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  • #45108
    Ann
    Participant

    I was diagnosed at 18. Im almost 32. I have always felt how you feel. I was an undiagnosed depressed perwon prior to this and it made it worse for me.

    I have dated. It haa not been easy. Some were ok with it and we had sex. But others… I have heard terrible things. Things that I already feel about myself. But having someone say those terrible things is hard. But I am still trying.

    I take a suppressant. Thankfully ive never had a break out. I was diagnosed not long after i ended the relationship and been on suppressants since. It has helped in that aspect.

    You are not alone in your feelings.

    #45107
    Ann
    Participant

    Hello. (I realize after writing this all out how long it was but please bare with me) As my title states, it will be 14 years I’ve lived with herpes this coming year. It has been a very hard 14 yrs. I am finally reaching out after all this time because I have never come across a person in my situation that can relate and understand. I never talk about it or very very rarely talk about it with anyone. If I do mention something, its very broad and the conversation is over after a minute. A few people in my life know but they will never understand my feelings. This is my first ever attempt at a support group. I hope to find women who share my experiences and feelings and to be able to actually talk about it.

    I guess I should start from the beginning? I started dating a guy I had no business dating. I was 18 about to graduate high school and he was nearly 10 years older than me. It was a rebound from my first ever boyfriend who broke my heart. I lost my virginity to him just shy of my 17th birthday. Any way, I only dated the rebound guy for 3 months. I wanted to call it off after 6 weeks. He was emotionally abusive and would throw things at me but made sure they never hit me.I never broke up with someone before. It took me another 6 weeks to distance myself and finally call it off just after graduation.

    I had my annual OB appt a month or two later and we randomly checked for STDs. I was heart broken when she called me to tell me I had genital herpes. I reached out to my first boyfriend to let him know and he tested negative. There was only 1 other person I called and freaked out on him, crying and yelling. He had an indication that something could be up but never told me. My first boyfriend and I rarely used condoms. Bad habit learned and carried on on to the rebound. I was 18, right out of high school and thought my life was over at that point. I have always been self conscious, shy and had body image issues. I was also an undiagnosed depressed person. Well after finding out my new diagnosis, the depression got worse. For years up until recently, I was told its just anxiety, your not depressed.

    So I’m 18, starting college and finding out I have genital herpes. I focused on my school work and regular work. It helped by keeping me distracted. I did not have sex again until after I turned 21 nor attempted dating anyone. I was ashamed. At this point, a lot of things changed in my life. Right after my birthday in January, I found out I had thyroid cancer. Benign thankfully but still cancer nonetheless. Had my surgery in June and went back to work after 6 weeks even though the doctor highly recommended I was out for 3 months. I worked at a pizza place prior to surgery, living on my own and had a car payment. I was barely making it by as it was. I immediately started working 2 jobs. I barely slept or ate. If I did, it either pizza or food from the gas station I also worked at. By the time my meds were adjusted correctly from the surgery, months later, I had gained 80lbs in that time frame. Maybe 6 months? While all this was going on, I started sleeping around. A friend I had shared my secret with said I need to live my life and I did not have to tell ppl I had it as long as I was safe about it. So I did just that. I started drinking heavily as well that year. Going to the bar any chance I got and going home with whoever bought me drinks. I refer to it as my slut year. We all have them I suppose.

    Well the year ended, my roommate and best friend was going to move in with her boyfriend. So here I am at the end of my 21st year, past broke, slight alcoholic, slutting around, and 80lbs heavier. I ended up moving back home with the parents before Christmas in 2012. Here begins the severe depression. I also stopped having sex again at this point. I slept any time I could, ate my feelings and hid myself away from the world. I had lots of friends. I stopped talking to all of them except my 1 best friend who has always been there for me. Fast forward to 2015, I started school again. Still havent dated or had sex with anyone. I graduated in 2017 and started a job right away at a medical office. At thia time I started to feel a bit better so I tried dating again. My first date was late spring in 2018. I was so nervous. I had a panic attack on my way to meet him. I couldn’t breath, I was shaking, sweating and crying uncontrollably. My bff calmed me down but was still shaking when I meet my date. It went ok and I ended up telling him on the second date. I didn’t want to waste his time with me and liking me if he wasn’t ok with the one part of me. He was the first guy I had shared it with. He took it ok and we talked for awhile but never went anywhere. Still haven’t had sex at thia point.

    I have talked to a lot of men. I never knew when the correct time was to tell someone. I was online dating and my thought, again, was to not waste their time. So I would share with some of them after we talked for awhile. Some very terrible things were said to me over and over again. Depression spike again. I stopped dating. I tried on and off over the years since then.

    Jump again to Oct 2019. I had bariatric surgery. My weight was out of control and tried many things over the years and could never lose weight. I was nearly 280lbs. I started losing weight and felt a bit better. Another jump to March 2020 and covid. I worked in a specialist medical office. We could not close. My coworker left for another office in may and I ended up being the only receptionist until october. I was alone for 6 months in a busy office. A lot of things fell to me. Correction, everything fell on me. The doctors would come up to me asking how to order something. I was having problems with how I spoke to some patients but I was so stressed, started gaining weight again and my boss was horrible. One example, doc wants a CT on a patient who just found out they had cancer at 4pm on a friday. These require authorization from insurance. I had a part time girl who came in on Wednesday and was told by my manager that it can wait until so and so came in on Wednesday. Said patient then calls Monday afternoon or Tuesday asking for an update on CT scan. I would be the one to say it wasn’t even started yet and this obviously upset the patient. I started an HR case against her. She wrote me up 2 times after that within 6 weeks. It put me on probation which I got through just fine. 1 month after it endes, 6 months after the HR case, I was fired for basically asking a patient a question to determine the urgency of it. I was devestated. This was the beginning of 2021. Begin another spike of depression.

    2 weeks before I was fired, I went on a date for the first time since 2018. It seemed to go ok and he was ok with my secret. We had sex. This was the first time I had sex since the end of 2012. Its the end of 2020. I called it off after 3 months. He wasn’t for me At this point, I was unemployed, super depressed and had no idea what to do with life. Thankfully I had a part time job already but it was only 8 hrs a week. I knew I needed to speak help for my depression. So after years and years I started seeing a counselor and doctor. Finally diagnosed as depressed. At one point my mommy mentioned phlebotomy as a possible career. There was a huge shortage do to covid. Its been 1 year at this point. I looked into and met with an instructor about taking a course. I signed up to begin in October 2021. I took the entire year off to focus on myself. I still worked part time and was able to pick up some hours but no more than 20. I tried a few different meds throughtout the year. I started taking one around the time I started school in October. I have been on it since then.

    Begin year 2022. I get hired on the spot as a phlebotomist in January. I’ve been excelling. I finally found the right path. My depression medication has been a god send. I have never felt this good in my life. I am happy, most days. I dont get easily angry or upset. I really have never felt so good. Its amazing to realize that I’ve been undiagnosed for so long. Things may have been different. I started dating again, talking to more men than I ever have. I did go on a date recently but still havent had sex since beginning of 2021. Its been almost 2 years.

    Overall, thats my story up to now. For the most part. I am still struggling mentally with the genital herpes. For as much time that has passed, I still feel ashamed and disgusted with myself. I still get told or called terrible things by people and I cant help but agree with them because I already feel that way. Im nearly 32. My last boyfriend was when I was 18 and ive had sex with 1 person in the last 10yrs. I am scared of relationships. I dont know how to be. I accepted so long ago that I will just be alone and no one will ever love me. I still feel like that still sometimes. I try not to be in that mind set but its hard to break something you truely believed for so long. I am trying to get out of my comfort zone since I’ve started feeling better about myself. But now I feel extremely lonely and almost desperate feeling. I still feel disgusted with myself most of the time. I just want someone to talk to when I start having doubts and bad feelings regarding my herpes.

    I know this was super long and if you read all of it, thank you for listening. I just want support from someone who truely understands how I feel about this part of myself. Thank you again for listening.

    #45106
    Ann
    Participant

    Hello. (I realize after writing this all out how long it was but please bare with me) As my title states, it will be 14 years I’ve lived with herpes this coming year. It has been a very hard 14 yrs. I am finally reaching out after all this time because I have never come across a person in my situation that can relate and understand. I never talk about it or very very rarely talk about it with anyone. If I do mention something, its very broad and the conversation is over after a minute. A few people in my life know but they will never understand my feelings. This is my first ever attempt at a support group. I hope to find women who share my experiences and feelings and to be able to actually talk about it.

    I guess I should start from the beginning? I started dating a guy I had no business dating. I was 18 about to graduate high school and he was nearly 10 years older than me. It was a rebound from my first ever boyfriend who broke my heart. I lost my virginity to him just shy of my 17th birthday. Any way, I only dated the rebound guy for 3 months. I wanted to call it off after 6 weeks. He was emotionally abusive and would throw things at me but made sure they never hit me.I never broke up with aomeone before. It took me another 6 weeks to distance myself and finally call it off just after graduation.

    I had my annual OB appt a month or two later and we randomly checked for STDs. I was heart broken when she called me to tell me I had genital herpes. I reached out to my first boyfriend to let him know and he tested negative. There was only 1 other pwraon. I called and freaked out on him, crying and yelling. He uad an indication that something could be up but never told me. My first boyfriend and I rarely used condoms. Bad habit learned and carried on on to the rebound. I was 18, right out of high school and thought my life was over at that point. I have always been self conscious, shy and had body image issues. I was also an undiagnosed depressed person. Well after finding out my new diagnosis, the depression got worse. For years up until recently, I was told its just anxiety, your not depressed.

    So I’m 18, starting college and finding out I have genital herpes. I focused on my school work and regular work. It helped by keeping me distracted. I did not have sex again until after I turned 21 nor attempted dating anyone. I was ashamed. At this point, a lot of things changed in my life. Right after my birthday in January, I found out I had thyroid cancer. Benign thankfully but still cancer nonetheless. Had my surgery in June and went back to work after 6 weeks even though the doctor highly recommended I was out for 3 months. I worked at a pizza place prior to surgery, living on my own and had a car payment. I was barely making it by as it was. I immediately started working 2 jobs. I barely slept or ate. If I did, it either pizza or food from the gas station I also worked at. By the time my meds were adjusted correctly from the surgery, months later, I had gained 80lbs in that time frame. Maybe 6 months? While all this was going on, I started sleeping around. A friend I had shared my secret with said I need to live my life and I did not have to tell ppl I had it as long as I was safe about it. So I did just that. I started drinking heavily as well that year. Going to the bar any chance I got and going home with whoever bought me drinks. I refer to it as my slut year. We all have them I suppose.

    Well the year ended, my roommate and best friend was going to move in with her boyfriend. So here I am at the end of my 21st year, past broke, slight alcoholic, slutting around, and 80lbs heavier. I ended up moving back home with the parents before Christmas in 2012. Here begins the severe depression. I also stopped having sex again at this point. I slept any time I could, ate my feelings and hid myself away from the world. I had lots of friends. I stopped talking to all of them except my 1 best friend who has always been there for me. Fast forward to 2015, I started school again. Still havent dated or had sex with anyone. I graduated in 2017 and started a job right away at a medical office. At thia time I started to feel a bit better so I tried dating again. My first date was late spring in 2018. I was so nervous. I uad a panic attack on my way to meet him. I couldn’t breath, I was shaking, sweating and crying uncontrollably. My bff calmed me down but was still shaking when I meet my date. It went ok and I ended up telling him on the second date. I didn’t want to waste his time with me and liking me if he wasn’t ok with the one part of me. He was the first guy I had shared it with. He took it ok and we talked for awhile but never went anywhere. Still haven’t had sex at thia point.

    I have talked to a lot of men. I never knew when the correct time was to tell someone. I was online dating and my thought, again, was to not waste their time. So I would share with some of them after we talked for awhile. Some very terrible things were said to me over and over again. Depression spike again. I stopped dating. I tried on and off over the years since then.

    Jump again to Oct 2019. I had bariatric surgery. My weight was out of control and tried many things over the years and could never lose weight. I was nearly 280lbs. I started losing weight and felt a bit better. Another jump to March 2020 and covid. I worked in a specialist medical office. We could not close. My coworker left for another office in may and I ended up being the only receptionist until october. I was alone for 6 months in a busy office. A lot of things fell to me. Correction, everything fell on me. The doctors would come up to me asking how to order something. I was having problems with how I spoke to some patients but I was so stressed, started gaining weight again and my boss was horrible. One example, doc wants a CT on a patient who just found out they had cancer at 4pm on a friday. These require authorization from insurance. I had a part time girl who came in on Wednesday and was told by my manager that it can wait until so and so came in on Wednesday. Said patient thena calls Monday afternoon or Tuesday asking for an update on CT scan. I would be the one to say it wasn’t even started yet and this obviously upset the patient. I started an HR case against her. She wrote me up 2 times after that within 6 weeks. It put me on probation which I got through just fine. 1 month after it endes, 6 months after the HR case, I was fired for basically asking a patient a question to determine the urgency of it. I was devestated. This was the beginning of 2021. Begin another spike of depression.

    2 weeks before I was fired, I went on a date for the first time aince 2018. It seemed to go ok and he was ok with my secret. We had sex. This was the first time I had sex since the end of 2012. Its the end of 2020. I called it off after 3 months. He wasn’t for mw. At thia point, I was unemployed, super depressed and had no idea what to do with life. Thankfully I had a part time job already but it was only 8 hrs a week. I knew I needed to speak help for my depression. So after years and years I started seeing a counselor and doctor. Finally diagnosed as depressed. At one point my mommy mentioned phlebotomy as a possible career. There was a huge shortage do to covid. Its been 1 year at this point. I looked into and met with an instructor about taking a course. I signed up to begin in October 2021. I took the entire year off to focus on myself. I still worked part time and was able to pick up some hours but no more than 20. I tried a few different meds throughtout the year. I started taking one around the time I started school in October. I have been on it since then.

    Begin year 2022. I get hired on the spot as a phlebotomist in January. I’ve been excelling. I finally found the right path. My depression medication has been a god send. I have never felt this good in my life. I am happy, most days. I dont get easily angery or upset. I really have never felt so good. Its amazing to realize that I’ve been undiagnosed for so long. Things may have been dofferent. I started dating again, talking to more men than I ever have. I did go on a date recently but still havent had sex since beginning of 2021. Its been almost 2 years.

    Overall, thats my story up to now. For the most part. I still struggling mentally with the genital herpes. For as much time that has passed, I still feel ashamed and disgusted with myself. I still get told or called terrible things by people and I cant help but agree with them because I already feel that way. Im nearly 32. My last boyfriend was when I was 18 and ive had sex with 1 person in the last 10yrs. I am scared of relationships. I dont know how to be. I accepted so long ago that I will just be alone and no one will ever love me. I still feel like that still sometimes. I try not to be in that mind set but its hard to break something you truely believed for so long. I am trying to get out of my comfort zone since I’ve started feeling better about myself. But now I feel extremely lonely and almost desperate feeling. I still feel disgusted with myself most of the time. I just want someone to talk to when I start having doubts and bad feelings regarding my herpes.

    I know this was super long and if you read all of it, thank you for listening. I just want support from someone who truely understands how I feel about this part of myself. Thank you again for listening.

    #45104
    woody2408
    Participant

    I’m 22 and just being diagnosed with genital herpes. im also having such a horrific outbreak I’ve barely been able to move for 5 days. im still in shock and feel like I’ve been stripped of my sex life. I feel as though nobody is going to find me attractive anymore and nobody will want to be in a relationship with me. I know its common but im finding it really difficult to come to terms with this. has anyone on here started dating again with herpes? how much does it affect your dating and how do people generally react when you tell them? I feel like never going on another date again.

    • This topic was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by woody2408.
    #45080

    In reply to: Advice/Help please

    m42412175
    Participant
    This reply has been marked as private.
    #45079
    missybluebell123
    Participant

    I was diagnosed with HSV2 7 months ago after been told many times it was different infections until been tested due to the blisters. I’ve experienced UTI’s in the past, but this felt like a sever UTI. I’d been seeing a guy for 4 months prior to this, and he was very supportive and non-judgmental, and said he had never experienced any symptoms. Unfortunately we recently split up (not related to the diagnosis). I had a long term partner before that, although we had broken up in between, and separate intimate relationships during that time. He often got cold sores on his mouth, although we never discussed this as ‘herpes’ as I suppose we were just uneducated on it. He was very strict about not kissing when he had a cold sore. He also cheated on me by kissing 2 separate girls one night (he says that is all it was). During our break about 4 years ago I was sleeping with a guy and during this time I got a UTI which was very painful (although they usually are). I have so many questions… was the guy I was sleeping with give me it back then? Did my long term partner give me it during oral sex? Did my partner do more than kiss a girl and contract it? If it was ever considered to rekindle things with my long term partner, how would I tell him, would he accept it?

    As well as all of this, I feel so alone. I have confided in a few of my close friends who are supportive, but I can’t help but think I am going to be on my own or I won’t be accepted. I don’t want kids just yet, but in the future I hope to have kids and a family. I know this virus is so common but so many people don’t know they have it, so when it comes to disclosing it in the future am I just going to be rejected by someone who could potentially have it themselves? I fear disclosing it to someone I know, or they know people I know and it gets shared around. I am struggling to cope with the impact this is having on my life, I am already struggling with my mental health and my stresses.

    #45078
    alexisdeas
    Participant

    I’ve just been diagnosed, the issue is I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years, and 4 years ago we did break up and he slept with someone else, but he claims he hasn’t ever since then, and I truly believe him after doing some research and finding one of us could’ve had it and not even known, this is my first big outbreak and I’ve always been prone to infections down below, and maybe what I thought was regular infection was HSV the whole time. Has anyone else had a diagnosis and outbreak after so many years? Am I being lied to? We’re technically not even really together at the moment so I feel like he has no reason to lie. And he hasn’t had any problems at all with his penis, ever, the whole time we’ve been together, have I just had it for 7 years?

    #45056

    In reply to: First time disclosing

    Phyllis
    Participant

    I am right there with you! Havent been able to date since I was diagnosed last year.

    Hoping this goes well for you! We all know hsv is very very common. I have told a couple of my girlfriends & one confided she was a carrier & had passed it on to someone else (but asymptomatic) & the other friend had had symptoms, but wasnt tested.

    I think given how common it is, it shouldn’t be such a huge stigma! Will be thinking about you & hope it works out for you!💝💝

    #45054
    Jade
    Participant

    I was diagnosed with hsv2 4 years ago. My ex of 6 years was cheating, I have been avoiding dating because of my fear to disclose. I got close to a guy, hoping it was completely platonic and he confessed his feelings along with saying he wants to be more than friends, all through text. I disclosed on my hsv2 and I’m sick to my stomach. I’m scared of the rejection, I’m scared of him no longer being in my life. Will this feeling ever go away? I’m in the darkest mentality I have ever been, I don’t want to do this anymore. I understand we all are/have gone through the same thing and it brings comfort knowing I’m not alone and people have positive outcomes regarding this. But right now I don’t see a light at the end of this dark tunnel. I need a support system, I’m too scared to confide in those I know.

    • This topic was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by Jade.
    #45053
    Jay
    Participant

    I’m 32 always been careful when it came sex. I’d ask if they were tested recently an some would still have the results on hand that eased my mind protection was always used well most of the time unless I was in a relationship with them and we both were tested and we were negative. Since July I was talking with somebody to see where it goes we slept together 2 times an for the first time in a long time I was satisfied. Feelings were on both sides happening I had a bad week emotionally mentally drained he said he was done an I took it as he was done with me I didn’t talk to him for 2 weeks an sucked it up cause I really wanted to give it a shot. In the meantime while we weren’t talking I took it hard ended in a dark place. Thinking I messed up something that could of been good and so on an so forth. I went and hung out with somebody knowing I was in a bad place didn’t want to be alone I passed out an woke up with no pants on. A few days after my period I felt like I had an ingrown hair or another boil it tends to happen after I would grt a waxing thinking that’s what it was I left go I managed to look an see what it was it looked like an ingrown that I kept picking at honestly. Before that appeared I had some extra discharged similar to what I’d get before my period. I made an appointment Monday for Tuesday first thing in the morning to get checked an I asked to have a std screening done as well. The np said that it looks like herpes but she isn’t positive let’s swab it. It didn’t bother me not painful or anything. I was hoping it would all come back negative an yesterday I got the results it was positive 2 antibiotics an antiviral. I was clean last month I called the person I was talking to upset an just spiraling with everything I said I need you to get tested. I didn’t tell him about that night 2 weeks ago cause we weren’t talking an I kept it to myself. I’m a mess I don’t know whatbto do how to feel I’m disgusted of myself I don’t want to be bothered with anyone I don’t have many that I can trust with this information started doing my research but not knowing where to look. How can it be passed on am I gonna give it my kids for drinking out cups I feel like I’m just this disgusted human being. Any helpful tips tricks something for a better understanding

    #45051
    Mo
    Participant

    Hi,
    I was recently diagnosed with genital herpes. I’m in a long term relationship, and this journey after being diagnosed has been tough on both of us. He has tested negative and believes I have cheated on him. I have been faithful the entire relationship, and contacted my exes and they have tested negative as well. I feel really stuck, lost, and misunderstood. I’m unsure on how to navigate this situation. I would appreciate any support or advice that anyone has to share.

    #45048
    Phyllis
    Participant

    Hello Pink Tent mmembers. I was diagnosed with HSV2 last year. I had one bump on my labia that felt like a small cyst.

    Since then, have had about 4 such bumps. Never any blisters or open sores.

    Wondering if other people have had a similar experience?

    #45045
    Sue
    Participant

    Diagnosed Wednesday, thought I had piles which bloody hurt, went to the docs and was hit with the bombshell it wasnt piles! Got 2nd opinion Friday and I’m in day 2 of antivirals, still in shock, disbelief, horror, fear, with constant questions, hoping and praying this will go away as fast as it appeared. Reading everything, changing my diet anything I can do. I’m so glad I found this site I don’t feel so alone or ashamed. Im 54, been divorced 7 years, waited a long time before i dated, always been careful (although not careful enough)? i have been under ridiculous stress over the last 2 years, i guess i’ll never know if i was a carrier and stress and lack of sleep brought this on or if my last 3 year relationship gave me a parting gift! I told one friend who lives a way from me today and with this site and her i feel slightly calmer. We cant turn time back, but the suppport on here seems great. Still wish i had piles though!

    #45041
    rosepetalthorns
    Participant

    Hi Waverider. I’m newly diagnosed at age 64. My partner is in his 60s as well, and to be honest, our sex drive certainly isn’t what it was in our 30s!

    We have many of the same issues you mentioned, but we aren’t going the celibacy route. We haven’t had intercourse yet, but we plan to whenever I feel ready, and if I don’t he’s ok with that.

    My doctor has been very encouraging and she has encouraged us to get creative. Coconut oil is helpful for me in relieving any friction that may even occur with touch, also great for full body massages that include the “happy ending”, non penetrating toys, etc. We just relax with it and play around and explore. We decided life is too short not to enjoy fully, and we already had discussed that we knew our sex life was changing and would continue to change as we aged. This has accelerated that change, but after my initial upset, we are happy just feeling and being sexy with each other without defining exactly what “sex” is.

    Like you, sex isn’t the be all, end all for us at this stage of life. Our relationship is very deep and based on so much more.

    #45040
    rosepetalthorns
    Participant

    Hi Newtothis. I’m new to being diagnosed as well. Not new to the breakouts though. (Was misdiagnosed as a severe allergic reaction.)

    They will heal and it appears that you are on track with the steps toward healing. I’m in the middle of an outbreak now and am right about at the stage you are.

    In my past experience, after it drains you will see it begin to heal, and I typically end up with just a painless red mark where the sore was. This too goes away and when I reach that stage I’m feeling great and feel like it’s ending.

    For me from start to the red mark going away takes approximately two weeks. If you follow a similar pattern, you should see some changes for the positive soon.

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