I am 35 years old and never have had intercourse. I could not marry because of job and problems at home. However at the age of 32 I met someone with whom I became close after 1 year of dating.
We did not go to bed but trust each other in such a way that it was enough for me to get herpes. That changed my life and after that I dumped the idea of getting married or getting into any type of relationship. I practiced celibacy like before knowing that person who gave me herpes.
Since it has been 3 years and I am recovering. My psychologist told me that person was a narcissistic personality disorder. a very abusive relationship it was which ended up when I mustard up courage to quit. For two long years it was a long distance relationship and I kept you waiting for nothing.
Now that I have got rid of that abusive relationship, I want to start my life I want to start a relationship and get married.
But I feel transmitting herpes to my spouse to be. I am too much reluctant in getting married and I think that herpes causes some infertility issues. Having children is my prime target in life now. If this is the case that the person who has herpes cant have kids then I should not marry and continue with this celibate life. Please help me in in addressing the issue I want it to know that should I marry and can I have children.
I am from a very conservative society and since the society is religious and I cannot share things with within my society, I plan to relocate, move abroad. I wish you could believe my story that I never have had sex and this accident which not even could be said as anything that bad happened as per my religion cost me too much.
Can I marry can I have kids I am a male 35 years old.
Please help anyone.
Topic: New diagnosis
It’s been 3 days since I was told by a doctor I have herpes, I can’t say I took the news very well (anyone else come from a childhood filled with fear mongering techniques by their religious parents?), I cried a bit in the doctors office, and at home. I somewhat got over myself by the next day, calming down about what it means to have herpes. It was time to focus on immediate symptoms, specifically painful ones, the worst of which being urinating.
Every time I need to go to the bathroom I find myself pacing around the apartment, scared, after the few minutes it takes to even get myself in the bathroom I’m sitting, then standing up, then sitting down again. I grab the small hand towel I set out just for this reason, shove it in my mouth, stare at the wall, begin the pep talk “it’s only for a minute, you’ll feel so much better after you’ve finished. This is the worst the pain will be, ever, it only gets better from here”
I still have a hard time, but the stream comes, I feel it hit every bit of skin, every red, painful lesion stinging as if a jellyfish was trying to fit itself into the vaginal canal I so desperately wanted to not be mine in that moment.
And then I’m done, just like that. 20 minutes to build it up, 2 minutes to be done, I feel pathetic, I know, it’s not, but still..I feel f*cking weak.
thats been the worst part for me, everything else I don’t mind too much, well, besides the fact that I can’t really workout, or dance, and I work as a performer, so my first outbreak is also an impromptu work vacation, apparently.
I have a few friends being supportive of my new diagnosis, I told my sisters but they mostly just brushed over it and started talking about their day. Oddly enough, two weeks prior to my diagnosis I began dating a doctor, not OB/GYN, he’s an anesthesiologist, but still, it’s one of the more interesting coincidences I’ve experienced.
So far it’s been nice seeing the way he stares at my medication going on about dosages and what he’s given the same medication to his patients for, but it also scares me, at time I feel like a frog waiting to be dissected. I should just be appreciative of it.
Last night I went to stay in his apartment (we live in the same building) which was fine, he did some work, we watched a film, then we went to bed, simple, relaxed. Everything was good, it was nice to sleep next to him, but then comes morning, and I’m waking up having to pee.
I felt panic, embarrassment, and anger all at once, and he’s laying with his arms wrapped around me sleeping like a baby, I think that was what really brought on the anger, I was jealous that he was okay, and I wasn’t, and then, laying there an extra 15 minutes with a full bladder, partially because I wanted to feel his arms around me, partially because I was too embarrassed to do anything else, I just kept telling myself “he’s an anesthesiologist, he deals with people in pain constantly, he understands what it means to have herpes” and I still felt like absolute shit, even typing this I’m upset by the situation. I had to lean over to him and as simply put as possible say “I’m going downstairs” and gave him a kiss on the cheek, his grunted response exhibiting his relaxed state, and I walked out of his apartment, then I ran to the elevators, I let it go too long, I was too self conscious.
Now we’re back in my apartment, back to the bathroom, teeth clamped over cloth, white knuckles as I grab onto whatever I can find, screaming into the cloth. I think I let myself scream a little louder this morning, just from the frustration of it all, I couldn’t stand him, or anyone, seeing me like this, I can barely stand seeing myself like this.
but the first outbreak is always the worst, right?
Hey everyone, I’m 22 years old and I recently found that I have genital herpes symptoms. I have been dating my current boyfriend for about several months now and I had him checked for STD’s before we did anything sexual. 6 days ago we were grinding, no intercourse, and a few days later I had the symptoms. I know for sure he gave it to me and it hurts to think that the guy I care about gave me an incurable illness. He denies having it and I haven’t told him. I’m scared. I’ve only slept with one person my whole life as I’m so scared of getting STD’s and now I’ve got this to worry about. I’m in complete shock! I haven’t told anyone about this, and I don’t want to because I know I will be looked down on. I just had my first outbreak and I’ve heard it’s supposed to be the worst so here’s hoping it gets better here on out. I’m scared about having to deal with these symptoms for the rest of my life, and I’m so young as it is. I’m just praying that it gets better, I don’t know what to do. Has anyone on here tried antiviral drugs? Do they help at all? Also, can anyone please tell me how to deal with the symptoms? Thanks!
I’m a single mother two time divorcee, five years single but still had a few partners in my single years (all men). My last partner (a man) was more than 8 months ago. I hadn’t had insurance for 5 years – due to it not being offered in any of my full time jobs, but this time, I was able to receive health insurance. I decided to go for a check up and get tested. I requested for the complete run down. Herpes included. Fast forward a week later and my doctor called me in for a “consultation”. I immediately thought my HPV had come back and I needed to get my pre-cancer cells zapped out again. But the news was far worse than that. Turns out I was right about having HPV again, this time not cancerous, but I was also diagnosed with HSV-2. I was DEVASTATED. I hadn’t experienced any major outbreaks, but I sort of had a gut feeling based on having a small blister on my genitals. I didn’t want to think about it, so I quickly wrote the thought off. After all, I was told in the past, the effects of Herpes 2 comes rather quickly. Boy, was I wrong. Anyway, I treated it, but then another appeared and I treated that as well.
I asked my doctor if the blister was caused by Herpes 2, he said no. In fact, any question I had about this virus, he quickly brushed me off and told me to live life “as I have” before quickly ushering me out of the door. I was angry, I was sad, I was confused. I hadn’t had sex in over 8 months and it was someone I’d known and had been dating for over three years. I’d finally dumped him and this was his parting gift? I was so numb I couldn’t even cry. I was a ball of mixed emotions.
I have a huge crush on a woman at my job and she feels the same for me. The moment I saw her, I zinged. Long story short about us, I’m open about my sexuality and she isn’t, so there have been several talks about risking it all for love. I was more than willing to wait for her to open up, I was following my heart and allowing my true feelings to take over. She changed a lot of things for me and I for her. But… My immediate thought process once the diagnosis had sunk in was, “welp it’s over.” “Any future with her is done. All bets are off. I’m not worth the risk of her coming out, let alone being with. I’m damaged goods. She’ll never understand or accept this.” And that’s when I cried. Since then, I have avoided her. We still keep in touch but there’s zero flirtation and talks about going out on a date. I don’t entertain her statements about being in a relationship with a woman. Things are just not the same. I don’t feel the need to disclose my status to her as we are nothing more than work buddies and to be honest I would really like to be private with my journey.
But I am still so confused about dating someone of the same sex when I actually do find that person. I’ve done so much research since finding out about my status, and I couldn’t find much information about the likelihood of passing it on to a woman. I’m still trying to cope with having the virus. And now I have to be extra careful because of my HPV. I did learn that stress causes outbreaks and I noticed that every time I think about having it, I can feel my skin flaring up and my buttocks itching. I’m happy about being in the know about my status, as I also learned that doctors don’t normally check for it unless it’s requested, I learned that more people have it then we care to think about. And more than likely still won’t get tested. I’m slowly building my confidence back up and working up the nerve to share it on my diary blog. I’m taking it one day at a time. But I’m here to give and receive support. There are days I feel fine and there are days I feel defeated. I keep a smile on my face either way, but the thought is still buried in the back of my mind, quickly surfacing to the front. I’m now in no rush to date, again, but any information on transmitting the disease to a woman would be helpful. Thanks so much for reading my entry, and an even bigger thank you for allowing me to read your personal stories.
Topic: Diagnosed Two Weeks Ago
Hi. I was diagnosed with HSV2 two weeks ago after I took a trip to Mexico with a man who I thought had real dating potential for me. There is not much worse than getting your first herpes outbreak on vacation in Mexico where access to modern medicine is slim. I am not sure if I got HSV from him and am trying not to focus on who I got it from. I’m 39 and luckily went to a very supportive health care professional. Needless to say he has vanished from my life (probably not entirely due to me having herpes). My first outbreak was awful and prolonged due to the length of time it took me to get antibiotics. I’m nervous to have this condition and how to manage it, and am not sure what to expect. Two weeks after my first outbreak I feel like I have one blister again so am not sure if I can expect a constant outbreak for a while until my body adjusts to the condition, or I learn how to better manage it. Hence why I am seeking support.
Topic: Coming out…
I was diagnosed with HSV2 9 months ago, and have struggled with disclosing to potential partners ever since. I do not want Herpes to define me, but on the other hand the thought of ‘the talk’ has been putting me off venturing too far into the dating scene. Finally, I tried a different tactic. When posting my profile on dating sites, I’ve mentioned my status immediately. That way, those who are turned off don’t need to contact me, and the rest are free to do so with full knowledge. I figured with the prevalence of this thing, my ad just might un-closet some men as well.
I have been amazed at the response. My profile is getting just as much attention as previous, non disclosing ones. Some of the men have HSV, some don’t but are experienced with it, and others simply want to learn more.
Not a single person has been judgmental or derogatory. My biggest issue at the moment is sorting through the many, many candidates.
Just thought I’d share this, in case anyone else wants to try it out…..
Topic: HSV-1 my story
So I’m new to all this. Was diagnosed last month, which honestly feels like eons ago. It had been 6 months since I had gotten out of a serious relationship and I was ready to dip my foot in the pool of dating again. I came across a profile of a Guy who seemed promising I swiped. We matched, he messaged, and after a couple weeks of talking we met for the first time. He had a good job, was funny, and we shared some common interests. On that first date though he shared that he wasn’t looking for anything serious after just getting out of a serious relationship. I thought something casual could be good for me, as I was always the relationship girl and that clearly wasn’t working out for me. Well he ended up coming over to my apartment for the second date. We were intimate and it was amazing. About 5 days after our encounter I had my first outbreak. Unfortunately I thought it was a bad case of razor burn it wasn’t until he contacted me and told me he had tested positive for chlamydia did I rethink the razor burn self diagnosis. After rushing to planned parent hood a week later I was told I was positive for HSV-1 and chlamydia. My world was rocked. I cried, I told close friends and my mom. Sadly one of these “friends” told her boyfriend who put the breaks on attempting to set me up with a friend of his. I have my good days and bad like everyone. I’m 26 years old. I guess I’m mostly afraid of never finding love or anyone to accept this part of me. (Most) of my friends have been supportive, one friend said I was the fourth person to disclose a herpes diagnosis to her and another told me of a friend who has no problems dating and disclosing. I obviously told the guy I hooked up with who got tested and it came back positive so I’m sure it was him I had gotten it from. The ironic part is that he had asked me if I used condoms and I told him 100% yes since they help prevent STIs. I’m hoping eventually I’ll come to accept myself. It’s definitely a rough road so far.
Topic: First talk
I just talked to a partner about having herpes and it didn’t go well. I just started dating this girl and we went on one date and were talking all the time and I wanted to have this conversation sooner rather than later. I told her I wanted to talk in person and share something personal about myself with her. We went on a walk and I had a hard time getting it out at first. I was so nervous. But I told her I had been diagnosed a year and a half ago and had been symptom free for a long time. She said it was fine that she wasn’t judging me and it was all okay. I was relieved but then later she texted me to tell me that she wasn’t sure she was ready for anything serious and that pursuing anything casual with me didn’t feel appropriate now knowing this. I’m devastated. She’s the first girl I ever tried dating and I feel like I really out myself out there and then she rejected me. If anyone has tips on how to make the talking part easier/better that would be great. I keep thinking if maybe I had something different she wouldn’t have reacted that way. Please help!
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