Search Results for 'dating and herpes'

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  • #39557

    Monae
    Participant

    Hi Everyone, I’m new to pinktent, and I’m glad to be apart of the community.

    I found out I contracted HSV-1 & HSV-2 February 14th, 2018 (yes Valentines Day), and I was horrified for at least 2 weeks. I had a boyfriend at the time, he gave me hell and we stayed together for months after but I finally gained the courage to leave (kick him out)!

    Fast forwarding I started dating again and I won’t say “I forgot I had herpes”. I won’t use that as an excuse for my mistake, but in the heat of the moment and a couple drinks later I had unprotected sex with a guy and now I KNOW before anything else I have to tell him.

    What do you all say when you disclose? I don’t feel confident telling him though I’ve told many friends.I need help.

    • This topic was modified 1 day, 6 hours ago by  Monae. Reason: Errors in spelling
    #39547

    Kristy
    Participant

    Hello,
    I had protected sex with a man I am dating. He disclosed that he does have herpes beforehand. I did not perform oral on his m. I feel we were pretty safe. I did not realize the major anxiety I am feeling the next day. I feel as though it is a waiting game now to see if I am now infected. My question is what are the chances I have the virus and do I get tested regardless if I ever show symptoms. I am not sure I can deal with feeling this way everytime we would decide to be intimate in the future. Any advice is appreciated.

    #39530

    In reply to: Feeling Alone


    Kate
    Participant

    I found out 7 weeks ago at 46 years old that I have herpes. Likely, I was infected by my previous boyfriend over a year ago as I had thought I had a really bad yeast infection. Right before my diagnosis I had started dating someone and had sex with him once. Upon learning I have HSV2, I told him. I did my best to be calm, positive, give him information about the virus and not let this define me. The night I told him he/we decided he still wanted to have sex. I had no expectations of this happening but was happy that he accepted me and felt this was not a deal breaker for him. That was 5.5 weeks ago. After this night he said he wanted to do his own research and process which I totally understood. So it has been almost 6 weeks and we have not had a physical relationship since the night I told him. I like him, I’m trying to be patient but this is hurting me. We see each other weekly, do sleepovers, even sleep naked but no real physical contact. After each date, I come home in tears from feeling like he is afraid to be physical with me. The will he “accept me or reject me” is hurting me so much. We have talked about it some and he says he wants to get tested but has not yet. How long do I wait? Do I wait? I know people need time to process but this seems like a really long time.

    #39499

    Cassi
    Participant

    I went in to urgent care yesterday for what I thought was a yeast infection and came out with life-changing news: I had herpes. I has fun throughout college and was pretty promiscuous, however, I always prided myself on the fact that I protected myself. I frequently got tested to make sure I didn’t have any STDs. However, I just learned that when I was saying “Test for all of it,” they were never testing for herpes and they never thought to tell me. All this time, I thought I didn’t have it.

    Back in January, I started dating this amazing guy. I made sure to get tested again before we slept together (again, no Herpes tests though). It is the healthiest and best relationship I have ever had. After learning that I have herpes yesterday, I have been in severe pain – barely able to walk or sit and literally crying when I have to pee. The doctor gave me Valtrex and I am taking Advil – WHAT ADVICE DO PEOPLE HAVE FOR HOW TO MANAGE PAIN OF OUTBREAKS?

    I am also now terrified to tell my boyfriend about it. We are so good at communicating and he is so understanding, so there is a good chance it will be fine. But I am still so terrified that this could be the deal breaker and that he will not want to live with this risk. I know I need to stay calm for this conversation and explain to him all the facts (have been doing lots of research in the last 24 hours), but I am in so much pain and just so shocked and sad by this news that all I want to do is cry in his arms. I know I can’t do that because I need to show him that this is no big deal, but he is the person I go to when I’m upset. I am just feeling so alone in all of this and need people to talk to, especially those going through the same thing. WHAT ADVICE DO PEOPLE HAVE FOR TELLING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER? WHAT ADVICE DO PEOPLE HAVE FOR GOING FORWARD IN A RELATIONSHIP AFTER DIAGNOSIS?

    I am so happy to have found this discussion group and look forward to talking with people.

    #39416

    In reply to: Success Stories


    KitC
    Participant

    May I ask how long you were dating before you told him ? I too was in a long term relationship at the time of my diagnosis and I have been too chicken to date since my relationship ended. Dr. Kelly also has great advice on how to tell a partner. I have also read from other popular bloggers that the quality of men you date while having herpes improves. Such a negative reaction from a man sounds like he wasn’t very mature or a kind person so better to End it now before you develop more feelings.

    #39415

    M
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I was diagnosed in July of 2015. I was in a serious relationship for a long time that unfortunately just ended back in March. I started dating again recently and told a guy about my diagnosis and he didn’t take it well. Long story short, it has reignited all of my feelings of disgust and sadness that I had when I first got it. I read so many sad stories all the time – where are the success stories? Could anyone share their success story like Dr. Kelly? Are there more people out there with genital herpes that are married with children? My biggest fear is that I won’t have the opportunity to have the life I’ve always wanted because I carry this burden. Thank you all for reading and hope to hear responses soon.

    M

    #39405

    Tiffany
    Participant

    About two years ago I was in a very toxic relationship. The guy I was dating at the time never disclosed his status with me. When I questioned him about his status and him possibly giving me herpes, he argued you it couldn’t have been him.
    He went as far as to make up stories on how he couldn’t have it. When I told him I was going to get tested he told me I could have gotten it from a toilet seat or anything. He began to complain of headaches, which he said is a side effect of Herpes. At that point I was completely fed up but knowing deep down that I may have herpes something in me decided to stay. I soon felt foolish because I knew he was lien to me. We both got tested and he was confident that his results would be negative yet he always made slick suggestions on if he had it then it would come from Public toilets or some crap. The results were positive and he tried to blame me. Despite my history of never having an STD/STI!
    I had no where to go! I couldn’t face dating anyone else so I stayed. I knew he trapped me when he wouldn’t say anything else about. It was like he didn’t care. I stayed with him on and off for two years. During the breakups he would date different girls and tell me he was sexually actively with thin. He told me he told the girls of his status but it was hard to believe considering the amount of girls he would date.
    Fast forward I was finally able to leave the relationship and I wanted to date. I didn’t not know how to go about dating. How would I tell some one something this big? What would they think of me? I was completely embarrassed. Being unreasonable I started talking to this girl I liked. She was perfect! We began to hang out everyday and I couldn’t let the words slip my mouth no matter how much I wanted to tell her. I couldn’t get the words to come out so they didn’t. We engaged in sexual activities. I tried to protect her as much as I could taking all natural vitamins most people with herpes consume. This vitamins consisted of immune system boosters. Even though I don’t have active outbreaks I wanted to be extra careful. Our relationship progressed very fast but being in the military we had to go our separate ways. We agreed to still continue our relationship. I flew out to she her and everything going great. However, I still didn’t know when to tell or how to tell her. Reason being we have had conversations pertaining to STD/STI’s and he has expressed her discuss with them. It honestly made me feel like shit. (By then we had been dating a month)
    I left with out telling her. I constantly had bad dreams about the whole thing. I realized I had to tell her. August 20the the day after her birthday and half way around the world I told her. Now she hates me! She seems to think I never loved her because I put her in this predicament. Truth is I do love her. I was scared and being selfish. I know she will not ever trust me again but I could not continue with our relationship and not tell her. Today August 21 she went to get tested. Listening to the hurt I’ve caused her hurts me more. She has said several times that our whole relationship was too good to be true, that she hates me, how I forced her into this relationship. I cannot help but to feel like shit. I tried to to the right thing, I suppose being honest was too late. I hate that I became the person who did this to me. I should have never put her in this situation because I am in love with her. I honestly was being silly and thought I had a shot at a normal relationship

    #39388

    KitC
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    For the ladies who have had herpes for a while , what has your experience been with recurrence? I have had HSV2 for over a year and experience outbreaks about once a month at most and more often then not I experience nerve/leg/back pain that indicates the virus is active. This is with use of supplements and suppressive therapy with antivirals. I know the statistics say chance of transmission is 4-1% but That cannot possibly be accurate for those with frequent Outbreaks. I’ve not tried dating yet, but when I do I’m not sure what to say about the likelihood of
    Transmission. I almost feel like I have to say if you sleep with me you will most likely get the virus 😟. Has anyone who has experienced such recurrent outbreaks had luck not spreading it to their partner ?


    Kat
    Participant

    I’ve been dating an old friend I grew up with. It’s been amazing. He’s kind, responsible, funny and dependable. I honestly gave up on the idea of finding a relationship like this years ago. I’d taken a break from sex after my last long term relationship and finally spent the night last weekend. He made dinner and drinks, we made it through 5 minutes of a movie and then spent the rest of the stay in his bedroom. Four days later I went in to my doctor’s office to have her look at a nasty reaction to Monistat only to have her diagnose me with HSV-2.
    I’ve always been a bit paranoid about STDs. I used condoms and wouldn’t consider sex without them until my partner was fully tested (too many people have told me that they hate condoms so it felt warranted) I stayed on top of all my annual visits and got tested regularly. None of it mattered. I still ended up here: lying at the edge of my bed with legs in the air trying to dry oozing sores that made it impossible to leave my house for the past week.
    How am I supposed to breach this conversation with the guy I’ve been seeing? “Hey, I seriously doubt you know you have an STD but you just gave me herpes but it’s cool because basically everyone has it and you probably don’t have symptoms and I know you think you got tested but they don’t actually test for that and oh yeah, if this is something that was somehow dormant in my system you’ve been exposed and may need to prepare yourself for a viral horror show to absolutely destroy your penis.” I have no idea how to do this.

    • This topic was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by  Kat.
    #39321

    mariasacristan25
    Participant

    My boyfriend and I met 3 years ago. We started dating but it didnt last. He dumped me because we had different lifestyles. I had herpes 2 years ago with another ex I had. My boyfriend looked for me 6 months ago… I told him that now I have herpes and he decided to stay with me. 3 days ago he had an appointment to see if I transmitted to him or not, since he had a pimple in his dick. He doubts now about being with me, because he is scared of having it. I kind of understand his fears, but Im devastating. I want to be with someone who accepts me how I am, so I dont know what should I do.

    #39313

    Desiree
    Participant

    Hi all,

    I was recently diagnosed with HSV2 in March of this year. I had been seeing a guy on and off for over a year now, with no signs of our relationship moving further. Due to that, I started looking elsewhere which led me to my new diagnosis. I initially had discomfort, painful urination, and upon examination a sore. I quickly scheduled an appointment at the clinic, as it would take days to get an appointment with my gynecologist. As soon as I was checked, the doctor quickly said, “This looks like herpes.” I say up instantly and wanted to vomit. Never in my life did I think I would hear those words. She quickly backpedaled and said, “I might be wrong, we’ll take some samples.” A few days later, I received the dreadful call, while at work. I was positive for HSV2 and was started on valtrex. I called the guy who I’m assuming infected me, and when I told him, he seemed to be shocked and was very apologetic. I don’t blame him and I have no I’ll will towards him. He didn’t know. After that phone call, I cried for days. I have never felt so much pain, physically and emotionally. Over time, I accepted my diagnosis and was trying to have a positive outlook to move forward. I was doing well, until I had outbreak after outbreak, generally one outbreak every 2 weeks. I saw my gynecologist, who is wonderful btw, and she started me on daily valtrex, l-lysine, and zinc. It’s been almost 2 months outbreak free. Things were looking up, I was feeling better, until the guy I was seeing prior to my diagnosis reached out. He had asked me how I was and if I was “clean.” At that moment, I’ve never felt so dirty in my entire life. This is when I hit an ultimate low. The fact that people will now judge me based off of this diagnosis kills me. I feel unwanted and unworthy. I find myself thinking, “Who will ever want me?” The thought of dating and having to have “the talk” with someone is terrifying. Needless to say, it’s been a rough few days and I just happened to stumble upon this forum, and I’m so glad I did. It’s nice to feel not so alone, but I still can’t get my mind set where I want it to be. How did you get through feelings like mine?

    #39311

    Dr. Kelly
    Keymaster

    Thank you for sharing ladies.

    Yes, a diet high in arginine can definitely trigger herpes outbreaks.

    In my book, I also recommended some basic supplements to help rebuild immunity like Zinc and fish oils.

    If you want to manage things naturally, you will also need to address stress and your beliefs about herpes. I like to recommend meditation to help reduce stress. The app, insight timer, is excellent to help a newbie get on the path of meditation.

    As far as your beliefs, what I mean is how do you relate to herpes and dating. Is it all negative? I encourage you to search for some positive aspects of having herpes. I know it can be a stretch for many women, but if you look hard enough, there are always positive things.

    If you are needing more support, consider working with me personally. I find that our mindset regarding herpes, sex, dating, relationships etc. can have as much impact if not more on frequent outbreaks.

    To book a session with me, go to http://www.meetme.so/drkelly

    Happy Healing,
    Dr. Kelly

    #39308

    kimberlystheb94
    Participant

    this guy that i am dating , i didnt tell him that i have herpes until after we had sex multiple times. i was scared of getting rejected. scared to tell him and face the fact he wouldnt wanna be with me if he knew i had it. i convinced myself that as long as im not having an outbreak that i cant pass it on to him when that isnt true. i put him at risk of getting it. and i dont know if he will ever be able to forgive me for not telling him sooner , before we had sex. it had only been about a month when i decided i had to tell him. i didnt wanna get deeper involved with him without disclosing that i had it. he deserved to know. i just wish i told him sooner.

    #39256

    CaliGirl87
    Participant
    This reply has been marked as private.

    Alisa
    Participant

    I am 35 years old and never have had intercourse. I could not marry because of job and problems at home. However at the age of 32 I met someone with whom I became close after 1 year of dating.

    We did not go to bed but trust each other in such a way that it was enough for me to get herpes. That changed my life and after that I dumped the idea of getting married or getting into any type of relationship. I practiced celibacy like before knowing that person who gave me herpes.

    Since it has been 3 years and I am recovering. My psychologist told me that person was a narcissistic personality disorder. a very abusive relationship it was which ended up when I mustard up courage to quit. For two long years it was a long distance relationship and I kept you waiting for nothing.

    Now that I have got rid of that abusive relationship, I want to start my life I want to start a relationship and get married.

    But I feel transmitting herpes to my spouse to be. I am too much reluctant in getting married and I think that herpes causes some infertility issues. Having children is my prime target in life now. If this is the case that the person who has herpes cant have kids then I should not marry and continue with this celibate life. Please help me in in addressing the issue I want it to know that should I marry and can I have children.

    I am from a very conservative society and since the society is religious and I cannot share things with within my society, I plan to relocate, move abroad. I wish you could believe my story that I never have had sex and this accident which not even could be said as anything that bad happened as per my religion cost me too much.

    Can I marry can I have kids I am a male 35 years old.

    Please help anyone.
    alisaeed.isb@gmail.com

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