Search Results for 'dating and herpes'

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  • #39256

    CaliGirl87
    Participant
    This reply has been marked as private.

    Alisa
    Participant

    I am 35 years old and never have had intercourse. I could not marry because of job and problems at home. However at the age of 32 I met someone with whom I became close after 1 year of dating.

    We did not go to bed but trust each other in such a way that it was enough for me to get herpes. That changed my life and after that I dumped the idea of getting married or getting into any type of relationship. I practiced celibacy like before knowing that person who gave me herpes.

    Since it has been 3 years and I am recovering. My psychologist told me that person was a narcissistic personality disorder. a very abusive relationship it was which ended up when I mustard up courage to quit. For two long years it was a long distance relationship and I kept you waiting for nothing.

    Now that I have got rid of that abusive relationship, I want to start my life I want to start a relationship and get married.

    But I feel transmitting herpes to my spouse to be. I am too much reluctant in getting married and I think that herpes causes some infertility issues. Having children is my prime target in life now. If this is the case that the person who has herpes cant have kids then I should not marry and continue with this celibate life. Please help me in in addressing the issue I want it to know that should I marry and can I have children.

    I am from a very conservative society and since the society is religious and I cannot share things with within my society, I plan to relocate, move abroad. I wish you could believe my story that I never have had sex and this accident which not even could be said as anything that bad happened as per my religion cost me too much.

    Can I marry can I have kids I am a male 35 years old.

    Please help anyone.
    alisaeed.isb@gmail.com

    #39228

    Galina
    Participant

    It’s been 3 days since I was told by a doctor I have herpes, I can’t say I took the news very well (anyone else come from a childhood filled with fear mongering techniques by their religious parents?), I cried a bit in the doctors office, and at home. I somewhat got over myself by the next day, calming down about what it means to have herpes. It was time to focus on immediate symptoms, specifically painful ones, the worst of which being urinating.

    Every time I need to go to the bathroom I find myself pacing around the apartment, scared, after the few minutes it takes to even get myself in the bathroom I’m sitting, then standing up, then sitting down again. I grab the small hand towel I set out just for this reason, shove it in my mouth, stare at the wall, begin the pep talk “it’s only for a minute, you’ll feel so much better after you’ve finished. This is the worst the pain will be, ever, it only gets better from here”

    I still have a hard time, but the stream comes, I feel it hit every bit of skin, every red, painful lesion stinging as if a jellyfish was trying to fit itself into the vaginal canal I so desperately wanted to not be mine in that moment.

    And then I’m done, just like that. 20 minutes to build it up, 2 minutes to be done, I feel pathetic, I know, it’s not, but still..I feel f*cking weak.

    thats been the worst part for me, everything else I don’t mind too much, well, besides the fact that I can’t really workout, or dance, and I work as a performer, so my first outbreak is also an impromptu work vacation, apparently.

    I have a few friends being supportive of my new diagnosis, I told my sisters but they mostly just brushed over it and started talking about their day. Oddly enough, two weeks prior to my diagnosis I began dating a doctor, not OB/GYN, he’s an anesthesiologist, but still, it’s one of the more interesting coincidences I’ve experienced.

    So far it’s been nice seeing the way he stares at my medication going on about dosages and what he’s given the same medication to his patients for, but it also scares me, at time I feel like a frog waiting to be dissected. I should just be appreciative of it.

    Last night I went to stay in his apartment (we live in the same building) which was fine, he did some work, we watched a film, then we went to bed, simple, relaxed. Everything was good, it was nice to sleep next to him, but then comes morning, and I’m waking up having to pee.

    I felt panic, embarrassment, and anger all at once, and he’s laying with his arms wrapped around me sleeping like a baby, I think that was what really brought on the anger, I was jealous that he was okay, and I wasn’t, and then, laying there an extra 15 minutes with a full bladder, partially because I wanted to feel his arms around me, partially because I was too embarrassed to do anything else, I just kept telling myself “he’s an anesthesiologist, he deals with people in pain constantly, he understands what it means to have herpes” and I still felt like absolute shit, even typing this I’m upset by the situation. I had to lean over to him and as simply put as possible say “I’m going downstairs” and gave him a kiss on the cheek, his grunted response exhibiting his relaxed state, and I walked out of his apartment, then I ran to the elevators, I let it go too long, I was too self conscious.

    Now we’re back in my apartment, back to the bathroom, teeth clamped over cloth, white knuckles as I grab onto whatever I can find, screaming into the cloth. I think I let myself scream a little louder this morning, just from the frustration of it all, I couldn’t stand him, or anyone, seeing me like this, I can barely stand seeing myself like this.

    but the first outbreak is always the worst, right?


    ripgirl01
    Participant

    Hey everyone, I’m 22 years old and I recently found that I have genital herpes symptoms. I have been dating my current boyfriend for about several months now and I had him checked for STD’s before we did anything sexual. 6 days ago we were grinding, no intercourse, and a few days later I had the symptoms. I know for sure he gave it to me and it hurts to think that the guy I care about gave me an incurable illness. He denies having it and I haven’t told him. I’m scared. I’ve only slept with one person my whole life as I’m so scared of getting STD’s and now I’ve got this to worry about. I’m in complete shock! I haven’t told anyone about this, and I don’t want to because I know I will be looked down on. I just had my first outbreak and I’ve heard it’s supposed to be the worst so here’s hoping it gets better here on out. I’m scared about having to deal with these symptoms for the rest of my life, and I’m so young as it is. I’m just praying that it gets better, I don’t know what to do. Has anyone on here tried antiviral drugs? Do they help at all? Also, can anyone please tell me how to deal with the symptoms? Thanks!

    #31505

    Liv
    Participant

    I’m a single mother two time divorcee, five years single but still had a few partners in my single years (all men). My last partner (a man) was more than 8 months ago. I hadn’t had insurance for 5 years – due to it not being offered in any of my full time jobs, but this time, I was able to receive health insurance. I decided to go for a check up and get tested. I requested for the complete run down. Herpes included. Fast forward a week later and my doctor called me in for a “consultation”. I immediately thought my HPV had come back and I needed to get my pre-cancer cells zapped out again. But the news was far worse than that. Turns out I was right about having HPV again, this time not cancerous, but I was also diagnosed with HSV-2. I was DEVASTATED. I hadn’t experienced any major outbreaks, but I sort of had a gut feeling based on having a small blister on my genitals. I didn’t want to think about it, so I quickly wrote the thought off. After all, I was told in the past, the effects of Herpes 2 comes rather quickly. Boy, was I wrong. Anyway, I treated it, but then another appeared and I treated that as well.

    I asked my doctor if the blister was caused by Herpes 2, he said no. In fact, any question I had about this virus, he quickly brushed me off and told me to live life “as I have” before quickly ushering me out of the door. I was angry, I was sad, I was confused. I hadn’t had sex in over 8 months and it was someone I’d known and had been dating for over three years. I’d finally dumped him and this was his parting gift? I was so numb I couldn’t even cry. I was a ball of mixed emotions.

    I have a huge crush on a woman at my job and she feels the same for me. The moment I saw her, I zinged. Long story short about us, I’m open about my sexuality and she isn’t, so there have been several talks about risking it all for love. I was more than willing to wait for her to open up, I was following my heart and allowing my true feelings to take over. She changed a lot of things for me and I for her. But… My immediate thought process once the diagnosis had sunk in was, “welp it’s over.” “Any future with her is done. All bets are off. I’m not worth the risk of her coming out, let alone being with. I’m damaged goods. She’ll never understand or accept this.” And that’s when I cried. Since then, I have avoided her. We still keep in touch but there’s zero flirtation and talks about going out on a date. I don’t entertain her statements about being in a relationship with a woman. Things are just not the same. I don’t feel the need to disclose my status to her as we are nothing more than work buddies and to be honest I would really like to be private with my journey.

    But I am still so confused about dating someone of the same sex when I actually do find that person. I’ve done so much research since finding out about my status, and I couldn’t find much information about the likelihood of passing it on to a woman. I’m still trying to cope with having the virus. And now I have to be extra careful because of my HPV. I did learn that stress causes outbreaks and I noticed that every time I think about having it, I can feel my skin flaring up and my buttocks itching. I’m happy about being in the know about my status, as I also learned that doctors don’t normally check for it unless it’s requested, I learned that more people have it then we care to think about. And more than likely still won’t get tested. I’m slowly building my confidence back up and working up the nerve to share it on my diary blog. I’m taking it one day at a time. But I’m here to give and receive support. There are days I feel fine and there are days I feel defeated. I keep a smile on my face either way, but the thought is still buried in the back of my mind, quickly surfacing to the front. I’m now in no rush to date, again, but any information on transmitting the disease to a woman would be helpful. Thanks so much for reading my entry, and an even bigger thank you for allowing me to read your personal stories.

    #22542

    Nicola
    Participant

    Hi. I was diagnosed with HSV2 two weeks ago after I took a trip to Mexico with a man who I thought had real dating potential for me. There is not much worse than getting your first herpes outbreak on vacation in Mexico where access to modern medicine is slim. I am not sure if I got HSV from him and am trying not to focus on who I got it from. I’m 39 and luckily went to a very supportive health care professional. Needless to say he has vanished from my life (probably not entirely due to me having herpes). My first outbreak was awful and prolonged due to the length of time it took me to get antibiotics. I’m nervous to have this condition and how to manage it, and am not sure what to expect. Two weeks after my first outbreak I feel like I have one blister again so am not sure if I can expect a constant outbreak for a while until my body adjusts to the condition, or I learn how to better manage it. Hence why I am seeking support.

    #22434

    In reply to: 59 and devastated


    Happyhopeful
    Participant

    caf,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am really sorry for the pain you must’ve been feeling… still perhaps feel a bit. When someone we care about leaves it is never easy. As you know, it happens in relationship with and without herpes being a present. It’s important for you to know that even IF he decided to exit the relationship based on your diagnosis he is rejecting the risk of possibly contracting it, not you.

    I certainly empathize. When we have something, a scarlet letter, that we feel we carry it becomes a default to assume that our letter is the reason we didn’t get what we desired. In your case, for this fella to stick around. However, everyone has their own letter… you know?

    I hope you are giving yourself time to really feel the pain, the loss and the funkiness of the break-up. It’s an important step towards peace.

    Best of luck to you as you get back out there in the dating world. Keep shining!

    #22429

    Happyhopeful
    Participant

    Dear one,

    I am sorry you are struggling with the diagnosis. You are not alone. I can speak for many of us, perhaps all of us about our response to getting the diagnosis. It really is a tough one to hear. What you are experiencing in your heart is as common as herpes is itself.

    Some things to know:
    1. You are NOT alone. As many as one in three adults has it.
    2. Condoms are great, but they don’t always prevent herpes.
    3. People can have it and never show symptoms which makes the part of the 85% of the population who has it but doesn’t know it. That could’ve been your partner. That’s the story for many of us.
    4. It’s easy to manage with diet and self-care

    Many of the people who I know have it, including myself actually found a way to better health and self-love after our diagnoses. Herpes is not a life sentence and it is certainly not the end of your love/sex life or a diminishing factor of how loveable you are!

    Please take a deep breath, remember how lovely! There are many women who I know (including me) who have had great success with dating and love after finding out we have herpes.

    If you haven’t already, you should consider talking with Dr. Kelly one on one to see what ways she can help you get back on track to feeling as beautiful and vibrant as I am sure you are!

    It’s just a little bump in the road, Jessica. It’s not the end– I promise.

    #22404

    Katididit
    Participant

    Hi,
    I was diagnosed with HSV2 9 months ago, and have struggled with disclosing to potential partners ever since. I do not want Herpes to define me, but on the other hand the thought of ‘the talk’ has been putting me off venturing too far into the dating scene. Finally, I tried a different tactic. When posting my profile on dating sites, I’ve mentioned my status immediately. That way, those who are turned off don’t need to contact me, and the rest are free to do so with full knowledge. I figured with the prevalence of this thing, my ad just might un-closet some men as well.
    I have been amazed at the response. My profile is getting just as much attention as previous, non disclosing ones. Some of the men have HSV, some don’t but are experienced with it, and others simply want to learn more.
    Not a single person has been judgmental or derogatory. My biggest issue at the moment is sorting through the many, many candidates.
    Just thought I’d share this, in case anyone else wants to try it out…..

    #22324

    Covergirl123
    Participant

    So I’m new to all this. Was diagnosed last month, which honestly feels like eons ago. It had been 6 months since I had gotten out of a serious relationship and I was ready to dip my foot in the pool of dating again. I came across a profile of a Guy who seemed promising I swiped. We matched, he messaged, and after a couple weeks of talking we met for the first time. He had a good job, was funny, and we shared some common interests. On that first date though he shared that he wasn’t looking for anything serious after just getting out of a serious relationship. I thought something casual could be good for me, as I was always the relationship girl and that clearly wasn’t working out for me. Well he ended up coming over to my apartment for the second date. We were intimate and it was amazing. About 5 days after our encounter I had my first outbreak. Unfortunately I thought it was a bad case of razor burn it wasn’t until he contacted me and told me he had tested positive for chlamydia did I rethink the razor burn self diagnosis. After rushing to planned parent hood a week later I was told I was positive for HSV-1 and chlamydia. My world was rocked. I cried, I told close friends and my mom. Sadly one of these “friends” told her boyfriend who put the breaks on attempting to set me up with a friend of his. I have my good days and bad like everyone. I’m 26 years old. I guess I’m mostly afraid of never finding love or anyone to accept this part of me. (Most) of my friends have been supportive, one friend said I was the fourth person to disclose a herpes diagnosis to her and another told me of a friend who has no problems dating and disclosing. I obviously told the guy I hooked up with who got tested and it came back positive so I’m sure it was him I had gotten it from. The ironic part is that he had asked me if I used condoms and I told him 100% yes since they help prevent STIs. I’m hoping eventually I’ll come to accept myself. It’s definitely a rough road so far.

    #22312

    Marisa
    Participant

    I just talked to a partner about having herpes and it didn’t go well. I just started dating this girl and we went on one date and were talking all the time and I wanted to have this conversation sooner rather than later. I told her I wanted to talk in person and share something personal about myself with her. We went on a walk and I had a hard time getting it out at first. I was so nervous. But I told her I had been diagnosed a year and a half ago and had been symptom free for a long time. She said it was fine that she wasn’t judging me and it was all okay. I was relieved but then later she texted me to tell me that she wasn’t sure she was ready for anything serious and that pursuing anything casual with me didn’t feel appropriate now knowing this. I’m devastated. She’s the first girl I ever tried dating and I feel like I really out myself out there and then she rejected me. If anyone has tips on how to make the talking part easier/better that would be great. I keep thinking if maybe I had something different she wouldn’t have reacted that way. Please help!

    #22311

    Morgan
    Participant

    I read your story shortly before I posted mine. So in regards to my partner, we are not dating. We aren’t allowed to date because of our job, and believe it or not I work in the medical field. I trusted him, specifically because he works in preventative medicine. He is the guy at work who hands out condoms, and consults our patients who get STD’s and how to prevent any in the future. He was the last person I was expecting to give me a disease for the rest of my life. It’s crazy the way things happen, and all he really said was I feel so bad. The way I told him was while we were drinking one night, the day that I found out my final diagnosis. Things started to happen and I had to stop him because I was still having that outbreak. The next morning he forgot what I told him and I had to tell him all over again. A man so much older and much more mature can’t even act like a grown man. Yet I’m sticking around….where I live is really isolated and I have one girl friend and himself. I have been handling the emotional side very well, because I have been there when we have diagnosed my patients with many conditions. I didn’t go through any coping stages, I took it for what it is and that was okay with me. The one thing that is taking an emotional toll is how do I deal with him, keep him around and trust him. I want to have another conversation about our relationship continuing but it has to be monogamous, and I don’t think I have the guts to bring it up again. After all, we aren’t dating. How did you tell your boyfriend that you can’t be in a relationship right now? How did he react when he told you? I sit here now, home from work on my second outbreak because we had sex 3 weeks after my first outbreak, and somehow this one is worse than the first. I appreciate your support, this forum and I hope to soon find all the answers I am looking for to be able to let myself control herpes, not the other way around.


    Katididit
    Participant

    Hello Sharon,

    Nice to know your name. Mine – as you may have guessed, is Kathy, but Katididit is my alter ego.

    I enjoy reading your emails as well. We seem to share a similar outlook on life. Ah yes, Montreal is quite different from Vancouver. The weather is much more extreme, and it is more like a city in Europe – about as historic as we get in North America. French is spoken everywhere. I’ve been there twice and loved it both times. Do you like to travel? I try to do it as much as I can – there are wonders to discover just everywhere. Although I do not visit third world countries – the poverty and suffering would be too upsetting.

    Where did you live in Oregon? I have done the coast a couple of times, and also toured some of the more rural areas – it is lovely.

    I am sorry to hear about your outbreak. How often do you have them? How long do they last? Are they severe? It must be very frustrating as it sounds like you really go several extra miles with your health, and take care of yourself very well. Perhaps your immune system is compromised from the Hashimotos? I had a little outbreak over the weekend. I’ve only had Herpes 6 months, and not counting the initial trial by fire, have had just 2, very small flares. 1 sore each. They could easily have been mistaken for something else, but I treated them regardless. This one is pretty much gone.

    Wow, it’s not an easy choice to take the LDN if you think it’s thinning your hair. For sure, it’s a good idea to try new things one at a time, to see what is working. I started on the Moducare even before I got my diagnosis, and the Monolaurin shortly afterwards, so I’m not sure if it’s making a difference. I’m afraid to stop though. Apparently the Moducare takes 2-3 months to kick in. Good luck with it all – you have been at this a long time and are having a tough time finding balance.

    I consider myself fortunate as I really don’t do anything different, lifestyle wise, than I did before. I try to eat well, but I’m a sugar and chocolate junkie and sometimes indulge that weakness, which explains the candida. It’s awesome that you walk everywhere. I’m visually impaired, and gave up driving nearly 20 years ago. I do a lot of walking too, out of choice and necessity. I love it in pretty much any weather. I have 3 dogs who tag along. I also do aerobics and strength training at home. I’d love to try yoga, but one must drive to the gym for that.

    As Ricardo says, everyone’s experience is different. Speaking of which yes, he is a very handsome, vital, dynamic man, although I found him quite arrogant when we texted. I would guess his past is littered with broken hearts

    My husband doesn’t drink much any more, but he remains an alcoholic. The thing that stopped him was being caught for DUI, which happened 3 years ago. That cost a bundle and he was forced into counselling. The other 37 years of our marriage were a different story though. I was faithful to him for 25 years – I’m a pretty patient, tolerant person. Plus he supported me and I don’t do well at supporting myself. I know, very archaic.

    The spiritual coaching sounds fascinating, and great that you can use it for your own benefit. No doubt you must market yourself like crazy – so many of these things, like art, require relentless pushing to be successful. I don’t like that aspect of it at all. I make natural soap, and force myself to sell it at markets, just for the practise.

    Good luck with the diet. It sounds very tricky, and the vegans I’ve known have a tough time keeping their weight up. And raw must be extra challenging. I have a hard time keeping my weight down, for obvious reasons. I’ve done a few ‘food challenges’ based on Whole 30, which certainly feel good, but I have a hard time sustaining it.

    Ashley Madison is a site for married people, so I don’t recommend it for you If I was single and looking, I’d try Our Time, a site for 50+, or something like E-Harmony. Not sure if they are any better than the rest, but they seem a bit more sincere.

    And yes, we do have our challenges – mine is painting, yours is dating. Right now I’m super busy as I have 2 91 year old parents in crisis – one has mid stage dementia and the other a broken back. But one day I’ll have to face those demons…


    sl
    Participant

    I am sorry that your husband is an alcoholic. My last boyfriend who gave me herpes was an alcoholic but definitely a functioning one so I tried to avoid the reality of it. Even before I got herpes I was going to break up with him because I knew I did not want to keep up with his lifestyle anymore. So I can understand Kati. I give you a lot of credit for staying that long. I am sure the men in your life have helped you to stay in there. Having them as an outlet.
    And your photography. OMG… what great work! I mean that… oh wow. I love the pictures that you have taken and how you can see every nook and cranny through them. You are really something in your photo taking. Wow. Thank you for sharing your site with me. I actually am going to spend a little more time in it. I applaud you. I love the panda bears because I love panda bears. I definitely think you should paint again. As you said, you only live once and when we are on our death bed the things we will regret the most are not what we did, but what we did not do. I understand the artistic world can be tough financially, but it sounds like you have a quite a few day jobs that have helped financially. I know you would put your entire being in your work. I can tell by your photography. It is easy for me to say to you to do it but I also know just to join a dating site anymore is work and I say I am going to do it (which I will) but it takes effort and time too!! But you are much too talented not to!


    Katididit
    Participant

    Hi there!
    Christopher/Ricardo doesn’t actually live in that place. Maybe he did once – I can just imagine him wandering the shores on his mystic quest. Now he lives in a Vancouver suburb, very urban, as I do. But the beach looks better on the website I was interested in his ‘sex goddess’ project. As Ricardo, he is a photographer who has done some provocative work. I thought I would be a good fit as he said he was interested in women of all ages. But he insists on showing his models having sex with their partners, obviously not practical So I didn’t proceed. His anti viral gel is horrifically expensive – something like $400 for a 4 month supply. On the other hand, you would get a nice discount by paying in USD.

    I live a long way from Toronto, on the West Coast. We have a climate similar to Seattle, Portland or San Francisco, so get very little ‘cold’. I work about a dozen blocks from a beach. Toronto can be harsh though. My husband’s favourite hockey team is the Chicago Blackhawks. He even traveled there once to see them play, and he doesn’t travel often.

    A licensed spiritual coach sounds very interesting. What is that, exactly? Where do you get qualified in such a thing? I have an artist friend who is starting a business doing something similar. Is there potential to make decent money at it?

    I have been creative all my life. I went to art school for 10 years (part time) and am always busy with something. My current interest is photography. You can see some of my work here: http://neudorfshots.blogspot.ca/. I’m thinking of going back to painting, but am very nervous, as I hit a wall with it 20 years ago and got turned right off. Being artistic can be a curse, as it’s hard to make a living at it. Perhaps you can relate. I do ‘day jobs’ to make money, and have had quite a few of them.
    I really hope you get back into serious dating, and find someone worthwhile. Life is really too short not to, and goodness knows you deserve it. The right person will be understanding and accepting of your situation. How do you propose to deal with the ‘disclosure’ aspect, or are you just going to ‘play it by ear’? I was thinking that if all potential partners got full std testing, they might be surprised at what shows up. So many don’t know they are infected.

    I met 2 of my bfs on Ashley Madison, and the 3rd on adult friendfinder, which is a bit of a cesspool IMO. I have always said I’m married, and seek out married men. One reason was that they would be ‘safer’ – ha! The herpes bf knows I see others, and is fine with it, but the other 2 don’t. Men can be very silly that way, considering they aren’t offering me much besides friendship and sex. Some of them get very possessive, so I keep quiet. They all know I have herpes – I told them right away and gave them the option to leave. None did.
    My husband doesn’t know about the bfs, officially, but he is adept at denial. Our relationship has been rocky. I married him at 22 because I was pregnant – turns out he is an alcoholic. He also has a very low libido. 20 years ago I decided there had to be more to life, so I started exploring, which has maintained my sanity.

    You are right, I’ve never heard of LDN. Do you take this for Hashimoto’s as well? I continue to take Moducare – it’s plant based and completely natural, and has a proven track record. I’m also really impressed with the Manuka honey – I have chronic candida, so hesitated to use honey topically, but this isn’t like regular honey. You wouldn’t want to eat it, but it knocks out sore spots like you wouldn’t believe. If you want to try it, buy it with a K factor of 16. That is the best potency.

    https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/08/07/honey-works-better-than-drugs-for-herpes.aspx

    That’s all for now – wondering if they have a key stroke limit here?

    Kati

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