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  • Liv
    Participant

    I’m a single mother two time divorcee, five years single but still had a few partners in my single years (all men). My last partner (a man) was more than 8 months ago. I hadn’t had insurance for 5 years – due to it not being offered in any of my full time jobs, but this time, I was able to receive health insurance. I decided to go for a check up and get tested. I requested for the complete run down. Herpes included. Fast forward a week later and my doctor called me in for a “consultation”. I immediately thought my HPV had come back and I needed to get my pre-cancer cells zapped out again. But the news was far worse than that. Turns out I was right about having HPV again, this time not cancerous, but I was also diagnosed with HSV-2. I was DEVASTATED. I hadn’t experienced any major outbreaks, but I sort of had a gut feeling based on having a small blister on my genitals. I didn’t want to think about it, so I quickly wrote the thought off. After all, I was told in the past, the effects of Herpes 2 comes rather quickly. Boy, was I wrong. Anyway, I treated it, but then another appeared and I treated that as well.

    I asked my doctor if the blister was caused by Herpes 2, he said no. In fact, any question I had about this virus, he quickly brushed me off and told me to live life “as I have” before quickly ushering me out of the door. I was angry, I was sad, I was confused. I hadn’t had sex in over 8 months and it was someone I’d known and had been dating for over three years. I’d finally dumped him and this was his parting gift? I was so numb I couldn’t even cry. I was a ball of mixed emotions.

    I have a huge crush on a woman at my job and she feels the same for me. The moment I saw her, I zinged. Long story short about us, I’m open about my sexuality and she isn’t, so there have been several talks about risking it all for love. I was more than willing to wait for her to open up, I was following my heart and allowing my true feelings to take over. She changed a lot of things for me and I for her. But… My immediate thought process once the diagnosis had sunk in was, “welp it’s over.” “Any future with her is done. All bets are off. I’m not worth the risk of her coming out, let alone being with. I’m damaged goods. She’ll never understand or accept this.” And that’s when I cried. Since then, I have avoided her. We still keep in touch but there’s zero flirtation and talks about going out on a date. I don’t entertain her statements about being in a relationship with a woman. Things are just not the same. I don’t feel the need to disclose my status to her as we are nothing more than work buddies and to be honest I would really like to be private with my journey.

    But I am still so confused about dating someone of the same sex when I actually do find that person. I’ve done so much research since finding out about my status, and I couldn’t find much information about the likelihood of passing it on to a woman. I’m still trying to cope with having the virus. And now I have to be extra careful because of my HPV. I did learn that stress causes outbreaks and I noticed that every time I think about having it, I can feel my skin flaring up and my buttocks itching. I’m happy about being in the know about my status, as I also learned that doctors don’t normally check for it unless it’s requested, I learned that more people have it then we care to think about. And more than likely still won’t get tested. I’m slowly building my confidence back up and working up the nerve to share it on my diary blog. I’m taking it one day at a time. But I’m here to give and receive support. There are days I feel fine and there are days I feel defeated. I keep a smile on my face either way, but the thought is still buried in the back of my mind, quickly surfacing to the front. I’m now in no rush to date, again, but any information on transmitting the disease to a woman would be helpful. Thanks so much for reading my entry, and an even bigger thank you for allowing me to read your personal stories.

    #31478

    Liv
    Participant

    Hi Natalie, I’m so sorry to read about your diagnosis. I was diagnosed with HSV-2 about two weeks ago and since then I’ve done a ton of reading. My doctor wasn’t much help to me when I asked him questions. But one of the things I learned is that once you and your partner have it, it’s in your blood and you can’t pass it to each other. I’m not sure how true that is, and I am still trying to understand it all myself. I also read that it’s extremely important to be abstinent from sex during an outbreak because you can develop sores in other places if exposed to the already open sores. I hope I am explaining it right. For me this is all still so confusing, and I’m trying to take it one day at a time, with the coping stage. I also learned that stress can cause outbreaks as well. It’s a hard thing to do, avoid stress but once we know something, that information makes it harder for us not to stress. I hope everything gets better for you however. I feel like this is a time for you and your boyfriend to really bond and get through this journey together. You both can learn about the virus more and support each other. I hope it all works out for you Natalie, if you need anyone to talk to, you can always reach out to me here. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

    #31402

    natber2788
    Participant

    My name is Natalie and I’m 31 years old I have been in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend of 13 years. About 2 weeks ago I started having symptoms of what I thought was a UTI, burning during urination, and by day 3 my vagina felt swollen by day 4 there were what looked like blisters along my labia and my butt cheeks the pain was horrible I went to the doctors as I could no longer bear the pain. A swab was done and sure enough the rules came back HSV1. At hearing those words I felt nothing at first I was numb but not too long after it hit me like a ton of bricks I have something incurable how could this happen! I am still trying to process this. I told my partner he has been supportive but soon thereafter guilt sets in for him as he came to the realization that when he was 13 he had a bad bout of cold sores all over his mouth and nothing like that had happened since but he did have one bump on his inner lower lid and I guess ignorance got the better of the both of us and we didn’t realize the virus lays dormant and once you have a cold sore it’s already in you and of course we did not realize it could be transmitted from his mouth to my genitals. My partner is filled with guilt that he is the reason I am infected I keep reassuring him it’s not his fault but emotions are high and all over the place right now. I feel so many things and have so many questions like can my boyfriend pass the oral hsv to my mouth by kissinge or am I immune because I already have the virus I’m scared to kiss him and we just don’t know what we are doing…

    #30497

    IAmOptimistic
    Participant

    I will start by saying I have NEVER told anyone my truth and have never shared with anyone other than my gynecologist. I am hoping that by telling my story here I will find the confidence to share it with a potential partner. My reason for not sharing has been embarrassment and fear of being looked at differently or rejected. Also, I don’t want “friends” telling other “friends” or anyone else knowing my personal business. For example one of my best friends who I usually confide in made me aware years ago of another mutual friend who was devastated by a diagnoses. I am pretty sure it was herpes and I wanted to reach out when I was diagnosed but I couldn’t because I wasn’t supposed to know she had it. (crazy huh) She has since been in an amazing long term relationship and I want guidance on how to share with a potential partner and what her ups and downs were but I can’t ask.

    My Truth…
    I have probably had herpes well over 25 years but was diagnosed almost 4 years ago. As Dr. Kelly states in her book, Drs. sometimes brush it off for various reasons. I remember telling my gynecologist in my late 20’s (I’m early 50s now) that I had the strangest symptoms. Whenever I got my period I would get a rash on my right hip. He lightly said “Oh it’s probably just herpes” and moved on. I now know that it was the symptoms of herpes. Honestly I am glad I wasn’t made aware then because I don’t know how my life would have turned out or how I would have handled it but I often wonder if I have exposed anyone else unknowingly.
    Originally I diagnosed myself. I have always been conscious of my health, getting yearly exams including checks for STDs. I ended up getting a cold sore under my nose and went to the pharmacy to get an ointment. Because I am also indecisive I couldn’t figure out what to get so I asked the pharmacist. He informed me it was a virus that was internal and I should try the Abreva. What…. an internal virus! I turned to google when I got home and realized the images staring at me on the screen looked very familiar to what I experienced monthly on my thigh. Yes I said monthly! The blessing is I don’t have vaginal issues, my symptoms are sacral meaning I “only” get a small patch of bumps on my thigh or on my buttocks.
    My marriage was causing severe stress for unrelated reasons and my symptoms were out of control. Fast and frequent when one would leave, another would come. I had to confide in someone so on my next visit to a new gynecologist I stated “I need to tell you something….I think I have herpes” His reply was ….is that all? What? Long story short I had a blood test done to find out I have HSV types 1 and 2.
    The original plan was to take Valtrex only when I had an outbreak but they were too frequent. My doctor couldn’t believe that I experienced them once or more a month. I have been on suppressive therapy for almost 3 years and it has been a God send.
    I have been following a cleanse that has helped me to lose weight ONLY to find out that the foods required cause outbreaks! Protein bars, meal replacement shakes, protein powder, and nuts. I have been eating this way DAILY almost 2 years. By reading Dr. Kelly’s book I know this is a definite no no. I am so lost at this point I don’t know what to do or eat. Strenous exercise…..what? I am now on a journey to heal from within and following Dr. Kelly’s book. I do know my emotions trigger outbreaks. I can feel the tension in my back when something or someone gets on my nerves or I get stressed. I have found solace in the PinkTent website and am Optimistic that I can eliminate my symptoms altogether.

    DISCLOSURE
    I have met a man that I am quite interested in. We have similar marital situations and have been communicating well over a year and have a chemistry that you know sex is forthcoming. We’ve even talked about it. I have to tell him of my issue but I don’t know how, where to begin, or what to even say. The caveat is we work together. I am terrified of how he will respond. My fear is having a coworker knowing something so personal about me if it doesn’t work out.

    Any suggestions or guidance is appreciated!

    #29039

    Rosina
    Participant

    Sometimes it’s hard to think thi was done. I was diagnosed and dumped on Christmas Eve. I had gotten sti/STD checks every year. However even regular checks don’t include HSV testing. Sometimes we can live with it for years and never have a symptom. I know it’s hard right now. However having someone in your corner can help. He’s going through a lot. Especially if he didn’t know and has given it to someone he loves. Maybe finding a meet up group would benefit both of you. I know going to a meeting helped me. Seeing it from both sides. Hope this helped. Stay strong.

    #29038

    In reply to: Why am I still so sad?


    Rosina
    Participant

    I was diagnosed and dumped on Christmas Eve and even though I am in counseling it’s super hard. I get it. Go to your local meetup. Each state has one. I did that. Real in person and it has helped. Anyone can have this. It was great meeting men and women from different back grounds. Not sure what state your from. However, we we are a village so I’m here if you need anything.

    #29012

    Dragonfly
    Participant

    Hello, I was recently diagnosed, 2 months ago, and even though in my life right now I have someone who loves me, my children and I are all happy and healthy, I’m blessed to have a job… I’m thankful for so many things but I’m still so sad I have genital herpes… I have a story but it’s to long to type out, in the end, which is the point I’m at now all I want is someone to talk to face to face with that also has it but in order to do that I have to tell people and even at that the conversation is over text, or email or some kind of social media… doctors are not well informed about it and they don’t have proper resources so it feels like a constant search I’m doing alone just to talk to someone! I hate the stigma, lack of support, lack of education…. if so many people have it where are they at? I don’t even know if anyone will see this, I’ve never been on a forum before… thanks for listening

    #28910

    Staci
    Participant

    I’m almost 46yrs old. I thought I always did the right thing. I can count the number of partners I’ve had on one hand. I asked about their history. I gave a quick inspection, looking for any sores. And I ended up marrying half of them. I’m a nurse, I know what to look for. I met my husband 5yrs ago January 2014. We married in June 2015, his second my third. And last week I was diagnosed with herpes. I knew from the day we met that he got cold sores and even had a scare once but my “it won’t happen to me” mentality won out. Now here I sit. Ashamed. Defeated. Angry. Dirty. Broken. Bitter. Resentful. I’ve read the literature. I know the chances of giving it to my husband. I know I didn’t “do anything wrong”. I know I’m not dirty. I know I’m not “slutty”. But none of that matters. I still feel that way. I cry constantly. I’ve sat and screamed and pounded my fists and begged God to just let me die. I don’t know how to live with this and I cannot imagine my life ever being “normal” again. I can’t blame my husband. I knew. I KNEW. And yet I can’t help but resent the fact that I didn’t do anything worse than him but yet I am the one to be punished. I feel like he’s looked at with sympathy…poor guys wife cheated on him and got caught…while I’m looked at like…slut, that’s what you get for cheating on your husband. I know no one knows but I feel branded and the thought of telling medical professionals has me panicked and ashamed.
    I don’t know what I expect reaching out here but honestly, I don’t know what else to do.

    • This topic was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by  Staci.
    #27583

    La’bel
    Participant

    I was diagnosed with Genital HSV1 awhile back In April 2018 I believe and it have been a tough journey, when I first found out about it I thought I had razor burn so when I went to the doctor and got my results I didn’t believe them because I had previously been for a scare and the doctor diagnosed me for Herpes then called back and said she made a mistake I was emotionally broken and couldn’t believe I contracted something incurable second time with a std I was devastated I did have a partner who I told and luckily he was on my side still is I only have him and my mother in my corner and I still become extremely lonely and do find myself in isolation I have had several outbreaks since I believe it’s because of my diet I’ve started to pay attention to that and take it a lot more serious after my most recent outbreak lasted for a month and days I talked to my mother and decided to take it head on let the leasions dry on there own and heal the pain was so excruciating I found myself crying a river became very depressed and isolated I couldn’t walk I had to call out of work for a week so the outbreak is clearing up wonderfully now I try to stay away from arginine and consume lots of lysine I have lysine vitamins vitamins b 12 stress complex and valtrex I was in a desperate search for a support group here in Baltimore we don’t have any I told my mother If I was suicidal I would have tried to kill myself (but I’m not) I’m a Warrior and I’m going to take control of my situation I try to stay in good spirits I don’t give this situation negative energy but sometimes I do feel defeated and that I’ll never win the battle my doctor is extremely nonchalant and broke me down even more but I’m very happy to have found this page and this support group sorry for this long post but I have been waiting to interact with people like me for so long it feels refreshing to tell my story so if any tips on how to manage naturally (teas essential oils etc ) please enlighten me I’m also going to purchase the book dr kelly has

    #25839

    Rosina
    Participant

    I was diagnosed and dumped on Christmas Eve. I get it. Everything is going around like crazy in your head. I decided to talk with Dr. Kelly on her free consultation. However, before talking with her I joined blogs, positive singles and I joined a meetup group in the area I am from. Not ready to date but I found that it was a great place to be open and unashamed. I told everyone because I needed to I think. It helped me. I have one friend that needs more time with the the information. She could tell I was upset so when she asked how I was doing I said not great. We had a great open talk. Remember a lot of people have it they just haven’t been diagnosed. Lots of misinformation out there. Someone from postive singles told me to come here. I got her book and it’s helping. We are a small tribe but we will get through it together.

    #25837

    cowgirl222
    Participant

    So I was just diagnosed with HSV-1 today. I’ve been researching online to see how this will affect my life now and I have several questions I’m hoping someone here can help me answer.

    1) My initial outbreak was a tiny ulcer on my genitals. I went into the clinic the day after my initial symptoms and got anti-virals and it subsided after a few days. I haven’t had any signs of herpes in my mouth…I don’t think. I had a small bump on the inside of my lower lip but it didn’t hurt in the slightest and went away after a day or so and these bumps are something I have had waaaay before my initial outbreak. Could these bumps in my mouth be from HSV-1 all this time and I just had no idea until it reached my genitals? I guess my first question is, how obvious are oral herpes outbreaks? Could that have been one? And since I have the HSV-1 virus does that mean I will inevitably have an oral outbreak?

    2) My second question (the one that originally brought me here) is about how to have sex now. I’m not gonna lie, this diagnosis has probably stopped me from having sex for quite a while just because of the mental component, but I want to be well educated on this topic. In my research I came across the information that non-spermicidal lubricant often has nonoxynol-9 (N-9) which irritates the vagina and can cause outbreaks. I was incredibly irritated to find that its nearly impossible to find information about what products I can use that DO NOT have N-9. I found a certain lubricant that is recommended for people with herpes but I’m more curious about condoms, or condom brands that don’t use N-9. What does “natural” condom mean? Will I always have to use non-lubricated condoms? I know these questions might be dumb but I’m just having a hard time coping with this and I’m finding it stressful that a virus this common is so hard to study 🙁

    3) I think one of the hardest most stressful parts about this diagnosis is how to tell my friends and family. I told my twin sister who was very supportive and awesome about it, but I have no idea how to approach it with my friends. I don’t want to share drinks or lipstick or any of that with them anymore to avoid the risk of passing the virus onto them. I realize that this is low risk but I’m trying to be careful. Have any of you told your friends? If so, how? And are there any tips you can give me? I love my friends and I think they’d be supportive but I’m just terrified that they’re going to look at me differently, even though they’re well aware of my sexual history (girl talk and all that). I’m just worried about the social stigma surrounding the virus and I don’t want my friends to see me as “dirty” or a risk to them in any way.

    Sorry I know this post is long and I didn’t even realize I had this much to say until I started typing. Thanks for sticking with me this long. Any advice will help! I’m so glad I’ve been able to join this community and read your guys’s stories. It really helps knowing I’m not alone in this. Thanks!

    Erin

    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  cowgirl222.
    #25110

    Torn
    Participant

    Just diagnosed yesterday, I have been with my partner about 4 months and we have been having sex unprotected.. I’ve never had an outbreak until last week, my normal STD testing has been normal . He does not know yet because I wanted to wait to find out for sure before making him panic. One night we had sex, he gave me oral with whipped cream and literally two days later, I am having what my doctor has told me is an outbreak . What the chances that he has this considering we’ve been having unprotected sex for months ? What’s the chances he has given this to me? Since being with him unprotected I’ve had two uti’s and now this, however my std testing all was negative but i was Not tested for herpes considering I’ve never had an outbreak or sores. I havent seen anything on him orally . But i feel There is no way he doesn’t have it we’ve been having unprotected sex four months and this is the first time I’ve ever experienced anything like this. He still has no symptom or idea of this but after i follow Up with my doctor i want to tell him . I want To tell him now but I think I should wait til I know more.

    #24988

    Rosina
    Participant

    Well here I am. Never thought I would be here. I am so happy to have support for what feels like the longest week of my life. The past six months has been the happiest and saddest I have ever been. Let me start with I was always a chubby girl. In June I decided to take my life back. Started eating clean and lost 75lbs. I was so excited about my new body I decided to join a online dating app. I met the man of my dreams and everything finally started to piece together. This is what I had been working so hard for. As the relationship continued we decided to take it to the next level. We both had told each other we loved each other and wanted to start a life. My crazy work life took a toll on a very new relationship. Eventually sadly we parted. I was devastated. I felt so sick that my mother eventually had to take me to the doctor. She did a pelvic exam and three days later the tests results where in. I had two std’s luckily both antibiotics would fix. I notified him and at first he was so supportive and we actually got back together. I said we would have to wait to be romantic until my recheck. Just to make sure we where both ok. Last Friday was the recheck. Christmas Eve I got the call from the doctor HSV-2. I was angry, sad, hurt, ashamed, scared, and sadly not surprised. I texted him to call over and over with no answer. Finally I had to text him the news. This made him call me. Only to hear anger and contempt on the line when I was at the most vulnerable. He said he was going to his own doctor how this was my doing and it’s pretty funny how I just keep calling up with one more thing. Now I can’t help thinking that my losing the weight put me in the arms of someone that never would have looked at me before. The only thing getting me through is this forum and of course Cher, “ Do you believe in life after Love?” The answer is HELL YES

    #22629

    In reply to: A new beginning


    Andrea
    Participant

    Oh sweet girl. Let me just say that all of this resonates with me. I was diagnosed in March of 2018 after I started dating an ex (whom I knew was really controlling and had some seriously dark energy), and I too felt very overwhelmed, angry, violated, etc. And my initial outbreak was very painful as well, it was everything I could do to even make it off the couch to get the kids to daycare in the mornings, and it was extremely painful to do anything. BUT….and I want you to hear this….in this diagnosis I have found so much SOUL HEALING. I am learning how to honor my body, and respect and love myself. I have learned how to listen to my body as I learn to identify my triggers. I too rarely doctor for anything (because I don’t need to) and to receive this diagnosis and start on the anti-virals (and find a dosage that was helpful to me) was very overwhelming. But you will learn how to manage symptoms, and you will find wisdom in the wounding in this. It is a journey deep into self love, self forgiveness, and self care. I’m so glad that you found this place to land where we can love on, encourage and come alongside of you. Sending so much love, healing and light your way today. XOXOXO

    #22628

    Ash
    Participant

    Yesterday I was diagnosed with genital herpes and here is my story. I am a 19 year old student at Bloomsburg University of PA. I have become quite a drinker since high school and have been permiscuous and negligent. I slept with someone I trusted, and he told me he was recently checked and is clean. Two days later I started getting painful symptoms. For some reason my initial outbreak was so severe that I went to the hospital. I have sores on my anus, butt, and inside/outside of vagina. I also feel sick and can’t get rid of this awful headache. The headache is like the worst I’ve ever had. I can’t even use the bathroom without crying from the pain of urine and wiping. The part that bothers me is that the man who gave me this disease was my “friend” and he was super nice and caring and I felt like he was genuine. But I’m reality, he was just trying to get into my pants. I feel violated. And dirty. And scared. The love of my life & I are in an open relationship and we have been together since high school. Idk how I’m going to tell him. I hate this. I’m scared of medicine and illnesses so it makes it even worse. I’m gonna try to look at it in a different light as time goes on. I want to learn from my mistake and hopefully get forgiveness from the man I love and have a monogamous relationship. I really hope he will look past the herpes and still be with me. I also will need to quite drinking so much. I feel like I deserved this. But idek what to think or feel yet.

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