STD Dating With A Herpes Diagnosis
When I was first diagnosed, I felt like damaged goods…a leper of the 21st century. No longer did I feel my inner beauty or outer beauty for that matter, because whenever I looked in the mirror, all I could see was HERPES. It felt like a thief in the night had stolen my dreams of falling in love and starting a family. The grief of this loss overwhelmed me at times and for a while I resigned myself to celibacy. Not only was I fearful of transmitting the virus, but I figured that dating with genital herpes was out of the question. Why would anyone ever consider dating someone with herpes, let alone having sex with herpes? At the time, the virus disgusted me, leaving me feeling dirty, resentful, and shameful.
The First Step: Rebuilding My Self Esteem. It took me a while to stop the negative self-talk as the lioness within me began to wake and roar. She was deep within me, hidden in the shadows of shame and guilt, but she was there.
The journey to discovering love again began with a deep investigation of what herpes really is and who I really was.
What is herpes?
Who am I?
A vibrant, passionate, caring, adventurous, intelligent, nurturing woman who deserved to love and be loved.
NOTHING about me had changed except that now I was living with herpes.
I started asking myself better questions. Am I a victim of herpes? Would I allow herpes to define me? OR Would I rediscover the woman I really am, despite my having herpes.
Here is what I decided…
- I would no longer allow herpes to define me
- I would break through my fears of rejection and not drop my standards for dating with herpes
- I was worthy of love
HSV1 and HSV2 Dating
Open communication is the KEY to dating with herpes. Below are some basic guidelines.
Always Disclose Your Status Before You Expose Your Partner
You can start the subject by asking your partner if they ever get cold sores or know someone who does. (cold sores are caused by the HSV1 herpes virus) This helps to soften the stigma of the conversation. If your partner gets cold sores, then we already know that they have herpes.
Explore Your Partner’s Past Sexual Health History.
This conversation is not just about you disclosing your status, but also learning what your risks are. Start by asking a question “Have You Been Tested for STD’s or STI’s?” Do not assume that your partner has been tested specifically for herpes.
Do Not Wait Until The Heat Of Passion To Disclose Your Status
With the hormones raging through your partner’s body, this is the WORST time to make such an important decision.
Get Your Partner Tested
Getting your partner tested is important to establish a baseline before you become sexually active. Your partner might already have herpes and not know it. This decreases the chance of you feeling guilty for transmitting a virus that they had all along.
Do Not Engage In Intimacy During ANY Symptoms
Dating with herpes gives us the opportunity to really tune into our bodies. Herpes is most contagious when there are symptoms present. Symptoms of herpes in woman can include anything from redness, itching and tingling to pain and blisters.
While condoms are not 100% effective, they do decrease the rate of transmission by up to 50% if used properly. They are able to protect the area that they cover.
Want more info?
Blog Post- Herpes And Sexy Time Guidelines
Dating With Genital Herpes- Dating Yourself First
Check out our step by step system outlined in the Foundations Course on Secrets To The Talk and Preventing Transmission