Search Results for 'Transmission'

Home Forums Search Search Results for 'Transmission'

Viewing 15 results - 1 through 15 (of 77 total)
  • Author
    Search Results
  • #42570
    VCRJ
    Participant

    Hi,
    I’d like to tell you my story. I am a man. I don’t know how I ended up in this forum. I was just trying to understand what happened a 14 months ago and I ended up here.
    I was dating this girl. She is beautiful, intelligent, smart, cute (I still think the same about her). After two months being together, being happy, and having sex, she disclosed to me that she has HSV-2. I didn’t know how to react. My instinct was to call my psychologist. I asked her to leave my apartment.
    I was in shock. I suffer depression with a GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). It really fucked me up. I felt so betrayed. It still hurts to remember when she said “even if you get a positive result, you can’t know if you got it from me”. The next days, I had panic attacks. I went to get tested (8 days after last exposure) and I got a negative test. However, I had to get tested again three months later. It was negative again. In 14 months, I have been tested four times, all negative. The four times I also got tested for HIV as well. In my mind, I was like “if she lied about it, she maybe has lied about other things”. I could not believe in doctors. I needed a lot of psychological therapy and several visits to the psychiatrist to be able to sleep and manage anxiety (which became OCD). It really affected me psychologically. Even though I got all the information about the low rate transmission from a woman to a man, that she already had it for several years and was really wise about her symptoms, I could not believe that I did not have the virus. A lot of people catch it in a hook-up, and we were having unprotected sex almost every day. Now I understand the days she avoided sex with me.
    All the time, I loved her. Before the disclosure, we were already talking about doing a trip during the summer and maybe living together after it if things went well. It was soul-destroying to end the relationship, to talk to her and understand that she has her own moral in relationships about when to disclose. Even though she said she liked me, loved me, and wanted to be together, I could not believe her. The trust was destroyed. I considered going back together for three-four months. In fact, I thought I could be able to overcome it and go back together, but I couldn’t. Even though I had therapy, I just realized I would not be able to trust her in simple things. In my mind, I just think any guy she disclosed it before having sex is better than me. I understand it’s hard to disclose and be exposed to rejection (I don’t think she was evil at all. She made a huge mistake), but I just feel I was not respected. I can just tell you that if she had told me before having sex, I would be with her, cause I really liked her since the beginning. I am okay with the decision. I miss her, but the trust is already damaged.
    I knew nothing about herpes before being with her. Just that is is an STD that requires treatment and causes breakouts. I am not American and we don’t even have the stigma you have in this culture. Having herpes is not a big deal, but not disclosing is a big deal. It is important to ask for consent.
    My only advice is to always disclose. I understand it is hard, but there is plenty of people that would accept you by the simple fact that “they really like you” and will take the risk.

    #42444

    In reply to: 17 with genital HSV1

    Maria89
    Participant

    Hi Rye,

    I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to tell you that HSV-1 genital is very different from HSV-2 genital.

    First, 50-80% of the population has HSV-1 orally (cold sores) and just 20% are symptomatic (get the cold sores). So, the chances your next partner has it orally is high. If he has it orally, it is really rare to get it genitally.
    You got oral sex and your partner has hsv-1 orally. It happened because you didn’t have it orally and your first exposure was genitally.

    Second, viraL shedding of HSV-1 genital is really really low (when you shed the virus without symptoms), depending on the study, it is 0-3%, compared to HSV-2, which is 15-30% of the time. The transmission of HsV-1 genital to genital is extremely rare. You get HSV-1 from oral sex. So, disclosing HSV-1 genital is more trust than transmission, dear. You won’t transmit HSV-1 genitally to your partner unless you have an outbreak. Again, HSV-1 genital is not the same as HSV-2 genital.

    Third, HSV-1 genital, normally, you get an One outbreak and no more (40%), then 2 or three en the next 3 years and no more. The recurrence is really low, compared to hsv-2 genital, with an average of 3-6 per year. So, there is no need for an antiviral or suppressive therapy without an outbreak for HSV-1 genital. And if you don’t get a second outbreak in the next year, the chances of not getting more outbreaks is 88%.

    Having herpes is not a big deal, and HSV-1 is not a big deal (even more), but not disclosing is a big deal.

    Watch a video called understanding herpes from the sexual American association and an interview to Terri Warren about herpes in YouTube, dear.
    You have genital herpes, yes, but you got HSV-1, not HSV-2. You got the nicer one.
    Knowing the type of herpes you have is important. Keep with your life and try not to catch HSV-2. The chances of your next partner having hsv-1 and doesn’t even know is really high.
    If you need more information, I’d be glad to share it.
    Hope this helps you

    sassafrass1098
    Participant

    Since your mom works with STDs she should know how common it is to get and how so many people are unaware they have it. I think you should talk to your mom so you have someone e
    You trust to talk to about this. It’ll make you feel better to have someone there for you. Also we’re you diagnosed with HSV or are you just worried? If you have been diagnosed your doctor should have asked if you wanted antiviral meds and given you some advice about this. I’m sorry you are going through this it’s definitely stressful and annoying but you’re not alone or dirty or being unsafe. I’ve been safe aswell and still got HSV. It happens to so many women. I don’t have great advice for dating with HSV since I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now. But I would definitely do your research so you know the facts about transmission. It’s harder for women to spread to men and with condoms it’s roughly a 2% chance of transmission. I’ve read a lot of people talk about how they tell new partners and it seems being calm and positive about it helps men feel more comfortable with dating someone with it. Now for dating other women I’m not sure. Since it’s easier for women to become infected. I would recommend taking daily suppressive meds for at least a year to lower transmission rate, use condoms and dental dams. Hope this is helpful!

    #42365
    Maria89
    Participant

    Hi Carly,

    I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to tell you that HSV-1 genital is very different from HSV-2 genital.
    First, 50-80% of the population has HSV-1 orally. So, the chances your next partner has it orally is high. If he has it orally, it is really rare to get it genitally.
    Second, viral shedding of HSV-1 genital is really really low (when you shed the virus without symptoms), depending on the study, it is 0-3%, compared to HSV-2, which is 15-30% of the time. The transmission of HsV-1 genital to genital is extremely rare. You get HSV-1 from oral sex. So, disclosing HSV-1 genital is more trust than transmission, dear. You won’t transmit HSV-1 genitally to your partner unless you have an outbreak. Again, HSV-1 genital is not the same as HSV-2 genital.
    Third, HSV-1 genital, normally, you get an One outbreak and no more (40%), then 2 or three en the next 3 years and no more. The recurrence is really low, compared to hsv-2 genital, with an average of 3-6 per year. So, there is no need for an antiviral or suppressive therapy without an outbreak for HSV-1 genital.
    Yes, he can perform oral sex on you and won’t get it (remember, viral shedding of HSV1 is really low). Yes, he can finger you, herpes likes the mucous. He must have a cut on her fingers and you an outbreak to happen (rare).

    So… I encourage you To be honest And disclose it. If you explain with facts, telling all this, you shouldn’t even be afraid. Probably he has HSV-1 and doesn’t even know, and there is the chance he has HSV-2 and doesn’t even know. So, probably you also need to take care of your health. Just do it in a calm space, where you can explain that all these facts.

    Having herpes is not a big deal, and HSV-1 is not a big deal (even more), but not disclosing is a big deal.

    Watch a video called understanding herpes from the sexual American association and an interview to Terri Warren about herpes in YouTube, dear.
    You have genital herpes, yes, but you got HSV-1, not HSV-2. You got the nicer one.
    Knowing the type of herpes you have is important. Keep with your life and try not to catch HSV-2. The chances of your next partner having hsv-1 and doesn’t even know is really high.
    If you need more information, I’d be glad to share it.
    Hope this helps you

    #42349
    Maria89
    Participant
    This reply has been marked as private.
    #42341

    In reply to: Dating and HSV1

    Maria89
    Participant
    This reply has been marked as private.
    #41837
    Olivia
    Participant

    Hey guys, my diagnosis story is kind of abnormal. For some back story, I am 19, I have never been one for super exclusive relationships as I love my freedom and independence, and I am a fresh, new college student who wasn’t ready for this diagnosis at all. Back in January of this year I had my first symptoms of herpes and went to the ER. They did a qualitative diagnosis and told me I had herpes. I felt very similar to how you did. I thought my life was over and that no one would ever want to date me and take that risk. I remember feeling so depressed about it that I truly did get to a point where I thought life wasn’t even worth living anymore. It scared me because despite having gone through some shit in life, I would always describe myself as a happy, content person. A few days later, I went to a different doctor for a second opinion, and she gave me a blood test. The results were ready a week later but it took me about a month to actually look at them because I was so scared they would confirm what I already knew. The shadow of doubt was the only thing I was clinging onto. They did a blood test and it showed I had never been exposed to HSV. I was SO HAPPY. But, here I am, about 5 months later, and my symptoms are back. I did some research and learned how faulty blood antibody tests can be, as it takes time for your system to develop detectable antibodies. I found myself back in a walk-in clinic, got examined, and am currently waiting for confirmation. However, I almost don’t need the confirmation as I am almost 99% sure I have HSV-2. It’s been a wild roller coaster of emotions from getting diagnosed, to undiagnosed, and now rediagnosed. However, like you guys, I am young and I had a really hard time processing all of this. But, I already went through the depressive, shame stage back in January, and I have done a lot of research since. If you guys educate yourself on how common herpes really is, trust me it’s not that daunting. In fact, I have been seeing someone since February in a non-exclusive way. He didn’t know I was HSV+ and I obviously didn’t allow sex or Oral Sex on myself until I saw my blood test results that were negative. After that, we did have sex multiple times, even unprotected, so coming to him with this new information (esp. when he didn’t know about my diagnosis history) was so scary. Keep in mind this is a college frat boy who is 3 years older than me and would always joke about being “clean” and not wanting STDS. But, I called him up the other day and told him what was going on. He was so caring and understanding and told me that he still wanted to see me regardless, as long as we both took proper precautions in the future. He wasn’t angry, disgusted, or repulsed. Yesterday, he even asked me when I was planning on visiting him (bc he lives back at school and I am home for summer break) because he can’t wait to see me, even knowing I am very likely to be HSV+. LET ME TELL YOU GIRLYS, HSV IS NOT A DATING DEATH SENTENCE. It doesn’t mean people won’t ever want to hook up with you again, be in a relationship with you, or anything else of the sort. Most of the times, people with HSV are asymptotic, and that’s why it spreads so easily. Take some peace in knowing about your sexual health status and the fact that you can do things to GREATLY prevent spreading it. Doing suppressive therapy literally makes woman to man transmission go from 3.6% to 1.9% likely, and that’s without the use of a condom. If the people you are with don’t want to take the risk, that’s fine, it’s their choice. However, most rational people will be willing to take precautions with you and realize that herpes is a totally manageable thing. You will come to realize that herpes is NO BIG DEAL. So many people have it, most guys don’t even care as long as you got your shit under control, and it doesn’t make you any less of a person. If anyone wants to email me for some great links to articles and videos that really helped me out, please feel free! Just please know this isn’t costing you your whole life, in fact its more of a slight inconvenience than anything else. 🙂

    lostsoulwanderer
    Participant

    Hi everyone, I recently (after 3 years of hiding) built up the courage to start dating a really lovely guy and told him about my hsv2. He was so understanding and I honestly feel like a new person having finally told someone. He was so supportive and reassuring and wants us to pursue things further but has asked that we take things slowly before going to full-blown intercourse. This not only suits me but is what i need after rushing into things in the past. He is so open and honest with me and has told me that in order to completely relax in the bedroom he wants to be fully informed of risks etc. He has suggested so many things we could do already and I want to be able to contribute too but I have been ‘out of the game’ so long I don’t know where to stand. Without encouraging anyone to be graphic, does anyone have any suggestions of what we could get up to risk free? He has started with dry humping and mutual masturbation but is there anything else you guys suggest? Also is there any risk of transmission with dry humping if we are in our underwear, I am on top and i get excited? I am thinking fluid exchange possibly through the underpants material???

    Also last point…i see so many people on here who are recently diagnosed and think there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like that once and here i am looking for ideas on how to kink up my life. I hope my story gives you some hope.

    Cennet
    Participant

    I want to share my story. I was diagnosed with herpes a year and a half ago, my bf at the time had herpes and wasn’t aware. When I was diagnosed I was shocked, hurt, confused. So many things were running through my mind. I questioned if he was cheating on me, I questioned had he known about it and if he kept it away from me. I couldn’t believe that I HAD HERPES. A part of me came to terms with it because I thought that I would be with him for the rest of my life and that I wouldn’t ever have to tell anyone that I had herpes. To me it wasn’t about being rejected by someone else it was the fact that I had to have that talk with someone if we ever broke up. We were together for a year and a half and broke up. I am here to tell you guys that there is hope. If you’re afraid to tell someone tell them, it will be okay. If they reject you it’s their lost! Then you will clearly know that’s not the person for you! A couple months ago I reconnected with someone I’ve known for 10+ years. We began talking and instantly hit it off. We spoke everyday all day. We became best friends. All the while I had herpes in the back of my head. Knowing I had to tell him was killing me. I was scared of how he would take it. I couldn’t come up with the words and the way to tell him. I prayed to god telling god “please god if this is the man you have for me give me the strength to tell him. If this is not the man for me please do not allow me to tell him this.” after that I woke up everyday with the agony of telling him. A couple weeks later we were on FaceTime and I said to him “hey so before we continue talking there’s something I have to telll you. about a year ago I was diagnosed with herpes. I don’t get as many outbreaks as I used to but I still do get them and when I get them I take medicine and also vitamins. I understand if you want to think about it or if you need time.” As soon as I finished telling him he responded with “herpes? That’s nothing everyone has herpes”He continued “wow. The way you say it as if it’s nothing. You’re so brave. You’re amazing.” I was shocked. Little did he know I had watched so many videos, shed so many tears and read so many articles before I told him. He was educated on herpes and knew so much about it. He told me he didn’t need to me to think about it and that it wasn’t going to stop him from talking to me. Afterwards I began feeling disconnected from him. I thought we weren’t talking as much and I questioned if it was because I told him I had herpes. Every time we spoke I questioned “is he thinking about my herpes? Is he looking at me thinking herpes?i was so self conscious. I realized I was just over thinking. He didn’t treat me any different, he didn’t talk to me any different. He still spoke about wanting to be intimate with me and asked me ways to prevent transmission. He knew there was medicine which could help lower the transmission (Valtrex). Fast forward a month later and we are still talking. We are doing amazing. He is still my best friend, we get along so well. We look at each other and instantly start laughing. It feels we were made for each other. I can’t describe the feeling I get when I’m with him. All these feelings in such short amount of time. I say this to say that herpes doesn’t determine who you are as a person. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. It doesn’t make you any less lovable. Instead this guy talks about the way I make him feel and the fact that he’s never felt the way he does with me with someone else. Whoever wants to be with you will see you as YOU and not as herpes. If you need help to tell someone please reach out! Watch videos, educate yourself on the topic, do your research! At the end of the day most of us didn’t have the choice of contracting herpes. It was given to us by someone who wasn’t aware or chose not to disclose their status. The good part is that it gets better! You will overcome this! We all will! And I hope this story gives you guys the courage, and hope you need to tell a loved one.

    hannah
    Participant

    Hi everyone. I am 22 and was diagnosed with genital and oral HSV-2 about 3 months ago. With the whole COVID situation, I have not had any type of sexual encounter since my diagnosis until yesterday. I met a guy on Hinge, we went on a date, and I took him back to my place. As this was my first time since my diagnosis, I was a little unsure of when the appropriate time was to tell him my status. As we are making out, I stop him and tell him there’s something we need to talk about. I asked him when he was last tested and he said recently, maybe a month or two ago. I ask what he was tested for, and he said the standard testing. This is when I mention that I am positive for general herpes. I then explain that I am on daily suppression to prevent the spread to partners. He begins to freak out, asking what that means. I tell him the risk for transmission is very low like 1-2%, seeing as I do not have an active infection and I am on the suppressive medicine. He seems apprehensive but we proceed to have (brief) sex. He then goes to the bathroom for several minutes before coming out and asking if I was ready for round two. I said yeah, of course. He then puts on his clothes and says he needs to get another condom from his car, all the while asking if I’m absolutely sure the risk is like 1%. I assure him it is very low. I also mention that they don’t test for herpes in standard STD testing, so theoretically he doesn’t know he’s NOT positive. He seems to be listening, saying that it’s messed up they don’t test for it and what not. As he leaves for his car, I say I think he’s probably not coming back. He says he wouldn’t do that. Sure enough, he is gone for several minutes before he messages me asking how sure I am of the risk. We get into a back-and-forth on the risks and what not, me trying to assure him the risk is very low. He then asks me why I didn’t tell him before we kissed. This shocks me as I had NEVER read anything about needing to tell someone you had oral herpes before kissing if you didn’t have a cold sore! After some more back and forth, him on the defensive, I tell him he should just go if he’s THAT concerned and he does.

    I’m someone who pretty much only has casual sex. I’m worried about how I should go about telling future partners. Do I need to tell them before we even meet? It seems almost self-degrading to have to say HEY, I HAVE HERPES to someone you barely know before you even meet them. I am not ashamed on my diagnosis, but I know a lot of people have no knowledge of herpes at all. Will I need to educate every potential sexual partner to convince them that I am safe to have sex with? I don’t blame them, before my diagnosis I didn’t know much about herpes at all either, so I understand why they react the way they do. Just wondering if anyone has any advice about this?? I would really appreciate it.

    #41665

    In reply to: Questions and concerns

    Sara
    Participant

    So here is the thing with gHSV1 (what I now have)…. it sounds like he has oral HSV1 without knowing bc people can be carriers and never know or have a ulcer/cold sore. When ya’ll had sex did he go down on you? Friction from foreplay, intercourse etc causes micro-tears in the skin. We usually dont notice bc we’re having fun. But since he has HSV1 in his mouth, and he performed oral sex on you, then you now have gHSV1. Because he was shedding the virus and didnt know or doesnt realize how the tranmission process works. From my research, I was Dx in March; gHSV1 does not produce breakouts as often as HSV2. Simply bc gHSV1 virus would rather be in the oral mucosa and not in the vagina.
    Just bc you have gHSV1 does not mean you will have oral HSV1 or HSV2. And from what I’ve read, it is possible to have both types but since you will develop partial immunity from having gHSV1 it decreases your chances of getting HSV2.
    He had HSV1 oral ulcers and will most likely not have genital sores in this instance. If you are shedding the virus (not having symptoms) or having an active breakout then yes you can transmit the virus. Since he already has gHSv1 oral, he wouldn’t get it again but you could transmit it to his genitalia, causing him to develop gHSV1. Does that make since?
    As far as telling partners your status, you should tell them so you aren’t putting them at risk of catching the virus without their knowledge. gHSV1 is not as easy to transmit from female to male. Using a condom, dental dam, antivirals, and not having sex before, during, or immediately after a breakout will decrease the likelihood of transmission.
    Also, gHSV1 doesn’t cause as many breakouts/yr as HSV2. Do some research, watch some youtube videos on people who have herpes and be informed about this virus. I hope this was helpful.
    ~S

    Innocent
    Participant

    Hi. I just would like to share my story and get some support. With so many quetsion marks, I’m going through this endless emotional turmoil all alone.

    I had my first terrifying outbreak on 9th of April. About 2 weeks before this point, I had an unprotected sex with my boyfriend, and he ejaculated inside me. About 3 days before, my boyfriend told me he had a little white blister down there and it was because he was so excited, his penis was drooling fluid out so much that it stuck to his underwear. When he tried to take it off it ripped the skin and that’s how he got the blister according to him.

    I tested positive for HSV 2, and he got tested but his results were all negative (by the time he got tested for swab, his blister almost healed). We had been together for 10 weeks at this point. And my last partner before him was the end of December 2019. I had a textbook example of all types of severe pains you can experience for first HSV2 outbreak. So I’m guessing that I contracted the virus very recently. Ejaculation is when the probability of viral shedding goes up. And considering the time frame, it just doesn’t add up to me that he tests negative for HSV2 (he has HSV1 in his mouth).

    I told him the same day I got the test result, and he was so shocked he was literally flabbergasted and couldn’t close his jaw the whole time I was telling him the story. I think I’m being dumped by him at this point becuase of this “STD” I got down there, and this whole situation is taking a mental toll on me.

    I know it is not possible to clarify the path of transmission, whatever I come up with will be a mere guess. But still… can anyone share your thoughts or opinion…?

    Thank you for taking your time to read my post.

    Nici
    Participant

    So a few things here:
    -After 20 some years of having it, that person is statistically shown to be shedding the virus much less frequently that early infections. If they did not exhibit symptoms at the time of your encounter, it is pretty likely that you are okay.
    -Also, male to female transmission only happens about 10% of the time with zero precaution. If they are take antivirals, that risk is lowered significantly.
    – symptoms could show up within a couple day’s to YEARS. Mine were so insignificant that I didn’t even realize something was wrong until a year later. Blood testing will not be accurate until weeks after the exposure, and they’re rarely administered without symptoms, though a known exposure would likely give you the golden ticket.

    Just breathe for now 💜. Pay attention to your body, and take care of yourself. Chances are, you are okay, if anything happens otherwise, you handle it with grace.

    #41177
    Airotciv
    Participant

    Hey
    I’ve had a positive and a negative experience disclosing. Negative experience was a guy that just wanted to have sex. He ghosted me. Positive experience with another guy. We talked a little before i told him and he thought we had a connection. I told him and it actually made us closer. Make it about their health. I assured him im doing everything to prevent transmission. Also it could just be the type you go for. Go for the guy that truly loves you, not the one you love. Women can grow to love a man. If he doesn’t love you, he never will

    #41176

    In reply to: suppressive meds

    Airotciv
    Participant

    The doctor only typically suggest depressive meds if you have constant reoccurring outbreaks. taking the medicines overtime can cause damage to you liver or kidneys so typically they don’t like to have you take daily suppressive meds unless is needed. I take suppressive meds to help lower the transmission to my partner. Ill take it if i know ill be having sex but other than that just once or twice a week. It’s not recommended that I take it every day because my symptoms are under control but it makes me feel better knowing that I take it occasionally.

Viewing 15 results - 1 through 15 (of 77 total)