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  • #42570

    I’d like to tell you my story. I am a man. I don’t know how I ended up in this forum. I was just trying to understand what happened a 14 months ago and I ended up here.
    I was dating this girl. She is beautiful, intelligent, smart, cute (I still think the same about her). After two months being together, being happy, and having sex, she disclosed to me that she has HSV-2. I didn’t know how to react. My instinct was to call my psychologist. I asked her to leave my apartment.
    I was in shock. I suffer depression with a GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). It really fucked me up. I felt so betrayed. It still hurts to remember when she said “even if you get a positive result, you can’t know if you got it from me”. The next days, I had panic attacks. I went to get tested (8 days after last exposure) and I got a negative test. However, I had to get tested again three months later. It was negative again. In 14 months, I have been tested four times, all negative. The four times I also got tested for HIV as well. In my mind, I was like “if she lied about it, she maybe has lied about other things”. I could not believe in doctors. I needed a lot of psychological therapy and several visits to the psychiatrist to be able to sleep and manage anxiety (which became OCD). It really affected me psychologically. Even though I got all the information about the low rate transmission from a woman to a man, that she already had it for several years and was really wise about her symptoms, I could not believe that I did not have the virus. A lot of people catch it in a hook-up, and we were having unprotected sex almost every day. Now I understand the days she avoided sex with me.
    All the time, I loved her. Before the disclosure, we were already talking about doing a trip during the summer and maybe living together after it if things went well. It was soul-destroying to end the relationship, to talk to her and understand that she has her own moral in relationships about when to disclose. Even though she said she liked me, loved me, and wanted to be together, I could not believe her. The trust was destroyed. I considered going back together for three-four months. In fact, I thought I could be able to overcome it and go back together, but I couldn’t. Even though I had therapy, I just realized I would not be able to trust her in simple things. In my mind, I just think any guy she disclosed it before having sex is better than me. I understand it’s hard to disclose and be exposed to rejection (I don’t think she was evil at all. She made a huge mistake), but I just feel I was not respected. I can just tell you that if she had told me before having sex, I would be with her, cause I really liked her since the beginning. I am okay with the decision. I miss her, but the trust is already damaged.
    I knew nothing about herpes before being with her. Just that is is an STD that requires treatment and causes breakouts. I am not American and we don’t even have the stigma you have in this culture. Having herpes is not a big deal, but not disclosing is a big deal. It is important to ask for consent.
    My only advice is to always disclose. I understand it is hard, but there is plenty of people that would accept you by the simple fact that “they really like you” and will take the risk.


    this is a question I’ve always wanted to ask but i feel ashamed when i talk about my hsv2, is it normal to feel totally run down during an outbreak, i always feel so tired and just feel generally blurgh, its so nice to not feel alone anymore xx


    Hi everyone- to warn you there is DV/abuse mention in this so please look after yourself if reading. I was diagnosed yesterday after a pretty horrific week of symptoms. Full flu/fever, cystitis issues and now sores in their plenty. I’ve done a lot of crying and now just waiting to see my current partner to tell them which is nerve racking as I feel he gave it to me but obviously with the nature of the HSV2 there is no evidence of that and I don’t want this to be about blame anyway. For me the harshness lies in he was my first partner after 2 years, the last experience being a sexual assault and a lifetime of on off abuse. Mentally I am not taking on the whole weight of this right now as I know that isn’t healthy. I want to focus on telling him, and then creating a healthy lifestyle to improve my immune system and building support. So, ladies, I am really here for anyone to reach out with wisdom. I will so deeply appreciate it xo


    Hi everyone,

    I’m wondering if any of you have ever had an extended outbreak? As in constant prodromal symptoms and/or physical symptoms like bumps? I’ve had gHSV-1 for almost 2 years now and since May I’ve been experiencing an outbreak (although there’s been a few days where I’ve been ok). I take valtrex, lysine, and vitamin C supplements but so far no help.


    Talking to a new person you are dating seems super scary but it gets easier. So far I’ve told 4 people and they were all okay about it. I’m sure there will be an occasional person who won’t react that way but if you have dated for a little bit and they like you it won’t be a big thing in the grand scheme of things.

    I know exactly how you feel though it is really difficult at times when you feel like you are stuck this way forever but realistically it’s a few days of symptoms when you have a breakout. Stress can be a trigger so working on accepting it and not feeling anxious can definitely help!

    Just take it a day at a time, some days won’t be great but others you will forget you even have it! Xx


    I was diagnosed a few days ago. I was devastated then, but feel numb now. I guess I’m just looking for details so that I can cope now.
    Is it possible to have no symptoms for 5 years? Has anyone been given Ciprofloxacin? Does it work well?


    Hey guys I’m back again . So it’s weird to me bc I got checked for all STDs bc I had sex with a new partner they asked if I wanted HIV testing I said yes but didn’t know I was getting tested for herpes as well . Two days later I got the call that I was diagnosed with hsv-2 I had no symptoms the doctor said she couldn’t do anything and didn’t offer anti virals how weird is that . It’s about two weeks since the diagnoses and I get very inconsistent symptoms . I’ll get a random tingle maybe an itch . I did have one single bump appear in the upper pubic hair zone like right below my belly button it mimicked an ingrown hair and it was gone within two days . I found a another bump even tinier on opposite side a little lower but still in the pubic area . It went away within a day or two as well . These bumps don’t hurt they don’t itch they are there and they are not . I’d also like to point out that my blood tested positive which means I would’ve had this for a while , back in January I had a procedure done where they checked for ALL stds and I came back negative. I had one partner before the procedure and didn’t have sex for two and half months after the procedure. Since March I had sex with that same partner (who had sex with one person for that period of time thag I didn’t have sex with a condom ) and I had my most recent partner whom I was with for about a two weeks when I got the diagnosis . Should I get retested ? Should I ask for antivirals? A lot of things just aren’t adding up


    HiSmokinn26 and everyone that has the same symptoms, there is no need to worry anymore with this program you can now be free from herpes in a few months make sure to get this and start with now and say bye-bye, no more discomfort….


    In reply to: 17 with genital HSV1


    Hi Rye,

    I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to tell you that HSV-1 genital is very different from HSV-2 genital.

    First, 50-80% of the population has HSV-1 orally (cold sores) and just 20% are symptomatic (get the cold sores). So, the chances your next partner has it orally is high. If he has it orally, it is really rare to get it genitally.
    You got oral sex and your partner has hsv-1 orally. It happened because you didn’t have it orally and your first exposure was genitally.

    Second, viraL shedding of HSV-1 genital is really really low (when you shed the virus without symptoms), depending on the study, it is 0-3%, compared to HSV-2, which is 15-30% of the time. The transmission of HsV-1 genital to genital is extremely rare. You get HSV-1 from oral sex. So, disclosing HSV-1 genital is more trust than transmission, dear. You won’t transmit HSV-1 genitally to your partner unless you have an outbreak. Again, HSV-1 genital is not the same as HSV-2 genital.

    Third, HSV-1 genital, normally, you get an One outbreak and no more (40%), then 2 or three en the next 3 years and no more. The recurrence is really low, compared to hsv-2 genital, with an average of 3-6 per year. So, there is no need for an antiviral or suppressive therapy without an outbreak for HSV-1 genital. And if you don’t get a second outbreak in the next year, the chances of not getting more outbreaks is 88%.

    Having herpes is not a big deal, and HSV-1 is not a big deal (even more), but not disclosing is a big deal.

    Watch a video called understanding herpes from the sexual American association and an interview to Terri Warren about herpes in YouTube, dear.
    You have genital herpes, yes, but you got HSV-1, not HSV-2. You got the nicer one.
    Knowing the type of herpes you have is important. Keep with your life and try not to catch HSV-2. The chances of your next partner having hsv-1 and doesn’t even know is really high.
    If you need more information, I’d be glad to share it.
    Hope this helps you


    In reply to: New to this


    Hi the day after my fathers funeral I found out I had HSV2. I still can’t grasp how.
    I keep thinking back to a time a few weeks ago I was desperate and raced into a toilet after a girl and when I sat down, something felt horrible. My partner does not have herpes, and I’ve slept with no other person.
    I’m still coming to terms and haven’t told anyone yet. I had a small sore appear on the back of my upper leg under the cheek of my bum.
    I had it swabbed as it really hurt, I also have flu like symptoms. The test results came back as hsv2. I’m devastated. Why do I feel guilty when I haven’t done anything wrong!


    Hello, I honestly am still waiting on my blood work for confirmation but I’m completely freaked out in every way. I started getting mild pelvic pain in June with mild red spots when urinating followed by what I can only describe as possible nerve type pain in my right inner thigh and down my right leg with persistent right lower back pain. I honestly thought appendix issues or uterine issues then in the last three weeks I’ve had mild urinary pain. I finally got a pap and my dr was shocked at how inflamed my
    cervix was and I was shocked as well. I do have reactions to condoms and Lubes so I never thought much. After reading up on cervicitis I found out that it’s mostly STI or yeast related. She treated me for yeast a week ago but I only got more pain and now I’m on doxycycline which seems the same , I’m only getting worse. My swabs came back negative for anything so I’m freaking out awaiting my blood tests. I have no typical external symptoms but my research says my leg and back pain and cervicitis are signs of hsv. I thought I was clear as I’ve not been with anyone new in 3 years and after that I got tested specifically for this and my dr told me I was negative. I looked up my old labs from 3 yrs ago only to find out that it was inconclusive at.91 which says I should have been retested and my dr failed to tell me that. So now I’m sitting here freaking out in every way and don’t know what to do as I have other conditions that combined with this can be very bad for me. Does anyone have experience with this or advice?

    This reply has been marked as private.

    I recommend you to watch this video:

    Be honest and tell him all the reasons why you didn’t tell him (fear of rejection, confident with your symptoms, guilt, etc.). This will help him to cope with the diagnosis.


    Hi everyone, I need a bit of advice/support as Iv had a bit of a shitty day….
    I was diagnosed with Herpes 8 months into my previous relationship. I split from this partner 4 months ago after 8 years of being together and pretty quickly started seeing someone new. It has taken me 2 months to finally tell him I have herpes and within the last couple of days of me telling him, he has developed symptoms of the virus. I feel so embarrassed, ashamed and to blame as I told him that I know when I’m getting symptoms so that we can try and prevent him catching it, but I have had no symptoms at all so I’m confused as to how he has caught it off me.
    I also feel very guilty and that he will resent me for giving it to him, and I don’t want him to feel like he has to stay with me.
    All Iv done is get upset about it, and I’m not the type of person to be open with my feelings to someone so I will just bother it up and pretend that it’s ok but really I feel like shit at the moment.
    Any help or advice would be very much appreciated Xx


    Hi Moe,
    I would listen to your gynecologist. Many many people carry the virus and do not know it. You are in a position of knowledge right now. You know you carry the oral herpes (HSV-1). In knowing this you can better protect yourself and others from transmitting the virus. Rather than focus on all the what ifs, you can focus on what you do know. You now know that when you are experiencing symptoms there are things you should not be doing to decrease spread. You can also empower yourself with the idea that you may or may not also have HSV-2 and be practicing safe sex to limit spread from others to you or vice versa, and also you have the knowledge for what to look for if in the future you do experience any symptoms of HSV-2. At that time (which I hope never happens for you) you can make an appointment for a test (swab of the lesion) to confirm you do have HSV-2 and be able to get medication to treat your symptoms. I have been recently diagnosed via blood work as well and I understand how you feel confused. But with knowledge comes power, and all we can do is move forward better informed on how to protect ourselves, and protect others.

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