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    I didn’t get a whole lot of time to discuss this all with my doctor when I was diagnosed as it was a bit of a shock and of course I wasn’t thinking particularly straight. So I have a question about transmission routes:

    My genital herpes outbreak is in the anal region. My doctor asked me if my husband and I have ever had anal sex and I automatically answered ‘no’ because we don’t. BUT, when we were first together we DID experiment. That was about nine years ago so it didn’t immediately occur to me because hey, it was nine years ago.

    The doctor mentioned something about the route of least resistance to the effect of anal sex being the most likely culprit due to my outbreak presenting in that area. Is this true? Is it likely that I got the infection this way when we were experimenting? My husband is the only one I have ever experimented with.



    Hi. I’m new here. And like all of you, I have a story.

    Yesterday was the day that I found out that I have herpes. I went to the doctor for a rash that I knew wasn’t “right”. I had done research online and after looking at photos I KNEW. But I also knew I needed a doctor to confirm, and confirm he did.

    Here’s the thing. I am almost 30. I have been in a monogamous relationship for ten years. Most women would say that perhaps my husband is doing things I don’t know about, but we’ve spent the majority of our relationship working together in a wilderness setting where we were literally on TOP of one another EVERY day. If he did anything…..well. He’s Houdini because there was no place to do it and as of right now he still works in a situation where we are so in touch throughout the day that…really- his cheating on me and contracting it is a highly unlikely scenario.

    So in speaking to my doctor he says it is not uncommon to be a carrier for years and have no signs or symptoms. And since my husband and I have been together for ten years…it’s highly unlikely he is free and clear of this and honestly either of us could have brought this to the table.

    I left the doctors yesterday thinking: How does one tell their spouse that they have genital herpes? I was surprisingly not upset. I was more upset at the prospect of hurting my husband. But I had read enough about the infection to not feel very alarmed; it is so common. I’m not dirty. I am a married woman. I am college educated. I have a career, a home, a life. But my husband. I DID feel numb.

    When he got home shortly after I did, I sat him down and explained what the doctor had told me, and that in a few weeks he needed to go in for testing. He listened very quietly. I wanted to cry.

    When I finished he moved over to me, wrapped his arms around me and told me that this didn’t change anything and it was just one more thing we had to share and move on with. Perhaps not a wanted share, but a share none-the-less.

    I have never felt so loved. We discussed possible past experiences of where it could have come from; he admitted to having had unprotected sex prior to our relationship (as had I) and of course even protected sex doesn’t completely protect you. And we both acknowledged that my past ex and “friend” could also be the culprit. And then my husband took me out to dinner.

    Ladies….please don’t feel hopeless. I know my story is probably unusual- I am in a long-term relationship. But I feel that my husband is proof that someone CAN love you. You WILL live on, you WILL live a normal life. This is just a part of you now. It will pop up from time to time, and they have medications to tamp it down a bit, and we will all figure out what works best for our bodies. Of course we can all hope we are that case that barely has an outbreak in our entire lives (look at me; I’ve probably been infected for more than TEN YEARS and had no clue).

    You are not dirty. You are human. And when you stand in a crowd, you are not alone.

    I want to stay active on here as I do believe we all need support in this. Society tends to make us feel ashamed about something like this, and we shouldn’t be. No one makes you feel ashamed when you get the flu, you shouldn’t feel ashamed when you find out you have herpes. Life will go on.

    I will update when I find out my husbands test results. The doctor says he suspects that he might be an asymptomatic carrier- the worst kind because they NEVER know they have it and pass it on. So we will see. Thank you for listening to my story.

    Live on, lovely ladies.


    In reply to: Diagnosed yesterday



    Don’t be too hard on yourself about this. I found out this December that I had HSV-2, and like most, I was devastated. I thought the outbreak was from my current boyfriend as we had been together for several months and I tested negative for HSV-2 in November. Well, my BF went and got tested for everything and his tests all came back negative. So, I’m left not knowing how I got it. Anyway, I told him that I thought we should breakup since he is negative and my culture came back positive. He said absolutely not. He was having a hard time dealing with the idea that he possibly gave it to me. However, he said he loves me so much, and is willing to accept the possibility that I could give it to him. We are both in our 30’s. He’s a successful wonderful man so don’t ever think you need to settle for less because of this. Also, as far as children go, many women with HSV have children and are perfectly fine. You might have to have a c-section but that’s not a big deal either. I had one before I contracted HSV because my little one was huge when he was born. Anyway, if you know your mom will be supportive, I would definitely talk to her about it. I did and my mom has been an amazing support system for me.

    Best Wishes!


    In reply to: Herpetic Whitlow

    Dr. Kelly

    This would be an example of auto inoculation, which generally does not occur after your first outbreak. If, however, you have a cut on your finger, I would not rub it on an open sore. Other than that, I would not be concerned.


    I really wish that I could still edit my original post. I thought I knew exactly who gave this to me. As it turns out I have no idea. My story is far more complicated then I ever expected. My BF and I assumed that he gave me HSV2 because I started having symptoms shortly after we were intimate. I thought he must have been asymptomatic. This is because I had all of my blood work including HSV2 done in November and I hadn’t been with anyone else in a long time. My blood tests came back “negative.” After being with him 2 times I had my first outbreak. My doctor took a culture sample and it came back positive for HSV2. Well my BF went and had blood work done the other day and his blood work HSV1 & HSV2 came back “negative.” He hasn’t been with anyone in over 2 years. We couldn’t be more confused. I asked my doctor if she could blood test me again to see how the results turn out now and she said that it’s not necessary at this point because the blood tests have very little usability. So I’m still wondering how I got this. I guess I’ll never know at this point since all of our blood tests have come back negative. I can say this though, my BF says he plans to stick by me no matter what and I really feel blessed to have such a wonderful and supportive BF. It helps so much cause this has been really tough.


    I just found out on Christmas Eve that I have HSV2. I was blood tested in Nov and 6 months before that, and my tests came back negative. With that being said I know exactly who gave it to me. I got it from the guy I started dating a few months ago. I told him I would not sleep with him unless he was STD tested. He went and had an HIV test and Hep, both came back negative. He is 37 and has only been with (2) other girls. His last relationship was an 8 year relationship. They broke up 2 years ago and he had not been with anyone since. He apparently is Asymptomatic. He’s never shown any symptoms and had no idea that he has HSV2. I’m a single mom and I work hard and I’m about to graduate from school. I’m completely devestated about this. I wish I had insisted that he was tested for this too. I just didn’t realize that you could have it with no symptoms. We even used condoms. I’m 33 years old and my son is 5 and I’m scared to even hug him. I know that might sound ridiculous but it’s true. I knew almost immediately when I contracted this. I started having shooting pains in the side of my butt cheek really bad then I inspected myself and on the outside of the labia I saw 3 lesions. Not blisters though. I went and had a culture and sure enough it was HSV2. I also had a super bad sore throat and felt unwell during the first outbreak. This was early December. Now it’s early Jan and I found a blister this time on the opposite side. It’s kind of on the side of my lower butt cheek. Once again I am devastated. My boyfriend is super upset and tells me he loves me all the time and how sorry he is. He is really good to me and my son. Unfortunately, I don’t know if I can completely forgive him for this happening. I wash my hands like 50 times a day and I’m so paranoid because I have my little boy and I feel unclean laying next to him. I hate feeling this way. Sometimes I have good days and other times I just break down and cry 🙁


    Hi all,
    I’m new to the forum, but not to Herpes. I got H from my now husband way back when we first became intimate while in college 10 years ago, he has frequent cold sores and I should’ve known but I was young and naive. My initial outbreak was devastating, humiliating and ROUGH, my husband though was so good and felt terrible. Once it was over though I didn’t think about it again for 8 YEARS. We got married and 2 years afterward had our son Colton. I had a rough pregnancy and delivery, then when Colton was only 2 weeks old he was life flighted for cluster seizures and because of my history of H, the doctors initially thought they may from that and gave him a not great prognosis. Fortunately (comparatively speaking) they found his seizures came from a blood clot in his brain. (He’s now an active toddler with mild to moderate developmental delays, still unsure what the future holds but having fun regardless). I struggled a long time with self guilt over an incorrect diagnosis and post partum anxiety and depression, still working on it but it gets better. Then 7 months later when I finally stopped pumping breast milk for my son, I developed chronic recurrent vaginitis that had me in pain for 2-3 weeks out of every month. Couple of months into that I started having even more intense pain, went back to find out I’m having herpes outbreaks on top of it! The recurrent vaginitis (hormonal and dr thinks potentially immune mediated) and herpes have been continuous for the past year and a half. I’m on a slew of medications, antivirals, birth control to suppress my hormones, vitamins, krill oil, lysine, zinc, changed my diet, cut out sugars, started eating a lot less processed foods, working out and taking time for myself. The only way to lower my stress further would be to ship out my toddler (who is currently in meltdown mode because I cut his sandwich in half, the inhumanity!). So yea, that’s my story. When my H outbreaks became BAD a few months ago, I read Dr. Kelly’s book, and now am trying very hard to accept herpes, forgive my husband (he didn’t know better) and break the association between my son’s birth and my physical and mental struggles. Phew, that was a lot. On a lighter note, I have awesome job I love and amazing coworkers, most of them have/had their own tiny tyrant tots and can relate, or at the very least drink wine and ignore the screaming.


    In reply to: Menstruation


    Hi Rose,

    Good to hear from someone else in this situation!

    I am now about 8 weeks pregnant and I haven’t noticed anything different really. No outbreaks (although (apologies for graphic info) my pubic hair seems to be rather sensitive but I am not even sure if this is related to herpes at all – this virus confuses me!).

    So thus far I would say that being pregnant doesn’t bring on outbreaks the way menstruation did for me. I’ll let you know how I get on if you are interested.

    Wishing you so much luck! From what I’ve read around the topic giving birth with herpes is fairly low risk – especially if you know you have it and have had it for some time, and make your midwife etc aware. So I am hopeful that it won’t make a jot of difference.

    I am taking the maximum strength Pregnacare multivitamin, which has all sorts and comes with a separate daily omega 3 capsule. It includes all sorts…vitamin D, folic acid and others. Incidentally I noticed it also includes arginine which I have read is a trigger, but I figured my baby getting the best vitamins was more important than me potentially having an outbreak (and my outbreaks are so mild that they aren’t really clinically recognisable as herpes – although that comment reminds me how hopeless most doctors are at recognising and diagnosing herpes, in my experience).

    If you meant am I taking any sort of acyclovir or repressive medication, then the answer is no. I never have done and I wouldn’t want to whilst pregnant. I think they suggest taking it towards the end of pregnancy to prevent outbreaks near delivery, and if it makes sense I might do that.

    Hope this helps!


    Hi Birdie,

    How long have you been on suppressants? I just started two weeks ago when I had an outbreak. I decided to start taking the medicine daily, but am still getting outbreaks. Just curious how long it takes to kick in.

    I think the medicine suppresses the outbreak but doesn’t stop the recurrence. So you still might get an outbreak. That’s what I have read at least.


    Hi Ladies,

    I was recently diagnosed a year ago and have been going through all the emotions. Although I still struggle, I am trying to look forward and find a way to live with the virus. I have bought Dr Kelly’s book and am trying to incorporate meditation, etc in my life.

    I went to see a therapist when first diagnosed as I was very upset. In our meeting she mentioned a few of her patients also suffered from the virus for many years and tried this cleanse. They used to have outbreaks very often and after the cleanse they haven’t had any outbreaks.

    I realize there isn’t a cure, but wanted to see if anyone else has heard of this cleanse and had positive experience. Any thoughts?


    Does anyone have any advice on how to tell if I’m having an outbreak if I’m on suppression therapy ? I feel like because I am on meds and taking lysine that I might be having a mild outbreak and not know it ? I’m also scared to get off my suppression therapy because I’m worried it will happen all the time.


    I am 19 years old and was diagnosed with Genital Herpes yesterday (December 30th). I am so confused and keep wondering how and why this is happening to me. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and the first thoughts were did one of us cheat? We were both very confused. I stumbled upon this as I was trying to gain knowledge on how to be safe and prevent outbreaks. I found that this can lay dormant for years which made my boyfriend and I feel a little bit better. I live with the constant fear of him leaving due to this, even though he says otherwise and is an amazing and supportive man. I just don’t know where to go from here and cry constantly. I’m hoping this place will help, because I have fallen into a deep depression.


    In reply to: It Happened Today


    Hi Morgan! When was he blood tested? Why was he blood tested? It’s not a routine STD test, so I kind of doubt he has been tested unless he has specifically asked for it. He might’ve asked for an STD test and thought it was included but it wasn’t.

    That said, I believe the average time it takes for an initial outbreak to appear is something like 2-12 days from exposure. Have you been with anyone else since then? If not, maybe it’s from a while ago but has just decided to surface. I’ve read about married couples that find out years into their marriage and their spouse is clean.

    But try not to worry too much about where it came from. Worry about how you’re feeling. I cried for two weeks after my diagnosis (on Nov 13th). If you can, try not to google too much about herpes. Avoid reading the negative stories out there. Instead, get your information from forums like these. Dr. Kelly’s book helped me a lot. People with herpes still find love and happiness. (People without herpes sometimes still don’t.) There’s no reason you can’t have those things. I’ve disclosed to one person, and he didn’t care at all. You might have to be a little more selective about who you date, but it might help you avoid a lot of jerks. Don’t worry too much right now though about telling some imaginary guy you haven’t met yet. Deal with it when it comes along. Hope this helps a little.

    Best of luck & lots of love.


    In reply to: Nuts


    I am newly diagnosed and eat nuts daily. Should I totally cut them out of my diet forever? I think I had an outbreak with my ex-husband 8 years ago.


    In reply to: Oral sex


    Hi Marissa,

    I’m not Dr. Kelly but I have the same thing as you (gHSV1) so I’ve read up quite a bit.

    You will only have outbreaks genitally, assuming you don’t also have oHSV1. (It’s extremely rare to get the same type in both places though. I read that this only happens if you contract it at the same time, but I don’t know that for sure.) Because you have gHSV1 and not oHSV1, you can’t pass it on by kissing or by you giving oral sex.

    However, it is possible for a partner to contract it orally from you through them giving you unprotected oral sex, even without a sore due to shedding. But gHSV1 sheds very infrequently (after the first 6-12 months)–only 3-5% of the time. I found this handout very helpful, though I wish it gave its sources:

    Hope this helps!

Viewing 15 results - 1,831 through 1,845 (of 1,873 total)