I’m a single mother two time divorcee, five years single but still had a few partners in my single years (all men). My last partner (a man) was more than 8 months ago. I hadn’t had insurance for 5 years – due to it not being offered in any of my full time jobs, but this time, I was able to receive health insurance. I decided to go for a check up and get tested. I requested for the complete run down. Herpes included. Fast forward a week later and my doctor called me in for a “consultation”. I immediately thought my HPV had come back and I needed to get my pre-cancer cells zapped out again. But the news was far worse than that. Turns out I was right about having HPV again, this time not cancerous, but I was also diagnosed with HSV-2. I was DEVASTATED. I hadn’t experienced any major outbreaks, but I sort of had a gut feeling based on having a small blister on my genitals. I didn’t want to think about it, so I quickly wrote the thought off. After all, I was told in the past, the effects of Herpes 2 comes rather quickly. Boy, was I wrong. Anyway, I treated it, but then another appeared and I treated that as well.
I asked my doctor if the blister was caused by Herpes 2, he said no. In fact, any question I had about this virus, he quickly brushed me off and told me to live life “as I have” before quickly ushering me out of the door. I was angry, I was sad, I was confused. I hadn’t had sex in over 8 months and it was someone I’d known and had been dating for over three years. I’d finally dumped him and this was his parting gift? I was so numb I couldn’t even cry. I was a ball of mixed emotions.
I have a huge crush on a woman at my job and she feels the same for me. The moment I saw her, I zinged. Long story short about us, I’m open about my sexuality and she isn’t, so there have been several talks about risking it all for love. I was more than willing to wait for her to open up, I was following my heart and allowing my true feelings to take over. She changed a lot of things for me and I for her. But… My immediate thought process once the diagnosis had sunk in was, “welp it’s over.” “Any future with her is done. All bets are off. I’m not worth the risk of her coming out, let alone being with. I’m damaged goods. She’ll never understand or accept this.” And that’s when I cried. Since then, I have avoided her. We still keep in touch but there’s zero flirtation and talks about going out on a date. I don’t entertain her statements about being in a relationship with a woman. Things are just not the same. I don’t feel the need to disclose my status to her as we are nothing more than work buddies and to be honest I would really like to be private with my journey.
But I am still so confused about dating someone of the same sex when I actually do find that person. I’ve done so much research since finding out about my status, and I couldn’t find much information about the likelihood of passing it on to a woman. I’m still trying to cope with having the virus. And now I have to be extra careful because of my HPV. I did learn that stress causes outbreaks and I noticed that every time I think about having it, I can feel my skin flaring up and my buttocks itching. I’m happy about being in the know about my status, as I also learned that doctors don’t normally check for it unless it’s requested, I learned that more people have it then we care to think about. And more than likely still won’t get tested. I’m slowly building my confidence back up and working up the nerve to share it on my diary blog. I’m taking it one day at a time. But I’m here to give and receive support. There are days I feel fine and there are days I feel defeated. I keep a smile on my face either way, but the thought is still buried in the back of my mind, quickly surfacing to the front. I’m now in no rush to date, again, but any information on transmitting the disease to a woman would be helpful. Thanks so much for reading my entry, and an even bigger thank you for allowing me to read your personal stories.
Topic: Diagnosed Two Weeks Ago
Hi. I was diagnosed with HSV2 two weeks ago after I took a trip to Mexico with a man who I thought had real dating potential for me. There is not much worse than getting your first herpes outbreak on vacation in Mexico where access to modern medicine is slim. I am not sure if I got HSV from him and am trying not to focus on who I got it from. I’m 39 and luckily went to a very supportive health care professional. Needless to say he has vanished from my life (probably not entirely due to me having herpes). My first outbreak was awful and prolonged due to the length of time it took me to get antibiotics. I’m nervous to have this condition and how to manage it, and am not sure what to expect. Two weeks after my first outbreak I feel like I have one blister again so am not sure if I can expect a constant outbreak for a while until my body adjusts to the condition, or I learn how to better manage it. Hence why I am seeking support.
Topic: Coming out…
I was diagnosed with HSV2 9 months ago, and have struggled with disclosing to potential partners ever since. I do not want Herpes to define me, but on the other hand the thought of ‘the talk’ has been putting me off venturing too far into the dating scene. Finally, I tried a different tactic. When posting my profile on dating sites, I’ve mentioned my status immediately. That way, those who are turned off don’t need to contact me, and the rest are free to do so with full knowledge. I figured with the prevalence of this thing, my ad just might un-closet some men as well.
I have been amazed at the response. My profile is getting just as much attention as previous, non disclosing ones. Some of the men have HSV, some don’t but are experienced with it, and others simply want to learn more.
Not a single person has been judgmental or derogatory. My biggest issue at the moment is sorting through the many, many candidates.
Just thought I’d share this, in case anyone else wants to try it out…..
Topic: HSV-1 my story
So I’m new to all this. Was diagnosed last month, which honestly feels like eons ago. It had been 6 months since I had gotten out of a serious relationship and I was ready to dip my foot in the pool of dating again. I came across a profile of a Guy who seemed promising I swiped. We matched, he messaged, and after a couple weeks of talking we met for the first time. He had a good job, was funny, and we shared some common interests. On that first date though he shared that he wasn’t looking for anything serious after just getting out of a serious relationship. I thought something casual could be good for me, as I was always the relationship girl and that clearly wasn’t working out for me. Well he ended up coming over to my apartment for the second date. We were intimate and it was amazing. About 5 days after our encounter I had my first outbreak. Unfortunately I thought it was a bad case of razor burn it wasn’t until he contacted me and told me he had tested positive for chlamydia did I rethink the razor burn self diagnosis. After rushing to planned parent hood a week later I was told I was positive for HSV-1 and chlamydia. My world was rocked. I cried, I told close friends and my mom. Sadly one of these “friends” told her boyfriend who put the breaks on attempting to set me up with a friend of his. I have my good days and bad like everyone. I’m 26 years old. I guess I’m mostly afraid of never finding love or anyone to accept this part of me. (Most) of my friends have been supportive, one friend said I was the fourth person to disclose a herpes diagnosis to her and another told me of a friend who has no problems dating and disclosing. I obviously told the guy I hooked up with who got tested and it came back positive so I’m sure it was him I had gotten it from. The ironic part is that he had asked me if I used condoms and I told him 100% yes since they help prevent STIs. I’m hoping eventually I’ll come to accept myself. It’s definitely a rough road so far.
Topic: First talk
I just talked to a partner about having herpes and it didn’t go well. I just started dating this girl and we went on one date and were talking all the time and I wanted to have this conversation sooner rather than later. I told her I wanted to talk in person and share something personal about myself with her. We went on a walk and I had a hard time getting it out at first. I was so nervous. But I told her I had been diagnosed a year and a half ago and had been symptom free for a long time. She said it was fine that she wasn’t judging me and it was all okay. I was relieved but then later she texted me to tell me that she wasn’t sure she was ready for anything serious and that pursuing anything casual with me didn’t feel appropriate now knowing this. I’m devastated. She’s the first girl I ever tried dating and I feel like I really out myself out there and then she rejected me. If anyone has tips on how to make the talking part easier/better that would be great. I keep thinking if maybe I had something different she wouldn’t have reacted that way. Please help!
Viewing 15 results - 1 through 15 (of 184 total)
Viewing 15 results - 1 through 15 (of 184 total)