Topic: I Was So Surprised
This has been a difficult year for me…
Here I am trying to start a new life in a new environment when one night with someone very special later became a reason for concern….
Days after I slept with him he had an outbreak. He asked me about the husband I left who was having an affair and asked me to get tested, specifically for herpes…
I went to a clinic and they said they were doing a full STD panel. To my surprise I discovered this did not cover herpes, so I went the private route and paid for a type specific test.
I got the results a couple days ago… HSV2
Now, I have never had an OB, ever, never had reason to even suspect anything like this, but in retrospect there was a period of 6 weeks in the spring when I was sick with fevers, fatigue, and urinary discomfort, in which I had many tests run and they found nothing wrong with me. Now I am wondering if that was because of the herpes?
I have no idea how long I may have had this, or where I could have gotten it, and to me that doesn’t matter as much as how I go on from this moment.
I have let my ex know of my results as well as the man I was with who alerted me to this.
I keep trying to tell myself, this is just a virus. I know from my college experience that we are made up mostly of virus cells and that almost everyone will have contracted one form of this virus or another whether it be CMV, chickenpox, shingles or HSV…
I keep telling myself this is no different than getting any common virus and that I am still the same person I was before I got my diagnosis.
But I have to be honest and admit that rationale has not held back my occasional tears, my fears, or my questions. But I am trying to educate myself and take good care of myself to allow my body to keep this virus under control.
I have had herpes for 2 years.
I have been taking co-valacyclovir, every day, I take 2 caplets, as recommended by my doctor at at my request as preventative measure. I haven’t had any outbreaks since, however my question his, having sex with condom and being on this medication, and no outbreaks, what are the chances of me passing it on to my partner?
He said he would be in relationship with me but he would need to know that I wouldn’t infect him.
I want him to trust me but I don’t know if he should unless I can guarantee that him having sex with me with all these three things working together will mean he won’t get it.
Also, is the medication still effective after the expiry date ?
Stress is one of the greatest herpes triggers. If you can learn to better manage your stress, you can significantly decrease the frequency of your outbreaks. I recommend doing a daily meditation practice. Meditation alone has been shown time and again to decrease stress. The lower your stress levels, the stronger your immune system will be. It’s your immune system that helps to keep herpes at bay.
I have had herpes for 2 years.
I take 2 co-valacyclovir caplets every day since as preventative measure.
I have not had any further outbreaks since.
With me being on this medication consistently as I have, no outbreaks and my partner uses condom,
what are the chances of me passing it on to him. He said he would stay with me as long as
I don’t infect him, but I don’t know how I can guarantee this.
I spoke to my family doctor. He said that if I have no outbreak of open sores or symptoms, I will not pass it on.
I need my partner to trust me. It would kill me if I told him he was safe with me and then he got infected despite all of these preventative measures we are taking.
Topic: Oral sex
I was diagnosed with genital herpes about a year ago. If I am not in outbreak mode, can I pass herpes onto another person simply by kissing them? What about performing oral sex?
Topic: Why did he lie to me?
I’m so happy that I found this website. I was diagnosed with HSV-2 about a week ago. I, like many other women on this site, was devastated when I found out. I can remember the night that I contracted the disease very clearly. I had gotten out of a relationship back in October of 2012- was tested immediately after for STDs and my results came back negative. My relationship had ended poorly. I was coming to the realization that I was dating people that I wasn’t truly interested in. I was staying in relationships because I didn’t want to hurt the individual that I was with and that I was very unhappy in doing so. I decided after my most recent relationship that I was not going to date anyone that I wasn’t truly attracted to-mind, body, and soul. Things were really looking up for me, with 2013 fast approaching, I decided to make resolutions for my health. I was going to start taking the stairs at work everyday, make sure I floss after every meal, and get to the gym at least 3 days a week. 2013 was going to be the best year of my life..or so I thought. On December 15th 2012, my roommates decided to hold a holiday party at my apartment. I had a comedy performance that night (I’m an aspiring comedian) and I remember thinking, “I just want to go home and go to bed- I hate that there is a party going on at my house right now…maybe I will be able to sleep while it goes on.” However, when I got home, my apartment was completely packed and I decided to socialize- be a good host- meet people and have a good time. I did not have one alcoholic beverage so I cannot blame the following scenario on anything but my own choice. I met a very handsome man that night at the party. We hit it off immediately and had a passionate make out session in my room. I remember thinking, “this guy is different-I really like this guy!” He got my phone number and texted me the very next day. On New Years Eve, we decided to meet up and we ended up sleeping with one another- and stupidly, we had unprotected sex. I remember asking him if he was clean before we engaged in anything without a condom- his response was, “I’m as clean as a whistle!” and being the naive person that I was, I believed him. The next morning, our conversation became very intimate-we shared our passions, our dreams-I learned that he was a trainer at a health club-someone who put health of himself and others first… I thought that I found a true catch. He drove me home, told me he would call me the next day…and I saw him again. About 3 days later, I started to experience symptoms that I thought were a yeast infection; however, after 2 weeks of intense itchiness I came to the realization that it was something more serious. I was terrified to get tested. I started researching on my own- Did I have crabs? Was it gonorrhea? Chlamydia? After 2 weeks, I noticed a few bumps but the itchiness had pretty much disappeared. Was I overreacting? I panicked one night and texted the guy that I slept with. I basically demanded that he tell me if he had an STD that he was aware of- that I knew that he wasn’t interested in pursuing anything with me since he hadn’t called me in 2 weeks, but how I would never put his health in jeopardy and how I hoped he would at least be honest with me and tell me if I needed to worry. I must have sounded like a complete freak texting him at 3am about STDs, but I WAS TERRIFIED! He texted me back the next morning, “I’m clean as a whistle”…and so I believed him and went on with life. I ended up dating someone in late February. I knew that I really liked this guy and I was sure things were going to get intimate, so I decided that I wanted to get tested just to be sure that I didn’t have anything. I went into my doctor, got an STD test and blood work and left feeling good about being responsible and starting something great with someone that I truly liked and who liked me. About 2 weeks later, I got a call from my gynecologist while I was at work telling me to call her back. I knew it couldn’t be good- usually the doctor would call and leave a message saying that everything looked great and there was no need to call her back, this wasn’t good. I began to panic. I reached out to a close co-worker who told me that I was probably overreacting. When I finally got a hold of my doctor she told me that the STD tests had come back and that I was clean, but that I just had signs of a bacterial infection. She wanted me to call back with my pharmacy information- I immediately rejoiced with my co-worker that I was in fact overreacting and called my doctor back with my pharmacy information. That was when she dropped the bomb on me- she forgot to look at my blood work tests when I initially called…and the results showed that I tested positive for HSV-2. I immediately started bawling. I was shocked and devastated. Anything but herpes! Herpes is incurable! Herpes isn’t something that a 24 year old aspiring comedian who had her first kiss at the age of 21 would contract! HERPES!? My mind was racing- panic mode. What would this mean? What would I tell the guy that I started dating!? Is my love life over? Will anyone ever love me? How could I be so naive, so irresponsible, so…stupid? My co-worker took me out that night, she listened to me cry, she hugged me and told me that everything was going to be okay. I stayed home from work the next day, cried all day, researched the disease extensively on the internet and became a victim right there. Blog upon blog about this disease causing women to stop dating! I decided that I had to tell the guy that I was seeing that I had contracted the disease…I researched how to tell your partner that you have herpes- “sit down with him and tell him in a calm manner that you have herpes- that it is very common- give him the facts”…I knew it would be over. I decided to text him that I wanted to meet with him and discuss something important…immediately he asked what. I didn’t want to tell him over text so I just kept telling him, “let’s meet in person”…which seemed to scare him even more. He finally just told me that I had to tell him right then- he didn’t want to meet in person…clearly I was scaring him with the “serious talk” text. Thanks Google. I just blurted it out to him on text- how immature of me! It would all be over- I was convinced- but his response was “that’s it? I know a lot of people with that…it’s not a big deal…never freak me out like that again…okay?” I couldn’t believe what he was saying. DID HE NOT HEAR ME!? I HAVE HERPES! ITS NOT CURABLE! HHHEEELLOOO!!! And guess what? We have been dating ever since that conversation and having an excellent sex life. Yes, I’m terrified of what is to come, but you know what? It could have been worse. I could have contracted HIV…I could have had an unwanted pregnancy…but I didn’t. Is it weird that I’m choosing to make this disease make me into a better person? I refuse to become a victim of it…I know I am in store for some bad times…but that is true of life in general. If I could go back in time, I would shake myself and tell myself to not have sex with the guy I did. I would tell myself to find more worth in myself before having a one night stand. I would tell myself that I’m not invisible. But you know what? I can’t go back in time…no one can. We make decisions and we have to live with them…and honestly, its not about the decisions we make, but how we choose to react and deal with the consequences. I’m responsible for contracting this- while many women were in committed relationships when they contracted this- I was not. I had a one night stand…without a condom. I didn’t think about the consequences- granted no one deserves this disease- it has been a huge wake up call to me. Isn’t it funny how I made a resolution to put my health first and now I am being forced to do so with this disease? I’m forced to practice safe sex, to not have one night stands, to take my meds, avoid stress, and above all…love myself. There is good that can come from this- I refuse to be a victim. Tonight I had a crying fit about it- it is my third outbreak and I know that I will have many more in the future. I allowed myself to cry for an hour- to feel the anger- feel the weight of my decisions- feel the reality of life…then after an hour of feeling sorry for myself, I got up and said “enough” and started focusing on something that makes me happy. As I said before, I’m a comedian and trust me…I’ve been one of those people that has laughed about STDs. I’ve made jokes! AND NOW I HAVE ONE! In my last comedy last class, our teacher told us to start pitching sketch ideas for things that we care about- things that matter to us because that is what makes you stand out to an audience. Guess what I’m going to do? I’m going to pitch ideas about this STD- but not in a negative light- in the most positive light I can. You know why I love theater? You can bring an issue to stage that an audience is scared about and you can bring light to it- make it less of a monster…I’m going to do that. I’m going to help change what the stigma is behind herpes. I promise every woman out there- I will not dishonor your fight or your integrity- I’m right there with you! If you have this disease, stop reading blogs about how your life is over. Just stop. It puts you in a negative mind set and its not worth it! You have Herpes. What is done, is done. I mean that’s what it comes down to. Life is unfair and you just have to deal with crummy situations like this. It doesn’t make you dirty, it doesn’t make you stupid, it doesn’t make you a slut, a whore- or anything like that. You are a unique, wonderful individual with a virus- that’s it. How to tell your partner? I mean you can read about it on google, you can ask friends- my advice is, yes- be responsible and tell your partner because hey, I want to shake the man who gave this to me and scream “WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME!?!?!” but honestly, maybe he didn’t know he had it…and it takes two to tango- right? I was irresponsible….But my point is, tell your partner in the way that makes you most comfortable. Join support groups that stay positive like this group! Don’t waste your time scaring yourself- you are playing into the stigma as much as society is when you do that! Have the attitude you want society to have towards it and if stress is a trigger of your outbreaks, stressing out about how your life is over…which it certainly is not…will probably cause more outbreaks! Stay strong everyone! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS WEBSITE! I already bookmarked this page for whenever I need strength and support- Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU!!!
Topic: I feel so all alone
I am 22 years old and I have had herpes for over 4 years now. I still suffer from outbreaks several times a year and have not figured out what is triggering them. I was on Valtrex for a while, but it didn’t seem to help and it upset my stomach. I was diagnosed with genital herpes my freshman year at college after fooling around with a guy at a party. I still feel so stupid! We didn’t even have sex, but now I have to live with this life long curse. I barely kissed a boy before that dreaded night, but the alcohol was flowing and I made some poor choices.
I am an Indian woman, born in America, but was brought up by my parents who didn’t speak any English. Life has been hard for us. In my culture, women are meant to be “pure” before marriage and arranged marriages are still quite common. I want to please my family and would rather date another Indian man, but I am so fearful that I will never be accepted. I have never told anyone about my having herpes and I am scared to death that my family might find out someday.
I am so glad I found Pink Tent and all I want is to feel normal again. I feel dirty and so ashamed of my actions. I just can’t seem to forgive myself and every time I have an OB, I am reminded of how I screwed up my life.
I rarely get outbreaks, but just this past month I had my first OB in a long time. I read that nuts can cause outbreaks. I was at my girlfriends house the other day and I had macadamia nuts for the first time. She brought them back from her trip to Hawaii. They were awesome. Could they have triggered an OB in me?
Topic: Diagnosed at 16
I am so embarrassed to say that I was diagnosed with herpes when I was 16 years old. It was devastating! It happened after I slept with my boyfriend for the first time. He was my first and I was head over heels in love with him. A few days later I had an outbreak that was so painful, I had to stay home from school. My mother was supportive and she took me to the clinic. I am so grateful to have such an awesome Mom. I cried for days and I never thought I would be normal again. For a while, I got into some drugs and really started to make some poor choices for myself. My grades tanked and I stopped socializing with all my friends. No one understood what was going on with me. I didn’t tell anyone I had herpes and figured if a partner didn’t ask, I didn’t need to tell. Luckily, I never passed it onto anyone, or at least I don’t think I did. Luckily, I rarely got outbreaks and when I did, I would just take it easy until the symptoms passed.
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