Hi guys I joined this forum last year around this time but never engaged or posted anything. I told myself that I would do so after I finished the book but I am now in the first week of my spiritual journey. I don’t kno any one who has been through my journey so if you have some insight or suggestions it would be great and I really hope I can do the same. I am 34 now but my story began when I was 21 yr old virgin or so I thought.
At 21 I had never been to a OB-GYN…but all my friends were having sex except for me so I felt left out. Not that I didn’t want to, but I was waiting for that special guy. I had come close before but I never went all the way…Fast forward to my appointment…it was painful because I had never had anything inside me or so I thought…but not even a week later I get a call from the MD saying I have chlamydia and HPV… I knew it was a lie and requested to be retested. I was a virgin right? How could this be…but the retest gave me the same results… I was devastated disguisted but the MD assured me I was young and the HPV could go away…and it did 2 years later and after I had been told I have precancerous cells. I was happy and it had been a long road. But also during that time I was also diagnosed with Hepatitis B.
At this time I was 22, living with Hepatitis B and HPV I didn’t know how I gotHepatitis B. And I had even been vaccinated when I was younger. I had a drunken encounter with a “friend,” and to be honest at the time I wasn’t sure if we had sex or not. So I thought maybe I had gotten it from him because I knew he didn’t drink but he told me he didn’t have it. Again, I was devasted and I honestly felt like I couldn’t catch a break…After, I really struggled with wanting to live and closed myself up…I didn’t have much personal interaction with men; until I turned 24.
In the heat of the moment we engaged in oral sex, but I had not told him about my hep B diagnoses prior and was unsure if it could be contracted orally. I eventually told him and that pretty much ending our situation. A year later, I meet another gentleman and I told him about my Hep B diagnoses before we did anything sexual…we even got tested or so I thought,,,because months into us dating I contracted Herpes 2. I know i didn’t have it prior to dating him because I had tested for it in my blood…moreover he also got cold sores.
He denied giving it to me and I tried to deal with it on my own…but having Herpes along with Hep B (at 25/26 years old) made me feel just so unattractive, disgusting, and not anything someone would want. I honestly didn’t think things could get any worse…but 2 years later on Halloween night or really Nov 1 I was raped and left in a motel room…This happened almost 6 years ago.
I am now in a place where I can say I am happy and would like to start dating…and get married I havent done much in the past several years and I am nervous about finding/looking for love because for a long time I didn’t think I deserved it. Sorry my story is long and I tried to condense it so would understand what I have been through..not sure if anyone has struggled with the same issues but it would great to talk to someone who has because besides you guys I don’t have anyone to relate to…
I’m new to the pinktent. I’ve been really struggling with HSV2 – I’m 19 and I got herpes this summer (when I was 18) from someone who lied to me about getting tested for STI’s. That person was the second person I’ve ever had a sexual experience with, and the first person I ever had a sexual experience with raped me. Up until now I’ve been pretty scarred from these experiences and I’ve completely cut off all means of sex – oral, vaginal, anal. Recently, I really liked this guy and ended up staying the night with him, though I thought I was preventing the spread of herpes by not having any form of sex. I didn’t realize it could also be spread through genital contact. When I realized this, I immediately told him to get tested (even though I had no recent outbreaks) and tried to explain herpes to him. This was my first time ever having to tell someone I have herpes and I felt so scared and so “dirty”. I really liked the guy and even thought he might accept me with my herpes but he completely cut me off and stopped talking to me.
If any of you could answer some questions for me I’d really appreciate that: How have you learned to accept herpes? As a 19 year old, I feel like my dating life is over and I feel like anyone who knows I have herpes won’t want me. How do you know when to tell someone about the herpes? How do you continue to have a dating life? Are there any tips you have about living with herpes?
Thanks and have a good day!
Topic: 25, scared and confused
I got my first symptoms in November 2020, three weeks after sleeping with the guy I was dating. Shortly after my period had ended, I experienced some kind of pain and small bumps in the anus area, but I just thought those were hemorrhoids, considering the location and the fact that my whole family has problems with them. A week later, I went to gynecologist for a regular check-up and she took a quick look at my bumps and said they could be herpes sores. I was completely shocked and decided to talk to my boyfriend ASAP. He was pretty cool about it and denied ever having one.
A month later, I had another outbreak and that’s when I started living in hell. I went to the doctor’s, in huge pain, crying for help. My boyfriend, who was supposed to be my rock, accussed me of cheating and carrying multiple STDs, adding: ‘Herpes isn’t that serious, it can’t hurt that much’.
At that point, I was 25, with the history of 3 sexual partners in total. I’d never been tested on anything since I’d never had any problems below the waist. And of course I wasn’t cheating.
Then he added: ‘I can’t go through this again. I was once with a girl who cheated on me, who only admitted that when she started feeling itchiness and we both needed to get tested. Thank god, I didn’t catch anything then and I’m not planning to now.’
We broke up and I was left completely crushed, with constant outbreaks ever since.
At least the results for standard STDs were negative, HSV2 included. So the doctor told me that I probably have HSV1.
I’ve been wondering for months how did I get it. Do you think it’s possible that his ex got him infected and he’s transmitting the desease without knowing? Or maybe he’s keeping it a secret?
There’s one more possible candidate, but in a 3 month gap between the intercourses I think I would’ve noticed symptoms.
Sorry for the long post, but I think won’t be able to overcome this until I get some answers. Does anyone have a similar experience? 🙁
I got herpes 2.5 years ago from a guy who didn’t bother disclosing his condition. Having been raised with good values I felt it was necessary to share my condition with every potential partner right on or after the first date with details how when and from whom I got it so I wouldn’t waste their time in case it was a dealbreaker. Looking back this cost me losing self esteem and self respect by exposing myself to strangers who didn’t deserve or earn my trust. Don’t make this mistake. You will only attract all the wrong men and predators who can sense your weakness and insecurity and will only use you for free access to sex with no intentions to commit. Simply no commitment = no sex. Once a true connection and interest is established you can have the talk remembering you don’t owe anyone the truth how and when you got it.
`Recently diagnosed with herpes. I do not know how to feel. I have felt numb all day, I am reading every article i can on living with herpes. I haven’t been formally told I have it yet, but I can tell the doctor is sure just by looking at my butt cheek. I feel certain that the last guy I’ve been intimate with is the person to tranmit it to me,he is the only guy I’ve had unprotected sex with in four years. I have taken 2 std screenings before him, and they were both clean. I feel scared to tell him. What if he didn’t know he had it, he would be mad at me, thinking i gave it to him. How would I feel if he was aware he had it. I don’t see it playing out well with telling him. I feel as though my life is over. I feel so ashamed and mad at myself. I cannot let my family know i have this. I do not want to disappoint them. I am 27 and I dont know up from down. Where im from the population is so small and i dont want my name out there because of herpes. It’s nobody’s business but mine. And with that thought I cannot possible think of dating. My desperate want for a partner for life has gotten me in this mess, and now this mess is seriously going to cause chances of meeting someone to be over. I cannot tell anyone i have this. I luckily have 2 close friends and they have been gets in supporting me, but I really wish I had someone i could speak with that has lived with this for a few years. I need help comprehending that I have this and what does this really mean for my life moving forward.
Topic: What now? Dating with HSV
Hi, I was diagnosed with Herpes after having a relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years, we had outbreaks at the same time, which I found weird because of being together for that long. I felt horrible, I haven’t have many sexual partners (4), but he assured me he was clean before me. I felt like I should stick it out with him because we were together in this, and I didn’t want to tell anyone about my condition, but the relationship was really crumbling.
We broke up, and I met someone who I really liked and felt I could trust and I told him everything he was really nice about it and we kept going out with having a sex. After 2 months we had sex and the next day he told me he couldn’t do it again (horrible experience), but then he came back and we went out for a year. The relationship turned toxic, I stayed because I was afraid he would tell people about my diagnosis, but every time we fought he would say things like “not everyone would be with someone like you” (referring to HSV positive). He even cheated on me I convinced me I should stay because “he was good” for having sex with me.
I don’t know what to do now, I’m afraid of dating because of my previous experience. Also, I had unprotected sex for most of that year and he never got infected (he had lab tests done on regular basis) so I know I can have a good sex life I just don’t know how to approach it. Sometime I want to go out and not tell the person, but I have cold feet because of the guilt I know I would feel if I infected someone. How you guys do it?
Hi all I am new here and was recently diagnosed with genital HSV2 in October. I had a single sore break out that I believed was a knick from shaving. When I went to my University clinic the dr asked if she could test me for herpes just in case. To both of our surprise the test came back positive a week later. I believe my ex of 2 years may have given it to me. We broke up in July. I cannot reach out to him because the relationship was very toxic and I could put myself in a worse situation by reaching out to him. I had been really been struggling with my confidence after the breakup and right when I was beginning to heal I got my diagnosis. I feel incredibly lonely and alienated from my friends as I do not know anyone else struggling with Herpes. I also have found that the Acyclovir has been making me feel ill (nausea, headaches, diarrhea) and my mental health has been worsening as well. Has anyone else had these issues with the medicine? I feel grateful that my first outbreak was so minor and went away very quickly after beginning medicine but I have still been struggling with my confidence. I was very confident about dating before the diagnosis and now I feel extreme anxiety at the thought of dating again/having to disclose my diagnosis with a new partner. If anyone has advice or supportive words please share!(: I could really use friends who understand what I am feeling/going through.
Hi, I’m 45 and was diagnosed 5 months ago. It was the worst timing as I was breaking up with someone and was like – this isn’t working and btw I just tested positive for hsv2 so you should get tested. I felt like a monster. He ended up testing negative. What a relief. I have no idea who I contracted it from and have done the mental gymnastics and list making to try and figure it out but i know it’s an exercise in futility. And at the end of the day – I have it.
I have told two previous partners – one of whom is still a very good friend now. They both reacted with kindness and respect. One negative and one yet to be tested.
While i have been keeping a very low profile on the dating scene since the diagnosis (and COVID) I have recently reconnected via email with a guy who I dated pre-diagnosis. We were intimate when we dated. We have only been communicating via email and I feel like it’s going in a great direction and I’m getting excited to see him when it is safe to do so. I’m struggling as to whether or not I should tell him before we see each other in person because who knows what that in-person vibe will be like – maybe none at all. I’m nervous that if I wait – he will react poorly and question why I waited so long. I just feel like I don’t want to tell him, if I don’t have to.
What to do?
I was diagnosed back in June and was completely shocked and extremely emotional initially. I chose not to tell any past partners and therefore not find out where I got it from. I haven’t had any new partners since, but have continued to have a normal sex life with guys I’ve already been with. Making sure to use condoms. I’m afraid in moving with forward from here and starting something deeper with someone because I’m not sure how to go about bringing this up. If and when I begin to date someone, do I refrain from sex with them until I tell them? Is it okay to use condoms with them and then if things progress and begin to get serious, tell them at an appropriate time? Will they be upset or angry that I had chosen to have sex with them knowing that I have herpes? What is the proper way to go about this? If I begin dating, should I just avoid sex altogether unless I actually see the relationship having potential? I’m not sure if this is wrong or not, but I don’t see a need to tell a bee partner unless I plan on the relationship actually progressing into something. I don’t want to scare anyone away initially, but also I don’t want to look morally wrong if I start something with a guy and have sex with them and then it turning into something and eventually having to tell them later on and then them leaving because I wasn’t honest from the start. I really don’t see anyone being accepting honestly, and I guess that why I have kept it to myself up until now.
I’ve been seeing someone for 4 months and about 3 months in, he broke down and told me he has had herpes for several years. He told me he hasn’t had a flare up in 2 years and is on antiviral meds every day. I was upset because we had had unprotected sex several times before then and he took that choice away from me. But I chose to be understanding as I already had strong feelings for him. We had tried to be careful afterwards, but somehow, I got it. I started to have symptoms this weekend (burning when peeing, swollen lymph nodes around my groin and small cluster of sores). I went to the doctor today and he could tell just by what I had told him and by looking at it. He gave me an accute prescription for the initial flare and said we would look into what else is needed when/if I have another one.
I have two questions:
1. Is it weird that he didn’t swab or test at all?
2. What’s the best way to deal with dating new people? And how safe is it in between flares?
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