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    Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with herpes 1 many years ago. The outbreak was swelling and pimples that broke open and pain. I never got an episodes that bad again. My question is have you ever got an outbreak like the first one again? Years later I’m have a really bad one and I’m wondering if I have been exposed maybe to herpes 2 since I recently started dating again after a divorce. Thanks


    Belasine, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Please know that many people have this and are unaware. My husband now of 31 years told me he had herpes from his younger years while we were dating but he was always careful. It wasn’t until about 1.5 years ago I broke out with a severe case and had no idea what it was. I was dealing with autoimmune issues when this surfaced but it could have been dormant for years. But he hasn’t had a breakout in many many years so who knows when I contracted it.

    Were you under a lot of stress or having immune issues when you had an outbreak? I wish you well, sweetie, and know lots of people are here for you. (HUGS)


    I came to this community seeking help and wisdom with my current situation. I already feel horrible and ashamed because of the stigma that comes with mentioning Genital Herpes. I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for four months, and I haven’t told him about my condition. Before we starting having sex we told each other our tests results which were both good. My anxiety is through the roof, and I’m not sure what else to do or how to explain. He has gone to his doctor for his routine blood work for blood pressure and also asked for full std testing. I’m waiting to see what his results are. I did go to a lab a few days ago to confirm, and all came back clear except positive for HSV-2.

    Im seeking prayers, help and advice. I know that I may get some backlash or harsh responses.


    I’m 28 years old and I never had a boyfriend. I finally met someone and I was really liking him. After two months of dating we were at his place and things were getting heated, I told him I was still a virgin and I’m not ready to make that move, he said it’s fine but we can still enjoy he would give me a massage and oral. I thought it was fine if we had a foreplay there would be no harm.
    I don’t know if it was the oil he used or he has herpes, because I confronted him about having herpes he said that sometimes he gets some blisters on his lips but its just when he drinks fron someone elses cup. I started feeling itchy on my vulva and around, there are no signs of blisters, but I’m afraid that I might have contracted by the oral he gave me. I found out by reading that oral can transmit the various to the private parts. I have got nothing on my lips. I want to believe that the oil might have cause yeast infection. I don’t know what to think and I’m afraid of what the doctor might say.
    I’m devastated that my first sexual encounter has to end up like this. The party has barely started and it’s as good as over. I’m desperate.


    Im having mixed emotions about all that has happened/is happening in my life. I was diagnosed with HSV2 and i have been feeling way worse than what i used to about myself. I already suffer from eczema, major depression, severe/manic bipolar disorder, PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks as well as borderline personality disorder. Growing up was a warzone for me because i had no one fighting for me (my parents could not help with my bullying at school-from preschool all the way to my last day in highschool i was bullied-and to make matters worse my home life was filled with emotional abuse on a daily basis). My social life was non-existent so therefore i had no support or an ear to talk to, and when i got older dating was one of the reasons why i tried to commit suicide. As if being rejected before the herpes diagnosis was bad enough, now im forced to stay hidden and alone because i know the rejection ill get will kill me physically, emotionally and mentally. I hate this because im allowing people to dictate to me that im only worthy enough to date others of “my kind” and that im not allowed to have a choice or be picky, that i should be grateful to have any sort of attention or that someone is even thinking about wanting to be with me when they can go elsewhere. Im hurt and no one understands. I dont want to be vulnerable because that would mean i have to showw my belly, allow people to reject me and even mock me in public or put me on blast. I hurt everyday and the truth is i dont wanna feel anything but peace. I know i shouldn’ t look for valudation from others but i have never had love so to find someone to love me and accept me is a dream i want to come true. This is how i feel everyday, this is what causes my insomnia, my anxiety and panic attacks, my mood swings, my lack of peace and hope.


    I was diagnosed with HSV-2 about 6 years ago after a one night stand with a guy who claims he did not know he had it (due to the severity of my first outbreak, my doctor said he definitely knew).I recently went on a first date after leaving a long term relationship 6 months ago. With lockdowns and living alone for the first time, it’s been a really hard journey to find happiness again, but I felt like I was on the right path.Last weekend, I matched with this guy on a dating app and we hit it off quickly – making jokes, learning about eachother, flirting. It was really intense considering we only spoke for a week before meeting up but during the week, the chat got VERY sexual and flirty, we were excited to meet and he was even saying I should come visit him in LA (he’s moving back to California for 3 months next week). I wasn’t taking it too seriously but was just excited to be interested in someone again and have their texts to look forward to throughout the day. It also felt like we were forming trust and being aware of each others boundaries, as well as being sexual and flirty. (Eg, when we were sexting, he kept checking I was ok with everything in the conversation. Also worth noting that he was VERY forward in how he wanted to please me!)We went on a date this weekend and it was really great, we got along well and it was obvious we were attracted to eachother.Although I’ve never slept with someone on the first date, we both knew that that’s where it was heading. We were both quite drunk, me more than him, and were making out back at his apartment. I knew I had to tell him about having herpes before it went any further. I said we had to stop as I had to tell him something, I think I came across nervous which made it seem worse, but I told him I have herpes and even though I haven’t had symptoms in years and it’s highly unlikely he will be effected, I felt he has the right to know. Surprisingly, he said he’d been in a long term relationship with someone who had it and he never got it, so understands that it probably will be fine. Looking back, I realise we should have taken it slower and talked more, but we were both caught up in the moment and continued making out. I could tell he changed though, I kept asking if he was ok and he insisted that he was fine. We ended up having some pretty disappointing sex (with a condom) and not talking much after. It was the kind of sex where the guy is just trying to finish and you don’t feel connected at all – completely the opposite of our connection during our date and texting. I left in the morning and we barely spoke. I felt discusting and used and really let down. Looking back, I can see that we should have slowed down and I should have told him when we weren’t drunk and about to have sex! So I take responsibility for completely awful timing. He texted me the next morning in a friendly way to ask how i was holding up, then followed up to ask if I take antivirals. I told him I do and apologied for my bad timing as I should have told him earlier. He said he appreciated me telling him before we had sex and even though he has been with someone before with herpes, he panicked in the morning as he didn’t know if I took medication or anything (which I realise now I should have told him!). He seemed understanding but I just felt like a switch went off and he suddenly viewed me differently. I think we both regret having sex so quickly and being drunk but the connection we had made just crumbled and now I feel more lonely and discusting than ever.I know it sounds crazy after knowing the guy for just over a week but it was the most excited I’ve felt about anyone in over a year (including my ex) so I guess my question is… How do I stop feeling horrible about myself for sleeping with someone so quickly and knowing that both of us regret it, all because I have herpes?Ps: I’m sorry for such a long post, I can’t talk to any of my friends about this so needed somewhere to vent! I hope maybe someone can relate to this, or offer some words of wisdom. If you have had a similar experience please feel free to share.PPS: while writing this he replied to my last text that said “hit me up if you wanna hang out again, but Ibhope everything goes well for you in LA “. His reply is “ya definitely, not sure if I’ll be able to before I leave next week but hopefully we’ll keep in touch while I’m out in LA? Sorry for the late reply, I went to bed early and slept like a log “. 


    Hi everyone,

    I was diagnosed with HSV-2 over 11 years ago from someone who failed to disclose it to me. After a year of not dating and deliberately cutting myself off from meeting people i met my husband. I wanted to be honest with him from the start as i immediately felt a connection and thought this relationship had legs so i told him and he was so understanding! i remember thinking “happy days, i’ll never have to go through that again….” Fast forward 7 years later and i am now divorced and back on the dating scene again. I have met a lovely man and enjoyed a couple of dates but things are definitely starting to heat up and i’m sick to my stomach about the thoughts of telling him about my diagnosis. He is ex military and health and fitness are such a big part of his life. I’m worried that he won’t be as understanding or empathetic as my ex husband was and after being badly hurt through my divorce i’m petrified of being so vulnerable and opening up to essentially a stranger and the fear of being rejected. Has anyone any advice for me please? I really feel like something could progress with his guy but yet again, the stigma of herpes stands in my way!


    I recently got drunk and had unprotected sex with someone that I know has genital herpes. He has told me that he takes antiviral medication and wasn’t experiencing an outbreak during the time of us having intercourse. I’m really worried that I might have contracted it. I haven’t had any symptoms so obviously can’t be tested. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? I’m also dating someone new and I’m worried that I could pass it to him without even knowing.


    In reply to: Who do you tell?


    Oh my goodness! That is tough. Maybe take things super slow when talking to people and hopefully when you reach that level, I would hope the person would be loyal to you and not tell anyone. I totally get how small towns can be though.

    On a different note, I have been reading on herpes a lot and so many people of it and don’t know. Just thinking about small towns, makes you wonder if more people have it and you just don’t know. Sad, I read that herpes is spreading more rapidly only because people are unknowingly spreading it in the age of dating apps. I even read these articles where people admitted to knowingly having it and choosing to having relations and not telling the person they are with. People will deny having it also I think in fear of being judged.

    It is very lonely knowing you have this things now and afraid you will get no support because you are in fear of telling anyone.


    In reply to: Who do you tell?


    Truthfully I don’t recommend the herpes dating sites. I went on just as looking for friends and people to talk to but the guys on there are just looking to hook up. Which is a little gross. I am taking this different from most people. I am happy to take a break from dating and men and plan just to be solo for a few years. I just took being diagnosed as a sign that a I needed to slow down and take better care of myself. Men and dating sites just can be so damaging..


    Hi, I just got diagnosed as having HSV2 1 week ago. Obviously im still coming to terms with it. I come from a small area and although I would really love to have more people to talk to about it I’m not sure who to trust as I’m not ready for many people to know yet. My question is who do you tell and how do you decided who you can trust both friendship and relationship wise? would love to hear your opinion.

    Also I was dating a guy for 8 months before I found out I had HSV2. he swears he doesn’t have it so it may be something i had before but anyway he suddenly decided im not worth dating anymore because of it. Im not going to lie it f#@$ing hurts. Feeling alone and desperate to connect with REAL people who will share some human experiences.

    So done

    Let me start out By saying I am very new to this. Not to the diagnosis, but to talking about it. I was diagnosed 20 years ago with herpes (literally to type or say the word to this day elicits a visceral response. Sometimes I literally cannot get the word out of my mouth. I was 21 years old- first real boyfriend. About three months in he told me (I’m not such a great way at not such a great time), he had herpes. I decided to stay because I thought “I’d never want someone to walk away from me and this is totally manageable right?” It turned out to be a very bad relationship. I ended up getting it. And I ended up resenting him because even though I took the “compassionate moral high road” he still ended up being a lying, cheating, abusive addict. I stayed because like many of you out there I felt like no one would ever want to be with me, I was unlovable, dirty etc. I grew so resentful my skin would literally crawl around him. So I dove into work, I went back to school, I just kept pushing trying to fill a void I’d never addressed. Everyone who knew me “couldn’t understand why I stayed”. Spoiler alert- the relationship ended badly- like as badly as your 10 year old sin and 12 year old step son catching him cheating on you badly. I was single for 6-7 months, did the online dating thing and found a guy who long story short DIDNT care. We were together 7 years. In hindsight I settled. That makes me feel really shitty as a human being to say I settled – like my life is more valuable than another human beings (because it is not- to be crystal clear I do not think I am better than anyone else). Anyway, after seven years together and my dying father living with us, and having had a child of our own- I found on the morning of my fathers memorial service no less, all kinds of explicit texts, pics etc on his phone (it was kind of funny how it happened because I am not one to look at someone else’s phone – totally not the jealous type… but that’s a different story). So yeah. That ended. 7 months later I figured I’d start online dating because why not? I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I want love. I want a partner/best friend. So I did it. And honestly herpes was not at the forefront of my mind at that point. I’ve had it for 20 years, been in relationships for 98% of that time. I’m successful, smart, pretty, sarcastic, honest, independent AF, giving, loyal etc. not trying to boost myself up here, trust me my self esteem is lower than the basement, but I am those things. Anyway like online dating goes for everyone (I’m sure), it’s exhilarating, sometimes demeaning, objectifying etc. I told one guy, he had no problem with it (but his court ordered supervised visitation with his daughter was a deal breaker for me lol). And there were a few others that fizzled out. But then there was this one guy. There’s always that one guy right? We dated for about a month. He checked all the “boxes”. We were “intimate” but never any sex or anything I felt put him in danger. I’m lucky in the fact that I have very few outbreaks. Honestly for the last several years all I get is a bit of a rash in my lower back maybe twice a year. Anyway, he invites me to his house for the weekend. I agree knowing this is going to be the point I am going to have to have the “talk”. Long story short it ended up happening probably the worst way possible. To be honest, I was trying to hold off as long as I could because I didn’t want it to end. And it ended badly. Like we are in bed going to sleep (but all of the sudden he doesn’t want to go to sleep), so I stop him, turn on the lights, blurt something out about how 20 years ago my ex told me he had a disease after having sex with me multiple times blah blah blah. I remember when I first started talking this guys hand was in my knee- you know how a partners hand feels on your body when they want you? After I kept talking I remember watching his hand go “dead” on my knee. I remember seeing his face- he looked shocked and uncomfortable. He said at one point “you don’t have to leave”, but I felt like he was just being nice and I left anyway. The whole time in my head I just kept thinking “log this is so uncomfortable just get out of here”. I texted him the next day apologizing for the way things went. Maturely explaining myself and saying at the end- “I will understand if you do not want to talk to me again. If you don’t, I want to thank you for making me feel wanted and beautiful. And if I never hear from you again, I won’t bother you again.” I sent that message at 1:47 in the afternoon. He read it at 1:48. And I never heard a damn thing. It’s been a little over two weeks. I’m really struggling. Not because of this one person- I mean yeah- he checked the boxes, I think the sex would have been great, and I really liked him… but what I am really struggling with now is after 20 freaking years- I feel more alone and hopeless than I ever have before. I don’t want to lead people on. My friends tell me “he wasn’t the right one”, “the right person won’t care” but CHRIST- I still care after 20 years!!! I love my friends don’t get me wrong- but they have no idea about this sort of thing. I am a strong person- as a female I’m a bad ass, I have a masters level education in psychiatry – I am a single mom, I have a hold that lives with me that is not mine but I’m trying to help him further himself. I stand up against injustice, I’ve always fought city hall… but this damn virus inside me that I have to disclose to people is like my Everest. It angers me how “pretty and perfect and strong and real” I am to someone and how much they “want” me- until they find out this about me and the I am shit. I’m ghosted. I’m not worth even a “screw you I never want to talk to you again leave me alone”… just nothing


    I tell guys right up front. Before I even meet them in person, honestly – don’t make an investment in someone who can’t deal 🙂

    I do this

    – so, hey, it was nice to meet you. I want to be respectful of your time – and mine. You should know I have a virus that causes a skin condition, I get cold sores and herpes. I know how to help prevent it from spreading, but I’m a responsible adult so I’m telling you up front. Happy to answer any questions you have – and hey, if this means I’m not for you, good luck out there. You seem like a nice guy

    About half the time they ask questions, about half the time they ghost. I don’t actually care at that point because I’m not invested yet.

    Also. There are dating apps for people who are positive. 🙂


    Hi guys I joined this forum last year around this time but never engaged or posted anything. I told myself that I would do so after I finished the book but I am now in the first week of my spiritual journey. I don’t kno any one who has been through my journey so if you have some insight or suggestions it would be great and I really hope I can do the same. I am 34 now but my story began when I was 21 yr old virgin or so I thought.
    At 21 I had never been to a OB-GYN…but all my friends were having sex except for me so I felt left out. Not that I didn’t want to, but I was waiting for that special guy. I had come close before but I never went all the way…Fast forward to my appointment…it was painful because I had never had anything inside me or so I thought…but not even a week later I get a call from the MD saying I have chlamydia and HPV… I knew it was a lie and requested to be retested. I was a virgin right? How could this be…but the retest gave me the same results… I was devastated disguisted but the MD assured me I was young and the HPV could go away…and it did 2 years later and after I had been told I have precancerous cells. I was happy and it had been a long road. But also during that time I was also diagnosed with Hepatitis B.
    At this time I was 22, living with Hepatitis B and HPV I didn’t know how I gotHepatitis B. And I had even been vaccinated when I was younger. I had a drunken encounter with a “friend,” and to be honest at the time I wasn’t sure if we had sex or not. So I thought maybe I had gotten it from him because I knew he didn’t drink but he told me he didn’t have it. Again, I was devasted and I honestly felt like I couldn’t catch a break…After, I really struggled with wanting to live and closed myself up…I didn’t have much personal interaction with men; until I turned 24.
    In the heat of the moment we engaged in oral sex, but I had not told him about my hep B diagnoses prior and was unsure if it could be contracted orally. I eventually told him and that pretty much ending our situation. A year later, I meet another gentleman and I told him about my Hep B diagnoses before we did anything sexual…we even got tested or so I thought,,,because months into us dating I contracted Herpes 2. I know i didn’t have it prior to dating him because I had tested for it in my blood…moreover he also got cold sores.
    He denied giving it to me and I tried to deal with it on my own…but having Herpes along with Hep B (at 25/26 years old) made me feel just so unattractive, disgusting, and not anything someone would want. I honestly didn’t think things could get any worse…but 2 years later on Halloween night or really Nov 1 I was raped and left in a motel room…This happened almost 6 years ago.
    I am now in a place where I can say I am happy and would like to start dating…and get married I havent done much in the past several years and I am nervous about finding/looking for love because for a long time I didn’t think I deserved it. Sorry my story is long and I tried to condense it so would understand what I have been through..not sure if anyone has struggled with the same issues but it would great to talk to someone who has because besides you guys I don’t have anyone to relate to…


    I contracted herpes 2 from someone who didn’t disclose it 2.5 years ago. I’ve had monthly outbreaks which recently turned to non stop. Going back to dating scene with herpes is very stressful. I had mixed reactions. One guy said he wouldn’t risk his life and his kids life and treated me like I had leprosy. I had another guy who said he admired my honesty and still wanted to get to know me but there was no attraction on my end so we just remained friends. A couple more guys admitted they had herpes after I brought it up but “didn’t know it was contagious” yeah right…
    Lastly, this guy I recently met turned out to be a carrier too but had no idea until he got tested after I told him I had it. He never had an outbreak in his life. Bottom line is I never met a person who volunteered to bring it up first. But we women are so stupid to tell our business to strangers. My outbreaks are non stop and out of control so for me it’s either not go on dates at all and stay home all alone depressed or disclose it to selected people after a few dates. But hun if you don’t have outbreaks don’t feel obligated to tell anyone unless you’re 100% positive they’re clean. How would you know? Next time you meet someone say let’s get tested before getting intimate and you’ll be surprised how many will come back positive. You can always say you had no idea when yours come back positive.
    I’m 44 btw, and wish I knew what I know now when I was your age. Good luck!

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