Search Results for 'dating and herpes'

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  • #22542

    Nicola
    Participant

    Hi. I was diagnosed with HSV2 two weeks ago after I took a trip to Mexico with a man who I thought had real dating potential for me. There is not much worse than getting your first herpes outbreak on vacation in Mexico where access to modern medicine is slim. I am not sure if I got HSV from him and am trying not to focus on who I got it from. I’m 39 and luckily went to a very supportive health care professional. Needless to say he has vanished from my life (probably not entirely due to me having herpes). My first outbreak was awful and prolonged due to the length of time it took me to get antibiotics. I’m nervous to have this condition and how to manage it, and am not sure what to expect. Two weeks after my first outbreak I feel like I have one blister again so am not sure if I can expect a constant outbreak for a while until my body adjusts to the condition, or I learn how to better manage it. Hence why I am seeking support.

    #22434

    In reply to: 59 and devastated


    Happyhopeful
    Participant

    caf,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am really sorry for the pain you must’ve been feeling… still perhaps feel a bit. When someone we care about leaves it is never easy. As you know, it happens in relationship with and without herpes being a present. It’s important for you to know that even IF he decided to exit the relationship based on your diagnosis he is rejecting the risk of possibly contracting it, not you.

    I certainly empathize. When we have something, a scarlet letter, that we feel we carry it becomes a default to assume that our letter is the reason we didn’t get what we desired. In your case, for this fella to stick around. However, everyone has their own letter… you know?

    I hope you are giving yourself time to really feel the pain, the loss and the funkiness of the break-up. It’s an important step towards peace.

    Best of luck to you as you get back out there in the dating world. Keep shining!

    #22429

    Happyhopeful
    Participant

    Dear one,

    I am sorry you are struggling with the diagnosis. You are not alone. I can speak for many of us, perhaps all of us about our response to getting the diagnosis. It really is a tough one to hear. What you are experiencing in your heart is as common as herpes is itself.

    Some things to know:
    1. You are NOT alone. As many as one in three adults has it.
    2. Condoms are great, but they don’t always prevent herpes.
    3. People can have it and never show symptoms which makes the part of the 85% of the population who has it but doesn’t know it. That could’ve been your partner. That’s the story for many of us.
    4. It’s easy to manage with diet and self-care

    Many of the people who I know have it, including myself actually found a way to better health and self-love after our diagnoses. Herpes is not a life sentence and it is certainly not the end of your love/sex life or a diminishing factor of how loveable you are!

    Please take a deep breath, remember how lovely! There are many women who I know (including me) who have had great success with dating and love after finding out we have herpes.

    If you haven’t already, you should consider talking with Dr. Kelly one on one to see what ways she can help you get back on track to feeling as beautiful and vibrant as I am sure you are!

    It’s just a little bump in the road, Jessica. It’s not the end– I promise.

    #22404

    Katididit
    Participant

    Hi,
    I was diagnosed with HSV2 9 months ago, and have struggled with disclosing to potential partners ever since. I do not want Herpes to define me, but on the other hand the thought of ‘the talk’ has been putting me off venturing too far into the dating scene. Finally, I tried a different tactic. When posting my profile on dating sites, I’ve mentioned my status immediately. That way, those who are turned off don’t need to contact me, and the rest are free to do so with full knowledge. I figured with the prevalence of this thing, my ad just might un-closet some men as well.
    I have been amazed at the response. My profile is getting just as much attention as previous, non disclosing ones. Some of the men have HSV, some don’t but are experienced with it, and others simply want to learn more.
    Not a single person has been judgmental or derogatory. My biggest issue at the moment is sorting through the many, many candidates.
    Just thought I’d share this, in case anyone else wants to try it out…..

    #22324

    Covergirl123
    Participant

    So I’m new to all this. Was diagnosed last month, which honestly feels like eons ago. It had been 6 months since I had gotten out of a serious relationship and I was ready to dip my foot in the pool of dating again. I came across a profile of a Guy who seemed promising I swiped. We matched, he messaged, and after a couple weeks of talking we met for the first time. He had a good job, was funny, and we shared some common interests. On that first date though he shared that he wasn’t looking for anything serious after just getting out of a serious relationship. I thought something casual could be good for me, as I was always the relationship girl and that clearly wasn’t working out for me. Well he ended up coming over to my apartment for the second date. We were intimate and it was amazing. About 5 days after our encounter I had my first outbreak. Unfortunately I thought it was a bad case of razor burn it wasn’t until he contacted me and told me he had tested positive for chlamydia did I rethink the razor burn self diagnosis. After rushing to planned parent hood a week later I was told I was positive for HSV-1 and chlamydia. My world was rocked. I cried, I told close friends and my mom. Sadly one of these “friends” told her boyfriend who put the breaks on attempting to set me up with a friend of his. I have my good days and bad like everyone. I’m 26 years old. I guess I’m mostly afraid of never finding love or anyone to accept this part of me. (Most) of my friends have been supportive, one friend said I was the fourth person to disclose a herpes diagnosis to her and another told me of a friend who has no problems dating and disclosing. I obviously told the guy I hooked up with who got tested and it came back positive so I’m sure it was him I had gotten it from. The ironic part is that he had asked me if I used condoms and I told him 100% yes since they help prevent STIs. I’m hoping eventually I’ll come to accept myself. It’s definitely a rough road so far.

    #22312

    Marisa
    Participant

    I just talked to a partner about having herpes and it didn’t go well. I just started dating this girl and we went on one date and were talking all the time and I wanted to have this conversation sooner rather than later. I told her I wanted to talk in person and share something personal about myself with her. We went on a walk and I had a hard time getting it out at first. I was so nervous. But I told her I had been diagnosed a year and a half ago and had been symptom free for a long time. She said it was fine that she wasn’t judging me and it was all okay. I was relieved but then later she texted me to tell me that she wasn’t sure she was ready for anything serious and that pursuing anything casual with me didn’t feel appropriate now knowing this. I’m devastated. She’s the first girl I ever tried dating and I feel like I really out myself out there and then she rejected me. If anyone has tips on how to make the talking part easier/better that would be great. I keep thinking if maybe I had something different she wouldn’t have reacted that way. Please help!

    #22311

    Morgan
    Participant

    I read your story shortly before I posted mine. So in regards to my partner, we are not dating. We aren’t allowed to date because of our job, and believe it or not I work in the medical field. I trusted him, specifically because he works in preventative medicine. He is the guy at work who hands out condoms, and consults our patients who get STD’s and how to prevent any in the future. He was the last person I was expecting to give me a disease for the rest of my life. It’s crazy the way things happen, and all he really said was I feel so bad. The way I told him was while we were drinking one night, the day that I found out my final diagnosis. Things started to happen and I had to stop him because I was still having that outbreak. The next morning he forgot what I told him and I had to tell him all over again. A man so much older and much more mature can’t even act like a grown man. Yet I’m sticking around….where I live is really isolated and I have one girl friend and himself. I have been handling the emotional side very well, because I have been there when we have diagnosed my patients with many conditions. I didn’t go through any coping stages, I took it for what it is and that was okay with me. The one thing that is taking an emotional toll is how do I deal with him, keep him around and trust him. I want to have another conversation about our relationship continuing but it has to be monogamous, and I don’t think I have the guts to bring it up again. After all, we aren’t dating. How did you tell your boyfriend that you can’t be in a relationship right now? How did he react when he told you? I sit here now, home from work on my second outbreak because we had sex 3 weeks after my first outbreak, and somehow this one is worse than the first. I appreciate your support, this forum and I hope to soon find all the answers I am looking for to be able to let myself control herpes, not the other way around.


    Katididit
    Participant

    Hello Sharon,

    Nice to know your name. Mine – as you may have guessed, is Kathy, but Katididit is my alter ego.

    I enjoy reading your emails as well. We seem to share a similar outlook on life. Ah yes, Montreal is quite different from Vancouver. The weather is much more extreme, and it is more like a city in Europe – about as historic as we get in North America. French is spoken everywhere. I’ve been there twice and loved it both times. Do you like to travel? I try to do it as much as I can – there are wonders to discover just everywhere. Although I do not visit third world countries – the poverty and suffering would be too upsetting.

    Where did you live in Oregon? I have done the coast a couple of times, and also toured some of the more rural areas – it is lovely.

    I am sorry to hear about your outbreak. How often do you have them? How long do they last? Are they severe? It must be very frustrating as it sounds like you really go several extra miles with your health, and take care of yourself very well. Perhaps your immune system is compromised from the Hashimotos? I had a little outbreak over the weekend. I’ve only had Herpes 6 months, and not counting the initial trial by fire, have had just 2, very small flares. 1 sore each. They could easily have been mistaken for something else, but I treated them regardless. This one is pretty much gone.

    Wow, it’s not an easy choice to take the LDN if you think it’s thinning your hair. For sure, it’s a good idea to try new things one at a time, to see what is working. I started on the Moducare even before I got my diagnosis, and the Monolaurin shortly afterwards, so I’m not sure if it’s making a difference. I’m afraid to stop though. Apparently the Moducare takes 2-3 months to kick in. Good luck with it all – you have been at this a long time and are having a tough time finding balance.

    I consider myself fortunate as I really don’t do anything different, lifestyle wise, than I did before. I try to eat well, but I’m a sugar and chocolate junkie and sometimes indulge that weakness, which explains the candida. It’s awesome that you walk everywhere. I’m visually impaired, and gave up driving nearly 20 years ago. I do a lot of walking too, out of choice and necessity. I love it in pretty much any weather. I have 3 dogs who tag along. I also do aerobics and strength training at home. I’d love to try yoga, but one must drive to the gym for that.

    As Ricardo says, everyone’s experience is different. Speaking of which yes, he is a very handsome, vital, dynamic man, although I found him quite arrogant when we texted. I would guess his past is littered with broken hearts

    My husband doesn’t drink much any more, but he remains an alcoholic. The thing that stopped him was being caught for DUI, which happened 3 years ago. That cost a bundle and he was forced into counselling. The other 37 years of our marriage were a different story though. I was faithful to him for 25 years – I’m a pretty patient, tolerant person. Plus he supported me and I don’t do well at supporting myself. I know, very archaic.

    The spiritual coaching sounds fascinating, and great that you can use it for your own benefit. No doubt you must market yourself like crazy – so many of these things, like art, require relentless pushing to be successful. I don’t like that aspect of it at all. I make natural soap, and force myself to sell it at markets, just for the practise.

    Good luck with the diet. It sounds very tricky, and the vegans I’ve known have a tough time keeping their weight up. And raw must be extra challenging. I have a hard time keeping my weight down, for obvious reasons. I’ve done a few ‘food challenges’ based on Whole 30, which certainly feel good, but I have a hard time sustaining it.

    Ashley Madison is a site for married people, so I don’t recommend it for you If I was single and looking, I’d try Our Time, a site for 50+, or something like E-Harmony. Not sure if they are any better than the rest, but they seem a bit more sincere.

    And yes, we do have our challenges – mine is painting, yours is dating. Right now I’m super busy as I have 2 91 year old parents in crisis – one has mid stage dementia and the other a broken back. But one day I’ll have to face those demons…


    sl
    Participant

    I am sorry that your husband is an alcoholic. My last boyfriend who gave me herpes was an alcoholic but definitely a functioning one so I tried to avoid the reality of it. Even before I got herpes I was going to break up with him because I knew I did not want to keep up with his lifestyle anymore. So I can understand Kati. I give you a lot of credit for staying that long. I am sure the men in your life have helped you to stay in there. Having them as an outlet.
    And your photography. OMG… what great work! I mean that… oh wow. I love the pictures that you have taken and how you can see every nook and cranny through them. You are really something in your photo taking. Wow. Thank you for sharing your site with me. I actually am going to spend a little more time in it. I applaud you. I love the panda bears because I love panda bears. I definitely think you should paint again. As you said, you only live once and when we are on our death bed the things we will regret the most are not what we did, but what we did not do. I understand the artistic world can be tough financially, but it sounds like you have a quite a few day jobs that have helped financially. I know you would put your entire being in your work. I can tell by your photography. It is easy for me to say to you to do it but I also know just to join a dating site anymore is work and I say I am going to do it (which I will) but it takes effort and time too!! But you are much too talented not to!


    Katididit
    Participant

    Hi there!
    Christopher/Ricardo doesn’t actually live in that place. Maybe he did once – I can just imagine him wandering the shores on his mystic quest. Now he lives in a Vancouver suburb, very urban, as I do. But the beach looks better on the website I was interested in his ‘sex goddess’ project. As Ricardo, he is a photographer who has done some provocative work. I thought I would be a good fit as he said he was interested in women of all ages. But he insists on showing his models having sex with their partners, obviously not practical So I didn’t proceed. His anti viral gel is horrifically expensive – something like $400 for a 4 month supply. On the other hand, you would get a nice discount by paying in USD.

    I live a long way from Toronto, on the West Coast. We have a climate similar to Seattle, Portland or San Francisco, so get very little ‘cold’. I work about a dozen blocks from a beach. Toronto can be harsh though. My husband’s favourite hockey team is the Chicago Blackhawks. He even traveled there once to see them play, and he doesn’t travel often.

    A licensed spiritual coach sounds very interesting. What is that, exactly? Where do you get qualified in such a thing? I have an artist friend who is starting a business doing something similar. Is there potential to make decent money at it?

    I have been creative all my life. I went to art school for 10 years (part time) and am always busy with something. My current interest is photography. You can see some of my work here: http://neudorfshots.blogspot.ca/. I’m thinking of going back to painting, but am very nervous, as I hit a wall with it 20 years ago and got turned right off. Being artistic can be a curse, as it’s hard to make a living at it. Perhaps you can relate. I do ‘day jobs’ to make money, and have had quite a few of them.
    I really hope you get back into serious dating, and find someone worthwhile. Life is really too short not to, and goodness knows you deserve it. The right person will be understanding and accepting of your situation. How do you propose to deal with the ‘disclosure’ aspect, or are you just going to ‘play it by ear’? I was thinking that if all potential partners got full std testing, they might be surprised at what shows up. So many don’t know they are infected.

    I met 2 of my bfs on Ashley Madison, and the 3rd on adult friendfinder, which is a bit of a cesspool IMO. I have always said I’m married, and seek out married men. One reason was that they would be ‘safer’ – ha! The herpes bf knows I see others, and is fine with it, but the other 2 don’t. Men can be very silly that way, considering they aren’t offering me much besides friendship and sex. Some of them get very possessive, so I keep quiet. They all know I have herpes – I told them right away and gave them the option to leave. None did.
    My husband doesn’t know about the bfs, officially, but he is adept at denial. Our relationship has been rocky. I married him at 22 because I was pregnant – turns out he is an alcoholic. He also has a very low libido. 20 years ago I decided there had to be more to life, so I started exploring, which has maintained my sanity.

    You are right, I’ve never heard of LDN. Do you take this for Hashimoto’s as well? I continue to take Moducare – it’s plant based and completely natural, and has a proven track record. I’m also really impressed with the Manuka honey – I have chronic candida, so hesitated to use honey topically, but this isn’t like regular honey. You wouldn’t want to eat it, but it knocks out sore spots like you wouldn’t believe. If you want to try it, buy it with a K factor of 16. That is the best potency.

    https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/08/07/honey-works-better-than-drugs-for-herpes.aspx

    That’s all for now – wondering if they have a key stroke limit here?

    Kati


    sl
    Participant

    Hi Kati,

    That is really neat that you and Christopher live near one another. I felt like where Christopher lived would be a very serene place to be and a healing place to live!! I have never been to Canada. I have a friend that lives in Toronto, Canada. I am a licensed spiritual coach though I do not practice my coaching anymore but I met her through doing that. She was one of my clients and we became good friends. We have never met in person but we talk once a month. This has been going on now for 3 years!! A guy I work with just went to Vancouver a few months ago. He said he had a really nice time there. He had never been. I live downtown Chicago. At least we are both use to cold weather. I guess I always thought Christopher lived in a warm client? I love that you’re an artist. What type of artist if I may ask. I have always said that I have more of an artsy personality than a business personality. And yes I said once I would become sexually active in a relationship again I would order Christopher’s anti-viral gel. Interesting that you said it contained carrageenan as he mentioned it was very helpful in not spreading the virus. Dr. Kelly provided me a name but I wrote it down and I have to find where I wrote it.

    As for being single and living with it well, it is not easy. It has been almost 6 years now that I have been in a relationship. I have dated a few times but nothing serious. About a year ago I posted on a herpes site for the first time. I was dating a young man but I decided to call if off after 2 dates. I was not that into him so I thought best to end it now. I use the regular sites though I am not really active when I join it is usually for a month and then I quit, but this time I want to give it more time both online and out. How did you meet your 3 gentleman friends? Do they know that you are married and that you see other men (the other 2)? Just curious. And your husband does he know? Of course none of this is my business but I was just curious. And I was the very same as you. Matter of fact years ago I met this really nice looking man and he told me he had it. My heart sunk.. I was like .. it just turned my stomach and he was soo nice looking. Today I look at it differently of course… I have to, right? It is not a comfortable place to be but there are so many people who do have it that we do not know as so many people do not talk about it and whether or not they do.. people do get married and carry on in relationships again. There is life after it. As you know with 2 of your men and that they do not mind as I would take it they know? Your questions are questions I have asked myself for almost 6 years and I still ask myself.. I don’t like to face that truth but I also want to fall in love again.. does not mean I want to marry but I want to fall in love. Of course I won’t settle. I have never settled nor will I. I have friends and family and my life is full just being me… but I do like being in a relationship as I learn and grow from another not only about the person but also myself. Kati, thank you again for sending the article… I will keep it handy for that day if I don’t go to Christopher. And yes he is too expensive for me too but I was desperate so I did it. I could not afford him often. Have a good evening…


    Katididit
    Participant

    oh wow, I got the messages now. Good they are going through. I don’t think name dropping is a problem – goodness knows I’ve dropped plenty. I’m assuming you made the thinning hair comment regarding lysine? This is not the first time I’ve heard this. I’ve also heard lysine isn’t so effective for HSV2, but the jury seems to be out on that one. I am not familiar with Hashimoto’s – a thyroid disease? – but it must be tricky to manage more than one chronic condition.

    I’m glad you read Christopher Scipio’s book, and had a counseling session. The book really calmed me down. Christopher actually lives very close to me – I’m from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and we texted back and forth for a while. He also goes by the name Ricardo Scipio – you might want to look that one up – interesting guy:) I’m a starving artist type and couldn’t afford his treatments, although I was most interested in his anti-viral gel, which contains irish moss/carrageenan. I’ve researched the carrageenan lubes, but haven’t found a ‘natural’ one with good ph and osmolality:

    You and I are in quite different situations. As said way back when, I am married and intend to stay that way for now. It’s a good thing my husband and I don’t have sex – that would be very awkward:) I am not seeking a life partner. But if I was, I would likely have many more doubts and misgivings, and would be quite uncertain about how to approach dating. Does a person post on a herpes only site? Does a person disclose in her profile, to weed out judgmental people? I have found so many lack education about herpes – I was no different, and if someone advertised it, I ran away fast. Or does a person wait until a promising relationship develops, then disclose and risk blowing the whole thing out of the water? Or, if outbreaks are few, does a person use condoms and not disclose at all? I have no answers, but know that one day I might face these decisions. So I can totally appreciate what people here are going through. Cheers,
    Kati

    #18669

    In reply to: Just diagnosed


    Alynn

    Jessica,
    I am so sorry. I know how devastating this can be, I was diagnosed at 21 and am now 53. To prevent spreading make sure you wash your hands of course and don’t let anyone else use your towels etc. I have never spread it to anyone except my ex who I lived with for years, he did not use condoms and did not get until we had been together for 6-7 years. He knew the risks. You will not be alone, there are so many people with this and there are even dating websites just for herpes people. My mantra is if you meet someone and they can’t deal with it, they were not worth it anyway. It takes time learning to cope with it, the big thing to focus on is that this does not define you and is just one tiny part of who you are. You are way more than a virus. I was angry for a long time and did not have a forum like this or any real support in the beginning. YOu have a wealth of information here and on the internet and I see there are several others her that were just diagnosed that you could connect with. Good luck.

    #20708

    In reply to: Just diagnosed


    Alynn

    Jessica,
    I am so sorry. I know how devastating this can be, I was diagnosed at 21 and am now 53. To prevent spreading make sure you wash your hands of course and don’t let anyone else use your towels etc. I have never spread it to anyone except my ex who I lived with for years, he did not use condoms and did not get until we had been together for 6-7 years. He knew the risks. You will not be alone, there are so many people with this and there are even dating websites just for herpes people. My mantra is if you meet someone and they can’t deal with it, they were not worth it anyway. It takes time learning to cope with it, the big thing to focus on is that this does not define you and is just one tiny part of who you are. You are way more than a virus. I was angry for a long time and did not have a forum like this or any real support in the beginning. YOu have a wealth of information here and on the internet and I see there are several others her that were just diagnosed that you could connect with. Good luck.

    #15417

    In reply to:


    Alynn

    Hang in there, you are at a really low point, so only one way to go now, that is up. Things will get better. Doubt the rash on your son is herpes, it would hurt and blister if it was. Just wash your hands like you have been. I think most women who get it are cheated on, I was, but the guy I was dating at the time knew he had it and never told me, then accused me of cheating when I got it. I was in bed for a week and could barely stand up, bled every time I went to the bathroom.
    I have dated since then and told my partners, never had anyone with an issue.I have heard there are even herpes dating sites also.
    You will find many here in your same shoes.

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