I was diagnosed a number of years ago now, and though it was hard to come to terms with, I considered myself one of the lucky ones: mild symptoms, flare-ups every 3 years, etc. A few months ago, something changed. Suddenly I was getting flare-ups every time I got my period. Then it continued on after my period. Then it showed up slightly before my period and continued through and after my period.
I’ve been suffering through an intense outbreak for approximately 11 weeks now and I am at my wits end. I’ve started taking a daily antiviral which does not seem to be working (it’s been 8 weeks and I’ve seen no improvement and new lesions keep appearing). I keep telling myself “This too shall pass” and I truly do believe it.
My biggest issue is maintaining intimacy with my partner. We’ve been together nearly 3 years and he doesn’t seem to understand that, when I feel uncomfortable with my body due to this never-ending flare-up, and when I feel ugly and “gross”, I find it difficult to be in the mood. The result is that he thinks I am unattracted to him and I do not want him to feel hurt and alone. I do what I can (cuddles, kisses, love notes, sexting, pics, etc), but it doesn’t seem to be working.
I realize this can be something underlying regarding his self-worth or self-esteem, but I still want to make sure I’m doing everything that I can.
Any advice on how to maintain intimacy while feeling so alone in this arduous battle would be much appreciated.
Topic: New diagnosis reflection
I was recently diagnosed and I’m pretty sure I cried out every tear my eyes had left in them. I am in my 30s and have only had 2 sexual partners, both monogamous relationships so I couldn’t understand how this happened. My doctor was excellent in helping me understand and answering my questions. She said it’s really not a big deal and about 80% of people have herpes and some don’t even know they have it. You can go years with the virus inside you before any kind of outbreak. So suddenly being diagnosed does not mean your partner cheated on you, and pointing fingers trying to figure out who gave it to who is futile and unproductive in moving forward. And having herpes does not make you “dirty” at all, there is nothing to be ashamed of from your past or present. Yet this didn’t keep me from feeling embarrassed, ashamed of myself, sick to my stomach at that moment.
My biggest fear is that I have to tell my partner. I am always assuming the worst so I can’t help thinking he’ll think I cheated and leave me, or he’ll think I’m disgusting and never touch me again. Well, what’s done is done, nothing I can do about it now. If I could go back in time and prevent this I 100% would, but I don’t know too much about building time machines 🤷♀️. The right person will know that this shouldn’t be a deal breaker. They will be able to work with it, get over it, and accept it. If they can’t do that, then they are not the right person.
Sitting here reading all these posts and comments on the page I find myself in tears again, but this time tears of hope and understanding and forgiveness. I am reading these comments about journeys of self-confidence and self-love, two things I have never had before. But I CAN forgive myself for somehow letting this happen, I AM strong enough to push through, and I AM still worthy of love and affection. Yes it sucks, but it is not the end of the world, life goes on. They say God works in mysterious ways, maybe this was his last-ditch effort to get that through to me, saying “hey idiot, you are loved and you are worth it, look how strong I made you”.
Thank you for listening, just writing these feeling down and releasing them feel like such a relief.
So I just got bloodwork back today and waiting on the “official” results tomorrow. My mind is reeling and have so many questions! For starters can oral herpes transmit to me in genital herpes if I received oral sex? I feel like he would’ve told me if he knew he had it.
I was diagnosed with HSV-1 in January, while at the age of 24. I was in denial, angry, devastated and confused about the diagnosis. I tried not to point fingers at my boyfriend who is asymptotic to this day and it just has been a really hard year for me. This pandemic hasn’t helped, and I find myself being more depressed because of the frequent outbreaks. I have tried Lysine, I take my medication almost daily and although it helps, there’s only 1 week out of the entire month that I don’t experience outbreaks. Is anyone else experiencing this? I am having a hard time coping (due to other factors as well). I feel depressed because I’ve only had 2 sexual partners (monogamous) and I felt that I was always really careful. I just don’t understand how this happened but I’ve come to accept I may never find out how. Now, I just want to get out of this depression but I don’t know what to do. I feel alone.
Topic: How do I go on ?
Recently diagnosed, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep going. I don’t think I can do this. I want to give up. How do I find my happiness again? I need help.
Topic: Symptoms every flair up?
Hi im new to this forum and pretty new to diagnosis. I was diagnosed October last year with HSV2 and have had 3 flair ups since then. Every flair up I have I get flu like body aches and very emotional, I also feel generally under the weather. I was wondering if this was normal as when I googled it, it said usually this happens with the first episode but not with others.
I found this support group and I’m in need of help. I’ve recently been diagnosed with HSV-1 and I’m so devastated, empty, worthless and just overall sad. I just can’t wrap my head around this and I’m having a hard time dealing with this all.
My partner has been so supportive and caring but I can’t shake this feeling. I had my first episode a month ago and the doctors mistaken it for a yeast infection. The symptoms got worse and I knew this wasn’t right. Not getting treated right away had me in so much pain.
I’m more scared of the upcoming pain I’ll be going through for the rest of my life. Thinking will my life ever be normal? Will I have a normal love life? I really don’t want this to define me but I’m having a hard time accepting this.
This is all new and I’m scared. Terrified of being alone with my thoughts. Any help and advice is appreciated.
I feel so alone with this and unable to tell anyone.
Topic: HSV1 genital and HSV1 oral
I was recently diagnosed with type one genital herpes. I was wondering if there were any negative consequences to sleeping with a partner who has type one oral. We obviously both have the same condition, but it affects different parts of our bodies. My question is, if we get together, is it possible we could spread the same disease to different body parts of each other? Example, since my type one affect my genitals, I do not get cold sores on my lips. He does, so would it be possible for him to spread this to my mouth? This is assuming that neither one of us are having active breakouts.
So I was first diagnosed with herpes a couple years back now. I had just had my first sexual partner. As far as I’m aware, since I’ve never been with anyone else he gave me it, whether that be from oral or normal sex I’m not entirely sure. He gets coldsores on his mouth and he also gets them really quite badly down his back sometimes. We had sex during my first outbreak, this was because it was so mild I never even noticed until afterwards, I was then misinformed by a nurse and told it was folliculitis until I went back as it wouldn’t clear.I never told him as I was so so terrified, we hadn’t been seeing each other long but I knew it was special and I didn’t want to ruin it. I thought at the time there was no need to tell him because if he was the one who gave me it then I don’t need to worry about giving it to him since he already has it. That’s when I knew a lot less about it and have since then realised that’s not really the case and I should have told him right away but I can’t go back on that now. We are still together now 4 years later and one of the main reasons I have never told him is because I don’t want him to feel the way I felt when I was first diagnosed. I honestly wanted to kill myself and I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. I always think to myself if anything was to even happen to us and we broke up then I’d rather him not knowing he could potentially have it and have all the horrible stigma and stressthat comes with it. The only thing is that I genuinely see us being together forever, and if that’s the case then there’s no way I can keep it from him any longer.
Hello Team Herpes! I’m 27 and I got diagnosed 8 months ago and have experienced one mini outbreak since then. I haven’t had intercourse since my initial outbreak but I’ve recently started dating again! And I obviously would love to have some sex at some point. I’m into a guy…. So how do I bring this up? Does anyone have any go-to “I have herpes” openers? What are the essential points to hit? I want to be completely honest and open with this guy but I don’t want to sit him down to a powerpoint presentation. Also please send any tips on safe sex! (other than use a condom, learned my lesson there!). Aaaand, fun twist, he’s in a committed polyamorous relationship (gotta love us millennials). Is it even possible enter into something like this ethically?
Thanks in advance 🙂
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