Topic: Did I wait too long?
I have had HSV-1 genitally for about 23 years and haven’t had an outbreak for about 10 or 12 years. I met this amazing guy, and we have been on 7 dates. We haven’t had sex yet but have had a few make out sessions. My pants have always stayed on. But, I haven’t told him my status yet. Did I wait too long? I have been afraid to have the talk before but am terrified this time. I would like him to stay to see if this could work. When I am with him, everything feels right. I haven’t liked someone this much in a while. Every time I think of telling him, I cry and am scared to see the look on his face when I tell him. I feel like I should break it off with him so I don’t get rejected. Does anyone have any advice for me?
2018 I found out I had herpes. I criedddddd, I felt disgusting, dirty, unwanted. I have no clue how long I’ve had it nor do I know who I’ve contracted it from because I’ve never had an outbreak until NOW. Well I’m not sure if it’s one or not to be honest. I have two small pinkish dots on my labia minora which so happens to be swollen. I’ve been free balling since Sunday bc the friction near/on it is painful. No painful urination either. I want to contact my doctor to determine if in fact this is an outbreak or is it something else (which I’m praying for). This whole situation is so scary not to mention embarrassing. I’ve driven myself crazy looking on line at outbreaks and trying to determine what going on when deep down I know, I guess I’m just in denial.
I was seeing a guy for a couple of weeks. We were out late one night, the weather turned bad and I was about an hour from my home. He insisted I stay at his place. I told him I wasn’t ready for intimacy with him yet but he was not hearing me. Eventually, we had sex. About 4 days later I started to have mild discomfort and redness, by one week I couldn’t sit down or walk comfortably. I went to the PCP because OBGYN is not open Saturdays. He said definitely HSV and put me on meds. I called the guy (who I already decided not tos see again based on bad behavior that night). He immediately got defensive. Started blaming me for infecting him. I told him I was tested negative for HSV 1 & 2 as well as all other STDs 2 weeks prior to meeting him and was with nobody else between testing and him. He then in one of his defensive rants mentions that he has had HSV1 since childhood and he isn’t having an outbreak and therefore not contagious and besides he can’t pass it to my genital area. I explained that I was told otherwise. He went to his doctor to get tested again for everything. His results and mine are both still pending.
I am so angry with him. He is not stupid. He had to have known he could pass it to me. I own my part for getting into the situation to begin with. I am still upset that he was so wreckless with my health. I have a compromised immune system with 2 autoimmune diseases as it is and now this. I am so sad. I just wanted to forget about him and now he is going to be a memory every time I breakout as well as every time I need to have “the talk” if I even get over this enough to consider datig again. I am 50 yars old, not sure it is worth the humiliation and rejection to consider dating in the future. More anger for feeling ruined and cheated. I am in too much pain to wear pants so I bought a bunch of skirts and have traded my thongs in for cotton briefs which are not very comfortable either. I would rather give birth to a porcupine than have this kind of pain!
I have burning sensation on my glutes and back of my thighs. I am trying to accept this and breathe and be ok. I am so paranoid that I will pass it to my 14 year old daughter via cups, silverware, towels etc.
Any precaustionary advice to make sure I do not pass it to her is really appreciated! Any advice suggestions etc. for someone who is just getting a handle on this, the guilt, the dirtiness, the I am ruined feelings, how to get past them?
Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.
Topic: Tiny tear or lesion
My herpes has been dormant since my first outbreak 13 years ago. I only ever got one sore on my perineum. Lately Ive been getting every once and a while a tiny lesion in the folds of the anus skin. Ive had it looked at twice and the doctors tell me it is not herpes. I do suffer from food intolerances and this seems to manifest when I eat gluten or dairy or wipe too hard. Its like a little crack or fissure but also oval shaped and clean with no white around it or anything crusty. Im wondering if anyone else’s herpes show up like this?
I have a new partner and although he knows about my HSV2 I told him I never get outbreaks. Now Im really scared.
Topic: genital HSV-1
I posted a few months ago after having my first genital outbreak. My gynecologist almost immediately diagnosed me with genital herpes and I went through the next few weeks feeling depressed, confused and upset. However when I got my blood test results back, I was informed that I tested positive for HSV-1 but negative for HSV-2. My gynecologist said that I may never have another genital outbreak again and I was extremely relieved. However, a few months later I had a second smaller outbreak. Now that I am with a new parter(who is very understanding and supportive) I want to know more about how this is transmitted and how to protect him without affecting our sex life. I have never had a cold sore on my mouth but from what I understand that is where HSV-1 should be showing up. There is not much information online about genital HSV-1 outbreaks so I was hoping someone on here would know more about it… Can my partner contract HSV-1 from giving me oral sex? Or from having vaginal intercourse? From what I understand, it would most likely be from me giving him oral sex. I also recently started taking a daily dose of valacyclovir which is supposed to suppress the virus. If you have any more information on this type of HSV-1 I would really appreciate it! I feel like there are no resources out there to help.
Topic: Back in the dating game
I am new to this forum, so I will start with a little intro.I am a 51-yr-old divorced mom (2 in college, one in high school) and have been on the dating scene since 2013. I jumped in with online dating, as meeting men here in LA can be quite a challenge when you’re over 40. In late 2014, I was in a 6-month relationship with a man, but right around the time I decided to part ways, I had my first outbreak. I tested positive for gHSV1, figuring I likely got it from oral sex. At that time, there was not a lot of research about the rise in gHSV1 cases due to oral sex, but now I see a lot written about it.
After that one outbreak in 2014, I dated a few more men here and there, but those next couple years were really busy both professionally and personally, so my dating was sporadic. I finally burned out altogether from online dating, as I encountered a couple weirdos and catfishers which sapped my motivation.
Last year, I had a brief relationship with a man I met through a friend. I had not had another outbreak since 2014, but a few weeks into having sex with this man (using condoms), I had my second outbreak.We didn’t have sex again after I had that outbreak, as I didn’t see the relationship going anywhere and broke things off. I got a supply of Valtrex and have it on hand now for if I need it or start another relationship.
I did not tell the man I dated last year about my diagnosis. He had told me he had oral HSV1 and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him about my condition. I regret that now, but I haven’t heard anything from I’m about any problems.
I am now ready to start dating again–it has been too long–and I do want to meet someone that I can build a meaningful relationship with. I am terrified of having to have that conversation about my diagnosis. I know there is a lot of advice written on this website and elsewhere about how to take that plunge. But any words of advice and encouragement are appreciated.
Also, I am wondering if any of you have gone on dating sites specifically for people with HSV. I have read that Positive Singles and MPwH are two good sites. Do any of you have experiences with this approach? Have you met cool people? Do you feel safe about having sex with another person with HSV? Since my diagnosis is gHSV1, I certainly do not want to put myself at risk for gHSV2 as well.
Thank you to everyone who is on this forum. This is priceless for me.
I was recently diagnosed (last week Tuesday) and to summarize how I feel in one word is numb. I had all the typical symptoms and was doing my research and thought it may be HSV2. I went to gyn, who really didn’t say anything- took cultures and I didn’t hear back. There motto is no news is good news but what I didn’t realize is that the traditional sti/STD test doesn’t include hsv testing so I opted for to find my own way to get tested. Used an online company that gives you a requisition for urine and blood work and my igg was positive being greater than 5. Fortunately, that some company allows you to use their physicians to call in prescriptions. I immediately started valtrex with some relief. My question for you all is willy skin return to normal after the outbreak ends? Currently I feel like a lizard with how my skin looks.
Also if anyone could give me pointers to mentally manage this. I ordered Dr Kelly s book, received it yesterday and started as well as been listening to various interviews.
Any suggestions would be more than welcome
Thank you all again
Hi everyone, I’m new to the forum and I just wanted to see if anyone is experiencing what I’m going through.
I found out about my herpes diagnosis back in 2017, but until September last year, I had one outbreak or two and it had abated for years. Then all of a sudden since Sept, I’ve had monthly outbreaks.
I explained to my doctor who put me on twice a day acyclovir, which I have now been taking for a month. But now, I’ve just had the worst outbreak I’ve ever seen, with a Batholian (sp) cyst to match. Did anyone have a bad run with the tablet, or has any general advice to pass on?
I am *so* glad this forum exists…
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