leg that I am used to already. Terrible. I feel miserable again.
    I think I need some therapeutic support now to overcome all this or at least to talk about it. And I hope if I stick to my diet, if I keep up with my will to be positive and energetic, my physical pain hopefully vanishes again without having to take drugs.
    I have changed my life, which was not really difficult, as I live a healthy life anyway. I stick to Dr. Kelly´s diet – no alcohol, 9 hours of sleep, I do yoga for 15 years already. I try to do me something good whenever I feel like it and be positive in every way. I meet my friends again and go out with them. I continue my coaching education. I revealed my story to my best friends, I was looking for professional support. I do have a strong supporter network.

    But here comes the hardest part:
    I finally would like to forgive and forget – it would make my life much easier.

    Dr. Kelly


    Your welcome Eli!

    I would encourage you to look at an s1 dermatome nerve chart. Just google it and look at the photos to see if they match where your symptoms are. Once you determine which nerve is infected, based on the site of your symptoms, you can determine the potential risk for future outbreaks. In general, the virus does tend to illicit symptoms in the same place every time. However, there is always the possibility it could show up on the same patch of skin innervated by the same nerve.

    I encourage you to meditate daily in order to calm your mind. Do anything you can to manage your stress. If you need more support, feel free to email me at and we can discuss private coaching.

    Live. Love. Thrive.
    Dr. Kelly

    Dr. Kelly

    Take a deep breath and know that you are loved and supported. When the time comes, just speak from your heart. You can learn how to manage the symptoms and move on with your life. This will not define you if you decide that it won’t! It’s all up to you.

    Live. Love. Thrive.
    Dr. Kelly

    Dr. Kelly


    Thank you for sharing your story. Since it is all so new to you, I would expect a range of emotions from anger to guilt to fear and everything in between. Given your history, the first thing I would tell you is that you should be compassionate and gentle with yourself. There are many women in this community who were infected by the first person they were ever with or by a partner within a loving, monogamous relationship. The fact that herpes is so very common, I don’t want you to be hard on yourself. It could have happened to you at any time in your sexual history.

    The symptoms are different for each and every woman. If you did not get any sores with this first outbreak, then I would suspect that you probably won’t in the future. It sounds as though your body reacts to the virus with more neural type symptoms that are more similar to a sciatica. When these symptoms are present, it indicates that the virus is active within your body and that you are more contagious during these times.

    The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to create an environment for healing. I encourage women to meditate every day and to adopt a diet and lifestyle that is conducive to healing. That would also include incorporating supplements that help to rebuild your immunity.

    Keep us posted as things progress.

    Live. Love. Thrive.
    Dr. Kelly

    Dr. Kelly

    Hi all,

    Thankful to have found this page. I’m having my first outbreak, started a few days ago and I got the viral culture result yesterday. HSV 1. Worst Valentine’s Day gift ever. My symptoms are tolerable, but now I’m currently playing the waiting game …. my partner is out of town but he knows we have something serious to discuss. I appreciate the time, its giving me the opportunity to get educated and get rid of the tears…………. I’m nervous to be starting this journey, but I’m determined to not let this define me or change me.


    Hi all,

    Thankful to have found this page. I’m having my first outbreak, started a few days ago and I got the viral culture result yesterday. HSV 1. Worst Valentine’s Day gift ever. My symptoms are tolerable, but now I’m currently playing the waiting game …. my partner is out of town but he knows we have something serious to discuss. I appreciate the time, its giving me the opportunity to get educated and get rid of the tears…………. I’m nervous to be starting this journey, but I’m determined to not let this define me or change me.


    I found out 5 days ago that I have HSV 2… Unfortunately, I don’t have a story where I had a partner who gave it to me, a monogamous relationship, or even something I willingly went into knowing the possibility of contracting the virus from somebody I actually gave a damn about. I got herpes from my very first one night stand (go figure)

    My story starts with a night of drinking too much alcohol (to the point of throwing up when I got home), a cute guy (that I didn’t even remember talking to or exchanging numbers with, but somehow managed to text him my address), and a decision I woke up regretting as he was laying next to me that morning.

    To make a long story short, a couple weeks ago I started what I thought was a UTI or maybe even a yeast infection. I was only itchy for 2 days in the beginning, but very uncomfortable when urinating. I dealt with the uncomfortable urination for almost a week when finally one day I woke up and it was brutal to go to the bathroom. The following day it clicked in my head that I had changed my soap and maybe I was having a reaction. However that same day I was beginning to have pain down the back of my legs and this had me the most worried. I finally decided I needed an antibiotic for this infection.

    At the urgent care, the triage nurse asked me all basic questions and medical history. When I had told her about what felt like sciatica pain, she began asking about my sexual history. I had shamefully told her about my one night stand and in my head I was thinking this woman is judging me and thinking I’m some stupid slut that contracted trichomoniasis or something (pain in legs with trich as well). However, this was not the case- she told me she thought I had contracted herpes. I immediately started to cry because how can I have an incurable virus when I don’t have any rashes, sores, blisters, or anything. Now, the nurse was extremely comforting and had said it’s just like having a cold sore, but in a different area. That people make a much bigger deal out of it than it really is because nobody ever talks about it.. So, after I calmed down I did a urine culture, the doctor came in and did a pap smear style swab, and gave me meds to treat a UTI and a yeast infection. The doctor didn’t see anything during the swab and said it didn’t look like I had herpes- which I let out a huge breath of air after hearing that. Upon leaving I was told that I should have the results back by that Saturday and any medicine or further problems, contact them.

    After I called every day since that Sunday, they finally called me back Thursday morning at work and confirmed that not only did I have bacterial vaginosis, but I had also gotten chlamydia AND Herpes. Needless to say I was a mess and had to try to contain myself between patients – worst day ever. My inital feelings were shock, embarrassment, shame, disgust, and felt like this was something I deserved for being so careless and stupid.Karma’s a bitch, right?

    It’s only been 5 days since I found out and I’m almost numb to it. When the one of the very few people who know about it complain about anything – my response is “well, at least you don’t have herpes”. Making stupid jokes is almost like my way of dealing with it. Also I know I have it, but I want to have a blood test to really confirm it. I need to also get tested for HIV because although I don’t think I have it, I also didn’t think I had HSV 2 either. Again, I didn’t have a rash, sores, or blisters. I had what I thought was a UTI, 2 days of mild itching, and a couple weeks worth of sciatica pain that I now take care of with ibuprofen. More than anything else, the sciatica pain is the most intense. Its mainly in my left leg under my buttocks, but it’s also gone into my right leg, given me a type of cramping feeling in my calves, and the other day I felt it in my toes. I haven’t had much pain these past two days, more discomfort than anything else.

    I have a mix of emotions because I know this isn’t something life threatening like cancer, so I’m trying to stay positive. I’m thankful because I have a great support system back home, but I wanted to join support groups, read as much as I could, and sort of know what to expect..
    I’m the only person I know with HSV 2 so I also feel alone, “diseased”, undesirable, and almost unworthy of love. I know the time will come when I want to date again, but right now? I don’t even want to talk to any of the guy friends I normally do in fear of something as simple as getting a compliment. I know there are dating websites for people with STDs, but when will I feel like myself again? Will I have the sex drive that I used to have or forever feel ashamed and dirty? How will I know if I’m having an outbreak or “shedding” if I haven’t gotten the sores or rash? Is the sciatica pain considered as an outbreak even though I can’t see or feel anything on my vagina?.. As much as I read, I feel like I still have so many unanswered questions. I know this is a learning process, but more than anything else- I want to know what to expect and when to expect it AND I want to feel the confidence and acceptance I once had.


    In reply to: Itching

    Dr. Kelly

    There are many things that can cause itching from a yeast infection to an allergy to some product you are using. It could be that you are having symptoms from the virus, but the first thing I would do is to change your soap.

    Live. Love. Thrive.
    Dr. Kelly


    In reply to: Never say never.


    Hi Jean! I just experienced my very first breakout and was diagnosed a few weeks ago- I sure know how you feel right now! By the time I was able to get an appointment at the doctors my sores were mostly in the downswing, but I definitely tried a few things hoping to make it feel better!

    For me, I found the number one biggest comfort was taking a shower- I used a super gentle wash (I was using a pH balanced wash meant for down there, also use hands- no rough wash clothes!) and showered once in the morning and also right before bedtime. If I was home for the day I even hopped in midday for some quick relief on one of the really bad days. Be sure to thoroughly pat dry. For me, trying to keep it dry provided quite a bit of comfort and relief. I had pain but also insanely intense itching. Totally miserable, especially at night!

    This is unfortunately all I can offer you for now as I too have little experience with this! I’m also a big health foodie too, so eat in a way to boost that immune system! Lots of produce (focus on veggies) for me, very little bread, no refined sugars, no caffeine. Your immune system is fighting- help it fight! 🙂

    If it is any help, my husband and I have been together for ten years and he has never had any symptoms. I told him the same day I found out and was absolutely terrified. I armed myself with knowledge and focused on educating HIM about genital herpes when I told him- many have no idea how prevalent HPV is! He has been extremely loving and comforting and has also acknowledged that he may in fact be an asymptomatic carrier who brought it to the relationship and never knew. There is a social stigma around genital herpes and I think a lot of it has to do with lack of education on the subject. I explained to my husband how this is a virus, much like the flu virus, except I get to carry it around for the rest of my life. Since I told him we have continued to educate ourselves on the matter and I also bought Dr. Kelly’s book. I highly recommend you do so if you haven’t- it’s excellent and will truly set your mind at ease over your diagnoses.

    Keep that bright attitude!

    Dr. Kelly


    Thank you for sharing! Your question is excellent!

    The herpes virus can present itself (i.e.) show symptoms anywhere along the nerve branch where transmission occurred. While the virus lives within your spinal chord, when it is active, it travels along the nerve at the level of your spinal chord and it then becomes active at the surface of your skin. An “anal outbreak” is one of several branches from the same root. Think of a tree and all of it’s branches. If your symptoms are directly around the anus, then we know S5 nerve root was infected. If; however, the symptoms are further away from the anus, then it would indicate another sacral nerve (S2, S3 or S4) was infected(see image from
    Pelvic Dermatomes

    As you can see, the S3 branch extends up and around the vagina and it also affects the skin more distantly around the anus. It really depends on how close your symptoms are to the anus. If your symptoms are directly next to the anus, then the S5 nerve root was affected, which means that transmission did occur from friction around the anus. If the symptoms are in the general area, then it could indicate that transmission occurred from contact anywhere within the patch of skin associated with the nerve root, aka the dermatome.

    Check out the image and reference where your symptoms are. This will be the telltale sign of whether or not you contracted herpes from anal sex or not.

    I hope this helps.

    Live. Love. Thrive.
    Dr. Kelly


    Hi Dr. Kelly,

    I was recently diagnosed with HSV-2. I’m having a hard time identifying whether I’m looking at an ingrown hair or herpes? I’ll see what I think is a shaving bump with a little pus. Just a single one, and in the past I would pop it, and move on with my day. However, now I’m not sure if it is herpes. My first experience with herpes was 3 small lesions not blisters. Is there any way to tell the 2 apart? I don’t have any other symptoms otherwise.


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