Hi everyone, I recently (after 3 years of hiding) built up the courage to start dating a really lovely guy and told him about my hsv2. He was so understanding and I honestly feel like a new person having finally told someone. He was so supportive and reassuring and wants us to pursue things further but has asked that we take things slowly before going to full-blown intercourse. This not only suits me but is what i need after rushing into things in the past. He is so open and honest with me and has told me that in order to completely relax in the bedroom he wants to be fully informed of risks etc. He has suggested so many things we could do already and I want to be able to contribute too but I have been ‘out of the game’ so long I don’t know where to stand. Without encouraging anyone to be graphic, does anyone have any suggestions of what we could get up to risk free? He has started with dry humping and mutual masturbation but is there anything else you guys suggest? Also is there any risk of transmission with dry humping if we are in our underwear, I am on top and i get excited? I am thinking fluid exchange possibly through the underpants material???
Also last point…i see so many people on here who are recently diagnosed and think there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like that once and here i am looking for ideas on how to kink up my life. I hope my story gives you some hope.
I want to share my story. I was diagnosed with herpes a year and a half ago, my bf at the time had herpes and wasn’t aware. When I was diagnosed I was shocked, hurt, confused. So many things were running through my mind. I questioned if he was cheating on me, I questioned had he known about it and if he kept it away from me. I couldn’t believe that I HAD HERPES. A part of me came to terms with it because I thought that I would be with him for the rest of my life and that I wouldn’t ever have to tell anyone that I had herpes. To me it wasn’t about being rejected by someone else it was the fact that I had to have that talk with someone if we ever broke up. We were together for a year and a half and broke up. I am here to tell you guys that there is hope. If you’re afraid to tell someone tell them, it will be okay. If they reject you it’s their lost! Then you will clearly know that’s not the person for you! A couple months ago I reconnected with someone I’ve known for 10+ years. We began talking and instantly hit it off. We spoke everyday all day. We became best friends. All the while I had herpes in the back of my head. Knowing I had to tell him was killing me. I was scared of how he would take it. I couldn’t come up with the words and the way to tell him. I prayed to god telling god “please god if this is the man you have for me give me the strength to tell him. If this is not the man for me please do not allow me to tell him this.” after that I woke up everyday with the agony of telling him. A couple weeks later we were on FaceTime and I said to him “hey so before we continue talking there’s something I have to telll you. about a year ago I was diagnosed with herpes. I don’t get as many outbreaks as I used to but I still do get them and when I get them I take medicine and also vitamins. I understand if you want to think about it or if you need time.” As soon as I finished telling him he responded with “herpes? That’s nothing everyone has herpes”He continued “wow. The way you say it as if it’s nothing. You’re so brave. You’re amazing.” I was shocked. Little did he know I had watched so many videos, shed so many tears and read so many articles before I told him. He was educated on herpes and knew so much about it. He told me he didn’t need to me to think about it and that it wasn’t going to stop him from talking to me. Afterwards I began feeling disconnected from him. I thought we weren’t talking as much and I questioned if it was because I told him I had herpes. Every time we spoke I questioned “is he thinking about my herpes? Is he looking at me thinking herpes?i was so self conscious. I realized I was just over thinking. He didn’t treat me any different, he didn’t talk to me any different. He still spoke about wanting to be intimate with me and asked me ways to prevent transmission. He knew there was medicine which could help lower the transmission (Valtrex). Fast forward a month later and we are still talking. We are doing amazing. He is still my best friend, we get along so well. We look at each other and instantly start laughing. It feels we were made for each other. I can’t describe the feeling I get when I’m with him. All these feelings in such short amount of time. I say this to say that herpes doesn’t determine who you are as a person. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. It doesn’t make you any less lovable. Instead this guy talks about the way I make him feel and the fact that he’s never felt the way he does with me with someone else. Whoever wants to be with you will see you as YOU and not as herpes. If you need help to tell someone please reach out! Watch videos, educate yourself on the topic, do your research! At the end of the day most of us didn’t have the choice of contracting herpes. It was given to us by someone who wasn’t aware or chose not to disclose their status. The good part is that it gets better! You will overcome this! We all will! And I hope this story gives you guys the courage, and hope you need to tell a loved one.
Hi everyone. I am 22 and was diagnosed with genital and oral HSV-2 about 3 months ago. With the whole COVID situation, I have not had any type of sexual encounter since my diagnosis until yesterday. I met a guy on Hinge, we went on a date, and I took him back to my place. As this was my first time since my diagnosis, I was a little unsure of when the appropriate time was to tell him my status. As we are making out, I stop him and tell him there’s something we need to talk about. I asked him when he was last tested and he said recently, maybe a month or two ago. I ask what he was tested for, and he said the standard testing. This is when I mention that I am positive for general herpes. I then explain that I am on daily suppression to prevent the spread to partners. He begins to freak out, asking what that means. I tell him the risk for transmission is very low like 1-2%, seeing as I do not have an active infection and I am on the suppressive medicine. He seems apprehensive but we proceed to have (brief) sex. He then goes to the bathroom for several minutes before coming out and asking if I was ready for round two. I said yeah, of course. He then puts on his clothes and says he needs to get another condom from his car, all the while asking if I’m absolutely sure the risk is like 1%. I assure him it is very low. I also mention that they don’t test for herpes in standard STD testing, so theoretically he doesn’t know he’s NOT positive. He seems to be listening, saying that it’s messed up they don’t test for it and what not. As he leaves for his car, I say I think he’s probably not coming back. He says he wouldn’t do that. Sure enough, he is gone for several minutes before he messages me asking how sure I am of the risk. We get into a back-and-forth on the risks and what not, me trying to assure him the risk is very low. He then asks me why I didn’t tell him before we kissed. This shocks me as I had NEVER read anything about needing to tell someone you had oral herpes before kissing if you didn’t have a cold sore! After some more back and forth, him on the defensive, I tell him he should just go if he’s THAT concerned and he does.
I’m someone who pretty much only has casual sex. I’m worried about how I should go about telling future partners. Do I need to tell them before we even meet? It seems almost self-degrading to have to say HEY, I HAVE HERPES to someone you barely know before you even meet them. I am not ashamed on my diagnosis, but I know a lot of people have no knowledge of herpes at all. Will I need to educate every potential sexual partner to convince them that I am safe to have sex with? I don’t blame them, before my diagnosis I didn’t know much about herpes at all either, so I understand why they react the way they do. Just wondering if anyone has any advice about this?? I would really appreciate it.
Hi. I just would like to share my story and get some support. With so many quetsion marks, I’m going through this endless emotional turmoil all alone.
I had my first terrifying outbreak on 9th of April. About 2 weeks before this point, I had an unprotected sex with my boyfriend, and he ejaculated inside me. About 3 days before, my boyfriend told me he had a little white blister down there and it was because he was so excited, his penis was drooling fluid out so much that it stuck to his underwear. When he tried to take it off it ripped the skin and that’s how he got the blister according to him.
I tested positive for HSV 2, and he got tested but his results were all negative (by the time he got tested for swab, his blister almost healed). We had been together for 10 weeks at this point. And my last partner before him was the end of December 2019. I had a textbook example of all types of severe pains you can experience for first HSV2 outbreak. So I’m guessing that I contracted the virus very recently. Ejaculation is when the probability of viral shedding goes up. And considering the time frame, it just doesn’t add up to me that he tests negative for HSV2 (he has HSV1 in his mouth).
I told him the same day I got the test result, and he was so shocked he was literally flabbergasted and couldn’t close his jaw the whole time I was telling him the story. I think I’m being dumped by him at this point becuase of this “STD” I got down there, and this whole situation is taking a mental toll on me.
I know it is not possible to clarify the path of transmission, whatever I come up with will be a mere guess. But still… can anyone share your thoughts or opinion…?
Thank you for taking your time to read my post.
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