Search Results for 'dating and herpes'

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  • #44942
    val
    Participant

    Hello everyone,
    I was diagnosed with HSV-2 back in January. I was on a trip and couldn’t see a doctors for weeks during my first outbreak. It’s been hard because I can’t tell my family about it and my friends try to be supportive but none of them have it so they don’t truly understand and I just feel like I’m talking to a wall because nothing they can say makes me feel better.

    I’ve had consistent hookups or fwb situations so I’ve never had to go too long without intimacy before this. The guy I had been hooking up with before that tested negative and stopped talking to me after I got diagnosed. Since then I really haven’t been able to hook up with anyone. I use dating apps and before giving someone my number I tell them my status, but then I just get ghosted. I’ve been rejected more in the last three months than ever before, and it’s made my self esteem go down and I don’t feel confident in myself anymore. I am constantly thinking that guys will never pick me because I have nothing to offer them and they easily could find someone else that doesn’t have herpes. I’m stressed that I will never be able to have a semi normal sex life ever again and that nobody will want to have sex with me or ever date me.

    If anyone has any advise on how they got back into having sex after getting diagnosed or how to go about the rejections or just any words of encouragement I’d really appreciate it!

    #44849
    Brooke
    Participant

    I have been struggling so much lately, and just feeling unable to see a future at all. So I’ve decided I should probably share my story and start trying to heal emotionally. So here we go!

    I was diagnosed with a new infection of HSV2, and an existing infection of HSV1, 5 months ago after having protected sex with someone on a casual basis. He did not tell me he had herpes, I have been getting sexual health check ups with any new partner for many years (HSV isn’t included on these apparently!) and until my diagnosis I had no idea you could get HSV if you used a condom. I was and am obviously a very naïve 28 year old.

    I have been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years, having not seen my partner for most of that time due to Covid border closures. It’s been a really hard lonely few years so we had agreed on being able to sleep with other people in the meantime until we were reunited. Stupid idea in hindsight and we both regret it a lot but whats done is done.

    My diagnosis was a huge shock to me and it did not come with any support or kind words. I burst out crying when the doctor just non-chalantly said oh yeah it’s just probably herpes. He flat out just said it’s nothing to cry over, I’m overreacting. It was truly horrible. The official diagnosis then took 4 weeks for me to get because they lost my blood tests. It was a really hard long wait, to then find out I had both forms of HSV.

    My partner (fiance) was initially really supportive. When I called him crying saying the worst possible thing has happened, he was relieved when I told him I had HSV and not something terminal. That’s how upset I was to be admitting my diagnosis. With his support I really felt like it was going to be okay, that it didn’t really matter and he’s my forever person so disclosure never needed to be an issue again. It all felt like it was going to be okay and my life was not going to be any different, only that I would have to try protect my partner from contracting it.

    A few weeks later things changed. He suddenly got really mad about it, and we had a huge fight. He used my herpes diagnosis to call me a slut, dirty, disgusting, cheap, used, diseased, worthless, unlovable and all the rest. It was completely Earth-shattering to have the person I love tell me my life was never going to be okay, that I had done something so disgusting and shameful and I wouldn’t ever be accepted or loved again. He even told his Mum, and his friends, he really tried to destroy me emotionally over it. And he succeeded. Everything he said about me I have felt about myself since. It’s been really hard.

    I went crazy at him for making me feel so terrible about it, we had a very big fight, weeks long. And he popped back and apologised and cried and blah blah blah a few days later. I truly couldn’t see a future where if he didn’t love me then who else ever could, with what I was now. I felt like a rotton apple and that I didn’t have anything to offer anyone. So we made up. And it’s so embarrassing, because I’m a strong woman and I would NEVER in a million years let anyone treat me that way, but he had really made me feel like I deserved that. That the things he said about me were true and that if I didn’t take him back I couldn’t ever be loved again.

    When we made up, he tried to make amends for what he’d done to my self esteem, there were lots of apologies and kind words and love bombing, but he avoided talking about my diagnosis at all, and I was too ashamed to tell him I needed some compassion through it. So I suffered alone with no support, into a spiralling depression, through my first 5 months after diagnosis and through another outbreak. It was absolute hell.

    Fast forward to this weekend. My relationship had obviously turned to shit and we called it quits for good a few days ago. Aside from the way he made me feel about my HSV, I had really thought this was my forever person. So it’s obviously very hard on its own. But a traumatic break up combined with facing the rest of my life and one day dating with HSV, it seems almost insurmountable.

    I know I am a strong, funny, kind, caring, and all round awesome person, I deserve to be loved, and more than that I know whoever ends up with me is one lucky bastard! But gosh it’s so hard to even understand or see how I’ll ever get there. It feels like I’m in for a really lonely life.

    After some serious soul searching I’ve acknowledged that I’ve never had much of a healthy relationship with sex, and I don’t even know how to date without it. I feel a lot like, nobody loves you before you sleep with them, and nobody would choose to sleep with a person with herpes unless they already loved them, so it’s an impossible predicament and what am I supposed to do! At this point it’s not relevant because the thought of sex at all makes me physically feel ill. But one day maybe I’ll want to be loved again, and I’m so scared that I won’t even know how to begin climbing that mountain.

    BUT, today I am really trying to see a path to where I can love myself again. Which is I guess why I’m here. I don’t want to feel ashamed anymore. I don’t deserve to. I’m lucky in a way, my outbreaks aren’t that severe, and a stupid little skin blister shouldn’t feel like the end of my life.

    I know we are all going through this and I’m sorry if this sounds a bit self-indulgent and dramatic, I’m just a bit all over the place at the moment. I hope with some support and kindness from other strong awesome women who understand what I’m going through, that this will get easier.

    #44830
    Ana
    Participant

    The first time I spoke to Dr. Kelly I was bent over crying my eyes out.  I lived in a lonely and isolated world with “H.” I yearned to speak with someone knowledgeable, who understood my pain, who could relate to me.
    Since then I have been on a journey of self-discovery and more so, self-acceptance. I have come a long way from that scared, ashamed and hopeless girl.

    When I found out I was “H” positive, I had an out-of-body experience. How could this happen? I did not live the “lifestyle.”  As much as I was angry at “him,” I believe in taking full responsibility for myself.

    I have disclosed 3 times. The first time I was beyond petrified and agonized over it. I could tell he was torn, but he didn’t walk away. We dated on and off. It was a very toxic relationship.  I stayed because he knew my status and I didn’t want to face the fear of going back into the dating world. So I settled for a less than relationship. But it chips away at your self-esteem. You’re better off alone than being with someone who doesn’t value you.

    Once I walked away, for the umpteenth time, I tried online dating and I met someone. We went on a few dates and once I noticed that things were going to the next level, nervous and apprehensive I disclosed my “shame.” He was ok with it, however, that fizzled quickly. He was just not for me. 
    My dream of being in a relationship was fading. I was disillusioned. I became jaded.

    I decided to give online dating another shot. I put the worries of disclosing on the back burner. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. Around Thanksgiving, I connected with a gentleman. He shared his life and was an open book. He texted numerous times daily, called and video chatted. That was unique, different, and refreshing.  By the time we met, I was smitten. Because we had such a connection I decided I would have to disclose on the 2nd date. That bridge was here and I had to cross it. That’s where my anxiety kicked in, more so now than the previous two disclosures. I started to have sleepless nights. I listened to as many Utube videos on how to disclose, all the methods to protect your partner, foods, antiviral, just about anything I could find to educate myself. I practiced my speech over and over. By the second date, I was loaded with knowledge and information. We were having such an amazing time, I chickened out. 

    The longer I waited, the harder it became. I knew disclosure was an absolute must on the 3rd date. I needed support and reached out to a friend with “H.” It was such a relief to share my turmoil. She was a wonderful support. I had educated myself to the max! But it did nothing to ease the fear of sharing my “shame,” fear of being rejected.  
    That’s when I had an epiphany. I was ashamed of me. I rejected me. I blamed me. I judged me. So I did what I do best. I pulled up Utube and started searching for motivational videos. And that’s when I found Brene Brown. On Netflix, I listened to her Talk: “The call to courage.” I realized it was never about disclosing to him. It was about me accepting and loving myself. I was enough and “H” did not define me. I had to internalize those words, feel it, visualize it. I had to believe it.

     I had so many amazing things to be grateful for. I lived a blessed life. I was a great friend, a devoted mother, a caring sister, a loving daughter, and a doting aunt. I was a successful businesswoman full of potential. My journey to this place of love and acceptance began with Dr. Kelly, so I reached out. She grounds me. She reminded me that “I’m all that and a bag of chips.” I felt so empowered, I couldn’t wait to disclose. I couldn’t believe it. If he walked away it would sting, but I would really be ok with it. He has to see me for the amazing woman I am. If he only see’s “H,” then he’s not the man for me.

     3rd date was the best date I have had in decades. We spent the day together, even watched a sunset. I was nervous but I am also a woman who is much more than a rejection. My energy was different. I exuded confidence and self-acceptance. The time came to have the “Talk.” I disclosed. He leaned in. He held my hand and listened. He acknowledge, like most people, he did not know much about “H.”  I sent him information and reputable sites. 

    I left the date feeling on top of the world. Stay or leave, either way, it will never take away the feeling I got from facing my fear and taking my power back. I felt liberated. Having the information, knowledge, and doing the work mentally and emotionally was instrumental in empowering me. What changed? My mindset changed. “I am all that and a bag of chips.” I was vulnerable therefore I was courageous. I leave you with this powerful quote from Brene Brown.

    “Show me a woman who can sit with a man in real shame and vulnerability and fear and just be in that place, and I will show you a woman who has done her work and doesn’t derive her status or power from that man.” 

    PS: He’s away, but not a day goes by without him communicating with me. I’m looking forward to date #4.

    #44829
    Ana
    Participant

    The first time I spoke to Dr. Kelly I was bent over crying my eyes out.  I lived in a lonely and isolated world with “H.” I yearned to speak with someone knowledgeable, who understood my pain, who could relate to me.
    Since then I have been on a journey of self-discovery and more so, self-acceptance. I have come a long way from that scared, ashamed and hopeless girl.
    When I found out I was “H” positive, I had an out-of-body experience. How could this happen? I did not live the “lifestyle.”  As much as I was angry at “him,” I believe in taking full responsibility for myself.I have disclosed 3 times. The first time I was beyond petrified and agonized over it. I could tell he was torn, but he didn’t walk away. We dated on and off. It was a very toxic relationship.  I stayed because he knew my status and I didn’t want to face the fear of going back into the dating world. So I settled for a less than relationship. But it chips away at your self-esteem. You’re better off alone than being with someone who doesn’t value you.Once I walked away, for the umpteenth time, I tried online dating and I met someone. We went on a few dates and once I noticed that things were going to the next level, nervous and apprehensive I disclosed my “shame.” He was ok with it, however, that fizzled quickly. He was just not for me. My dream of being in a relationship was fading. I was disillusioned. I became jaded.I decided to give online dating another shot. I put the worries of disclosing on the back burner. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. Around Thanksgiving, I connected with a gentleman. He shared his life and was an open book. He texted numerous times daily, called and video chatted. That was unique, different, and refreshing.  By the time we met, I was smitten. Because we had such a connection I decided I would have to disclose on the 2nd date. That bridge was here and I had to cross it. That’s where my anxiety kicked in, more so now than the previous two disclosures. I started to have sleepless nights. I listened to as many Utube videos on how to disclose, all the methods to protect your partner, foods, antiviral, just about anything I could find to educate myself. I practiced my speech over and over. By the second date, I was loaded with knowledge and information. We were having such an amazing time, I chickened out. The longer I waited, the harder it became. I knew disclosure was an absolute must on the 3rd date. I needed support and reached out to a friend with “H.” It was such a relief to share my turmoil. She was a wonderful support. I had educated myself to the max! But it did nothing to ease the fear of sharing my “shame,” fear of being rejected.  
    That’s when I had an epiphany. I was ashamed of me. I rejected me. I blamed me. I judged me. So I did what I do best. I pulled up Utube and started searching for motivational videos. And that’s when I found Brene Brown. On Netflix, I listened to her Talk: “The call to courage.” I realized it was never about disclosing to him. It was about me accepting and loving myself. I was enough and “H” did not define me. I had to internalize those words, feel it, visualize it. I had to believe it. I had so many amazing things to be grateful for. I lived a blessed life. I was a great friend, a devoted mother, a caring sister, a loving daughter, and a doting aunt. I was a successful businesswoman full of potential. My journey to this place of love and acceptance began with Dr. Kelly, so I reached out. She grounds me. She reminded me that “I’m all that and a bag of chips.” I felt so empowered, I couldn’t wait to disclose. I couldn’t believe it.  If he walked away it would sting, but I would really be ok with it. He has to see me for the amazing woman I am. If he only see’s “H,” then he’s not the man for me. 3rd date was the best date I have had in decades. We spent the day together, even watched a sunset. I was nervous but I am also a woman who is much more than a rejection. My energy was different. I exuded confidence and self-acceptance. The time came to have the “Talk.” I disclosed. He leaned in. He held my hand and listened. He acknowledge, like most people, he did not know much about “H.”  I sent him information and reputable sites. I left the date feeling on top of the world. Stay or leave, either way, it will never take away the feeling I got from facing my fear and taking my power back. I felt liberated. Having the information, knowledge, and doing the work mentally and emotionally was instrumental in empowering me. What changed? My mindset changed. “I am all that and a bag of chips.” I was vulnerable therefore I was courageous. I leave you with this powerful quote from Brene Brown.
    “Show me a woman who can sit with a man in real shame and vulnerability and fear and just be in that place, and I will show you a woman who has done her work and doesn’t derive her status or power from that man.” PS: He’s away, but continues to communicate with me daily. I’m looking forward to date #4.

    #44828
    Ana
    Participant

    The first time I spoke to Dr. Kelly I was bent over crying my eyes out.  I lived in a lonely and isolated world with “H.” I yearned for someone knowledgeable, who understood me and could relate to me.
    Since then I have been on a journey of self-discovery and more so, self-acceptance. I have come a long way from that scared, ashamed and hopeless girl.
    When I found out I was “H” positive, I had an out-of-body experience. How could this happen? I did not live the “lifestyle.”  As much as I was angry at “him,” I believe in taking full responsibility for myself.

    I have disclosed 3 times. The first time I was beyond petrified and agonized over it. I could tell he was torn but he didn’t walk away. We dated on and off. It was a very toxic relationship.  I stayed because he knew my status, so I settled for a less than relationship. But it rips away at your self-esteem. You’re better off alone than being with someone who doesn’t value you.

    Once I walked away, for the umpteenth time, I tried online dating and I met someone. We went on a few dates and once I noticed that things were going to the next level, nervous and apprehensive I disclosed my “shame.” He was ok with it, however, that fizzled quickly. He was just not for me. My dream of being in a relationship was fading. I was disillusioned. I became jaded.
    I decided to give online dating another shot. I put the worries of disclosing on the back burner. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. Around Thanksgiving, I connected with a gentleman who texted or called on a daily basis. He shared his life and was an open book. That was unique, different, and refreshing. We spoke and texted numerous times daily. By the time we met, I was smitten. Because we had such a connection I decided I would have to disclose on the 2nd date. That bridge was here and I had to cross it. That’s where my anxiety kicked in, more so now than the prior two. I started to have sleepless nights. I listened to as many Utube videos on how to disclose, all the methods to protect your partner, foods, antiviral, just about anything I could find to educate myself. I practiced my speech over and over. By the second date, I was loaded with knowledge and information. We were having such an amazing time, I chickened out. The longer I waited, the harder it became. I knew disclosure was an absolute must on the 3rd date. I needed support and reached out to a friend with “H.” It was such a relief to share my turmoil. She was a wonderful support. I had educated myself to the max! But it did nothing to ease the fear of sharing my “shame,” fear of being rejected.  
    That’s when I had an epiphany. I was ashamed of me. I rejected me. I blamed me. I judged me. So I did what I do best. I pulled up Utube and started searching for motivational videos. And that’s when I found Brene Brown. On Netflix, I listened to her Talk: “The call to courage.” I realized it was never about disclosing to him. It was about me accepting and loving myself. I was enough and “H” did not define me. I had to internalize those words, feel it, visualize it. I had to believe it.
     I had so many amazing things to be grateful for. I was a great friend, a devoted mother, a caring sister, a loving daughter, and a doting aunt. I was a successful businesswoman full of potential and admired by my colleagues. My journey to this place of love and acceptance began with Dr. Kelly, so I reached out. She grounds me. She reminded me that “I’m all that and a bag of chips.” I felt so empowered, I couldn’t wait to disclose. It would sting if he walked away, but I would really be ok with it. He has to see me for the amazing woman I am. If he only see’s “H,” then he’s not the man for me.
     3rd date was the best date I have had in decades. We spent the day together, even watched a sunset. I was a bit nervous but I am also a woman who is much more powerful than a rejection. My energy was different. I exuded confidence and self-acceptance.The time came to have the “Talk.” I disclosed. He leaned in. He held my hand and listened. He acknowledge, like most people, he did not know much about “H.”  I sent him information and reputable sites. I left the date feeling on top of the world. If he walks away it will sting, but it will never take away the feeling I got from facing my fear and taking my power back. I  felt liberated. Having the information, knowledge, and doing the work mentally and emotionally was instrumental in empowering me. What changed? My mindset changed. “I am all that and a bag of chips.” I was vulnerable therefore I was courageous. I leave you with this powerful quote from Brene Brown.
    “Show me a woman who can sit with a man in real shame and vulnerability and fear and just be in that place. And I will show you a woman who has done her work and doesn’t derive her status or power from that man.” 

    PS: He’s away, but has continued to communicate with me every day. I’m looking forward to date #4.

    #44703
    melindahalligan
    Participant

    Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with herpes 1 many years ago. The outbreak was swelling and pimples that broke open and pain. I never got an episodes that bad again. My question is have you ever got an outbreak like the first one again? Years later I’m have a really bad one and I’m wondering if I have been exposed maybe to herpes 2 since I recently started dating again after a divorce. Thanks

    #44654
    BeLove
    Participant

    Belasine, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Please know that many people have this and are unaware. My husband now of 31 years told me he had herpes from his younger years while we were dating but he was always careful. It wasn’t until about 1.5 years ago I broke out with a severe case and had no idea what it was. I was dealing with autoimmune issues when this surfaced but it could have been dormant for years. But he hasn’t had a breakout in many many years so who knows when I contracted it.

    Were you under a lot of stress or having immune issues when you had an outbreak? I wish you well, sweetie, and know lots of people are here for you. (HUGS)

    #44633
    DELETE
    Participant

    I came to this community seeking help and wisdom with my current situation. I already feel horrible and ashamed because of the stigma that comes with mentioning Genital Herpes. I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for four months, and I haven’t told him about my condition. Before we starting having sex we told each other our tests results which were both good. My anxiety is through the roof, and I’m not sure what else to do or how to explain. He has gone to his doctor for his routine blood work for blood pressure and also asked for full std testing. I’m waiting to see what his results are. I did go to a lab a few days ago to confirm, and all came back clear except positive for HSV-2.

    Im seeking prayers, help and advice. I know that I may get some backlash or harsh responses.

    #44556
    Lombela
    Participant

    Hi,
    I’m 28 years old and I never had a boyfriend. I finally met someone and I was really liking him. After two months of dating we were at his place and things were getting heated, I told him I was still a virgin and I’m not ready to make that move, he said it’s fine but we can still enjoy he would give me a massage and oral. I thought it was fine if we had a foreplay there would be no harm.
    I don’t know if it was the oil he used or he has herpes, because I confronted him about having herpes he said that sometimes he gets some blisters on his lips but its just when he drinks fron someone elses cup. I started feeling itchy on my vulva and around, there are no signs of blisters, but I’m afraid that I might have contracted by the oral he gave me. I found out by reading that oral can transmit the various to the private parts. I have got nothing on my lips. I want to believe that the oil might have cause yeast infection. I don’t know what to think and I’m afraid of what the doctor might say.
    I’m devastated that my first sexual encounter has to end up like this. The party has barely started and it’s as good as over. I’m desperate.

    #44447
    Brianna
    Participant

    Im having mixed emotions about all that has happened/is happening in my life. I was diagnosed with HSV2 and i have been feeling way worse than what i used to about myself. I already suffer from eczema, major depression, severe/manic bipolar disorder, PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks as well as borderline personality disorder. Growing up was a warzone for me because i had no one fighting for me (my parents could not help with my bullying at school-from preschool all the way to my last day in highschool i was bullied-and to make matters worse my home life was filled with emotional abuse on a daily basis). My social life was non-existent so therefore i had no support or an ear to talk to, and when i got older dating was one of the reasons why i tried to commit suicide. As if being rejected before the herpes diagnosis was bad enough, now im forced to stay hidden and alone because i know the rejection ill get will kill me physically, emotionally and mentally. I hate this because im allowing people to dictate to me that im only worthy enough to date others of “my kind” and that im not allowed to have a choice or be picky, that i should be grateful to have any sort of attention or that someone is even thinking about wanting to be with me when they can go elsewhere. Im hurt and no one understands. I dont want to be vulnerable because that would mean i have to showw my belly, allow people to reject me and even mock me in public or put me on blast. I hurt everyday and the truth is i dont wanna feel anything but peace. I know i shouldn’ t look for valudation from others but i have never had love so to find someone to love me and accept me is a dream i want to come true. This is how i feel everyday, this is what causes my insomnia, my anxiety and panic attacks, my mood swings, my lack of peace and hope.

    Beachwaves96
    Participant

    I was diagnosed with HSV-2 about 6 years ago after a one night stand with a guy who claims he did not know he had it (due to the severity of my first outbreak, my doctor said he definitely knew).I recently went on a first date after leaving a long term relationship 6 months ago. With lockdowns and living alone for the first time, it’s been a really hard journey to find happiness again, but I felt like I was on the right path.Last weekend, I matched with this guy on a dating app and we hit it off quickly – making jokes, learning about eachother, flirting. It was really intense considering we only spoke for a week before meeting up but during the week, the chat got VERY sexual and flirty, we were excited to meet and he was even saying I should come visit him in LA (he’s moving back to California for 3 months next week). I wasn’t taking it too seriously but was just excited to be interested in someone again and have their texts to look forward to throughout the day. It also felt like we were forming trust and being aware of each others boundaries, as well as being sexual and flirty. (Eg, when we were sexting, he kept checking I was ok with everything in the conversation. Also worth noting that he was VERY forward in how he wanted to please me!)We went on a date this weekend and it was really great, we got along well and it was obvious we were attracted to eachother.Although I’ve never slept with someone on the first date, we both knew that that’s where it was heading. We were both quite drunk, me more than him, and were making out back at his apartment. I knew I had to tell him about having herpes before it went any further. I said we had to stop as I had to tell him something, I think I came across nervous which made it seem worse, but I told him I have herpes and even though I haven’t had symptoms in years and it’s highly unlikely he will be effected, I felt he has the right to know. Surprisingly, he said he’d been in a long term relationship with someone who had it and he never got it, so understands that it probably will be fine. Looking back, I realise we should have taken it slower and talked more, but we were both caught up in the moment and continued making out. I could tell he changed though, I kept asking if he was ok and he insisted that he was fine. We ended up having some pretty disappointing sex (with a condom) and not talking much after. It was the kind of sex where the guy is just trying to finish and you don’t feel connected at all – completely the opposite of our connection during our date and texting. I left in the morning and we barely spoke. I felt discusting and used and really let down. Looking back, I can see that we should have slowed down and I should have told him when we weren’t drunk and about to have sex! So I take responsibility for completely awful timing. He texted me the next morning in a friendly way to ask how i was holding up, then followed up to ask if I take antivirals. I told him I do and apologied for my bad timing as I should have told him earlier. He said he appreciated me telling him before we had sex and even though he has been with someone before with herpes, he panicked in the morning as he didn’t know if I took medication or anything (which I realise now I should have told him!). He seemed understanding but I just felt like a switch went off and he suddenly viewed me differently. I think we both regret having sex so quickly and being drunk but the connection we had made just crumbled and now I feel more lonely and discusting than ever.I know it sounds crazy after knowing the guy for just over a week but it was the most excited I’ve felt about anyone in over a year (including my ex) so I guess my question is… How do I stop feeling horrible about myself for sleeping with someone so quickly and knowing that both of us regret it, all because I have herpes?Ps: I’m sorry for such a long post, I can’t talk to any of my friends about this so needed somewhere to vent! I hope maybe someone can relate to this, or offer some words of wisdom. If you have had a similar experience please feel free to share.PPS: while writing this he replied to my last text that said “hit me up if you wanna hang out again, but Ibhope everything goes well for you in LA “. His reply is “ya definitely, not sure if I’ll be able to before I leave next week but hopefully we’ll keep in touch while I’m out in LA? Sorry for the late reply, I went to bed early and slept like a log “. 

    #44377
    mccooz
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I was diagnosed with HSV-2 over 11 years ago from someone who failed to disclose it to me. After a year of not dating and deliberately cutting myself off from meeting people i met my husband. I wanted to be honest with him from the start as i immediately felt a connection and thought this relationship had legs so i told him and he was so understanding! i remember thinking “happy days, i’ll never have to go through that again….” Fast forward 7 years later and i am now divorced and back on the dating scene again. I have met a lovely man and enjoyed a couple of dates but things are definitely starting to heat up and i’m sick to my stomach about the thoughts of telling him about my diagnosis. He is ex military and health and fitness are such a big part of his life. I’m worried that he won’t be as understanding or empathetic as my ex husband was and after being badly hurt through my divorce i’m petrified of being so vulnerable and opening up to essentially a stranger and the fear of being rejected. Has anyone any advice for me please? I really feel like something could progress with his guy but yet again, the stigma of herpes stands in my way!

    #44321
    lollipop5476
    Participant

    I recently got drunk and had unprotected sex with someone that I know has genital herpes. He has told me that he takes antiviral medication and wasn’t experiencing an outbreak during the time of us having intercourse. I’m really worried that I might have contracted it. I haven’t had any symptoms so obviously can’t be tested. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? I’m also dating someone new and I’m worried that I could pass it to him without even knowing.

    #44275

    In reply to: Who do you tell?

    centennialgirl
    Participant

    Oh my goodness! That is tough. Maybe take things super slow when talking to people and hopefully when you reach that level, I would hope the person would be loyal to you and not tell anyone. I totally get how small towns can be though.

    On a different note, I have been reading on herpes a lot and so many people of it and don’t know. Just thinking about small towns, makes you wonder if more people have it and you just don’t know. Sad, I read that herpes is spreading more rapidly only because people are unknowingly spreading it in the age of dating apps. I even read these articles where people admitted to knowingly having it and choosing to having relations and not telling the person they are with. People will deny having it also I think in fear of being judged.

    It is very lonely knowing you have this things now and afraid you will get no support because you are in fear of telling anyone.

    #44269

    In reply to: Who do you tell?

    centennialgirl
    Participant

    Truthfully I don’t recommend the herpes dating sites. I went on just as looking for friends and people to talk to but the guys on there are just looking to hook up. Which is a little gross. I am taking this different from most people. I am happy to take a break from dating and men and plan just to be solo for a few years. I just took being diagnosed as a sign that a I needed to slow down and take better care of myself. Men and dating sites just can be so damaging..

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