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  • #43106

    In reply to: 19 with Herpes

    Maria89
    Participant

    I would suggest you to get a blood test for herpes, looking for antibodies, just to be sure. Maybe you are an exception, but HSV-1 genital doesn’t cause recurring outbreaks like you. It is known to cause less than 1 per year. And even talking of transmission of HSV-1, you shouldn’t be worried. The viral shedding (When you shed the virus without symptoms) of HSV-1 is 1-3%, compared to 15-30% of HSV-2. Transmission of HSV-1 genital to genital is rare (extremely rare).

    And you can ask to your partner to get tested for antibodies. No need of symptoms. They take your blood and in 2-3 days you get the results.

    But the chances both guys have HSV-1 are high since 50-80% of Americans has HSV-1.

    #43085

    In reply to: New

    Maria89
    Participant

    Knowing the type(1 or 2) of genital herpes you have is important. Disclosing genital HSV-1 genital is more trust than transmission dear. Keep with your life and try not to catch HSV-2. Keep your health, request a test to your partners.
    That’s all I can tell you. It was a huge message. I send you a hug!

    #43082

    In reply to: New

    Maria89
    Participant

    Hi Jackie,

    Well. The first thing is to be informed. Having HSV-1 genital is different than HSV-2 genital. are the Here are facts you need to know:
    50% to 80% of the population already has HSV-1 orally.
    It is rare to pass the virus to your genitals once you have it orally.
    HSV-2 genital outbreaks go from 3 to 6 per year or more in symptomatic people.
    HSV-1 genital outbreaks are 1 or less per year in symptomatic people. Most often, they have 1-3 in three years and then nothing.
    Viral shedding (When you shed the virus without symptoms) of HSV-1 genital is like 1-3% depending on the study.
    Viral shedding of HSV-2 genital is 15-30% of the time.
    Without a condom and having sex while there are no symptoms in HSV-2 is 4% from women to man.
    Imagine with HSV-1. It’s almost nothing. The transmission of HSV-1 genital to genital is rare (really rare). You mostly get HSV-1 with oral sex. That’s what happened to you. You didn’t catch it as a kid with the kiss of your parents or a grandpa or grandma; and your first exposure to HSV-1 was oral sex.
    So, you got genital herpes, but you were lucky enough to get the nicer one: HSV-1.
    All you need to do is to request your partner to get tested, the chances he has HSV-1 and doesn’t even know are high. If he has it, no problem.
    If he doesn’t, still, the chances of getting it during sex are really really low.
    Watch a video in YouTube called “understanding herpes” from the American health association. And watch a podcast in YouTube. “The big herpes episode with Terri Warren”. She is one of the top recognized academics and researchers about herpes. All I said and more will be there. If you need a serious paper to understand it, I can’t send it as well.
    Most people say herpes is herpes, it doesn’t matter (even doctors). But, for me, it does matter. Having herpes is not a big deal, and having HSV-1 is even less than a deal.
    I hope this information helps you, and I encourage you to request your partner a test. Maybe he has HSV-2 and doesn’t even know. You should also take care of your health.

    #43076
    lexiblu
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    Recently started dating and just wondering how hsv will impact my sex life.

    I was diagnosed with hsv genitally a few years ago (they didn’t say which strain and since I don’t get frequent outbreaks it’s hard to know officially.. I did a blood test recently just to see, but it actually came up as negative which wasn’t particularly helpful) and have since only had maybe around 3 outbreaks (so I’m thinking it’s hsv 1 but genitally?).

    In terms of transmitting the virus I’m aware asymptomatic shedding is a thing but just wondered how other people are dealing with sex, foreplay and transmission? For example, as a woman who’s not showing symptoms (whilst having hsv 1 genitally) is receiving oral sex/using hands still an option?

    Online I see a lot about men and using condoms etc but not so much for women? especially in terms of casually dating.

    Feeling a little bewildered at the moment.. any advice?

    Much appreciated xx

    #42793
    Charlotte
    Participant

    Hi 🙂
    I’m going to start by saying I hope you’re doing okay, I know it’s not any fun to experience this and can make you feel pretty low, and I definitely relate to your issue of not quite understanding how it happened.
    I am by no means a medical professional, but having read up on many people’s experiences, I think it’s possible for someone not to have had symptoms and given it to you, especially since I believe this is how I got it! There’s only one person I’ve been involved with who I didn’t ask if they’d ever had a cold sore etc. and I didn’t ask him because we’d been involved months earlier. so either he gave it to me and I reacted months later, or I had the same thing as you where the person who gave it to me through oral sex had never had symptoms or never noticed them since the others said they’d never had a cold sore! Seems to be a sneaky virus for sure leaving us all asking. I have also read that stress and inflammation after sex can trigger an outbreak, so that is also highly possible that it’s been dormant for some time.
    I know that’s not a definitive answer, but I can say you’re not alone in having these uncertainties and the same possible way of transmission seeming to not make sense – you’re not crazy for questioning it all, it’s very confusing!

    #42750

    In reply to: Relationships

    earthtotrin
    Participant

    The best way is honestly just to be open, honest and confident. I know it’s hard especially after our diagnosis but if they can’t accept it then you’re better off without them. Make sure it’s before you do anything sexual with them that could result in transmission. Try to stay calm and it’ll all be okay!! Explain the percussions you take. If they freak out try to keep your composure, you deserve better!

    #42570
    VCRJ
    Participant

    Hi,
    I’d like to tell you my story. I am a man. I don’t know how I ended up in this forum. I was just trying to understand what happened a 14 months ago and I ended up here.
    I was dating this girl. She is beautiful, intelligent, smart, cute (I still think the same about her). After two months being together, being happy, and having sex, she disclosed to me that she has HSV-2. I didn’t know how to react. My instinct was to call my psychologist. I asked her to leave my apartment.
    I was in shock. I suffer depression with a GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). It really fucked me up. I felt so betrayed. It still hurts to remember when she said “even if you get a positive result, you can’t know if you got it from me”. The next days, I had panic attacks. I went to get tested (8 days after last exposure) and I got a negative test. However, I had to get tested again three months later. It was negative again. In 14 months, I have been tested four times, all negative. The four times I also got tested for HIV as well. In my mind, I was like “if she lied about it, she maybe has lied about other things”. I could not believe in doctors. I needed a lot of psychological therapy and several visits to the psychiatrist to be able to sleep and manage anxiety (which became OCD). It really affected me psychologically. Even though I got all the information about the low rate transmission from a woman to a man, that she already had it for several years and was really wise about her symptoms, I could not believe that I did not have the virus. A lot of people catch it in a hook-up, and we were having unprotected sex almost every day. Now I understand the days she avoided sex with me.
    All the time, I loved her. Before the disclosure, we were already talking about doing a trip during the summer and maybe living together after it if things went well. It was soul-destroying to end the relationship, to talk to her and understand that she has her own moral in relationships about when to disclose. Even though she said she liked me, loved me, and wanted to be together, I could not believe her. The trust was destroyed. I considered going back together for three-four months. In fact, I thought I could be able to overcome it and go back together, but I couldn’t. Even though I had therapy, I just realized I would not be able to trust her in simple things. In my mind, I just think any guy she disclosed it before having sex is better than me. I understand it’s hard to disclose and be exposed to rejection (I don’t think she was evil at all. She made a huge mistake), but I just feel I was not respected. I can just tell you that if she had told me before having sex, I would be with her, cause I really liked her since the beginning. I am okay with the decision. I miss her, but the trust is already damaged.
    I knew nothing about herpes before being with her. Just that is is an STD that requires treatment and causes breakouts. I am not American and we don’t even have the stigma you have in this culture. Having herpes is not a big deal, but not disclosing is a big deal. It is important to ask for consent.
    My only advice is to always disclose. I understand it is hard, but there is plenty of people that would accept you by the simple fact that “they really like you” and will take the risk.

    #42444

    In reply to: 17 with genital HSV1

    Maria89
    Participant

    Hi Rye,

    I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to tell you that HSV-1 genital is very different from HSV-2 genital.

    First, 50-80% of the population has HSV-1 orally (cold sores) and just 20% are symptomatic (get the cold sores). So, the chances your next partner has it orally is high. If he has it orally, it is really rare to get it genitally.
    You got oral sex and your partner has hsv-1 orally. It happened because you didn’t have it orally and your first exposure was genitally.

    Second, viraL shedding of HSV-1 genital is really really low (when you shed the virus without symptoms), depending on the study, it is 0-3%, compared to HSV-2, which is 15-30% of the time. The transmission of HsV-1 genital to genital is extremely rare. You get HSV-1 from oral sex. So, disclosing HSV-1 genital is more trust than transmission, dear. You won’t transmit HSV-1 genitally to your partner unless you have an outbreak. Again, HSV-1 genital is not the same as HSV-2 genital.

    Third, HSV-1 genital, normally, you get an One outbreak and no more (40%), then 2 or three en the next 3 years and no more. The recurrence is really low, compared to hsv-2 genital, with an average of 3-6 per year. So, there is no need for an antiviral or suppressive therapy without an outbreak for HSV-1 genital. And if you don’t get a second outbreak in the next year, the chances of not getting more outbreaks is 88%.

    Having herpes is not a big deal, and HSV-1 is not a big deal (even more), but not disclosing is a big deal.

    Watch a video called understanding herpes from the sexual American association and an interview to Terri Warren about herpes in YouTube, dear.
    You have genital herpes, yes, but you got HSV-1, not HSV-2. You got the nicer one.
    Knowing the type of herpes you have is important. Keep with your life and try not to catch HSV-2. The chances of your next partner having hsv-1 and doesn’t even know is really high.
    If you need more information, I’d be glad to share it.
    Hope this helps you

    sassafrass1098
    Participant

    Since your mom works with STDs she should know how common it is to get and how so many people are unaware they have it. I think you should talk to your mom so you have someone e
    You trust to talk to about this. It’ll make you feel better to have someone there for you. Also we’re you diagnosed with HSV or are you just worried? If you have been diagnosed your doctor should have asked if you wanted antiviral meds and given you some advice about this. I’m sorry you are going through this it’s definitely stressful and annoying but you’re not alone or dirty or being unsafe. I’ve been safe aswell and still got HSV. It happens to so many women. I don’t have great advice for dating with HSV since I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now. But I would definitely do your research so you know the facts about transmission. It’s harder for women to spread to men and with condoms it’s roughly a 2% chance of transmission. I’ve read a lot of people talk about how they tell new partners and it seems being calm and positive about it helps men feel more comfortable with dating someone with it. Now for dating other women I’m not sure. Since it’s easier for women to become infected. I would recommend taking daily suppressive meds for at least a year to lower transmission rate, use condoms and dental dams. Hope this is helpful!

    #42365
    Maria89
    Participant

    Hi Carly,

    I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to tell you that HSV-1 genital is very different from HSV-2 genital.
    First, 50-80% of the population has HSV-1 orally. So, the chances your next partner has it orally is high. If he has it orally, it is really rare to get it genitally.
    Second, viral shedding of HSV-1 genital is really really low (when you shed the virus without symptoms), depending on the study, it is 0-3%, compared to HSV-2, which is 15-30% of the time. The transmission of HsV-1 genital to genital is extremely rare. You get HSV-1 from oral sex. So, disclosing HSV-1 genital is more trust than transmission, dear. You won’t transmit HSV-1 genitally to your partner unless you have an outbreak. Again, HSV-1 genital is not the same as HSV-2 genital.
    Third, HSV-1 genital, normally, you get an One outbreak and no more (40%), then 2 or three en the next 3 years and no more. The recurrence is really low, compared to hsv-2 genital, with an average of 3-6 per year. So, there is no need for an antiviral or suppressive therapy without an outbreak for HSV-1 genital.
    Yes, he can perform oral sex on you and won’t get it (remember, viral shedding of HSV1 is really low). Yes, he can finger you, herpes likes the mucous. He must have a cut on her fingers and you an outbreak to happen (rare).

    So… I encourage you To be honest And disclose it. If you explain with facts, telling all this, you shouldn’t even be afraid. Probably he has HSV-1 and doesn’t even know, and there is the chance he has HSV-2 and doesn’t even know. So, probably you also need to take care of your health. Just do it in a calm space, where you can explain that all these facts.

    Having herpes is not a big deal, and HSV-1 is not a big deal (even more), but not disclosing is a big deal.

    Watch a video called understanding herpes from the sexual American association and an interview to Terri Warren about herpes in YouTube, dear.
    You have genital herpes, yes, but you got HSV-1, not HSV-2. You got the nicer one.
    Knowing the type of herpes you have is important. Keep with your life and try not to catch HSV-2. The chances of your next partner having hsv-1 and doesn’t even know is really high.
    If you need more information, I’d be glad to share it.
    Hope this helps you

    #42349
    Maria89
    Participant
    This reply has been marked as private.
    #42341

    In reply to: Dating and HSV1

    Maria89
    Participant
    This reply has been marked as private.
    #41837
    Olivia
    Participant

    Hey guys, my diagnosis story is kind of abnormal. For some back story, I am 19, I have never been one for super exclusive relationships as I love my freedom and independence, and I am a fresh, new college student who wasn’t ready for this diagnosis at all. Back in January of this year I had my first symptoms of herpes and went to the ER. They did a qualitative diagnosis and told me I had herpes. I felt very similar to how you did. I thought my life was over and that no one would ever want to date me and take that risk. I remember feeling so depressed about it that I truly did get to a point where I thought life wasn’t even worth living anymore. It scared me because despite having gone through some shit in life, I would always describe myself as a happy, content person. A few days later, I went to a different doctor for a second opinion, and she gave me a blood test. The results were ready a week later but it took me about a month to actually look at them because I was so scared they would confirm what I already knew. The shadow of doubt was the only thing I was clinging onto. They did a blood test and it showed I had never been exposed to HSV. I was SO HAPPY. But, here I am, about 5 months later, and my symptoms are back. I did some research and learned how faulty blood antibody tests can be, as it takes time for your system to develop detectable antibodies. I found myself back in a walk-in clinic, got examined, and am currently waiting for confirmation. However, I almost don’t need the confirmation as I am almost 99% sure I have HSV-2. It’s been a wild roller coaster of emotions from getting diagnosed, to undiagnosed, and now rediagnosed. However, like you guys, I am young and I had a really hard time processing all of this. But, I already went through the depressive, shame stage back in January, and I have done a lot of research since. If you guys educate yourself on how common herpes really is, trust me it’s not that daunting. In fact, I have been seeing someone since February in a non-exclusive way. He didn’t know I was HSV+ and I obviously didn’t allow sex or Oral Sex on myself until I saw my blood test results that were negative. After that, we did have sex multiple times, even unprotected, so coming to him with this new information (esp. when he didn’t know about my diagnosis history) was so scary. Keep in mind this is a college frat boy who is 3 years older than me and would always joke about being “clean” and not wanting STDS. But, I called him up the other day and told him what was going on. He was so caring and understanding and told me that he still wanted to see me regardless, as long as we both took proper precautions in the future. He wasn’t angry, disgusted, or repulsed. Yesterday, he even asked me when I was planning on visiting him (bc he lives back at school and I am home for summer break) because he can’t wait to see me, even knowing I am very likely to be HSV+. LET ME TELL YOU GIRLYS, HSV IS NOT A DATING DEATH SENTENCE. It doesn’t mean people won’t ever want to hook up with you again, be in a relationship with you, or anything else of the sort. Most of the times, people with HSV are asymptotic, and that’s why it spreads so easily. Take some peace in knowing about your sexual health status and the fact that you can do things to GREATLY prevent spreading it. Doing suppressive therapy literally makes woman to man transmission go from 3.6% to 1.9% likely, and that’s without the use of a condom. If the people you are with don’t want to take the risk, that’s fine, it’s their choice. However, most rational people will be willing to take precautions with you and realize that herpes is a totally manageable thing. You will come to realize that herpes is NO BIG DEAL. So many people have it, most guys don’t even care as long as you got your shit under control, and it doesn’t make you any less of a person. If anyone wants to email me for some great links to articles and videos that really helped me out, please feel free! Just please know this isn’t costing you your whole life, in fact its more of a slight inconvenience than anything else. 🙂

    lostsoulwanderer
    Participant

    Hi everyone, I recently (after 3 years of hiding) built up the courage to start dating a really lovely guy and told him about my hsv2. He was so understanding and I honestly feel like a new person having finally told someone. He was so supportive and reassuring and wants us to pursue things further but has asked that we take things slowly before going to full-blown intercourse. This not only suits me but is what i need after rushing into things in the past. He is so open and honest with me and has told me that in order to completely relax in the bedroom he wants to be fully informed of risks etc. He has suggested so many things we could do already and I want to be able to contribute too but I have been ‘out of the game’ so long I don’t know where to stand. Without encouraging anyone to be graphic, does anyone have any suggestions of what we could get up to risk free? He has started with dry humping and mutual masturbation but is there anything else you guys suggest? Also is there any risk of transmission with dry humping if we are in our underwear, I am on top and i get excited? I am thinking fluid exchange possibly through the underpants material???

    Also last point…i see so many people on here who are recently diagnosed and think there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like that once and here i am looking for ideas on how to kink up my life. I hope my story gives you some hope.

    Cennet
    Participant

    I want to share my story. I was diagnosed with herpes a year and a half ago, my bf at the time had herpes and wasn’t aware. When I was diagnosed I was shocked, hurt, confused. So many things were running through my mind. I questioned if he was cheating on me, I questioned had he known about it and if he kept it away from me. I couldn’t believe that I HAD HERPES. A part of me came to terms with it because I thought that I would be with him for the rest of my life and that I wouldn’t ever have to tell anyone that I had herpes. To me it wasn’t about being rejected by someone else it was the fact that I had to have that talk with someone if we ever broke up. We were together for a year and a half and broke up. I am here to tell you guys that there is hope. If you’re afraid to tell someone tell them, it will be okay. If they reject you it’s their lost! Then you will clearly know that’s not the person for you! A couple months ago I reconnected with someone I’ve known for 10+ years. We began talking and instantly hit it off. We spoke everyday all day. We became best friends. All the while I had herpes in the back of my head. Knowing I had to tell him was killing me. I was scared of how he would take it. I couldn’t come up with the words and the way to tell him. I prayed to god telling god “please god if this is the man you have for me give me the strength to tell him. If this is not the man for me please do not allow me to tell him this.” after that I woke up everyday with the agony of telling him. A couple weeks later we were on FaceTime and I said to him “hey so before we continue talking there’s something I have to telll you. about a year ago I was diagnosed with herpes. I don’t get as many outbreaks as I used to but I still do get them and when I get them I take medicine and also vitamins. I understand if you want to think about it or if you need time.” As soon as I finished telling him he responded with “herpes? That’s nothing everyone has herpes”He continued “wow. The way you say it as if it’s nothing. You’re so brave. You’re amazing.” I was shocked. Little did he know I had watched so many videos, shed so many tears and read so many articles before I told him. He was educated on herpes and knew so much about it. He told me he didn’t need to me to think about it and that it wasn’t going to stop him from talking to me. Afterwards I began feeling disconnected from him. I thought we weren’t talking as much and I questioned if it was because I told him I had herpes. Every time we spoke I questioned “is he thinking about my herpes? Is he looking at me thinking herpes?i was so self conscious. I realized I was just over thinking. He didn’t treat me any different, he didn’t talk to me any different. He still spoke about wanting to be intimate with me and asked me ways to prevent transmission. He knew there was medicine which could help lower the transmission (Valtrex). Fast forward a month later and we are still talking. We are doing amazing. He is still my best friend, we get along so well. We look at each other and instantly start laughing. It feels we were made for each other. I can’t describe the feeling I get when I’m with him. All these feelings in such short amount of time. I say this to say that herpes doesn’t determine who you are as a person. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. It doesn’t make you any less lovable. Instead this guy talks about the way I make him feel and the fact that he’s never felt the way he does with me with someone else. Whoever wants to be with you will see you as YOU and not as herpes. If you need help to tell someone please reach out! Watch videos, educate yourself on the topic, do your research! At the end of the day most of us didn’t have the choice of contracting herpes. It was given to us by someone who wasn’t aware or chose not to disclose their status. The good part is that it gets better! You will overcome this! We all will! And I hope this story gives you guys the courage, and hope you need to tell a loved one.

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