Topic: is sex still a thing?
Recently started dating and just wondering how hsv will impact my sex life.
I was diagnosed with hsv genitally a few years ago (they didn’t say which strain and since I don’t get frequent outbreaks it’s hard to know officially.. I did a blood test recently just to see, but it actually came up as negative which wasn’t particularly helpful) and have since only had maybe around 3 outbreaks (so I’m thinking it’s hsv 1 but genitally?).
In terms of transmitting the virus I’m aware asymptomatic shedding is a thing but just wondered how other people are dealing with sex, foreplay and transmission? For example, as a woman who’s not showing symptoms (whilst having hsv 1 genitally) is receiving oral sex/using hands still an option?
Online I see a lot about men and using condoms etc but not so much for women? especially in terms of casually dating.
Feeling a little bewildered at the moment.. any advice?
Much appreciated xx
Hi everyone, I recently (after 3 years of hiding) built up the courage to start dating a really lovely guy and told him about my hsv2. He was so understanding and I honestly feel like a new person having finally told someone. He was so supportive and reassuring and wants us to pursue things further but has asked that we take things slowly before going to full-blown intercourse. This not only suits me but is what i need after rushing into things in the past. He is so open and honest with me and has told me that in order to completely relax in the bedroom he wants to be fully informed of risks etc. He has suggested so many things we could do already and I want to be able to contribute too but I have been ‘out of the game’ so long I don’t know where to stand. Without encouraging anyone to be graphic, does anyone have any suggestions of what we could get up to risk free? He has started with dry humping and mutual masturbation but is there anything else you guys suggest? Also is there any risk of transmission with dry humping if we are in our underwear, I am on top and i get excited? I am thinking fluid exchange possibly through the underpants material???
Also last point…i see so many people on here who are recently diagnosed and think there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like that once and here i am looking for ideas on how to kink up my life. I hope my story gives you some hope.
I want to share my story. I was diagnosed with herpes a year and a half ago, my bf at the time had herpes and wasn’t aware. When I was diagnosed I was shocked, hurt, confused. So many things were running through my mind. I questioned if he was cheating on me, I questioned had he known about it and if he kept it away from me. I couldn’t believe that I HAD HERPES. A part of me came to terms with it because I thought that I would be with him for the rest of my life and that I wouldn’t ever have to tell anyone that I had herpes. To me it wasn’t about being rejected by someone else it was the fact that I had to have that talk with someone if we ever broke up. We were together for a year and a half and broke up. I am here to tell you guys that there is hope. If you’re afraid to tell someone tell them, it will be okay. If they reject you it’s their lost! Then you will clearly know that’s not the person for you! A couple months ago I reconnected with someone I’ve known for 10+ years. We began talking and instantly hit it off. We spoke everyday all day. We became best friends. All the while I had herpes in the back of my head. Knowing I had to tell him was killing me. I was scared of how he would take it. I couldn’t come up with the words and the way to tell him. I prayed to god telling god “please god if this is the man you have for me give me the strength to tell him. If this is not the man for me please do not allow me to tell him this.” after that I woke up everyday with the agony of telling him. A couple weeks later we were on FaceTime and I said to him “hey so before we continue talking there’s something I have to telll you. about a year ago I was diagnosed with herpes. I don’t get as many outbreaks as I used to but I still do get them and when I get them I take medicine and also vitamins. I understand if you want to think about it or if you need time.” As soon as I finished telling him he responded with “herpes? That’s nothing everyone has herpes”He continued “wow. The way you say it as if it’s nothing. You’re so brave. You’re amazing.” I was shocked. Little did he know I had watched so many videos, shed so many tears and read so many articles before I told him. He was educated on herpes and knew so much about it. He told me he didn’t need to me to think about it and that it wasn’t going to stop him from talking to me. Afterwards I began feeling disconnected from him. I thought we weren’t talking as much and I questioned if it was because I told him I had herpes. Every time we spoke I questioned “is he thinking about my herpes? Is he looking at me thinking herpes?i was so self conscious. I realized I was just over thinking. He didn’t treat me any different, he didn’t talk to me any different. He still spoke about wanting to be intimate with me and asked me ways to prevent transmission. He knew there was medicine which could help lower the transmission (Valtrex). Fast forward a month later and we are still talking. We are doing amazing. He is still my best friend, we get along so well. We look at each other and instantly start laughing. It feels we were made for each other. I can’t describe the feeling I get when I’m with him. All these feelings in such short amount of time. I say this to say that herpes doesn’t determine who you are as a person. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. It doesn’t make you any less lovable. Instead this guy talks about the way I make him feel and the fact that he’s never felt the way he does with me with someone else. Whoever wants to be with you will see you as YOU and not as herpes. If you need help to tell someone please reach out! Watch videos, educate yourself on the topic, do your research! At the end of the day most of us didn’t have the choice of contracting herpes. It was given to us by someone who wasn’t aware or chose not to disclose their status. The good part is that it gets better! You will overcome this! We all will! And I hope this story gives you guys the courage, and hope you need to tell a loved one.
Viewing 15 results - 1 through 15 (of 83 total)
Viewing 15 results - 1 through 15 (of 83 total)