Dating With Genital Herpes: Dating Yourself First
Do you have genital herpes and are terrified to date? Are you terrified of the rejection? Have you been alone, waiting to get enough courage to even talk to a guy or girl? Then I have the perfect solution for you…
Start by dating yourself!
Now that Valentine’s Day is over, you can stop thinking about your loneliness and victimhood and start thinking about all the reasons why you are an awesome catch! I first got this idea from Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way”. At the time, I was single and I wanted so much to find that perfect guy. I would imagine what our lives would be like, where we would live, what activities we would enjoy together etc… But there was one catch. I had genital herpes. At the time, I thought it would be a deal breaker, so I decided to turn inward and “date myself.” What do I mean by this?
I decided to take myself out on dates. Going to the movies, out to dinner, to art shows, skiing, candlelit baths… you name it. If it lit me up, I would make it a point every week to do at least one thing that I totally loved… AND I did it SOLO. It wasn’t that I didn’t have any friends, but I wanted to remind myself of what I loved about life and what made my heart sing. I wanted to know that even if I never met someone, I could totally love and accept myself for who I was. How could I expect someone else to love me unconditionally, if I didn’t love myself! Now I know that there are millions of women out there with genital herpes that have resigned to be alone for the rest of their lives. Hey….I’m talking to YOU. I am living proof that there is a love life after a diagnosis of genital herpes. You are your worst enemy! After I really learned to love my own company and I was able to release and surrender to the great mystery of life, my now husband came into my life. I’ll let you in on a little secret… I even bought myself a ring to signify my wholeness and completeness despite my not having met my man yet. (If you want to read about that magical experience, you’ll have to read my book: Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women).
Now, take a moment and think of the happiest and emotionally healthiest couples you know. More likely than not, they are happy because they individually know who they are: their strengths and weaknesses. Genital herpes gives us a unique opportunity to really practice and learn radical self love and this starts with two simple words… Know Thyself
How do you do this?
- Make a list of your favorite things to do
- Make a date with yourself to do one of your favorite things. (Put it in your calendar)
- Make a list of your best traits
- Whenever you feel down, refer to number 3 and do number 2
- Journal your experience
Believe me, your attraction quotient will soar when you start making dates with yourself on a regular basis. After getting out in the community and experiencing your birthright of joy, you will begin to evolve from the inside out. You will rediscover your awesomeness. As your self confidence begins to resurface again, then it’s time to get out in the dating scene again. I have met so many women who have used this solo time to make some fundamental lifestyle changes that dramatically shaped their lives. They began to eat better, exercise and take overall better care of themselves. Use your genital herpes diagnosis as a stepping stone toward the life you never thought was possible. Never give up on your dreams! I know I didn’t. I am now happily married and raising the most amazing little girl in Boulder, CO. None of this would have been possible if I didn’t first take the time to Know Thyself.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly Amazon Bestselling Author