Search Results for 'dating and herpes'

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  • #39955
    punky800
    Participant

    I was 20 when I first found out that I was diagnosed with Herpes simplex 2. I was dating an awful guy. He did heroin, stole my car and totaled it, stole thousands of dollars from me and cheated on me, but the hardest one that I had to deal with was he gave me an infection that will be with me for a lifetime.

    I was laying in his bed with him as we started, I told him he needed to use a condom, he neglected my wishes and forced himself inside of me anyway. I was upset beyond belief, but time went on and thought nothing of it. a few months down the road, we were having sex and I started crying it hurt so bad, he didn’t care about how I felt and continued. I went home and tried to urinate and it was the worst pain I have felt. I thought maybe he was just too rough and had torn me, a few days went by and it was getting worse. I was afraid to pee anymore, so I went to the dr. She looked at me and told me that it was herpes. She sent in a test and I got a call a week later telling me infact it was herpes simplex 2. I sat and cried for weeks about it, my best friend was the only one who was there for me. I told my boyfriend at the time and was “sorry”. I stayed with him for months because he was the one who gave it to me, he was the only one who was going to accept me for it, since he was the one who had given it to me. In January of 2018, we finally ended it because he had cheated on me again.
    I felt worthless, disgusting and humiliated. I would never find love again. due to this, I fell into a deep depression. I have yet to get out of the depression but I am trying my best. I met someone and have been talking for a year now and he seems amazing. tonight I finally told him everything. he has told me that he will learn about everything he can and that he still wants to be with me, and that is great. I still feel like this unloveable person. someone that cannot have a normal life ever. I take the pills as I should, to decrease the chances of an outbreak happening but I know there is still a chance that he could get it.
    Somedays I wish I wasn’t alive. other days I wish the man that had given it to me wasn’t either. I have been living with this for 2 years and it feels like a nightmare that doesn’t end. I question how having children will work or if I will ever have children. This is not the life I wanted or asked for. I have not seen a counselor to help me cope with this, I know I should and I am sure they can help me get over the anger that I have built-in me and help with the depression. Finding help seems a lot harder than just keeping it building inside of me.
    I started this with an open mind on talking about this, and the more I write the more I feel flowing out of me and what needs to be said for my own mental health. I know things do get better and there are so many people living with it, that have an amazing life but it is a hard thing to wrap my mind around even to this day.
    -Victoria

    kim
    Participant

    A little backstory. I am 24 years old and had dated an amazing guy for three years. About 2 months ago I broke up with him because I was not sure he was the “one.” I felt like I was missing out and wanted to see what else was out there. A ton of my friends shared their hook up stories and I was always the “mom” of the group who had never had a one night stand. I have never even had sex with someone I was not dating, and started to feel like I was “missing out.”

    Anyway, about three weeks ago I met up with a guy. We did not have sex nor oral sex. But he did finger me using his saliva. About a week later I developed a fever, swollen lymphs, and a weird raw sore down there that gradually became larger. Herpes did not even cross my mind as I had not even had sex since my boyfriend of three years. Long story short, the sore worsened. I saw three doctors and all of them said the sore did not appear to be herpes. One doctor even told me, “trust me I can sniff out herpes when I see them.” This was very comforting to me. Rather than multiple clusters, I had one big raw sore, which they said was not common with herpes. I figured I had cut myself with a razor and developed some sort of infection. The doctor even gave me a topical ointment to put on the sore in case it was some sort of staph infection.

    Anyway, I ended up getting it swabbed for herpes and a few days later I got a call at work that I had tested positive for Genital HSV-1. In that moment I could not even make out words. I thought I was in a horrible nightmare and I was waiting to wake up and be relieved. I did not understand why me, someone who has always been so careful about that stuff contracted herpes. I have never even had unprotected sex with a boyfriend, that is how careful/paranoid I have always been.

    I can’t begin to explain my emotions but I’m sure many of you have felt the same way. Sad, depressed, gross, scared, worried, embarrassed, etc. I know that this disease is not the end of the world and I know it is very common. Believe me, I have spent hours googling this. But I still feel a deep sense of sadness. I almost wish I had had sex just so that this could be justified in my head. I won’t even get into my feelings of regret for breaking up with an amazing guy to experience the “fun” side of being single. He is doing great and then here I am, getting a herpes diagnosis. I’m also scared to even date again.

    Anyway, I’m not sure what I am really getting at by posting this, but if anyone has any similar stories or any advice for me that would be greatly appreciated.

    Moreover, I am wondering that since I have genital HSV-1 and not HSV-2, does this mean I will have less outbreaks? I read that since HSV-1 prefers an oral environment, genital outbreaks reoccur less often. I know that every body is different and this affects people in different ways, so I do not want to get my hopes up, but I am wondering if there is anyone here who has genital HSV-1 and can explain their outbreak occurrences, symptoms, or anything else worth sharing.

    Thank you.

    #39865
    Kay
    Participant

    Hi. I just wanted to come on here and share my story since I’m sure like all of you I’m feeling very scared and isolated. I just got diagnosed on Friday. I’m still in complete shock. I always did the routine STD check ups not realizing herpes wasn’t one of them and assuming I would know instantly if I had it. I have been dating my current boyfriend for exactly one year. I only just had an outbreak of symptoms last week. I was in complete shock when I found out, and I have so many questions. We both have never experienced any symptoms in our lives. My mind is racing trying to figure out who got it from who and how none of us had known. He has never had an outbreak and this is my first and insanely intense. The doctor said “this could be from a partner from 5 years ago and you just had no idea.” Right now I’m just trying to deal with the symptoms, it’s probably the worst pain I’ve experienced and I literally lose my breathe when I go to the restroom. It’s so hard to act like I’m okay to everyone else because I can’t explain what’s happening. Right now I’m completely flared up and swollen but after this outbreak has calmed down, will the red bumps and redness go away? I feel like I’m never going to go back to normal. I have so many questions and just reading through all of this is helping me feel less alone.

    #39851
    Lisa
    Participant

    A plug for lysine, per my naturopath. Also, look up the low-arginine diet (minimize things like chocolate and peanut butter, my downfalls). Do anything you can to support your immune system. In the end, it’s your immune system and stress level, emotional and otherwise, that make the biggest impact. I was on vacation for three weeks and ALL my stress-related annoyances cleared up. Was pretty telling that my stress level is a key in many of my physical complaints.

    Just a side note re: dating. It seems rare, or at least not common, when we meet someone with whom we really click and could see spending our lives with. I have to believe that since those meetings are rare, at least for me, that when they occur, herpes surely isn’t going to be a rule-out, just an annoyance. I’m newly diagnosed and have to hold on to this hope as I don’t want to spend my life alone!

    #39840

    In reply to: Dating with HSV-2

    Crimshaw
    Participant

    I sort of had success. The guy I told was really nice about it, but said he wanted certain boundaries. We’re non monogamous and he has been seeing a couple of other women who say they’ve been tested and are negative for everything. Apparently when he told them about my status, they each said they don’t want him having sex with me, even with protection. He didn’t tell me this until today and well it really hurt. It made me feel like he was choosing them over me, because he said that if they weren’t in the picture, he would want to sleep with me. I’m feeling very low self worth and like I’ve been discarded by someone I feel a connection with. I think he feels it too, he seemed really conflicted when we talked. We’ve left it at being just friends for now but I don’t know if I can do it. I want to say I can but I’m hurting.

    My past experience dating with herpes hasn’t been so bad. This guy is actually the first one who has been apprehensive and it seems like just because he has other partners. I believe if it was just us, he would. My past partners have made the calculated risk. With most, we used protection but some didn’t mind since there’s still a chance of transmission with condoms. They decided I was worth the risk. (Which feels so wonderful after time spent feeling less than after my diagnosis). I have never transmitted to anyone either. I’ve kept myself on suppressant drugs and am lucky to only have one outbreak a year at most.

    It sounds like you have a good connection with the guy you’re seeing. I say go for it. Tell him. Chances are he will accept you. And if he doesn’t, it’s his loss and not worth your time. We all deserve to be with people who see us for ourselves and not our STI. Good luck!

    #39817
    BeLove
    Participant

    My heart goes out to you ladies! I am married for 30 years and just had my first outbreak last April and am on my second now for 6 weeks. My husband told me when we were dating he had herpes and was very careful. I probably contracted it long ago but it was dormant until my immune system was severely compromised. I agree with the posts above that if people are true and care about you, they will stick around. Hold you head up high and be YOU.

    Roro, you are on your second round of meds? What have they given you? I am on 3 grams a day of Valacyclovir for 6 weeks and still have not gotten through this, ugggh!

    #39812
    Tomika
    Participant

    I have now had genital herpes for 6 years now, contracting it at the age of 20. I have never had problems telling potential partners, BUT as I am starting to become a little older it is starting to become harder to tell people about my herpes. Most people have been understanding about the situation and continued a relationship with me BUT I am now wanting to tell a partner who I am very interested in and wanting to be with. It is stressful and I am worried I am going to get rejected this time around as it is someone I really want to be with. Has anyone else had any success stories with telling potential partners?

    #39771
    Nyla
    Participant

    Hello, thanks for taking the time to read my post! I wanted to ask if anyones had experience with herpes and oral sex. I am a young thriving 23 year old woman and I want to continue dating. Granted, it will be slightly challenging, i try not to give up hope for myself in finding the perfect partner. Although I didn’t think i’d be finding him a month after my diagnoses. YIKES. Long story short, I want to be able to pleasure him and receive pleasure from him in the form of oral sex. I am on suppressive therapy as well as taking supplements to boost my immune system. I had my initial outbreak a month ago and it appeared genitally but I have HSV-1. I had one sore on my lip but using powerful lip treatments it cleared up in days. do you have experience giving or receiving oral? please share!

    #39759
    ginafair346
    Participant

    Hello!

    I am 27 and grew up with cold sores, which everyone knows is type 1 of Herpes! I am not sure who gave it to me or how it passed down but I was recently diagnosed with genital herpes. My life shattered. I had a boyfriend when I found out, but he claims he was tested and does not have it. He was very supportive with the news and that is not why we broke up. But we are no longer together and obviously everyone has the fear of dating! I’ve seen similar opinions that if the next person isn’t comfortable with it then they aren’t the right ones anyway. But! How do I know if I don’t ask! But how do you tell someone you’re interested in? I just can’t find the time or the words! any advice?

    #39731
    Tayler
    Participant

    Hi ladies,
    So I’m not 100% positive I have genital herpes yet but if I had to guess I’d say yes. It started at my best friends wedding I met one of her cute cousins and we started hanging out a lot.. and about 2 weeks ago we ended up hooking up, after hooking up he decided he didn’t want anything serious and wants to date around which made things worse when 2 days later I noticed I was really itchy down there and had some pain so I went to my obgyn who looked and said “Yup! This is Herpes” as if it was no big deal and here I am in shock and trying not to cry so of course I asked her if she was sure and she said yup I’ve seen herpes a lot but I’ll swab and test if that makes you feel better… so here I am awaiting the results that I feel like I already know and feeling disgusting and ashamed and like some big walking disease.. I’m a single mom and I now feel like my dating life is over.. dating was already hard being a young single mom and now I feel like it just became impossible.. I feel like what guy is going to stick around when I tell him I have herpes..I’m hoping this group will help me to see it’s not as bad as I think… I’m curious ladies the sores I have down there look like a canker sore that you’d have inside your mouth.. is that what herpes sores look like??

    #39612
    Star Love
    Participant

    And you may never have an outbreak! It’s different for everyone. I had a terrible first outbreak. My legs hurt so much and I had a killer migraine. I thought it was the flu. I met my boyfriend and learned he had herpes right off the bat. He told me from the beginning. I knew it was a risk and I could catch it. Still, he is a great guy. I did catch it from him and I was scared and sad but you are not limited in any way and you will be ok. I accepted with this STD and someone will accept you too, if they don’t, it’s not someone you want to date. Believe me when I say it’s common, and very manageable. Upon my first outbreak I went to the doctor and started Valtrex and within a week I was back to normal. Also your level of stress will play a factor in all this. It’s important to become educated and maybe even find a book to read on it. You are not alone. If it matters, there are a lot of specific dating apps for people with herpes. At this point there are millions living with this and forming happy healthy lives. Don’t feel isolated and don’t let anyone make you feel any less.

    #39577
    Michelle
    Participant

    Hi everyone! Let me simplify my current dilemma. About 3 weeks before I was married back in April my husband told me he was having hemorrhoid issues and wasn’t able to have sex. We had sexual on our wedding night and three days later two blisters popped up, painful urination and voila-a Genital herpes 1 diagnoses. I was in shock. During this week of confusion my husband was experiencing the same symptoms and didn’t tell me. A few days after my diagnosis he was told he also had the same Genital herpes 1. I can’t help but think he cheated and gave it to me. I’ve never had an outbreak before until we became intimate again after his anal issues. Our marriage is suffering because of my doubts in him. He told me when we were dating that he had been tested for STD’s but never herpes (same for me). But when I found out he had given it to me he confessed that he didn’t remember the last time he had been STF tested at all! It makes me feel so awful that he wouldn’t take my health seriously and put me at risk. He says he isn’t the kind of man to contract an STD so he never thought to get tested for it. He has sworn up and down that he never cheated on me but the few weeks we weren’t having sex is when I went on my bachelorette trip for a few days and came back to him not feeling well and having anal problems. I’m not sure what to do. I feel miserable and betrayed but how will I ever really know the truth? 🙁

    #39557
    Monae
    Participant

    Hi Everyone, I’m new to pinktent, and I’m glad to be apart of the community.

    I found out I contracted HSV-1 & HSV-2 February 14th, 2018 (yes Valentines Day), and I was horrified for at least 2 weeks. I had a boyfriend at the time, he gave me hell and we stayed together for months after but I finally gained the courage to leave (kick him out)!

    Fast forwarding I started dating again and I won’t say “I forgot I had herpes”. I won’t use that as an excuse for my mistake, but in the heat of the moment and a couple drinks later I had unprotected sex with a guy and now I KNOW before anything else I have to tell him.

    What do you all say when you disclose? I don’t feel confident telling him though I’ve told many friends.I need help.

    • This topic was modified 1 month, 4 weeks ago by  Monae. Reason: Errors in spelling
    #39547
    Kristy
    Participant

    Hello,
    I had protected sex with a man I am dating. He disclosed that he does have herpes beforehand. I did not perform oral on his m. I feel we were pretty safe. I did not realize the major anxiety I am feeling the next day. I feel as though it is a waiting game now to see if I am now infected. My question is what are the chances I have the virus and do I get tested regardless if I ever show symptoms. I am not sure I can deal with feeling this way everytime we would decide to be intimate in the future. Any advice is appreciated.

    #39530

    In reply to: Feeling Alone

    Kate
    Participant

    I found out 7 weeks ago at 46 years old that I have herpes. Likely, I was infected by my previous boyfriend over a year ago as I had thought I had a really bad yeast infection. Right before my diagnosis I had started dating someone and had sex with him once. Upon learning I have HSV2, I told him. I did my best to be calm, positive, give him information about the virus and not let this define me. The night I told him he/we decided he still wanted to have sex. I had no expectations of this happening but was happy that he accepted me and felt this was not a deal breaker for him. That was 5.5 weeks ago. After this night he said he wanted to do his own research and process which I totally understood. So it has been almost 6 weeks and we have not had a physical relationship since the night I told him. I like him, I’m trying to be patient but this is hurting me. We see each other weekly, do sleepovers, even sleep naked but no real physical contact. After each date, I come home in tears from feeling like he is afraid to be physical with me. The will he “accept me or reject me” is hurting me so much. We have talked about it some and he says he wants to get tested but has not yet. How long do I wait? Do I wait? I know people need time to process but this seems like a really long time.

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