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    Ive heard sometimes STDs in general lay dormant until they are triggered by sex. this has happened to me twice. once when i had chlamydia and then again when i contracted herpes. When i got herpes i had just started having sex with my new boyfriend at the time. Something didn’t feel right, and i started having a breakout. the last time i had sex before that was a few MONTHS prior. Why on earth would i have thought i got anything when i had no symptoms for months! He took it well at first but we broke up now and of course blames me and thinks i did it to him on purpose. anywho…i think it varies by person on how it effects you.


    Drink soooo much water ladies…it helps dilute your urine and it doesn’t sting as bad. when i had my first outbreak and had all the symptoms you mentioned…i didn’t drink much water because i didn’t want to pee anymore than i had to. But your urine is so concentrated when you do that. So drink lots, so you pee mostly water!


    I was diagnosed with HSV2 7 months ago after been told many times it was different infections until been tested due to the blisters. I’ve experienced UTI’s in the past, but this felt like a sever UTI. I’d been seeing a guy for 4 months prior to this, and he was very supportive and non-judgmental, and said he had never experienced any symptoms. Unfortunately we recently split up (not related to the diagnosis). I had a long term partner before that, although we had broken up in between, and separate intimate relationships during that time. He often got cold sores on his mouth, although we never discussed this as ‘herpes’ as I suppose we were just uneducated on it. He was very strict about not kissing when he had a cold sore. He also cheated on me by kissing 2 separate girls one night (he says that is all it was). During our break about 4 years ago I was sleeping with a guy and during this time I got a UTI which was very painful (although they usually are). I have so many questions… was the guy I was sleeping with give me it back then? Did my long term partner give me it during oral sex? Did my partner do more than kiss a girl and contract it? If it was ever considered to rekindle things with my long term partner, how would I tell him, would he accept it?

    As well as all of this, I feel so alone. I have confided in a few of my close friends who are supportive, but I can’t help but think I am going to be on my own or I won’t be accepted. I don’t want kids just yet, but in the future I hope to have kids and a family. I know this virus is so common but so many people don’t know they have it, so when it comes to disclosing it in the future am I just going to be rejected by someone who could potentially have it themselves? I fear disclosing it to someone I know, or they know people I know and it gets shared around. I am struggling to cope with the impact this is having on my life, I am already struggling with my mental health and my stresses.


    In reply to: First time disclosing


    I am right there with you! Havent been able to date since I was diagnosed last year.

    Hoping this goes well for you! We all know hsv is very very common. I have told a couple of my girlfriends & one confided she was a carrier & had passed it on to someone else (but asymptomatic) & the other friend had had symptoms, but wasnt tested.

    I think given how common it is, it shouldn’t be such a huge stigma! Will be thinking about you & hope it works out for you!💝💝


    Hello! This is something I’ve lived with for 4 years now and it’s gotten to the stage where I have to take Acciclover twice daily to help outbreaks. Unfortunately, this doesn’t completely stop them either, but lessen the symptoms…. But without fail, when my period is due, I will start to feel tired, my eye bags swell and I have severe brain fog- then I realise why I’m feeling so rotten 😞. I live in a small community and the doctors here are beyond useless and won’t do anything to help me! I’m poorly all the time, and I’ve had to tell a few people I would rather not because I can’t hide it!! Work etc! I’m not sure what I’m even looking for with this post, other than to know I’m not alone. I feel like a leper!!! Had anyone else experienced their PMS kicking off their outbreaks? I want to come off the tablets but I know I will be even more ill, as at least they stop me getting blisters. The joys 😔


    I do not yet have a positive HSV diagnosis, but I had protected sex with someone who is HSV positive 5 days ago and have experienced a sudden onset of symptoms consistent with herpes infections. Very early so no blisters yet, which means I can’t get tested yet, and so I’m just left to stew in my own feelings of intense anxiety, sadness, fear, and regret. After 5+ years of being celibate, I’m so upset that this has happened right away – wish I had stayed celibate now 🙁 if it’s as I fear, it will complicate relationships for me, which I am already very unskilled and shy at navigating….

    I feel so isolated and lonely with no one to discuss my fears with – I don’t dare bring it up to friends or family. I don’t even know for sure if I have HSV but I know when something in my body is off, and the timing makes my heart sink…it seems almost certain. Is there anyone who had a scare like this and it was fine? Perhaps that’s just wishful thinking……… I can think of nothing else right now. Anyone in the same boat? 🙁

    • This topic was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by Page.

    So, I got herpes about 8 years ago in my early 50’s after dating someone after my divorce. I’m now 59. It was devastating and I’m still struggling with the physical symptoms as well as the shame and disappointment of knowing I’ll never be free to really enjoy sex again. It’s just not fun for me, and I’ve resigned myself to celibacy. I have a partner of 5 years, but we don’t have sex and neither of us cares. To be honest, sex is just too much trouble (the condoms, the lube, no oral sex, the breakouts from friction! Ugh) and the spontaneity is gone, not to mention the worry of me passing this virus on to him. The whole thing is stressful so I avoid sex completely. It is an option, and one that I’m ok with (for now).
    I know this isn’t what most people want to hear, but this is the conclusion that I have come to, and it’s alright to NOT have sex. I’ve had great sex in my life, so I’m grateful for that but it’s not the end of the world if I never have it again. There are many other things in
    life, and it can be freeing when sex isn’t central to the relationship. Just another perspective! Hope it’s helpful to someone.


    Hi. I was diagnosed with herpes two months ago. My boyfriend gets cold sores (HSV1) but did not have any noticeable symptoms at the time. He performed oral sex and I was diagnosed a few days later, around the same time the tell tale blisters appeared on his lip. Thankfully I’ve only had one recurrence since then and was extremely mild. Ever since my diagnosis I’ve felt dirty and unlovable. I’m worried that even though he says I’m not dirty; he believes it and he won’t want to be with me anymore. I can’t help but feel like my diagnosis was my fault and that if I had just remained celibate nothing would have happened to me. I feel like I have all these negative thoughts surrounding sex all of a sudden and I’m afraid to do it. I want to be with him like we were but I’m so afraid and I don’t know what to do. I keep thinking that maybe I should leave him and be on my own so I don’t have to deal with it but I don’t want that at all. I love him I’m just worried he won’t love me anymore. What can I do to help get rid of these feelings and be ready to have sex again?


    I am so sorry to hear this Jade. He acted out of anger and said things that were not true. Sometimes it easier to blame others because it’s easier than turning the blame inward. At the end of the day, people are not screened for HSV, they are only tested when there are symptoms. There is no way of knowing who gave it to who or how long either of you have had it. Like you said, if he didn’t get tested after cheating, he has no idea when he got it. Regardless, that sounds like a painful conversation and I’m so sorry you had to go through that.


    I recently got tested a couple days ago after my boyfriend suggested. I had no symptoms whatsoever and had previously been treated for chlamydia. I find out that I tested positive not only for chlamydia but also HSV1. I’m not so sure he got it from me since he never went to get tested and cheated on me. My whole life shattered when 15 years of my life went up in flames in an instant. The worst part is that he accused me of knowing all along when I was just as shocked and confused as he was. I was angry and blamed myself for our relationship being over. I felt disgusting and thought the life we planned together could never happen for me. Who will want me now ?


    I am waiting on my diagnosis (both oral and down there)

    My symptoms are mostly all oral (I had some discharge and very mild itching burning down there but nothing else) orally however I have sores coming through, red/bruised lips, burning and a white/yellow tongue.

    Anyway. Time for my “worst luck” story.

    About 6 months ago I came out of a very unhappy 8 year relationship. I didn’t think I’d find anyone who ticked all the boxes, treated me like a princess, made me believe in that “once in a lifetime” love but I did. We are very new but we’ve known each other for quite some time. Anyway. I had a one night stand in between breaking up with my ex and meeting my person🥺 I’m pretty sure that’s where if I have it, I got it from. He denies any symptoms or knowing.

    Me and my new man have kissed lots (before my mouth symptoms) and I have given him oral. I did not have any sores or anything at the time. I have since refrained from sex because I’ve been worrying I have it so I’m thankful I’ve done that. But I am worried I may have passed it to him before the signs showed up? Is that likely?


    I mean prodome symptoms not profile


    Hi guys, I was recently diagnosed with HSV-1 in November 2021. I had a pretty bad first outbreak but got it sorted with meds. However, since then I have had the typical profile sypmtoms a lot and no sign of any blisters/sores. Basically, I get the shooting nerve pain down my legs, tingling down my legs and butt, a lot of vaginal itchiness and lower back pain. A strange thing that happens when I get these symptoms is I get one small red spot that forms on my butt cheek. It’s only one and they look like pimples and don’t blister or itch or hurt. I’m just concerned because why do they appear every time I get these prodome symptoms? Does anyone else get this? Is this a mini-outbreak? Does this mean I’m shedding/contagious all the time? Also, I feel like my nerve pain gets triggered by alcohol, is this common? I’m really nervous because I’m constantly worried if I’m contagious when the nerve pain hits. Or is this all just post-herpatic nerve pain? Will it go away?


    I’m in my 50s , we’re not married but been togeher over 10 years! And the same story.. he had/has no symptoms.. and neither of us have been with anyone else! I know exactly how you both are feeling!!! Never saw this coming!!

    Jess Jess

    Hi KD,

    I’m in the same boat as you now. I just turned 30 over the weekend and noticed some sharp pain down there but figured it was period related because I had just started. Then the Monday after the weekend, the pain got much worse and I noticed bumps on me and immediately called my DR to make an appointment. She told me she thinks it’s definitely one of the HSV’s and took a swab to test. I’m still waiting on my results but I know how you feel. I cried in the patient room and when I got into my car. I’ve been with my partner for over 5.5 years and never had any signs or symptoms until this past weekend. My whole world has turned upside down at this point. Just know you aren’t alone!

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