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  • serenka

    Hi ladies, thank you for accepting me into this group. I am eager to feel the support and learn from you all as I am just embarking on my herpes journey and am having a rough start.

    I got herpes from my boyfriend. We’ve been together for a year. He noticed a pimple on his face that turned out to actually be a cold sore. Not knowing this, we had engaged in sexual activity recently before and therefore I got beepers 2 on my genitals. This is my first outbreak and it is greatly painful and uncomfortable and I feel very sad and alone. I don’t want to feel dirty or unclean. And my symptoms seem pretty severe. Especially when I pee .. is the most painful thing I’ve ever encountered. I don’t know how to deal with any of this. My doctor was a man and he was very uninterested in helping me or spending time with me to answer any of my questions .. basically habe me the medicine and said goodbye.

    Any advice on what to expect here? And any tips on how to pee through this horrible
    Pain? It’s almost unmanageable.


    It can be transmitted through oral sex. It’s rare, but it can happen. I only know this because this is how I got it. My partner didn’t realize he had a cold sore coming on until the next day. I admit when he told me he got one, I panicked. I was so terrified that I was going to contract the virus, and sure enough, I tested positive for HSV1 which is the most common form of oral herpes.

    Many people are not aware they have herpes. It can go undiagnosed for years and many people do not even have obvious symptoms that would encourage them to get tested. Some people can carry the virus and not even be aware until a partner becomes infected. And because herpes is so common, if a person has had multiple partners, there’s sometimes no certainty on when or through whom that same person became infected.


    I was diagnosed a number of years ago now, and though it was hard to come to terms with, I considered myself one of the lucky ones: mild symptoms, flare-ups every 3 years, etc. A few months ago, something changed. Suddenly I was getting flare-ups every time I got my period. Then it continued on after my period. Then it showed up slightly before my period and continued through and after my period.

    I’ve been suffering through an intense outbreak for approximately 11 weeks now and I am at my wits end. I’ve started taking a daily antiviral which does not seem to be working (it’s been 8 weeks and I’ve seen no improvement and new lesions keep appearing). I keep telling myself “This too shall pass” and I truly do believe it.

    My biggest issue is maintaining intimacy with my partner. We’ve been together nearly 3 years and he doesn’t seem to understand that, when I feel uncomfortable with my body due to this never-ending flare-up, and when I feel ugly and “gross”, I find it difficult to be in the mood. The result is that he thinks I am unattracted to him and I do not want him to feel hurt and alone. I do what I can (cuddles, kisses, love notes, sexting, pics, etc), but it doesn’t seem to be working.

    I realize this can be something underlying regarding his self-worth or self-esteem, but I still want to make sure I’m doing everything that I can.

    Any advice on how to maintain intimacy while feeling so alone in this arduous battle would be much appreciated.

    This reply has been marked as private.

    Sometimes I have horrible nerve pain, sometimes I get really tired, sometimes I have no random for me.
    I have had it since high school, I’m almost 50 now.


    I have had hsv2 since March and it hit me hard. The guy who I was with, we had been together for almost a year and I met him in college. I really thought he was the one but I laugh at that thought now because he really was the worst. He had a girlfriend of four years from back home and I was just keeping him entertained while he was at school. I didn’t know how to handle the news of my diagnosis, the heart break of my relationship, and quarantine all at once sending me into a deep depression. At first I saw no hope in anything. I was given valtrex by my wellness center at my college right before quarantine and unfortunately my appointment with my primary care doctor was cancelled due to the pandemic, leading me not to be seen until the middle of the summer. Until then I was taking valtrex daily and had no symptoms, I felt hopeful again and that this is something I can learn to live with. Once I saw my primary care doctor they recommended I no longer take the valtrex daily and instead as outbreaks occur. This seemed to work fine for the first few weeks but now it seems I constantly have an outbreak. the outbreaks are definitely worse when I have my period, making the already mixed emotions I have during this time even worse. I want to continue taking the valtrex but I am concerned with the long term effects on my health that the doctor mentioned. I am still hopeful in the fact that I can figure out a way to manage this as it is all still relatively new but it is still hard to deal with the ups and downs of it all. I don’t really feel I am in need of a relationship right now but besides that I am afraid to start a new relationship with anyone not only due to the fear of telling them about my diagnosis but also due to the fact that my trust has been severely broken. I am honestly at one of the happiest points in my life but my hsv2 keeps bringing up self doubt I have worked so hard at keeping away

    This reply has been marked as private.

    Hi im new to this forum and pretty new to diagnosis. I was diagnosed October last year with HSV2 and have had 3 flair ups since then. Every flair up I have I get flu like body aches and very emotional, I also feel generally under the weather. I was wondering if this was normal as when I googled it, it said usually this happens with the first episode but not with others.


    Does any one else experience Uti or bladder infection symptoms when getting close to or having an outbreak? It’s so painful and Idk what to do. They refuse to give me anything stronger than Tylenol and ibuprofen. I can’t keep taking this pain. Any suggestions would help! P.s. it doesn’t hurt when I pee like burn or anything it’s literally like bladder cramps after I pee.

    middle joe

    Hello ladies.

    I found this support group and I’m in need of help. I’ve recently been diagnosed with HSV-1 and I’m so devastated, empty, worthless and just overall sad. I just can’t wrap my head around this and I’m having a hard time dealing with this all.
    My partner has been so supportive and caring but I can’t shake this feeling. I had my first episode a month ago and the doctors mistaken it for a yeast infection. The symptoms got worse and I knew this wasn’t right. Not getting treated right away had me in so much pain.
    I’m more scared of the upcoming pain I’ll be going through for the rest of my life. Thinking will my life ever be normal? Will I have a normal love life? I really don’t want this to define me but I’m having a hard time accepting this.
    This is all new and I’m scared. Terrified of being alone with my thoughts. Any help and advice is appreciated.

    I feel so alone with this and unable to tell anyone.


    Hiya, hope you’re doing better now and have some answers as to what is wrong? And if indeed it is herpes and not something else, I hope you aren’t taking it too hard. It can be really difficult knowing it doesn’t disappear and you can easily forget it. Do try to remember that for most people this isn’t a frequently recurring issue, and it recurs less and less the further you are from your initial breakout. It’s the word that is the fear, not the symptoms themselves as, after the first breakout, it tends to be more irritating than debilitating in terms of work or day to day life. So don’t panic about having to keep taking time off work, that shouldn’t be an issue even if you didn’t have meds for a recurrence it can be managed with taking warm baths and not wearing irritating clothing. The symptoms do not tend to be excruciating after the first breakout. It should just be a bit uncomfortable/itchy/tingly if it does recur and you just take a break from sex like you do for your period! Same as chicken pox stays in your body, herpes does. But it doesn’t make you some outcast, most people have it! Everyone is just scared of STDs because of stigma rather than because of there being a danger to you or something wrong with you. It’s bad luck, but you’ll be okay. Hope you’re doing better x


    Hello my name is Stefanie, I’m 26 years old and I recently found out I have Herpes.

    About a week ago I had to go to the hospital because I was experiencing all kinds of symptoms, from swollen vulva, bumps, blisters etc.
    I was / am in so much pain.
    I got tested and it came back positive for HSV.
    I was all alone in the hospital for 13 hours doped up, it wasn’t until after coming home I realized this is real and not a dream.

    I’ve been struggling day to day trying to wrap my head around this.
    I feel like a different person.
    I have so many emotions and don’t know what’s next.

    I told my partner i tested positive and he is going to get checked.
    I feel disgusting and I am concerned, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone let alone someone I love.
    My partner has been very supportive and keeps trying to remind me this “ outbreak “ won’t last forever but I can’t seem to shake my head from knowing I will have herpes for the rest of my life.

    Struggling to accept my Diagnosis
    Is there anyone that would like to chat please message me.
    I could really use a friend Especially someone who can relate.


    In reply to: 19 with Herpes


    I would suggest you to get a blood test for herpes, looking for antibodies, just to be sure. Maybe you are an exception, but HSV-1 genital doesn’t cause recurring outbreaks like you. It is known to cause less than 1 per year. And even talking of transmission of HSV-1, you shouldn’t be worried. The viral shedding (When you shed the virus without symptoms) of HSV-1 is 1-3%, compared to 15-30% of HSV-2. Transmission of HSV-1 genital to genital is rare (extremely rare).

    And you can ask to your partner to get tested for antibodies. No need of symptoms. They take your blood and in 2-3 days you get the results.

    But the chances both guys have HSV-1 are high since 50-80% of Americans has HSV-1.


    I am in the middle of my first outbreak and am waiting on test results to confirm what kind it is and I am having so many other issues besides the sores. I am wondering did anyone else have any discharge with the initial outbreak? I have had the flu like symptoms chills, weakness/fatigue, what feels like period cramps but I am having a lot of thin watery discharge and there is enough that I am having to frequently change panty liners. My doctor said that is not normal for herpes but I’m wondering has anyone else had this experience?


    In reply to: New


    Hi Jackie,

    Well. The first thing is to be informed. Having HSV-1 genital is different than HSV-2 genital. are the Here are facts you need to know:
    50% to 80% of the population already has HSV-1 orally.
    It is rare to pass the virus to your genitals once you have it orally.
    HSV-2 genital outbreaks go from 3 to 6 per year or more in symptomatic people.
    HSV-1 genital outbreaks are 1 or less per year in symptomatic people. Most often, they have 1-3 in three years and then nothing.
    Viral shedding (When you shed the virus without symptoms) of HSV-1 genital is like 1-3% depending on the study.
    Viral shedding of HSV-2 genital is 15-30% of the time.
    Without a condom and having sex while there are no symptoms in HSV-2 is 4% from women to man.
    Imagine with HSV-1. It’s almost nothing. The transmission of HSV-1 genital to genital is rare (really rare). You mostly get HSV-1 with oral sex. That’s what happened to you. You didn’t catch it as a kid with the kiss of your parents or a grandpa or grandma; and your first exposure to HSV-1 was oral sex.
    So, you got genital herpes, but you were lucky enough to get the nicer one: HSV-1.
    All you need to do is to request your partner to get tested, the chances he has HSV-1 and doesn’t even know are high. If he has it, no problem.
    If he doesn’t, still, the chances of getting it during sex are really really low.
    Watch a video in YouTube called “understanding herpes” from the American health association. And watch a podcast in YouTube. “The big herpes episode with Terri Warren”. She is one of the top recognized academics and researchers about herpes. All I said and more will be there. If you need a serious paper to understand it, I can’t send it as well.
    Most people say herpes is herpes, it doesn’t matter (even doctors). But, for me, it does matter. Having herpes is not a big deal, and having HSV-1 is even less than a deal.
    I hope this information helps you, and I encourage you to request your partner a test. Maybe he has HSV-2 and doesn’t even know. You should also take care of your health.

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